


Built For Sin

by desiree_nikisplayground



Category: Jeremy Renner - Fandom, Norman Reedus - Fandom
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-25
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-05-03 06:38:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 60
Words: 120,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5280503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desiree_nikisplayground/pseuds/desiree_nikisplayground
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeremy falls in love with his best friend, despite the fact that there are possibilities that she still has feelings for her ex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Will You Have Me?

"Niki, are you going out like that?"  
I looked through the large mirror on the wine cabinet at my best friend who was standing in the kitchen, staring at me. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"  
"Nothing, I just didn't think you'd want a lot of men hitting on you. And that kind of makes men wanna to do it."  
I placed my lip gloss stick back into the tube, then placed it down onto the wood top. I slowly turned around, sighing. "Then how do you think I should dress, huh?" I wasn't wanting to really hear the answer. I just wanted to leave with my friends to the bar. Wearing a short jean skirt and a tight black tank top wasn't really that big of a deal. "The girls will be here in an hour or so and I just want to have fun."  
He scratched the back of his head. "I know, I just worry about you." He sighed. "Go on. Have fun." He turned to the counter and leaned against it, butt sticking out, taunting me to slap it as hard as I could. He had no idea how badly I wanted him.  
"Jeremy, I'll be fine. I'm with Carah and Abby. Just harmless drinking and giggling over stupid shit that's happened at work and their boyfriends being dicks. And maybe occasionally laughing at the drunk people who try to do karaoke." I smiled when a tiny smirk came across his face. "I'm only going to have a few drinks. I'll be back in time to help you with the script. Just don't forget to give Ava my love." I went over to the counter and sat on the stool. My skirt barely covered my thighs and was hoping that he noticed. I stuck my fingers into the candy dish and pulled out a sour gummy worm.  
"I promise but you'll have to deal with her in the morning."  
"Fine. She loves me more in the morning anyways." I stuck my tongue out at him before I shoved the worm into my mouth.  
"Niki, there's something that I need to tell you before you leave."  
"And what's that?!" I grabbed a chocolate ball that one of our friends made and bit into it. I had no clue that it was filled with caramel until it spilled out and down my cleavage. "Shit." I placed the remanding chocolate down onto the counter and looked down to see if it got my shirt. "Good. Didn't ruin the shirt." As I hopped off of the stool, he straightened up and grabbed my wrist before I could head off to the bathroom to clean up.  
With no warning his lips were on mine, hands on my arms, pushing me backwards. He was taking large steps and I tried to follow without falling backwards. I was pretty short, compared to him, so it had always been a problem for me to keep up with him. He turned me, then pulled me towards him. I felt like I was falling, but found myself being pulled onto his lap. He then pulled away, pushed me up a bit and licked the caramel off of my skin. His warm tongue made chills go through me, his lips soft with kisses and teeth grazing the curves of my breasts. He made his way to my neck, hands on my hips pushing me into him. Then his voice rang in my ears, soft and tender like. "You don't know how badly I want you." My heart begun to thump hard, hands shaking as I grabbed his shirt into my hands. My knees buckled against his hips as he kept speaking. "Every day you amaze me. You make me happy." He trailed kisses from my neck to the curve of my shoulder. "You make Ava happy. I don't want you to leave."  
"It's just for the night." I responded lightly.  
He pulled away, looking into my eyes. "No. I know you will eventually want to leave us. Live on your own. And as much as I will do and give anything to keep you happy, a part of me doesn't want to let go."  
Not knowing what to say, I slipped off of him and went to my purse grabbing it and heading out the front door. I didn't want to look back, knowing that he would look sad. My hearing of the car horn was what made me break away, but the look on the girls' faces made me realize that I could be making a mistake by going.  
"Hey baby." Abby came over to me and gave me a hug.  
"You look like you've had a rough day." Carah walked up to us, arms folded across her chest. "What did he say to you?"  
I spilled everything, not leaving out one detail, not caring if it grossed them out. By the end of it, I was shaking and trying not to cry. "I really don't know what to do?"  
"Well, it's a good thing that you came out here to talk to us." Carah was now leaning up against the car.  
"You've always wanted him. What's making you change your mind?"  
"It feels as if it's too good to be true."  
"Nonsense. You spent five years wondering and now you have him. Take him. Keep him and his daughter. We can do this another night, do a little celebration." Abby hugged me, kissed me on the forehead, then turned me around and slapped my butt. "Go get him. You know you want to."  
I could hear the teasing in her voice as I went back to the door, looking over my shoulder at them to wave good bye. When I got inside, I placed my purse down, kicked off my flats and wondered where he had gone to. "Jeremy?" No answer, so I slowly wondered towards the dining room, then saw him emerge from the laundry room.  
"I thought you were going out?" I choked, shaking all over. "Did they ditch you?"  
"No. I decided not to go." I watched him walk over to the chair, stopping inches in front of it. "I just couldn't go. Not after what you said."  
He rubbed his arm. "Nic, it's alright. You don't have to worry about it." He sat down on the chair, running his hands through his hair. "It was stupid of me to think that you'd want me."  
With no words I went over to him, placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed him back against the chair, while straddling him. His hands automatically went to my hips as I locked lips with him, returning every kiss he left on my skin. I nibbled on his ear lobes, pulled on his sandy blond locks and grabbed his right hand. I pushed his hand in-between us then whispered into his ear the exact thing he wanted to hear. "I want you too." His grip on my hip loosened, arm sliding around my waist, grabbing the other side of me. I felt his free hand fumble between us, while we made out, then being lifted and lowered down slowly. I gasped as I felt pain down below. It had been a year since I had sex last and I wasn't expecting anything like this. He was thick and long. It was perfect for me.  
"Take your time." He huffed as he rearranged his hands to hold me close. "I don't want you to be hurting."  
"I'll take the pain." Rolling my hips slowly, made everything wonderful and I became excited. My breathing became heavier, feet shaking as they pushed against the small wood pieces that held the chair together. His hands never left my back as I sharpened my rolling, which brought out moans from the both of us, turning me on even more from hearing him.  
"Holy fuck." He called out as his hands slid down to my hips. "Don't stop woman." His grip was tight on my hips, fingers digging into my skin. His name left my lips, almost screaming profanities. I could feel his hands push me down, holding me still. I was worried that he was cumming before me, until I felt him tip the chair onto the back legs, the back of the chair against the table. One arm holding the edge of the table from falling backwards, the other sliding around my waist and pulling me up, then slamming me down. I took it as a cue to change it up a bit which made him cuss even more. After a few minutes of that, he pushed the chair back down onto all fours, slid me off of him and took me down to the wooden floor. It was cold against my exposed skin, but I didn't care, I just wanted him to fuck me there. He grabbed the cushion off of the chair, grabbed my legs with one arm and lifted me while sliding the cushion under my bare ass. He then placed my lower half down, getting on top of me and shoving himself back into my tightness. He grabbed his leather jacket that had fallen onto the floor and tucked it under my head, then placed wet kisses all over my neck. He then took my hands, kissed them and then placed them on his shoulders. "Tell me if I hurt you." His voice was horse. "Don't hold back."  
His left hand ran down my side, squeezed my waist, and then slid down to my thigh, lifting it up. "Put it over my back." I slid my leg over his lower back, gasps coming out of the both of us. His hands landed onto the floor beside my head, hands gripping the floor as he thrust as hard and deep as he could, letting out loud moans against my ear. I wasn't wanting him to stop, but my nails were digging into him and blood was starting to surface.  
"Jeremy." I called out, but he kept going. "You're bleeding."  
"Hold my arms then." He grunted, then kept going deeper. I shook as I slid my hands down to his arms and held on tight. "Fuck, you're so tight."  
"Oh my God. I'm about to...." I tried to speak but my chest tightened, feeling him hit the favored spot over and over until I reached climax, knees buckling against him. Two seconds later I felt warmth from him, then his body convulsing. He leaned on his arms and looked into my hazel orbs. We said nothing as his thumb traced the curves on my ear. His lips met mine for a long drawn out kiss, left hand tucking under my shoulder.  
"Shower?" His shaky voice asked as he rolled me onto my side as he rolled off. He slowly got up and helped me to my feet, unbuckling his belt and pulling it off in one swoop. He then pulled off his unbuttoned shirt, dropping it onto the floor and then pulled off his jeans and headed towards the bathroom. Feeling a smirk come across my face, I didn't hesitate as I rushed after and pulled off my clothes, proud of myself for letting this happen.  
Hot water ran down my body as he pressed me against the cold wall, kissing me tenderly. One hand on my hip, the other gently touching my face. I could smell the lavender that he put up on the shower head earlier in the day and it gave me a calming feeling. I was feeling confident and secure, not wanting him to pull away any time soon.  
A tiny knock was heard on the door and we knew that the little bugger was up. He sighed, pushed away from me and poked his head out of the curtain. "Ava. What are you doing up?"  
"It's cold."  
"Daddy will come close your window in a little, boo."  
"No....cold."  
"I'll do it." I pushed passed him, stepped out and grabbed the white cotton robe. I quickly pulled it on and tied it then stepped out into the hallway, closing the door. I bent down, picked her up and carried her back to her room. "Let's get that window closed. We don't want your cold to get worse." I shivered as I walked into her room and placed her on her toddler bed, went to the window and closed it. Locking it was a bit difficult since it was an old window, then closed the curtain and went over to the door. I turned on the heater, went over to her dresser and put on her cd that Jeremy made her when she was born. I loved that cd. I was a compilation of lullaby's that he wrote from her, some with him singing, others just him playing the piano and guitar.  
"Kiss." She whined as she flopped down and wiggled around until I went to her and got onto my knees.  
"Okay, hold still." She did as I asked and got a kiss on the cheek. I pulled all her blankets over her, pulled her Olaf close to her, then her Dora doll on her other side, just the way she wanted it. I placed another kiss on her forehead and watched her fall asleep before getting up and coming face to face with Jeremy as he stood in the door way.  
"You're adorable with her." I went over to him and placed my fingers over his mouth.  
"Shut up." I felt his lips touch my fingers, then moved away from the door and walked to my bedroom.  
He watched me walk away. "Where are you going?"  
"To bed."  
"What, we're sleeping apart even though we just....."  
I quickly cut him off. "No. Get your ass in here."  
He closed her door part ways then scrambled across the wooden floor to my bedroom in the back half of the house. I felt his hands squeeze my butt as he followed me into the bedroom, pushed me onto my bed and flopped down beside me. He kicked the covers around like a little boy until he was comfortable then pulled me halfway on top of him. I felt him place a kiss on my head and then was out like a light. I sighed as I felt uncomfortable with him squishing me, but I knew it was something that I was going to have to get used to.


	2. Don't Leave Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy and Nicole get into a fight.

I awoke to the sound of Ava going "eeeeeee" then felt a flop onto the bed. I rolled over onto my back as she crawled over to me and noticed Jeremy standing at the end of the bed, dressed in tight blue jeans and my favorite dark gray t-shirt. My eyebrow cocked without warning, trying to shake off the dirty thoughts as Ava poked my arm. "Uppy."  
"Ava, I have to get dressed first."  
She stomped her feet, but had a smile on her face. "Play with me."  
"Okay Ava. Let's go outside and let her get up. I'll let you on the trampoline." She jumped around in a circle until he grabbed her and launched her into the air, catching her on the way down. I smiled as they walked out, then slipped out of bed and went to the dresser. I pulled out my white sun dress and pulled it on, brushed my hair, then pinned back one side. I placed my feet in my flip flops and grabbed my necklace that she made me a few weeks ago. As I headed outside, I pulled it over my head, then went to the trampoline. She was already hopping around on the giant trampoline, laughter filling the silent air.  
I kicked off my flops, stepped up onto the stool and climbed onto the trampoline. This was about the time that she liked to lay down and point out the shapes in the clouds. I laid down in the middle, waiting for her to stop showing off to her daddy, then grabbed her ankle and flipped her down onto her butt. She laughed, scooted close to me and twitched her toes as she laughed about the dinosaur that she could see.  
"I'm going to go make some pudding."  
"For breakfast?"  
"You slept all morning, love. It's one in the afternoon. She just had her lunch." He said as he disappeared into the house.  
Ava scooted around in a circle until she could get her head as close to mine as possible. I rolled over onto my right side, laying on my arm. "I see a princess."  
She gasped. "Where?"  
"Right here." I poked her nose, then tickled her with my free arm, laughing when she snorted. "Okay Ava. Let's go play inside, I think it's about to rain."  
"Okayeee." She got up and scooted to the edge of the trampoline, waiting for me to climb down and grab her. Once I was off and had her on the ground, she ran to the back door and tried to pull on the handle, whining at her daddy to open it. "Daddeee." Before I could reach her, he opened the door and I noticed that he was on the phone with someone.  
"Who is it?" I asked as I helped her step up and then entered myself. He mouthed Ava's mother's name, then closed the door. I sighed as I followed the booger into the living room, placing her onto the couch. I turned on the TV. then changed the channel from the news to Dora the Explorer. It was the best way to distract her as I tried to get him to respond to me. I hopped up onto the counter as he hung up the phone, placed it onto the charger and hung his head. "Baby, what is it?"  
"Sonni's on her way and she insisted that she stayed in the guest room so she can be near Ava."  
"But that's my room."  
"I know."  
"How long is she going to be staying?"  
He turned around and looked at me, leaning against the cabinet. "I'm sorry that this is happening. If I could tell her no...."  
"How long is she staying?" I was getting annoyed.  
"I don't know."  
"How long?"  
"I don't know." He slightly snapped.  
"Then you better fucking find out." I hopped off of the couch and went into my room. I went around the room slamming the closet doors open and close, the dresser drawers squeaking as I pulled them out with force.  
"Don't do this." He protested and I refused to look at him. I knew he was in the door way because his voice was close to my ears. "Nic. Please."  
"I cannot stay in this house with her."  
"I would put you in my room."  
"It's not good enough."  
"Dammit Nic. I'm trying."  
I slammed the picture frame into the desk. "Try harder."  
"What do you want from me? I can't deny her time with Ava"  
"You could have suggested a hotel." I threw my clothes into my suitcase and went over to the other closet, pulling out more clothes.  
"Niki, come on." I dropped my clothes into the suitcase and looked at him.  
"I built a lot on this relationship with you, with your daughter and gee, didn't I just willingly fucked you last night? Not once but twice? That's fucking a lot coming from me." I went to the vanity table and grabbed all of my necklaces off of the hooks and shoved them into my jewelry box, not caring that they were getting tangled.  
"Where the fuck are you going then? Huh? You don't have enough money for your own place."  
"Where I know that I don't have to feel this way."  
"Oh, so you're going back to him? Like he can make your life even better."  
"At least he doesn't chose his son's mother over me." I zipped up my suitcase, then shoved my jewelry box into my sports bag, grabbing my stuffed moose and shoving it into the bag as well. I grabbed the bag and suitcase and pushed past him and out the front door to my truck. I tossed everything into the bed, then went back into the house for my shoes and coat. I threw them into the passenger side, slammed the door and went back into the house for one last time. I grabbed my purse, went over to Ava and squatted in front of her. "Look at me Ava." She looked at me with sadden eyes. "Daddy and I need a break. I love you baby. Don't forget that." She touched my cheeks with her tiny hands, tears running down her face. She said the three precious words back, then kissed me on the lips. She cried as I got up and headed back to the door. I tried to ignore him as he marched up to me, asking me to stop. He finally grabbed my arm and swung me around, pushing me against the wall next to the door.  
"Don't leave me."  
"When did you get so forceful?" His hand left my arm and I quickly slipped out of the house and rushed out to my truck. I hopped in, tossed my purse into the passenger side and slammed the door shut. Holding back tears wasn't something I was always strong with, but I managed and started the engine. I pulled out of the drive way and sped off before the car behind me could slow down.  
Just before I could get out of town, I could hear my phone go off, the song that I had chosen for him. I pulled off to the side of the road and pulled my phone out of my purse. I swiped it over to the left, ending the call, then flipped through my contacts and called my ex. I couldn't help myself as I cried and tried to explain to him everything that just happened, leaving out the sex part. He was hesitant at first, but told me to head over anyways and after I hung up the phone I called Carah and left a voicemail. I then called Abby, connecting her to the GPS unit on my truck as I drove off to the next town.  
Her words weren't as comforting as I thought it would be, but it was enough to get me through the drive to his home. She tried to distract me with the thoughts of our next girl’s night out and the fact that she was proud that she saved two children’s lives within twenty four hours of each other. I congratulated her then asked how she was doing with her studies and she gleefully answered that she passed her exams and was on her way to becoming a certified EMT. That she was also debating on if she wanted to become a nurse or skip it and become a doctor. I joked about her being a sexy nurse that no one would ever want to resist and told her that she would have to tie me down in order to give me my shots.  
The conversation quickly turned kinky, but ended once I pulled into the drive way of my former lover, five years previous. I promised that I would call her once I got settled down, disconnected the call and gripped the steering well as my shaggy haired friend came walking down the steps. He looked amused as he walked barefoot down the gravel driveway and came to the door. I manually rolled down the window and leaned my head back against the head rest. Without words, he reached in and placed his hand on top of mine.  
"Hi, Norm."  
His voice was rough, like he had been smoking a whole pack while waiting for me. "Hello beautiful. It's been a while." He unlocked the door, pulled it open and reached in to unbuckle me. He then pulled me out and close to his warm body. He wrapped his overly large sweater around me and pushed the door closed with one hand. His lips touched my forehead as I cried in his arms. It was the worst thing ever to have my anxiety to come back at a time like this and he knew just what to do. "Ming has hot chocolate waiting for you. We're about to watch Zombieland." Mingus knew that it was one of my favorites and he loved watching it with me. He kissed me on the head again, then dragged me into the house, not caring about my things until the movie was over.


	3. Chapter 3

I laid on the queen sized bed in an overly stuffed room, with pillows and blankets and whatever else Norman stored. My things were placed in front of the closet and I was glad that I managed to pull out warm pajamas. The heaters were broken and it was feeling a bit icy in the room. Even though I didn't like to wear socks, my feet were too cold and I wasn't exactly wanting to be under the covers at the moment.  
Norman waltzed in, holding two big mugs full of warm liquid, weaving around boxes until he got to the bed. He handed me the brown mug, then sat on the bed and sipped from his black mug. "Peppermint Patties, cause I know that's one of your favorite holiday drinks."  
"But it's just about summer."  
"Let's just pretend." He sipped again, then looked at me with his big grey eyes through his long strands of dark brown hair. "So, now that the little shit is asleep, what happened today?"  
"I don't really feel like talking about it. I just want to relax and sleep."  
"You know you'll eventually talk to me about it, so why don't you just get it done and over with?"  
"Because knowing you, you're going to be an ass about it and take his side."  
"Tonight, I'm Switzerland." He stuck his leg out, reached out and placed his cup onto the small dresser. I gripped my mug and begun to tell him what happened. I mentioned that Jeremy and I slept together, but not the exact details, I wanted to spare him. The look on his face proved that he was surprised and a bit hurt. He said nothing as I explained what happened earlier in the day that made me run away and when I thought he was going to make me feel worthless for my decision, he purse his lips and shook his head. "You have every right to be upset. She should not be intruding in your affairs. He should have made her go to a hotel like you stated. The only thing that I can see that you did wrong was leave instead of staking your claim on him. I don't want to hurt you by saying this, but it's almost as if he's still in love with her."  
"You would say that wouldn't you." I looked down at my legs, trying to not cry.  
"If he's like me, if he really wants to be with you, he'll call you."  
"He already did."  
"And..?"  
I looked up at him. "I didn't answer the phone." Just then my phone went off and I looked away.  
"Is that him?" I didn't answer. "Do you mind?" He grabbed my phone and answered it without my approval. Even if I said no, he would have done it anyways. "Hey Renner. It's Norman. Yeah, she's here. She's fine. Asleep. I would have let it go to voicemail, but I had noticed that it was you and thought you should know that she's safe. I'll let her know that you called. Do me a favor and give her a few days. She'll come around, I promise." He was quiet for a bit but then ended the conversation with.... "Try to have a good night." And then he was off my phone, placing it back onto the night stand. He sat back and stared at me. He tried to say something, but it was like he was at a loss. "Give it a few days." He finally spat out the words. He said that he and Caela will be waiting for you to call. She was crying in the background."  
A few tears rolled down my cheeks. He scooted closer, grabbed the cup from me and placed it on the nightstand. Moving over to be closer to me, he pulled his legs up onto the bed and wrapped his arms around me. I snuggled close, breathing in his musky scent. It had been years since I was around him and was a bit worried that I would attached to him again. It took me two years to get close to Jeremy and it would be bad to throw it all away. I wiped my sleeve over my face, looking up just as Mingus walked in.  
"Mom called. She's home from Paris. She wants to know if it's okay that she came by tomorrow to give me a gift. I told her that Niki was here. She didn't sound happy."  
"Let her be mad. I'll call her in the morning. Go back to bed. You have school in a few hours."  
He turned to leave, but then looked over his shoulder at me. "I'm glad that you are here Niki. My mom acts like an adult when you are around." He left just before Norman could scold him and I scoff.  
"He's just a kid, let him vent."  
He kissed me on the head and then got off the bed. "I'm heading to bed now. Get some sleep. I'll see you at breakfast." I watched him disappear around the corner, then reached up and turned off the lamp. The moonlight shone through onto the bed, reminding me of back home when it would do the same whenever Jeremy was in my presence. Abby would joke that it meant that the moon was showing me his love because the moon ruled in Jeremy's favor. She said that I was the sun, because I was feisty and always on fire and wouldn't stop for anything. And because the sun illuminates against the moon, he's always calming her down. Everything that Jeremy did was calming to me. The way he played his guitar, fingers touching every key on his piano ever so gently. The way he would play with his daughter, teaching her at a young age how to be independent, yet dependent on us at the same time. His smooth, gentle voice when he would sing to her after she screamed about a nightmare or got a boo boo. And when I fell out of the apple tree, trying to get the neighbor’s cat, he scooped me up and rushed me inside, placing me on top of the dinner table, ever so carefully, examining me for a concussion. Everything that he did calmed me down.  
So then why was it when I wasn't able to calm down about his ex, he became feisty in return? It was very un-expectant and there was some explaining to do.  
Or am I just over thinking this?  
Fuck I need to just stop and get some sleep.

~~~~~

Just as Mingus started to flip the pancake, I reached out and poked his sides making him jump and miss the pancake as it came back down. I laughed as he shrieked, then whined about his pancake. Norman shook his head as he sipped his coffee and looked at the newspaper. I went over to him, slapped the paper out of his hands, grabbed a strawberry and headed outside before he could jump off the stool and chase me down. I stood on the porch, waiting for his retaliation, realizing that I wasn't going to be getting one after five minutes passed. It wasn't normal for him to ignore me and I was feeling a bit unwanted.  
I sighed and was about to call Abby when her car pulled up the drive way and she climbed out, holding a bouquet of flowers. "Hey baby cakes. I got you some flowers. How's Normy?"  
My eyebrow popped, wondering why she was calling him that. Before I could question her, the screen door opened and he walked out and over to her, kissing her on the lips like it was nothing. "Yup, that explains everything." I scoff, looking at Mingus when he came out onto the porch as well.  
"Hi Abby."  
"Hey kiddo." She walked up to us, handing me the flowers and messing up his hair. When he went back into the house, I glared at her. "What? If I were to say anything, you would have given me twenty questions and then some." She went into the house without explanation.  
When Norman was about to pass me, he stopped and looked into my eyes. "Sorry. She didn't want to say anything. I'm glad that you introduced me to her."  
"Oh, so it's okay for everyone else to be happy but me."  
"That's the bi-polar speaking. Stop it." He kissed me on the cheek. "Get your ass inside before it rains." He took the flowers from me and went inside. I wanted to slap the shit out of him and shake her to death. My best friend and my ex-lover. I wasn't sure if I should be happy for them, or weirded out. Before I could go anywhere, arms wrapped around me and a deep voice was in my ear. "He loves you and it's obvious that he's not going to throw away what he just got. You'll be amazed at the things he's told me and Abby. You've changed him and we all can see it. She's just not wanting to be replaced by someone so good. Someone who her daughter will want to call mommy. So she's going to try to destroy what she can. But I know you so well. You are strong and will never back down with what you want in life. If they are worth everything to you, don't let them go. I couldn't keep you happy, but I believe that he will make you the happiest person in the whole wide world...well, next to his daughter. Have faith. We will help you with patience. You know we will with everything." He kissed me on my jaw, then lifted me up and carried me into the house, kicking the door shut.  
"Abby!" He called out. "Can we keep her?!" He teased when she walked into the living room, Mingus right behind her.  
"Sure, but she'll have to sleep outside."  
"But it's too cold."  
"Fine. Just not on the bed." We made faces at each other than sat down on the couch and munched on popcorn as we watched old school music videos.  
"When the rain dies down, I'm going to the grocery store. Do you want to come? Leave the boys to clean the house."  
"Sure." I elbowed Norman when he tried to steal my popcorn. It was awkward to sit in between them, so I took my bowl and sat on the floor with Mingus, yelling at them to put on Need for Speed.

~~~~

Shivers ran though me as we went through the produce isle. It was bored out of my mind as she debated on if she wanted Kale or Spinach. "Why don't you just get both?" She glared at me and I turned and walked over to the tomatoes, poking at them. "It's just leafy products. All the same. Same nutrients, all goes in and comes out real fast. I don't see why you are being picky. Owe." I glared at her, holding my arm. I looked down at the floor seeing a baby carrot laying there. "Bitch."  
"It's not just Kale, its Kale that will taste good in soup. Spinach in salad to make it healthier."  
"Why don't you just get Romaine? I'm sure it's cheaper."  
"Well I guess you'll never understand until you're at that point in your life that you want to be healthier, Miss I eat everything but never gain weight." She grabbed Kale and placed it into a bag before the basket.  
"Fuck that. I was 166 when I left Norman. I'm now 145 since I moved in with Jeremy and became more active."  
"Well, Ava is young enough for that."  
"But it's also because I ate healthier and exercised with him."  
"Oh and I'm sure those yoga pants didn't have anything to deal with him wanting to go jogging with you." I couldn't beat that. She was right. "I see that smirk on your face. You dirty whore. I'm surprised you didn't sleep with him sooner."  
"I wasn't sure if it was what he wanted." I shrugged my shoulders and grabbed the plastic box of blackberries.  
"Dude, he would not shut the hell up about you. At one point in time he had every man at San Con wanting to fuck you. And they had no clue what you looked like."  
"You're full of it."  
"Ask Sean. Fuck, ask Evans. He just about got his balls yanked off by his girlfriend. Evans said he never heard Jeremy talk about Sonni that way. You have some kind of spell on that man and there's no way in hell you'll ever shake him." She glanced over her shoulder at me as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. "Talk to him. At least hear him out."  
I sighed and slid the green bar to the right to answer it. Just as I was about to say hello, I heard a frantic voice, her words making my face turn white. I lost all feeling as the package slipped from my hands, losing my hearing to her and to my friend.


	4. Chapter 4

Rushing into the emergency room, I passed the lady who was yelling at me through the glass, not caring that I needed to check in. The first doctor that I saw I grabbed and blubbered like a baby. I assumed he didn't understand me, because he looked at Abby and then back at me and grabbed my hands. He told me that I needed to calm down so I could understand what he was going to say. I took a few deep breaths as a nurse came over with a box of tissues.  
"Jeremy and Ava are going to be fine. He fractured his arm from preventing Ava from flying out of the booster seat."  
"What exactly happened?" Abby asked.  
"From what the mother said, they were coming home from the grocery store when they were hit on the right side. The man is being processed for reckless driving."  
"I hope that's not the only thing."  
"His age has a big play in it." He patted my hand. "Mr. Renner also has a slight concussion so we're keeping him here over night. He has been asking for you."  
"And Ava?" I finally asked.  
"Just a few bruises. Nothing serious. He took most of the impact. But we're going to monitor her over night as well just to be safe. You can go see them now if you want."  
"If she chooses to stay overnight, is that possible?"  
"If they were married, or Ava's mother, then yes."  
"Can you guys just make this one exception? I don't think she'll make it through the night knowing that her boyfriend is in here."  
He sighed, swiped his card across the lock, and then opened the door. "I can't make any promises, but I'll ask my superior." He led the way to the back, around the nurses’ station and into room four. We waited for the nurse to exit, then waved at me to walk in. My whole body shook as I tried to move, Abby having to take my hand and pull me in and around the curtain.  
I started to cry when he looked up at us. He was a wreck and I couldn't do anything to mend him. Without words he held out his left arm and I went to him practically collapsing into him. I jerked as I cried, then immediately stopped when I felt him wince. I looked up into his beautiful hazel eyes, feeling his hand rub my back. Reaching up, I touched his face gently as possible, making sure that he was still there and that I wasn't dreaming. "I'm so sorry." I began to cry again, but he hushed me, then placed a gentle kiss on my lips.  
"Don't worry about what happened. We can talk about it some other time. I'm just glad that you are here. I demanded that someone call you, not knowing that you were the first that Sonni called." I kissed him on the lips, wanting him to stop talking. "Ugh." He reached up and held his head. "I feel like a sledgehammer hit me upside the head." Just before I could answer, he looked up and smiled. "There's my baby girl." I looked over my shoulder, seeing Sonni walk in with Ava in her arms. Shawna slightly smiled, then walked over to us.  
"I wish I saw him sooner."  
"Sonni. It's not your fault."  
"They said he had a seizure. He's in critical condition. Poor man. Only eighty four."  
"Well, it's done now. I think we should just be thankful that we're all alive."  
Sonni passed Ava to me and I held her as she looked at his cast. "Owie." She then pointed at the big bruise on her arm. "Look daddy. I have an owie too."  
"Oh my poor boo bear." He took her arm and kissed it. "Did they give you medicine?" She shook her head.  
"But it was yucky." They both made faces.  
The nurse that had walked out when we walked in came in and looked at us. "Excuse me. Who’s the girlfriend?"  
I hesitated because I assumed that Sonni would speak up and she did, but not with what I thought. "She is. I'm just visiting."  
"We got permission for you to stay with them over night. Would you like to sleep on a cot, or we could pull out the cushion to this chair over here? It's like a mini bed."  
"I think I'll do that instead of a cot."  
"Alright. I'll be back with blankets and a pillow."  
"Thank you so much."  
"You're welcome honey." When she turned and left, I noticed that Abby wasn't in the room, which to me was odd because she was there when Sonni and Ava walked in. I turned to Sonni and thanked her.  
"You two need to talk anyways. I'm going to take this one back to her room so the doctors can do vitals." We gave Ava a lot of kisses before Sonni took her, then looked at each other.  
"I love you." I blurted out but before he could respond, we heard Norman cussing at the nurses, then saw him flip the curtain out of his way, stopping when he saw me sitting with Jeremy.  
"Sorry. They wouldn't let Mingus in. Gave me only five minutes saying that visiting hours is just about over. So, since five minutes is all I've got, I just wanted to make sure that you're alright."  
"Yeah, I'll be fine." His voice was quiet.  
"I'm glad. It's a miracle that you and your daughter is alive." He came over to me and kissed me on the head. "I'm escorting Abby home. You call me when he's able to come home and we'll come get you."  
"Okay. Thank you for stopping by."  
"Anything for you, love." He reached out and patted Jeremy on the shoulder. "I'm making you steak and potatoes when you get out." Jeremy agreed, chuckling a little. We said goodnight to Norman and hello again to the nurse.  
After she placed the blankets and pillow on the chair, she came over to us and looked at him with hands on her hips. "Mr. Renner. Scale time."  
"An eight."  
"Well, that's better than when you first came in. If we could give out twenties, that's where you were at. I'll get you some Vicodin. No heavy drinking or lifting tonight." She left and I couldn't help but laugh.  
"She's been like that since I woke up."  
I kissed him on the lips, got up and went over to the chair. I pulled out the extension, fanned out the blankets, then fluffed the pillow and placed it against the arm rest. "I'm going to use the bathroom."  
"Good. I don't want you to see me getting changed." I wanted to tell him that it was okay with me, but I thought about it again and walked over to the bathroom just as two nurses came in. I leaned against the counter, gritting my teeth as I heard him yelp and the women apologizing over and over. I flushed the toilet to make him think that I went, then walked out just as the nurses were leaving. I closed the door part ways, then went to his bedside to say good night. "I wish you could get into bed with me."  
"Believe me, I would....and then some." I winked, kissed him again, slipping my tongue in a few times. "There. That should hold you over." The look on his face was priceless as my own turned red and I bit my lip as I went over to the make shift bed. I laid down, pulled the blankets over me and tried to not look at him as he kept trying to talk to me. It was like we were having a sleep over and we were afraid that our parents would find out that we were still awake, but not wanting to sleep because we were so excited to be with each other.  
"Nic. I need more kisses." He whispered.  
I giggled. "In the morning."  
"But I have other places that are hurting."  
"Jeremy, no. Not in public."  
"But..." He whined.  
"No."  
"You're no fun."  
"I know and it's going to stay that way."  
"Then you owe me."  
"I owe you nothing." I heard him kicking the bed like a little kid and I started to giggle. "Jeremy, hush. Don't get me kicked out."  
"Fine." I could hear him pout. A few minutes passed and his side grew silent. I assumed that the meds finally kicked in and he was out like a light. Now it was my turn. I closed my eyes and prayed to God that he would heal Ava and Jeremy and thanked God that he kept them alive. It was now official. I couldn't live without them.


	5. Chapter 5

"You are driving me insane!!" Jeremy snapped as I picked up the candy wrappers that was all over the floor and coffee table. "Stop cleaning up after me." I ignored him and took everything into the kitchen and threw it into the trash. When I went back into the living room and went over to the end table to pick up the pop cans, he grabbed me and pulled me over to him. "Nic. You need to stop this. You're not a slave." He pulled me down onto his lap, placing his good arm around me. I adjusted myself so my legs wouldn't fall asleep as I straddled him.  
"I just need to keep busy."  
"Why? What's making you stay home and be miserable? Go out with the girls and have fun. Go shopping. Have a few drinks. You don't need to stay at home with me and Caela."  
"Yes I do. You can't even hold her without being in pain."  
"I'm a man. Pain is a part of me."  
"No it's not. Don't say that about yourself."  
"Please just go have fun. The girls have been waiting for you. It's been two weeks since I got out. I can manage. The pain isn't nearly as bad as it has been." I groaned. "Don't start. Go pick out a sexy dress and then come back here so I can see it on you."  
"A sexy dress. Going out to the bar in a sexy dress. Do you want me to be picked up by other guys?"  
"No. I want to think about you in that dress while you are away. So I can anticipate when you come back and take it off in front of me."  
"Oh, you’re bad." I playfully slapped his chest, kissed him on the lips, and then looked back when I heard pitter patter from tiny feet. "Ava. What are you doing out of bed?" She rubbed her eye, then came over to us, holding out a book. I sighed, but he pushed me off and grabbed the book. He then grabbed a hold of her under her arm and pulled her up onto his lap.  
"What book is this?" He looked at it. "OH. This is a good one. Cinderella. This is the one where the fairy godmother insists that the girl goes out and have fun with her friends." He glanced at me and I made a face before going to my room. I listened to him change the words to the story, realizing that he was aiming everything at me. Then there was a knock on the front door. I hurried across the floor to the front door and saw Sonni standing there.  
"I tried to call."  
"Shit." He called out. "I think I left my phone in my pants. It's in my bedroom."  
"No worries. She can have my number." I took her phone and punched in my numbers. "So what's up?"  
"It's my week to take Ava. I was going to come in the afternoon tomorrow, but I decided to come now, since the photographer cut it short tonight."  
"Sure." He responded. "She's already packed so I don't see why not." He looked at Ava. "Want to go see mommy?" She cheered and practically jumped off of the couch, running to the door. Sonni picked her up as I went to Ava's room to get her things.  
"You look relaxed."  
"Yeah, being pampered is everything that I want." I sensed sarcasm as he talked to her. "She has a full tummy, had a bath and was asleep until a bit ago. Reading Cinderella to her."  
"Oh, lovely. Nothing like teaching our daughter that being poor is a good thing."  
"As supposed to being a heartless bitch. Yeah, I'm sure that will fly well in the future with her teachers."  
"Tutors. There's no way that she's going to a public school."  
"I went to a public school. I turned out great."  
"I see where this is going and I'm leaving now." She glared at me as I walked out and handed her the bags. "Have a lovely evening."  
"Totally. I'll just be kicking back, watching porno while Nicole chokes on my big cock."  
"Ugh. You disgust me." She marched off the porch as I closed the door and locked it. I wasn't sure if I should have laughed, or be upset. Either way, I went back to my room and closed the door.  
Instead of walking back into the living room with a sexy dress on, I went back out into the living room with a black lingerie top on, no panties and lacy stockings. Out of the room I went, going straight over to the television, pretending that he wasn't in the room. I bent over and grabbed a movie off of the shelf, then slowly straightened back up to put it into the DVD.  
"Oh really?" He called out and I could tell that he was enjoying the view. "Do that again." I giggled. "No seriously. I could watch you do that all day baby." Ignoring him, I pressed play, then reached up to flip on the surround sound. I then heard something hit the TV and land on the floor. Then again. "Oh, I dropped my Cheetos. Can you get the bag for me?" I looked down, seeing that he threw the whole opened bag of Cheetos. Not only that, but his bag of jerky as well. Instead of bending down to pick it up, I turned to my side and went down to my knees, staying on one and picking up the bags. I then tossed them onto the coffee table, then pushed the table off to the side. I then crawled over to him, pushed his legs apart and slid up between them, making sure that every inch of my chest rubbed against him, until my face met his and I licked his lips.  
"Mmmm tasty." I said in my most seductive voice, trying not to laugh. His left hand was gripping my arm tightly.  
"You're such a tease."  
"Awe. Too bad that you hurt yourself. You can't have your way with me. Looks like you're going to be taken advantage of." I winked as I pushed the pillow off to the side, lifting his hurt arm and placing it onto the back of the couch. I grabbed a hold of his sweat pants and pulled out his thickness. "Hmmm...looks like someone’s wanting some."  
"You have no idea. I now see why you didn't want to go out." He gasped as I stroked him, licking his tip. "Mmm.. shit girl." His hand left my arm and slammed down onto the arm rest, gripping it tight as I deep throated him until I felt the precum on the back of my throat. As soon as I pulled him out of my mouth, his hand went to the back of my head and grabbed my hair. "Come here." I climbed onto him and made out with him, surprised that he wasn't upset that he could taste himself on my lips. "I want to feel you." He whispered in my ear, pulling me onto my knees, wrapping his good arm around my leg. I gasped as his fingers played with my hole, massaging my walls and my little bundle of nerves. Then I felt his tip tease me and I didn't want to wait anymore. Sliding down onto him felt extremely good. He tried to hold me, but I grabbed his arm and pushed it away and down onto the arm rest.  
"Tonight, I take care of you. When you get better, you can have control." I rolled my hips just as he was about to respond, making him speechless, fighting back moans. I pulled my legs apart just enough to take him in more, causing a loud moan to come out of the both of us.  
"Fuuuuck." His hand slapped my thigh, as he tried to grab it to stop me. "It's been so long. I don't think I can last." I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him sweetly.  
"It's alright. You can go."  
"No. It's not right. We have to both reach our point, or nothing at all." He kissed me back. "Try this." He pulled my legs apart even more, made me arch my back and I squeaked. "That's it baby. Now fuck me good." I did as he said and within minutes I cummed all over him, unable to make any noise as he grunted and released inside me. Gasping for air, I fell against him, shaking, feeling him taking deep breaths to calm down. His good arm went around me, lips on my forehead. "I'm ready for bed now." I laughed as I tried to get up, but he kept planting kisses all over my face.  
"Baby, I can't get you up if you keep holding me down."  
"Don't go to bed with that on."  
"I was going to wear my pjs."  
"Nooooo." He whined.  
"It's cold."  
"Turn on the heater."  
"Baby the heater doesn't work in my room."  
"Psh. Who says you'll be in your room? It's the guest room anyways." He held out his hand for me to take. Helping him get up was really hard since I was so tiny and he was nothing but a big mass of muscles. Thankfully he pushed himself up like an old man and then followed me into the bedroom, slapping my ass the whole way. "Maybe you should let me stick it in there."  
"Fuck no." I slapped his good arm, then pushed the bedroom door open with my foot. We had turned on the heaters once the sun went down, but kept the door mostly shut to keep the warm air in. I fixed up the pillows, turned down the covers, and then helped him get into bed, tucking his friend back into its own covers. I pulled the blankets over him, turned off the lamp and then headed towards the bathroom.  
"Are you alright, babe?"  
"Yeah, I just need to empty my bladder." I closed the bathroom door, went over to the other door and closed it as well. While I sat on the toilet, I could hear him make farting noises. I tried to hold back laughter, but the more he made the noises sound worse than the last, I couldn't help myself. "Stop. You're making it hard for me to pee." Silence. I peed then flushed and hurried to the bed. "Meh, it's cold."  
"Eww, you didn't wash your hands."  
"Ugh. Says the one who kisses with his own cum."  
"Anything to get you to kiss me. Besides. I didn't taste anything."  
"Yeah, uhuh, sure." I kissed him, then laid down, wiggling around until I was comfortable.  
"You know, this fucking sucks. I can't cuddle with you while having this fucking cast on."  
"Awe poor baby." I teased. "Just be thankful that I'm in bed with you." He moved around until he found the best spot to put his legs and then his arm went around me. The cast felt weird rubbing against my bare skin.  
"Ah, you're so warm." He smashed his face against the back of my neck, not caring that my hair was in the way. Feeling his warm breath against my neck was kind of annoying, but I tried to ignore it because I wanted him to stay close. And then I felt it. "Goddammit Jeremy."  
"What?"  
"You seriously cannot still be horny."  
"Maybe."  
"I can't get back on top. I'm too tired and my legs hurt."  
"It's alright. I can wait. He's probably just excited to be near you."  
I sighed and knew that it wasn't going to stop there. Eventually he'd be humping me in his sleep, possibly morning sex happening. I finally rolled over onto my other side, lifting my leg and placing it over his hips. I quickly pulled him out, stroking him a few times and then sliding him into me. His hurt arm was against my back, holding me tightly.  
"Nic, don't do this. I'm not forcing you."  
"I know. Shush." I kissed him to keep him quiet, then let out soft moans as he rocked his hips. His good hand held my shoulder, lips touching my neck, grunts exiting his chest as he neared his finally. I slid my leg off of him, laying still as he kissed me softly.  
"I wish we could do this all night." His kisses got lighter and lighter as we started to fall asleep in each other’s arms. Such a good idea. Only if we had the energy as two eighteen year olds. "Good night my love."  
"Good night my king."


	6. Chapter 6

"I don't like it when you die." Jeremy gave me a questioning look. We were sitting on the couch together, but I wasn't next to him. His legs were up on the coffee table, arm propped up on pillows. "In the movies. I don't like the ones that you die in." I didn't want to make him feel like shit. "I also don't like it when you play the assholes."  
"Do you think that's how I am in real life?"  
I tried to not bring up about what happened weeks ago when I got mad at him and tried to leave. It was no use though, because it was obvious that he knew what I meant. I didn't want to continue on with the conversation. "No. Sorry I said anything." I hopped up and went into the kitchen, opened the fridge and grabbed a can of Root Beer. I let the door close, leaned against the counter and popped it, glancing up as he walked into the kitchen. He came over to me, leaned against the island counter, looking down at the floor.  
"I'm not going to spend the rest of my life letting what happened slide. I was over the top that day and I'm sorry. I was scared of losing you." He looked up at me. "But when I was in the hospital, I knew that I couldn't make you stay. I was ready to let you go."  
"And now. Now do you want to let me go?" He was out of words to say. "When we fight again, are you going to prevent me from leaving?"  
"Only if I think you're going to hurt yourself."  
"Hmm. Fair enough."  
"I don't want to let you go. But if you are wanting to leave, I won’t stand in your way."  
I placed my can onto the counter, went up to him and stood between his legs. He never moved as I kissed him on the lips. Even when I tried to hug him, which made me feel unwanted. "I'm going to take a shower." I moved away from him and went into the bathroom. I glanced at myself in the mirror, then looked away and turned on the water.  
When I pulled off my tank top, he walked in and wrapped his arms around me. I let my top fall onto the floor, placed my hands on his and leaned into him. "I wish I could shower with you."  
"Maybe you should have asked for the waterproof stuff."  
"One more week and I can get it off."  
"It's only been two weeks. So you have two to three weeks left."  
"Fuck. Don't remind me."  
"And you also have an x-ray tomorrow. Checking up on it."  
"Damn. Okay." He sighed. "What time?"  
"Ten."  
"And it's eleven fifty-five. I should get some sleep."  
"Okay, I'll be quick."  
"Maybe you can give me a sponge bath?"  
"Do you really want one?"  
"It sucks trying to do it with one hand. But I'll wait until after the appointment."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah. Go ahead and enjoy your shower." He kissed me a few times on the neck before walking away. I finally pulled off the rest of my clothes, hopped in and quickly cleaned myself. When I finally got out, I wrapped the towel around me and headed into my room. After dressing myself, I sat down and pulled on socks.  
"Nic."  
"Yeah baby?"  
"Are you sleeping in there?"  
"No. I'll be there in a minute." I really didn't want to get up. I was too exhausted, but I forced myself to get up and go into his bedroom. I still wasn't use to it being our room. I spent a long time in the guest room and to upgrade was a bit dramatic for me. I flipped off the lights when I saw that he also had the lamp on and then climbed into bed beside him. Just before I could flip off the light, he asked me something that I never would have imagined he'd say.  
"How do you feel about having a baby?"  
"I think the milk man wouldn't be too happy."  
"With me." He tickled me a little. "Seriously. Nicole." I froze. He only called me by my full name when he was serious. "Nic. You're quiet."  
"Honestly, I don't think I can have any."  
"Why do you say that?" I tried to not answer him but he caught on. "Oh. So you tried with him." He looked hurt, trying to hide it by scratching under his chin. "Well, think of it this way. Just because you couldn't get pregnant by him, doesn't mean that you can't with me."  
"I guess that's true."  
"What I guess I should be asking, is if you want to try with me?"  
"As much as I want to be a mom, I'm not ready."  
He looked at me. "Honey, no one’s ever ready. I wasn't when I was your age and I wasn't when Sonni was pregnant until I held Ava."  
"Give me some time to at least think about it."  
"Sure, I can do that."  
"And then I'll let you know as soon as I'm ready."  
"Okay. Until then, wanna practice?" He smirked.  
"You ass." I covered his face with my hand, feeling his lips stretch out to kiss my skin. I moved my hand and let him kiss me on the lips. "You wiped me out. Four times in twelve hours is too much for me. I need a night or two to recuperate."  
"Fine, fine. I'll let you sleep. I'll let it build up so that when we do have sex, there's a greater chance at impregnating you." He joked as he got up and went into the bathroom.  
I scoff and turned off the lamp, scooting down into the mattress, wanting to just drift off into REM sleep. As I edge that wonderland, I felt the bed move, then his arm wrapping around me. "I love you Jeremy."  
"I love you too, Nicole." He kissed my shoulder. I slipped into dream world, seeing my future with him and it kind of scared me.

~~~~

"Are you really that afraid of my driving?" I glanced at him as we headed out of town to a park that I knew he hadn't visited yet.  
"No. It's not that. I think that the food that I ate from McDonald's isn't agreeing with me."  
"Yeah, see why I said Arby's was a better idea."  
"I wanted a friggin McChicken."  
"Those are usually good, so I don't see how that is making your stomach upset."  
"I don't know." He took my soda and gulped a lot of it. Then without warning, he belched really loud.  
"Feel better?" I chuckled as I pulled into the parking lot of the park.  
"A bit." He placed the cup back into the holder and nodded at the bathrooms. I pulled close and stopped, sighing when he got out and ran inside. I felt bad, but I didn't want to have to turn around and go back home. I wanted him to enjoy being out in the open, while he could, before he got called back to do more filming. He only had three more months of solitude and then back to work. Sonni would have Ava more often and I would be home alone, looking for work again.  
He hopped back into the car, quickly closing the door. "I just had to pee. No worries."  
"Good." I pulled across the bridge and into the actual park, looping around it until we found the best parking spot and parked. I hopped out and headed towards the trunk, pulled out the picnic basket and was about to head over to the picnic table, when he hopped out and came over to me.  
"I just looked at the weather. We're going to be getting rain here soon."  
"It's alright. We're going to be under the covered area." He looked worried as he looked over at the picnic tables that were under the covered area. "Please don't worry. Have fun, for once."  
"Then I'm taking this with me." He grabbed his leather jacket out of the trunk, closed it and walked with me over to the tables. He helped me pull all the food out, popping a few pieces of fruit into our mouths and then took out the drinks. I opened the little bags of chips, pulled his sandwich out of the bag for him, then began to eat mine. "This is kinda nice."  
"Kinda?"  
"I haven't done this in years."  
"But relaxing, isn't it?" I took a bite of peach, then looked back at the car just as it started to down pour. "Shit. That was quick."  
"Hey, at least she's getting a bath."  
I went back to my peach, wanting to talk to him more about the baby issue, when we heard thunder. "Wow. Gotta love Oregon weather. Sometimes I wonder if she's more bi-polar than I am." He scoff. "What?"  
"You're not bi-polar. You're just unsure of what you want."  
The more it rained, the harder it was for us to stay under the covered area. The rain was hitting the picnic table, so we decided to just pack up and finish at home. He pulled on his jacket and took the picnic table and ran ahead of me with the keys. I was halfway out to my car, when I heard some meowing. I looked behind me and saw a baby kitten by the trash can, crying its little heart out. I ran over to it, seeing that it wasn't running away. I pulled off my sweat shirt, picked up the kitten and wrapped it up. I looked at its little face, booped its nose, then carried it over to my car.  
"What are you doing?" He popped his head out the window.  
"The poor kitten was left there all alone."  
"Get it inside. We'll look it over." I hurried to the driver’s side and hopped in handing him the bundle so I could close my door. He slowly unraveled my sweatshirt, seeing that it was hurt and crying really hard. "Oh wow. You are a screamer."  
"Probably hungry as well." I reached into the back seat and pulled out the bottle of milk from the basket and then looked at him as he looked the kitten over.  
"It's a boy. No immediate injuries. Just has some hair loss. Hopefully doesn't have worms or anything." He looked at the kitten thoroughly before announcing that we were going to take him to the vet.  
But when I started the car, I couldn't get it to move. "I think we're stuck."  
"Fuck me. I'm not getting out while it's thundering."  
I couldn't blame him. Lightening was surely about to show. "Let's just stay here until it's done and over with."  
"Okay. I think he'll be fine in the back."  
I pushed the back of the seat down, poured some milk into the cap and then placed it onto the floorboard. I then took the kitten and placed it down. I handed him the milk bottle, then pulled out the left over tuna fish and placed it in front of the kitten. I then pulled the seat back into position and sat there staring at him while he chowed down. "Awe, so cute."  
"We might as well finish our lunch."  
"Or at least half of it, in case we're still here by dinner." He shrugged his shoulders as I pulled out the fruit and veggies. We managed to eat half of everything, saving the rest.

By night fall, the kitten was on the seat, snuggled in my sweatshirt, asleep. I was cold, but didn't want to bug the kitten. I looked at Jeremy, who had been streaming music from his phone, but because of the poor service, we were only able to hear parts of the songs. Finally after an hour, I realized that I had to go pee.  
"You can't go out there by yourself."  
"Why not? I'll be fine. I've done it plenty of times."  
"I'll go with. I might end up having to go soon anyways." He flipped on my lights, then we both hopped out, me with the keys, then slammed the doors and ran to the bathrooms. When we came back out, we made a mad dash in the pouring rain to the car, but halfway there I slid across a muddy grass spot and ran into him, almost knocking him down. "Shit. Sorry babe."  
"It's okay. I have good balance." He held me up, then took my hand and ran with me back to the car. Once inside, we kicked off our shoes and placed them on the floor board in the back, then began to strip our clothes off. Once I was able to, the heaters came on and I climbed into the back seat to grab the blankets from the trunk. He laughed as I climbed around to get things situated, then came back into the front seats and plopped down into the driver's seat.  
"This is going to be a long night."  
"It don't have to be, if you know what I mean."  
"Babe." I shoved his arm. "Still a bit sore." I pulled a blanket over him, then onto myself. "I'll be surprised if I can sleep at all."  
"Well, we could always call Norman. See if he'll at least take us home. He and I can come back in the morning to get the car.  
"Do you think he'd do it?"  
"I don't think you want me to call Sonni."  
I grumbled as he called Norman, then sighed when he got off of the phone and said that Norman and Abby were on their way. Abby was going to bring some clothes for me to change into and a box to put the kitten in. I decided that I was going to take a nap, leaned over and stuck my head on his shoulder. He leaned over, which helped make it more comfortable, closed our eyes and dreamt about happiness, while waiting for our friends to arrive.


	7. Chapter 7

Stomping her little feet, holding out her hand, Ava demanded the fruit snacks that I held in my hand. "I want it."  
"No. You can't be demanding. Stop throwing a tantrum."  
"Momma give. You give."  
I was furious at this point. I never felt so hated by a child before. Let alone my boyfriends. Jeremy had gone off with Norman to get my car and I was the one who had to let Sonni and Ava in. She was a piece of cake up until her mother left and out of nowhere she instantly turned into a hellion. She never had done this before and I was worried that her mother said something to her about me. Now as I placed the bag onto the counter, she screamed her head off and kicked the cupboard door.  
"AVA BERLIN!" I snapped. Her face was contorted with confusion. "Go to your room." I pulled out my phone as she stomped off to her room, kicking her bucket of toys. When I couldn't get him to answer his phone, I called Norman, happy that he answered. "Is he with you?"  
"He's in your car behind me. What's up buttercup?"  
"I'm having issues with Ava throwing a tantrum because I wouldn't give her another bag of fruit snacks."  
"Are they full of sugar?"  
"It's those Welch's snacks."  
"I'd give them to her anyways. Sneak some of those multivitamins into the bag."  
"She can tell which is which."  
"Okay. Well, then she doesn't get any. Simple as that. I'm sure Renner would agree. We're going to stop off at the gas station on the way home. I'll let him know that you called."  
"Okay. Thank you."  
"No problem love."  
I hung up my phone, placed it onto the counter and went into her bedroom wondering why she was quiet. Happy to see that she fell asleep on the floor, I figured that she was needing a nap. Slowly, I weaved around the mess of toys, gently lifted her up and onto her bed, tucking a blanket around her. I then made my way back out into the kitchen and finished the dishes before getting things out to make lunch for the three of us.

Forty-five minutes later, as I was putting peanut butter and jelly sandwiches together, both Norman and Jeremy came walking into the house. "Nicole?"  
"Kitchen."  
I heard their boots slap against the wooden floor, looking up briefly at them. "Hey baby. How’s the car?"  
"The car is fine. Mind telling me what was going on with Ava?"  
I hesitated at first, then began to explain to him what happened, ending it with the fact that she was now playing in her bedroom.  
"How long was her nap?"  
"She just woke up a few minutes ago. Maybe forty minutes."  
He walked into her bedroom and began to talk to her about what happened. I listened intently, as Norman grabbed a sandwich from me and shoved about half of the sandwich into his mouth. "Ava, do you know why you got sent to your room?"  
"Cause I was being bad."  
"Why were you being bad?"  
"Cause I wanted the yummies."  
"Did you eat lunch yet?"  
"No."  
"Did you take your vitamins?"  
"No."  
"So then why should you get more fruit snacks?"  
"Cause they are yummy."  
"How many does mommy give you?"  
"This many."  
He sighed. "Let's go get some lunch. If you eat it all and take your vitamins, you may have more fruit snacks. Okay?"  
"Okay." Jeremy and Ava came out of her room, him carrying her. He placed her on the stool, reached over and pulled the half sandwich over to her.  
"You need to eat at least half of this, some carrots and blueberries before you can get down."  
"Cholate milk?"  
"Yeah, I'll give you some. But you have to eat. No more of this candy crap as substitute." He went over to the fridge and pulled out a child size bottle of chocolate milk.  
"Thanks for the sandwich. I better get going. Abby’s probably wondering where I'm at."  
"I'll walk you out." I wiped my hands onto the towel, then followed him to the front door. On the way out, I looked over my shoulder, getting a glare from Jeremy. I quickly closed the door and went with Norman out to the street where his truck was sitting. "Do you guys want to have dinner with us soon?"  
"Nawh. I think there are some things you two need to work out before I come back over. You are on a rocky path and I think we need some space before we regret anything."  
"What are you talking about?" I felt goose bumps all over my bare arms.  
He stopped and leaned against the truck, staring at me. "I don't think that you know what you want, still. You are upset that I got together with Abby and that Jeremy is still involved with Sonni because of Ava."  
"Of course I'm upset that you got with Abby. She's my best friend."  
"We've been done and over with for quite some time now. I'm not going to sit there and wallow in self-pity because I fucked up. And neither should you."  
"What, so your saying that I had that miscarriage on purpose?"  
"No. I didn't say that. I didn't mean it that way."  
"Then what do you mean?"  
"I'm happy with Abby and you need to realize that. You and I are just friends. I don't mind coming over and having dinner with you two once in a while, but having to save your ass every time something doesn't go right with another boyfriend of yours, it's not cool. I don't want to be a fucking door mat to you."  
"I never asked you to come out and get us from my car."  
"I know. But you came running back to me just because you got upset about whatever Sonni did to piss you off. You're twenty-nine. Pull on your big girl panties and deal with that shit. Lord knows Abby does when Helena comes around for Mingus."  
"Oh thanks for comparing me to her. Makes me feel so great."  
"What are you afraid of?"  
"Nothing."  
"Bullshit. You have one of the greatest men in there wanting to be with you, trying to keep three women happy, but you are making it hard for him. Stop your shit. Figure out what you want before you head back in there and make a fool of yourself even more. If you don't want to be with him, walk away and don't ever come back. But if you want him, fight for him. Show the bitch up. Be the woman I know you can be. The one that I fell in love with. Miss feisty pants. Cause I can guarantee you that's the woman you are and the one that made him fall in love with you."  
"You think he's in love with me?"  
"I know he is. You can see it in his eyes."  
I stepped closer to him and gave him a hug. "Thank you." I felt him kiss me on my head, squeezed me tight then pushed me back.  
"Go get him tiger!" He winked, turned me around and slapped my ass.  
I rushed back into the house, seeing Jeremy standing next to the book case. I kicked the door closed, rushed over to him and stopped when I was a few feet away from him. He looked at me, then back at the books.  
"Ava's in her room playing. She wants me to read to her. What book has she not read yet?" He pulled out a book, but I couldn't wait. I took those few steps to get closer to him, pushed him up against the wall, stood on my tip toes and kissed him passionately. I heard the book hit the floor, then felt his arm go around me. His good hand gripped my waist, hoisting me into the air and placing me on the back of the couch. His lifted his bad arm, fingers touching my jaw as he kissed me tenderly. I was sure that we were about to take it further, until Ava called out to him.  
He stepped back and cleared his throat. "Yes baby?"  
"I don't feel well."  
He turned without saying anything to me and walked away. I hopped off the couch and followed him into the kitchen, stopping right as she threw up all over the clean floor. When she started to cry, He went over to her and picked her up. "It's okay baby. I've got you. Let's go take a shower and check your temp." He took her into the bathroom as I went to the cupboard under the kitchen sink and took out the cleaning materials. "Nic, I can do that."  
"No. I don't mind. I took on the role as step mother, so this is what I must do." I didn't hear a reply, but the sound of rushing water instead and her puking again. "Do you want me to call her doctor?"  
"I'll do it. Can you come in here and undress her?"  
"Sure." I stopped what I was doing and went into the bathroom. He pulled out his phone and called her doctor as he searched through the drawers for the thermometer.  
"She's burning up."  
"We are in flu season still." I began to undress her. "Ava if you need to get rid of the ickys, aim for the sink." She nodded as I pulled off her socks. When he found the thermometer, he handed it to me, then went out into the kitchen.  
"I'm sorry." She cried. "I'm sorry for being bad. I don't want to die."  
"Honey. You're not dying. You're just sick. It's only going to be a few hours." Her whining was so pathetic, I tried to not laugh. I turned on the faucet for the tub, checked the temp, while she had the thermometer in her mouth. Jeremy walked in, while on the phone, looked at the thermometer and told the doctor the results.  
"I want daddy."  
"Daddy's on the phone with the Doctor." She held out her arms and pouted. I went over to her and hugged her. She clung onto me as I tried to pull away, deciding to put her into the tub before it was filled. Once it reached the mark, I turned off the water, then began to bathe her.  
"The doctor said to bring her in tomorrow if it gets worse."  
"I think the cool water is helping her." I rinsed her, then handed her her mermaid Barbie. When I got up to dry my hands, I saw out of my peripheral, him standing in the door way, leaning against the frame. "Do you have Tylenol?"  
"Yeah." He pointed at the medicine cabinet. I got into it and filled the cup with the recommended dose. As I gave it to her, I wondered what would have happened if she didn't interrupt us. I then shook off the thought, placed the bottle onto the counter, then helped her out of the bath tub when she stood up. "You okay?"  
"I'm cold." I quickly dried her off, took her into her bedroom and got her into her feety pajamas. "Movie?"  
"Yeah, baby. Go get on the couch." He answered her, stopping me before I could leave her room. "Thank you."  
I smiled. "Anytime."  
"We'll have to finish what we started when she's asleep."  
"Maybe." I winked at him, rubbed my hand over his crotch. His eyes lit up, mouth dropping, not wanting me to stop. But I stopped, stood on my tip toes and bit his ear lobe, then left the room and headed into the living room, giggling to myself.  
"What's so funny?" She looked up at me.  
"This movie, Nemo. It's such a good movie." I lied as I sat down beside her, pulled the quilt off the back of the couch and wrapped it around her little body.


	8. Chapter 8

I woke up to the sound of Ava laughing and Jeremy singing. At first I couldn't tell what the song was, until I was able to wake up more. I slowly walked to her room, seeing him dancing around and Ava her bed giggling. A Friend Like Me, a song from Aladdin, was coming out of his mouth and it was the cutest thing I had ever seen. I stood by the wall, peeking in, hoping that he wouldn't spot me and stop out of embarrassment. She clapped when he was finished, cheering when he took a bow.  
It wasn't until he sat down beside her and started to talk to her. "Ava, do you like Nicole?"  
"She's pretty. Is she going to be my new mommy?"  
"Mmmm, kind of. She's going to be your other mommy. The one that will be here with me. She loves you very much."  
"And I love her."  
"That's good, Ava. I think she would like it if you said that to her."  
"But I've been a bad girl."  
"You can still say that you love her. It will mean a lot to her if you told her."  
"Do you tell her that you love her?"  
"I try to say it a lot, but sometimes it's hard."  
"Why?"  
"Well, because sometimes I get scared."  
"Why?"  
"I'm afraid that she won’t love me back."  
"She loves you. She told me this morning that she loves you a lot. She wanted to give you a big kiss this morning, but you were gone when she woke."  
"I didn't want to wake her. Sometimes mommies need the extra sleep, so they can have fun with their kids. Like you."  
"I'm scared."  
"Why are you scared?"  
"That she won’t want me."  
"I don't think you should be scared. She wants to be with you."  
"Okay." She sniffled. "Daddy, can you sing more?"  
"Hmmm. What should I sing?" He moved around, laying her down. "I'll sing that song you like." Then out of nowhere his beautiful voice that I feel in love with came out, singing the words to the Patrick Swayze song, She's Like the Wind.  
By the end of the song, she was out like a light and I was on the floor, trying to hold back from crying.  
"Daddy." Her sleepy voice came out. "Are you going to marry Nicole?"  
"Ava, I don't know baby. It's something her and I need to discuss."  
"I hope you do. She makes you happy." They exchanged kisses, then I heard him shuffle to the door. I quickly got up and headed towards my room, but before I could reach the door, his hand landed on my arm, grabbing it, spinning me around to face him. I breathed heavily as I walked backwards, him following me into my room. I tried to slip away from him, but stumbled over my shoes and backed into the edge of my bed. He let my arm go once I was seated, then tipped my head up to look into my eyes.  
"How much did you hear?"  
"Enough." My heart was pounding against my chest.  
"Do you still love him?"  
"What?" I got confused. "Why are you asking this?"  
"I need to know. I don't want to look forward to a future if there isn't one."  
"Honestly, I don't love him the same way I love you. He and I made it clear that we were better off as friends. He's in love with Abby and that's for the best. I don't want him, nor love him."  
"Abby came by tonight. She assumed that you and Norman are still in love."  
"Um, no. And I'll tell her myself."  
"Well, I set her right for you. That you weren't that kind of a friend."  
"Um...thanks." I wasn't sure if I wanted to be thankful or not that he spoke for me. Before we could continue on with the conversation, we heard Ava scream and it made us run through the house, into her room.  
He flipped on the light. "What's wrong baby?"  
She had her pathetic whine again, but I knew it was more serious than any other time. "There's a monster."  
"Where did you see it?"  
"Outside my window." She pointed then ducked under her covers. He flipped on the light and we saw an owl on the tree.  
"Baby, it's an owl. It won’t hurt you." He flipped the light back off, then went to the window to close it, then the curtains.  
I went over to her bed and got down onto my knees. "God made the Owl a night bird because there needs to be pretty things at night time. The owl didn't mean to scare you."  
"Okay." She pulled the blanket off of her face, then held out her arms. "I love you."  
I hugged her, then kissed her on the forehead. "I love you too." She felt a lot cooler than earlier. "You seem a lot better than earlier. But we should give you more medicine."  
"I gave her some before I sang to her."  
"Okay. Well, it's time for you to get some sleep. Daddy and I need sleep too." I kissed her again, then got up and headed to the door. "Good night Ava."  
"Night night Niki."  
I walked briskly out, down to my room and closed the door, once I walked in. Just as I climbed onto the bed and pulled the blankets down, he walked in and closed the door halfway. I refused to look at him as I fluffed the pillows.  
"Are you sleeping in here now?"  
"And give what kind of message to your daughter?"  
"That when two people are in love, they share the same bed."  
"Really. Is that what we are?"  
"What else would we be?"  
"Best friends."  
"Yes, that goes along with the whole relationship and falling in love."  
Sitting down, pulling the covers over me, I looked up at him with a frown on my face. "But you have to question my relationship with him. Like you don't trust me being alone with him."  
"I trust you, I don't trust him."  
"Why wouldn't you trust him?"  
"Gee, I don't know. He knocked you up, for one."  
"How did you know about that?"  
"Abby told me. And that you lost it." I looked away. "Is that the big secret that you couldn't tell me when you first moved in?"  
"Yes."  
"Did you not think that I would eventually find out?"  
"I wanted to tell you when I was comfortable about it."  
"Well, I'm sorry that she forced us to talk about it." He came over to the bed and sat down. I really didn't want to be that close to him, but something told me to not bring it up. "I love you with my whole heart and I wouldn't want anyone else. Please realize this. I want you. All of you. Flaws and all." Now I had tears rolling down my face. He gently wiped them away with his thumb, kissed me on the forehead, and then shifted his weight, climbing into bed with me. We spooned and it felt good to be held by him. I didn't want this night to end. I just wanted to stay this way forever.  
Feeling his lips touch my shoulder, then the back of my neck made shivers run through me. Slowly I turned onto my back, reached up, placing my hand on the back of his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. A kiss for a kiss, back an fourth, seeming endless, nothing more than the kisses. It was a different feeling. One that I hoped to have forever.  
"I love you, Jeremy."  
"I love you, Nicole." He rolled onto his back as I rolled onto my left and snuggled close. My leg went over his hips, his arms around me, my head on his chest. I breathed in his scent, closed my eyes and prayed that things would start to get better for our tiny family.  
I had no clue what was to come around the corner.  
Will it make me happy or make me sadder?


	9. Chapter 9

"Momma Niki." I was surprised as I was washing the fruit at the kitchen sink.   
"Yes honey." I replied in my sweetest voice.  
"Where's daddy?"  
"He had to run some errands. He'll be back soon."  
"Will he be home in time to watch Sesame Street with me?"  
"I'm not sure, honey. Do you want me to watch it with you?"  
"No. I want you to watch Ponies with me."  
"Why can't I watch Sesame Street with you?"  
"Daddy likes Cookie Monster."  
"Well I like Grover and Baby Natasha."  
"You do? I like Baby Natasha too."  
I thought about what I said and silently giggled to myself. When I turned off the water, my phone went off. I quickly dried my hands, then answered it, surprised to hear Sonni on the other end. She was wanting to take Ava to the mall for the day and that she couldn't get a hold of Jeremy. I told her that I was sure that it was okay with him and then said that I would call him as well and let him know. After I hung up, I told Ava that she was going to spend the day with her mother, then went with her into her room and got her dressed.  
When Sonni showed up, I helped her with Ava, getting her into the car seat and locking her in. "Have fun baby girl."  
"You don't want to come with us Momma Niki?"  
"No. I think you should have some alone time with your momma."  
"I love you."  
"I love you too." I closed the door, then turned in time to see Sonni standing there with her hands on her hips. "Not trying to replace you."  
"I know. That little girl loves you a lot. I was the one that came up with her calling you that. So she knows that it's going to be okay to have two moms."  
"You make it sound like we're lesbian lovers." She partly laughed as she walked over to the driver’s side.  
"Cute. I'll have her home before her bed time."  
"Alright have fun. Be safe."  
"Oh and Niki...." I looked over my shoulder at her. "He truly loves you." She got into the van before I could respond, backing out of the driveway slowly. I smirked, then went into the house, closing the door behind me.  
Never in my life had I ever had another woman say those things to me that weren't a friend. I went back into the kitchen, dumped the fruit into a bowl, and then placed the bowl onto the counter. I was now free to do whatever I wanted and taking a nap was on my list.  
When I got into my room, I peeled off my shirt, took off my bra and was about to undo my shorts, when I heard the familiar sexy voice behind me. "Damn girl. Couldn't wait for me to get home could you?"  
"Haha Jeremy. Funny." I started to turn around, but he stopped me.  
"I have a surprise. Stay where you are." He shuffled to me. "Close your eyes. Relax." I could feel his presence behind me, closed my eyes and breathed in and out deeply until I began to relax. His left hand touched my side, then his right. When they slid down to my hips, I realized that his cast was no longer on. His face was close to my ear. "Surprise." He licked the skin behind my ear, slowly, making chills go through me. His hands slowly moved around all over my body, caressing the most sensitive spots. Lips touching my neck and shoulders. When his right hand slid down my front towards my jean shorts, his left touched the left side of my neck, fingers wrapping around my throat. I was unsure at first with what he wanted to do to me, but all he did was slid his hand down to my breasts and massaged them. His right hand slipped past my unbuttoned shorts, thong and straight to my little bundle of nerves. I gasped as he teased me, feeling his teeth graze the soft skin between my neck and shoulder.  
His fingers slid into my tight core, slowly moving in a circle, making me breathe heavily, then in as deep as he could, hitting my sweet spot. My fingers dug into his left hand, little squeaks coming from my throat as his rough voice asked me questions. "You miss this don't you? Do I still owe you a night of pleasure?" He pushed me towards the bed. "May I take this further?" He slipped his hand out, turned me around to face him, looking me in my hazel blue eyes. "May I have control over you?" His hands rested on my shorts, waiting for my response. I wasn't wanting to answer him verbally, so I kissed him recklessly, then made him pull my shorts and thong off. He lifted me and laid me down onto the bed, pulled off his clothes quicker than he normally would, then climbed onto the bed. He sat there on his knees as I arched my legs, waiting for him. He bent over, scooped me up and pulled me up onto his legs and his hard self. A loud sharp gasp came from me as my tight walls tried to adjust, not wanting to wait one moment longer. I rolled my hips several times to get him amped up, then felt myself get dropped onto the bed. His sexy weight crushing me against the mattress, slamming himself into me, moaning loud in my ear. My fingers dug into his shoulders, moaning loudly myself, keeping my knees tight against his hips.  
"Ugh Niki. How do you stay so tight?" His left hand gripped my hip tightly as the other grabbed the edge of the bed, using it as leverage. I wanted to show him something that I knew about myself that he might enjoyed, so I slid my hands down his back, stopped on his tight ass cheeks and pushed them down as I bucked my hips up and rolled into him. "HOLY SHIT." He yelled as I kept that up for a few minutes. "Niki, I'm going to cu..." He breathed heavily into my ear. I let go of his ass and started to roll my hips into his as he rolled his into mine, almost on the verge of screaming. I was glad that he was getting the idea that it was the best way to get me off, even more glad when he kept it up until we both reached the ecstasy limit. His body fell to the side of me, still heavily breathing as he tried to stay close, kissing my face. "That was amazing."  
"Thank you." I rolled over onto my side and kissed him on the lips. I scooted closer, snuggling against him, head next to his chest.  
"Can we do that again next time?"  
"Mmmhmm." I kissed him on the chest. He was silent for a moment.  
"Where's Ava?"  
"With Sonni."  
"Oh, good good. Glad she didn't walk into that." He rolled over, grabbed a pillow and then rolled back over, he lifted my head and placed the pillow under it. He kissed my forehead, then told me that he was going to shower.

When I finally awoke, I heard him laughing in the living room and decided to investigate. I pulled on my thong and one of his long shirts and walked across the cold floor, stopping just a few feet from him. A smile came to his face when he saw me. "Hey sleepy head. Did I wake you?" I shook my head no, then just stared at him. His smile faded. "Is there something wrong?" Instead of answering him, I went over and climbed onto him, straddling him. I kissed him, fingers touching his jaw line. His hands immediately went onto my back, preventing me from falling backwards. I couldn't control my urges, hands going down to his sweats as I trailed kisses down his neck. His breathing was airy and I found that he was still having urges as well. When I kissed him on the lips again, his hand slipped between us, finding out that I was already wet. "Damn woman." His loud whisper turned me on even more. He lifted me up, then slid me down onto his thickness. He groaned, then pulled apart the shirt, kissing my breasts as I flexed my muscles against his big one. When his lips returned to mine, I wasted no time and rolled my hips in a wide motion, not stopping or letting any words come out of his mouth until we both cummed. This time he wouldn't let me go, just looked into my eyes with amazement. "What's gotten into you?"  
"Why, is it bad?"  
"No. I love it. Don't ever change." He kissed me passionately, whining when I slipped away and went into the bathroom to take a shower. Moments later, he was in the bathroom, pulling off his clothes. He was in the shower and on to me, with the body wash and shampoo. It was sweet of him to take care of me like this. But since he had been injured and unable to shower with me, I washed him down, gentle with his right arm. He was relaxing as I shampooed his hair, giving him extra massage time before letting him rinse. Something was going on with him, but I couldn't figure it out. I was a bit worried with what it was, but I said nothing as we held each other under the warm water until it ran out.  
It was cold in the house when we finally exited the bathroom, in our pajamas and I made it into his room, just as Sonni showed up with Ava. She was crying and it was breaking my heart, so I called to her and when she came into the bedroom rubbing her eye, I knew that it was serious and not her cute pathetic cry.  
"Miss Ava. What's wrong princess?" I couldn't catch anything that she was saying as she came over to me. I moved the blankets off to the side, pulled her up onto the bed and sat her down on my legs. As I unbuckled her dress shoes, I could hear Jeremy and Sonni arguing, which was upsetting Ava even more. I finally pulled her onto the bed, got up and went to the door, closing it. "Ava, you need to calm down so I can understand you." I got back onto the bed, letting my right leg hang over the side. "Ava, sweetie. Stop crying." She sniffled, taking the tissue that I grabbed for her from my nightstand.  
"Momma said that I could have the big unicorn if I was a good girl and I was a good girl but she wouldn't get me the unicorn. I wanted the unicorn. I was a good girl. It's so fluffy and cute."  
A laugh slipped when she said that it was so fluffy and realized what kind of unicorn it was. Before I could comfort her, I heard the front door slam, then his stomping to the bedroom. He opened the door, seeing us sitting together. I could see his knuckles turn white as he held onto the door knob with one hand, leaning against the door frame with his other arm. I gave him a look, hoping he wouldn't start yelling, glad when he didn't.  
"Momma said she didn't give you the unicorn because you didn't finish all your fries."  
"I don't like fries. I don't like boogers. I wanted Chinese."  
"Why did you want Chinese?"  
"Cause you like to eat it. I missed you." She started to whine. "They were mean. I didn't...I didn't... I didn't want to eat it." I could tell that she was starting to hyperventilate. I looked back at her.  
"It's okay Ava. Breathe honey."  
"Tomorrow we are going to the mall and you are going to show me where that unicorn is and I'll get it for you." Jeremy tried to not sound exasperated.  
"Okayee."  
"It's bed time now baby. I'm sure you didn't get your nap."  
"Okayee."  
I slid off the bed, picked her up and carried her over to him. He took her from me, took my hand and walked with me to her room. As he placed her down onto the bed, I pulled out her Little Mermaid pajamas, went to her and helped her get dressed. "Tomorrow, I want to show you how to get dressed by yourself. It's time for you to be a big girl." I kissed her on the forehead.  
"Okay momma." She rubbed her eyes and gave me a hug. "I love you momma."  
"I love you to baby." She pulled away, then latched onto him.  
As I went back into my bedroom I overheard hear say something I never expected to hear. "I don't want to be with momma Sonni anymore. Those people are bad."  
"I will talk to Momma Niki about it tomorrow. We will figure it out. Okay. For now, you need to say your prayers and forget about what happened. Dream about those kittens and puppies that you adore." He kissed her on the cheek, then laid her down and pulled the blankets over her. "I love you princess."  
"I love you daddy." He stood up and went to the door, flipping off the light then came back into our room, closing the door part ways.  
When he got into bed, he heaved a heavy sigh. "I don't know what happened. This isn't like Sonii to make Ava upset."  
"There's nothing we can do about it right now. Let's just get some sleep and we'll talk about it in the morning like you told her that we'd do."  
"That damn unicorn better be worth it."  
"Trust me hon, it is." I kissed his shoulder, flipped off the lamp, and then laid down, snuggling against his back. I wrapped my arm around him, closed my eyes and thought about that damn unicorn from the silly children’s movie.


	10. Chapter 10

That dirty, unholy, pink line wouldn't fade away, no matter how many times I tried to shake it out. Abby’s horrified look at my reaction was amusing, but I couldn't get myself to tell her to stop. "You cannot change that."  
"I know...it's just...I don't know if I can believe it. After ten years of thinking that I couldn't. Maybe it's a dud."  
She handed me another stick. "You can always do it again." I looked at the counter that was full of ten other sticks. "Or you can just admit that you finally got what you've always wanted, grow some balls and tell your hubby."  
"He's not my...." My voice trailed off when I realized that he technically was, even though it hadn't been done lawfully. "You think he's gonna be okay with this?"  
"Niki, shit. He's the one who asked you not too long ago, so I don't see him changing his mind any time soon." She leaned against the door.  
I placed the stick down, hands shaking violently. "Okay, he will be here any minute now with Ava. Maybe I should talk to her about it first."  
"That's a cute idea."  
"Okay, then that's what I will be doing. Hopefully she won’t get upset."  
"She's not going to fully understand until the baby is in front of her." We heard Norman and Jeremy calling out to us as they walked into the house, which made me jump. Abby sighed, leaving the bathroom first. I could hear her talking to Norman. "Hey sexy. Did you guys have fun at the grocery store?"  
"If you consider us being followed by a bunch of teenage girl’s loads of fun, then I guess we did."  
"Oh, well at least you were recognized."  
"Where's Nic?"  
"She's in the bathroom. She's been in there for a while now." Upon hearing that, I swiped all of the sticks into the trash can, followed by all of the boxes and just as I tried to tie it, he walked in, seeing what I had just done.  
"Nic?" He sounded worried. "What...." I scooted the last stick that I had been freaking out over, over towards the sink then backed away. "Are you serious? You took that many just to figure out if you were?" I nodded, but refused to look at him. "That's just awesome." His voice became more cheerful. "We're going to have a baby!" He lunged forward, grabbing my arms and pulled me into him. His kisses were wonderful and the fear that was building up started to go away. When he looked me in the eyes, I could see his smiling. "Aren't you happy?"  
"Yes, I'm still trying to let it sink in. 10 years....."  
"All you needed was me." A big grin came across his face. I stood on my tip toes, put my arms around his neck, returning the kisses. Lifting me up, he held on tight as I wrapped my legs around him and he carried me out to the kitchen, stopping in the middle. He cocked his head back and yelled as loud as he could to show how happy he was. It made me smile big, looking over to Abby and Norman, seeing how happy she was for us. Then I saw a frown upon Norman's face. I wasn't understanding why he was upset. He had wanted me to stay with Jeremy. When I heard Ava yell at us to stop and pay attention to her, I got down from being in his arms and went over to her.  
"Why are you yelling?" She put her hand in the air, like a little diva.  
"Because daddy is excited....happy."  
"Why?"  
"Cause daddy and I are going to have a baby." Norman got up and went out onto the front porch.  
"A what?" She shrieked and put her hands on her hips. "Oh no no no. That is too much."  
We laughed. "Ava, what's too much?" Abby asked her.  
"Too much baby."  
We laughed again. "Don't you want to have a little sister or brother?" I asked her, sitting on the stool next to her.  
"I don't want to share my toys. No no no."  
"You won’t have to. Your brother or sister will be too little to play with your toys. They will have their own toys until they are your age."  
"And by that time, you will be in school." Jeremy spoke up.  
"I need you to be a strong, brave big girl. Cause he or she will need you when daddy and I cannot be there for you two."  
"It better be a brother because I don't want to share my dresses."  
I laughed, then poked her nose. "You won’t have to."  
"Can I go play in the sprinkler now?"  
"Sure." I helped her down, then looked at Abby when Ava ran off to her room. "So much for starting off with Ava."  
She snickered, walking away when Ava ran out to the back door. "Open!" She yelled. Abby opened the door and went outside with her. I went over to Jeremy and kissed him.  
"I hope it's a girl."  
"Are you trying to fuck me over?"  
"Yes." I kissed him again, then took his hand and led him outside. Ava was running around, giggling as the water flung in the air and splattered against her. Jeremy grabbed the kiddy pool, went over to sprinkler and placed it down. He unscrewed the sprinkler, then placed the hose into the pool, not caring that he was getting drenched.  
"Yeay!!" She squealed, then hopped into the pool. Abby and I pulled out some of the water toys from the shed and tossed them into the pool.  
"She's going to get cold fast."  
"Yeah I know. But got to let her enjoy what little sunshine we have left. It's going to be raining hard tonight."  
"Don't you just love spring time?" She got sarcastic.  
"Totally." I rolled my eyes, sat down on the picnic table top.  
"Well, I'm going to the bathroom, then gonna head home. Call me tomorrow so we can plan on what you want to get for this monster growing inside of you."  
I smirked. "Okay. One day you'll have a monster too."  
"Yeah, on my death bed." She went into the house.  
Jeremy walked over to me and stood between my legs. "You better have a boy so I don't get singled out."  
"Oh and what if it's a girl?"  
He sighed. "I'll slap on some overalls and spike her hair." I pinched his arm. "Okay, okay. Only if she wants to." He placed his hands onto the table, leaned on them, while sticking his butt out. His lips felt gentle against mine, tongue touching just the tip of mine as we kissed, until Ava squeaked and said 'eww.'  
Jeremy shook his head, turned around and went over to her. "Eww? Eww? You're an eww."  
"No, you an eww." She laughed as he pulled her out and carried her inside. I looked at the dark clouds outside and had a funny feeling that it wasn't just going to rain. Just as I hopped down, rain droplets fell onto my head. I hurried inside, closing the door and locking it.  
"Jere."  
"Yeah?"  
"Do we have emergency candles and such?"  
"Yeah, why?"  
"Cause there's a storm coming and we're going to lose electricity."  
"Okay...I don't know how you know that, but I'll get the candles."  
"I'm going to make sandwiches for dinner. That way I won’t be in the middle of cooking if the power does go out."  
"Okay. Fine with me." He went into the laundry room, then out into the garage as I went into the fridge and cupboards, quickly pulling out everything and made three sandwiches.  
Just as Ava finished her sandwich, the power went out and she screamed. "Ava honey. You don't need to scream."  
"But it's dark."  
"I know. Daddy will light some candles. See."  
He walked in from the garage holding a big candle. He placed it onto the counter. "Ava, finish your fruit and drink." He went over to the cabinet and placed two candles down, lighting them with a lighter. While he went around the house, lighting the candles, I ate my sandwich, then went into the living room with Ava. I grabbed a few books from the shelf, sat down onto the couch, stretched my legs out, and then pulled her up onto me. After adjusting ourselves, I began to read one book after another until she fell asleep in my arms.  
"Babe." I whispered.  
"Yeah."  
"Can you come get her? She's getting heavy."  
"Yeah, hold on." I heard him place something down onto the counter, then shuffling across the wooden floor. He had a slight smile on his face when he saw her snuggled against me. He gently lifted her from me, her little blond curls brushed against my face. He held her against his chest with one arm, holding out his other for me to take.  
"I'm going to stay here for a bit."  
"Okay. I'll be back." He wondered off.  
I silently sighed, rolled onto my right and stretched. When he came back, he lifted my legs, sat down, and then placed them down onto his. I propped my head onto a pillow and stared at the back of the couch.  
"You okay my love?" His hand touched my forearm, running his fingers back and forth.  
"Mmhm." I closed my eyes, feeling myself relax from his gentle touches. He did the same to my legs, making me feel all tingly, wanting him to keep going until I fell asleep. Instead he lifted me up as he got off of the couch and carried me into our room, gently placing me onto the bed.  
"We had a long exciting evening."  
"Mmhm." I could feel him place a pillow under my head, then the covers over me. His weight pushed the mattress down behind me as he slid into bed and snuggled against me. His hand slid to my tummy, holding it as he left kissed on my neck and shoulder. I placed my hand over his, locking our fingers together then fell asleep, dreaming about what our child would look like.


	11. Chapter 11

Jeremy stood in front of Zale's looking pale in the face. I glanced at him with an 'I don't think so' look on my face. "Baby I cannot afford that. I'm not that rich."  
"I know you aren't and I'm not asking you to get one for me. All I said was that it was pretty. Besides, I'm not into goddy things. I don't even want to think about getting married. We already have too much on our plate with Ava and this new baby." I took his hand in mine and walked with him over to the Baby Gap store. Once everyone got word that we were expecting, we ended up getting over $2,000 in gift cards and the Baby Gap was one of them.  
At least Norman had the decency to buy us toys and other odd things we were in need of. Abby gave us a $500 Target gift card and I couldn't wait to use it and get maternity clothes. Some of Jeremy's family also gave us Target cards, which we were saving them up for when I got bigger.  
The most ridiculous but awesome presents were onesies of Iron Man and Black Widow since I wasn't far along yet for the sex to be determined. Jeremy’s cousin Roger and his wife made a Milnjior pillow, while Mark and Andy, his other cousins, helped set up a college/emergency savings account. We wanted all the furniture to be cherry wood to match the rest of the house, so we were surprised by the people of Babies R Us when they special ordered everything for us and even gave us a 25% discount on each item.  
Sean Flanery’s gift was to have Ava enrolled in Brazillian Jiu Jitsu for free and when the baby was old enough to attend, they would go as free as well. My favorite present from him was all of the organic bath salts so I would be able to relax on a regular basis. There were even a few kid ones so Ava could have fun.  
"Well, I do want to get you something. Everyone else is."  
"Jere." I went up to him, forgetting that I was holding a dress. "You've given me the greatest gift ever. I don't need you to give me anything else. The chance to be a mother and a step-mother is the most wonderful feeling in the world. So stop worrying about getting me a gift and realize that you already have. And in three weeks we will take a peek inside and get all warm and fuzzy feeling." I kissed him on the lips, remembering about the dress and placed it back on the rack.  
I sighed, then left the store, waddling over to the Bath and Body store, stopping at the Tropical display table. Jeremy came over to me, putting his hands on my hips. "You smell wonderful no matter what you wear." He kissed me on the cheek. I fell in love with the Sunrise one while he preferred the Sunset. So we got both, then made our way to the Godiva store and splurged on random chocolates, avoiding ones with nuts.  
On the way to the movie store, we passed the Fred Meyer's jewelry window and I couldn't help myself when I saw the ring that I wanted for two years was back in the window. I kept my mouth shut, afraid that he would say no and shuffled on into the movie store right behind him. While he looked at the action movies, I pulled out my phone and quickly texted Abby, showing her my excitement about the ring. She laughed at me then went back to work.  
A sigh slipped from me and I think he took it wrong because he frowned at me. Or was it his resting face? Sometimes I could not tell, unless he said something. I looked at the Avengers movie and snickered, then grabbed the Resident Evil movies and took them to the counter. As I waited, poking through the basket of buttons, Jeremy walked up, dumping a hand full onto the counter. I looked at the titles while it was being rung up, shocked that they were only a dollar each. The Italian Job, War, Red Dawn both versions, Mad Max trilogy, Warm Bodies, Zombieland, Stargate and Kate and Leopold.  
"I thought you'd like Kate and Leopold."  
"I love it." I smiled as I picked it up and looked at the back. "Hugh Jackman is sexy."  
He scoff. "No one can be that sexy."  
"Oooh, you jealous?"  
"No cause I'm Hawkeye and I know that you cannot resist." He said in a sassy tone.  
"Say that a little louder. I don't think the whole mall could hear you." I got sassy back.  
He gave me a 'don't you dare look' as the cashier bagged the movies and tried to hold back a giggle. I walked as fast as I could out of the store and stood in the middle of the walk way about to announce real loud that he was here, but his hand collapsed over my mouth.  
"Nic, don't you dare. I'm not in the mood." I tried to walk away, but he refused to let go and pushed me into the movie theater before I could say anything. He lead the way up the stairs to the last row, where we squeezed by a few people before we could sit down.  
As soon as the movie started, I started to giggle when his face popped up onto the screen, almost busting up laughing when it was his movie the Immigrant. He tried to keep me quiet, but there was no use. It was hard to not want to point out that he was in the theater.  
"Dammit." He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the theater and into the children's arcade. We weaved around the different machines until we reached the other doors and exited the mall. I had never seen him so upset before, over something so little. As we walked out into the parking garage, he was spotted by some fans, but he refused to stop as he picked up the pace, practically running to the car. I waddled my happy ass as fast as I could, glad to be able to finally sit down in the passenger seat.  
When we took off, I fell asleep as we listened to random 90s popular songs, like Britney Spears and Backstreet Boys. I dreamt that we were back at the mall and we were surrounded by fans. I could see them pushing themselves onto him, grabbing him in places that I had only touched and having no patience as he tried to sign as much product as he could.  
I woke after that, reaching out to take his hand. He held it as we drove through town back to our house, surprised to see Sonni and Ava standing on the front porch. He got out first, going to her and giving Ava a kiss. He then handed her the key and came back to the car, opening the door for me. As he helped me out, rain started to splash on us and I started to get into a bad mood.  
Once inside, I went to the bedroom, closing the door and sat down on the chair. I heard Sonni say goodbye to Ava, then Jeremy putting a movie on for her. A few minutes later the bedroom door open and he came over to me and got down on his knees. He moved my hands out of the way and untied my shoes, gently pulling them off, then my socks.  
"Do you want to take a bath?"  
"Yeah, that sounds nice."  
"Alright, I'll get it going." As he left the room, Ava came in, hands behind her back.  
"I missed you momma."  
"I missed you too baby."  
"Momma Sonni said that once sister is out of you, I cannot be called the baby anymore."  
"Well, that's half true. You'll be big sister." I rubbed my feet against the carpet. "Why did you say sister?"  
"Because you are having a girl."  
"Did your mom say that?"  
"No."  
"Then how do you know that I'm having a girl?"  
"Because I prayed really really hard for a sister."  
"Ava, it might be a boy."  
"Boys have cooties."  
I laughed. "Does your daddy have cooties?"  
"No, silly. He's daddy."  
Jeremy called out to her. "Ava, are you going to watch this?"  
"Yes!" She yelled as she turned tail and ran off.  
Just as I got up off the chair, he returned and helped me take my clothes off and guided me into the bathroom. It was nice for him to assist me as I got into the bathtub. At times I felt like I was going to fall over, so I tried to keep to the evenings when I know that he would be home.  
Not even five minutes of silence and Ava was bounding into the bathroom and jumping up onto the toilet seat, staring at me. I was glad that I had placed a wash cloth over my breasts. I wasn't ready for her to nitpick and ask questions.  
"Can I watch Zombieland?"  
"Is it on your special shelf?"  
"No."  
"Then no you can't."  
“But I wanna watch it.”   
"Why don't you go watch Dora?"  
"Seen it like five billion, million, million and million times. I don't like Dora anymore."  
"What about Ponies?"  
"Seen it."  
"Blue's Clues?"  
"Daddy says they are on crack."  
"Ignore your daddy. Why don't you go watch Care Bears?"  
"Care Bears?" She questioned me like I said something alien.  
"Ask daddy to put in the Care Bears movie I bought you for your birthday that you keep avoiding."  
"Okay." She hopped down, kissed me on the arm, and then ran off, screaming at Jeremy to put the movie on.  
"Is that how you ask for things?"  
"No. But I want to watch it. Mommy said I had no see it."  
"Then what do you say?"  
"Daddy, can I pwease watch Care Bears?"  
"Yes, you may."  
I leaned my head back, trying to not laugh. It was just amusing how one little girl could make him crack. I could imagine what would happen if he had two little girls. They both would have him so far wrapped around their fingers, he wouldn't know what to do with them.


	12. Chapter 12

Sitting at the counter, six thirty in the morning, sipping hot chocolate with a plate of fruit in front of me, I watched the munchkin walk across the cold bare floor, push the step stool over towards the counter, climb up and stare at the coffee pot. She pushed a few buttons, pulled a blue mug away from the wall and scooped out sugar from the black container, dumping it into the mug. I don't think she had a clue that I was sitting there because she didn't acknowledge me. I was amazed at how smart she was, amused when she tried to pour creamer into the mug and spilled it all over the floor.  
"Oh no." She cried and got down from the stool. I got up and went to her.  
"It's okay baby. We can clean it up."  
"No no. Daddy will be mad."  
"No he won’t. He knows that it was an accident." I grabbed the wash cloth from the sink and bent down. As I wiped up the mess, I heard him walk in.  
"You had an accident?" He flipped on the lights, seeing me cleaning up. "So you're the one who’s been making me coffee every morning?" He looked at her, but her crying got worse. "You don't need to cry over spilled milk, honey. It happens." He picked her up and coddled her, then helped me stand. He then placed her on the island counter and kissed her on the forehead. "Thank you for making coffee. I had no clue that you could use the machine."  
"I watch mommy."  
"I bet you do." He looked at me and mouthed 'thank you.' I nodded, then tossed the cloth into the sink. "I was thinking that we could go for a drive today. What do my girls think?"  
"YES!!" She yelled.  
"No." I said, getting a dirty look from her but a worried one from him. "I'm going in today to see what gender the baby is. Then Abby and Norman wanted to take us to Target to do some shopping. Sonni called a bit ago and wanted to know if she could take Ava to the beach. She's wanting to spend as much time as she can with her cause she knows that once the baby is here, Ava's going to be distracted with him or her."  
"Oh, well would have been nice to know about this."  
"I just found out thirty minutes ago when my phone kept going off with texts and phone calls."  
"Well that would explain why you are up before us."  
"Yeah. Sonni is on her way. She wants to beat traffic and Norman will be here around eight with Abby."  
He sighed, grabbing his sinuses with his thumb and index finger. "Fine. But afterwards I want to spend time with my girls."  
"Doctor’s appointment is at eight thirty. Abby’s really excited to find out." Jeremy turned and walked away without saying anything and it was irritating me. I went to Ava, pulled her off of the counter and onto my hip, caring her into our room. "What is wrong with you?"  
He was sitting on the bed, staring at the rocking chair. "Nothing, I just wanted to spend time with the both of you."  
"Ava's only going to be gone for a few hours. They will be back right after lunch and we should be home at the same time."  
"I know, but I feel like that there is something....." His voice trailed off. "Just never mind. Go get her ready." He looked at the floor, ignoring me as I tried to find the right words to say. I placed Ava down and told her to go pick out clothes, then went over to him and touched his face.  
"Jere, I don't know what's going on with you, but it's worrying me."  
"Everything is worrying me. Something’s not right today and I can't put my finger on it." He took my hands in his, pulling me closer. He gently placed his head against my belly, hands on my lower back. I placed a hand on his head, running my fingers through his thick hair.  
"Nothing's going to happen. You are just having a bit of anxiety. It will pass and you will see that it was all for nothing."  
"You act like you are certain, but I cannot be." We heard the door get knocked on, me pulling away even though he tried to keep me still. I waddled to the front door with Ava on my heels, smiling when she got excited to see her mother.  
"Momma!"  
"Ava. Are you ready to go to the beach?"  
"Yes! I got my swimsuit on under my dress."  
"Good. Hopefully the water won’t be too cold."  
"It's Oregon...." I knew I didn't have to finish my sentence for her to understand."  
"Thank you for letting me have time with her. Let Jeremy know that too."  
"You're welcome. Thank you for calling us first."  
"You're welcome. I didn't want you guys to be upset if I just dropped in. Have a good day and good luck at your appointment."  
"Thank you. Have fun!!" I gave Ava a hug and kissed, then waved at her as they walked to the car and then drove off. Before I could shut the door and turned around, Jeremy was stepping out onto the porch, waving goodbye to his daughter. Without wanting to hear him protest again, I quickly went to my room and got dressed for the day deciding that my dark blue dress would be best.  
By the time I got the strings tied together, Norman and Abby had shown, waiting for us out in the living room. I slipped on my black flats, waddled out to them and grabbed my purse. I slung it over my shoulder, grabbed my white sweater and walked with Noah out to the truck. He helped me in, then helped Abby in when she came out to us. The boys were next to get in and I could tell that Jeremy was still having a hard time about his feelings.  
I knew that Abby wanted to ask, but she kept her mouth shut until she could find the right time to ask what was going on. It was nice to hear music from my childhood and found it amusing that it was when the boys were in their teens and twenties. Norman and I sung a long to some of the songs, other times just listening so our significant others wouldn't get annoyed. When we arrived to our destination, I could sense jeremy getting more agitated, but kept to myself so I wouldn't set him off.

Time was flying by quickly and Jeremy had started to settle down when Abby started to talk to him about other things. I ignored them because I could only imagine what she'd be talking about and walked around with Norman. We made faces at the Bratz Dolls, threw squishy balls at each other and joked about using the water Nerf guns on our significant others since they were being really emotional today.  
When the baby started to kick, I sat down on the bench in the shoe department next to Norman, grabbed his left hand and placed it onto my tummy. A smirk came to his face and I could tell that he was getting excited.  
"It's been about fifteen years since I've done this."  
"It's amazing huh? This is my first baby and I am amazed by everything."  
"You have every right to be, now and forever." He started to lean over more and I started to worry that he was going to kiss me, so I faked sneezed.  
"I hope you aren't getting sick."  
"No no. I think it's just allergies." I stood, turned and waddled away. I wanted to get to my honey as quickly as possible. The thought of kissing Jeremy popped into my head, hoping that it would make things better.  
Norman walked along side me, humming a tune, I was unable to catch onto, then started to talk about his son and how things were going for him. He was excited that his son was getting closer to becoming a man, but afraid that he wasn't going to need him anymore.  
I held my tummy when the kicking stopped suddenly, then felt dizzy. "Norman...." My voice trailed off as a sharp pain hit. He grabbed my arm to steady me, then I felt something warm run down my legs. Then out of nowhere I heard my name in a worried tone behind me. I knew it was Jeremy, but my own voice wasn't registering as the pain kept coming.  
"Oh fuck baby. You're bleeding." Norman's voice rang out in my ear.  
Instant panic surfaced, hearing feet shuffling quickly towards me. Norman held me up as my legs kept going limp, then Jeremy was at my side and I looked at his frightened face as I collapsed against him and Norman. In and out as I went, seeing Abby crying as she was on the phone. Both boys trying to keep me awake, but it was no use.

 

Waking up in the hospital wasn't something I was expecting, especially with my stomach being flatter than normal. I looked around until my vision was clearer, seeing Jeremy at the window and Norman sitting at the end of the bed. Abby was sitting in the chair and she was the only one I wanted to see. I reached out and touched her leg and she gasped.  
"Oh baby." She leaped from the chair and sat down on the bed, holding my hand. "I'm so happy that you are alive."  
"My baby." My voice shook, seeing her face turn white. She nodded her head and I lost it. I screamed and thrashed until a nurse came in and injected something into my IV. I caught Noah's eyes before I went unconscious again.

Blinking as I looked around the room, surprised to only see Norman in the room. He was asleep on the window seat and as much as I didn't want to bother him I had to talk to someone. I tried to sit up, which made my heart rate go up and woke him up. He was surprised to see that I was awake, got up and made his way to the bed.  
"Hey sweet cakes." He kissed me on the forehead. "Your fever is gone."  
"Where's Jeremy?" My voice was quite, scratchy and groggy.  
"Abby had to take him down to the cafeteria. He was hysterical when you became coherent about everything.  
Tears welled up. "I didn't get to hold my baby."  
"I know. God has him now."  
"It was a boy?" I sniffled.  
"You don't remember your doctor’s visit?" He sighed. "It's okay. Don't worry about that. You need to know that he is in a better place now."  
I cried, holding his arm. He moved around until he was laying down next to me, arm around me, holding me close. He kept kissing me on top of my head, rubbing my arms. I was at a point of not caring anymore. Didn't care that Jeremy would walk in and see. Didn't care that Abby would be upset. All I cared about was losing my baby and the look on Ava's face when she would find out that she wasn't going to be a big sister anymore. I also was mad at myself for not heeding to Jeremy's words. He knew that something bad was going to happen but I written it off.  
I hated myself. I cried harder. Flashbacks started to surface. I was watching everyone surround me as the paramedics tried to get me on the stretcher and get the IV in. I cried more. That I was on the cold metal table being cut open and my dead baby was being passed over to another doctor as I laid there unable to move. Unable to say anything. I cried even more.  
Norman refused to let me go as I tried to push him away. "Cry it out love." I clung onto him, fingers digging into his hands, then his arms as I shifted into him. There was nothing he could say or do to make me feel better. Just knowing that he was there was having a bit of an effect on me. His kisses on my head and cheeks were comforting, but the pain wouldn't subside.  
I could hear the door to the room open, assuming by the way the bed was shaking, Norman was telling them to leave me alone. He then sighed hard and spoke gently to me. "The nurse needs to ask you your pain levels to write in your file." I knew they weren't wanting the emotional pain, so I managed to squeeze out the word 'eight' then went back to bawling. She came over to the bed and handed me a handle.  
"Push that button when you need it, but only do it if it's necessary. We don't want you to OD."  
I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself, but I knew that she was only doing her job so I shook my head in agreeance, then tried to tone down the crying when she walked out of the room.  
"Baby, I know that you want to drown out the pain with that trigger, but believe me, no matter how much shit you put into your body, the pain will never go away." His voice was scratchy, air bubbles getting stuck as he tried to be sincere.  
"Just once. For now." I pushed the button, then dropped the handle and held onto him as I fell asleep in his arms. I didn't want to wake back up.  
Not yet.


	13. Chapter 13

Norman and Mingus helped me walk up to the front porch, Mingus letting go to get the door open. It wasn't home, but it was a place for me to stay until I was feeling better. The passing of my child brought everyone into a big argument, Abby leaving us and going back to New York, Jeremy pushing me away and taking Sonni back. I hated him for it, but blamed myself because he would have stayed if I never lost the baby.  
Because of Mingus, I had a place to stay. He argued with Norman about me leaving to go back to my home town. He was worried that I would hurt myself if I was there alone. Norman broke when Mingus said that there was a high rate of suicide when women lose a baby.  
Once inside, Norman took me to the guest room and helped me lay down. I needed a nap and Mingus wanted to head to his friends for the night. He was a good kid and I didn't want him to watch me suffer, so with him going to his friends for the week was my idea.  
My nap was shitty, filled with nightmares. It brought Norman to my room several times to comfort me or wake me up. And this happened for three nights. By the fourth, I was roaming around his house, drinking straight from the Hypnotic bottle I found in his pantry. I had the music on full blast, a mixed cd with Metallica and AC/DC.  
Norman came walking in from the garage, came up to me and yanked the bottle out of my hands. He slammed it down onto the counter, pushed me against the wall and got into my face. "Don't do this. You are better than this."  
"I was until he took that slut back." I pushed on his chest, trying to get him out of my face, but he wouldn't budge. "Back off."  
"No. You need to get some rest."  
"I've had three months to rest. I don't want or need to anymore." I finally slipped away from him, yelling out the lyrics and grabbing the bottle. He stormed back out into the garage, slamming things around. I scoff, as I leaned against the fridge and slid to the floor. I placed the bottle onto the floor, not wanting him to be mad at me. I just didn't want to remember anything.  
I crawled over to the garage door, pulled myself up and stepped out, seeing him sitting in his leather chair. He was gripping a bottle of Jack, knuckles turning white as he stared at his motorcycle. I slowly made my way over to him a bit afraid that he'd throw the bottle at me.  
He looked up at me while I stood in front of him, placed the bottle onto the floor then grabbed me and pulled me onto his lap. We couldn't speak, just let each other get hypnotized by our blue eyes. After a few minutes passed I leaned against him, placing my head on his shoulder.  
I counted to a hundred in my head, then got up and took his hand, leading him towards the door. Stopping, he pulled me back, pushed me against the freezer box as he stepped forward, lips coming down onto mine hard. I parted my lips, slight gasps coming out as I felt his tongue brush against mine. The taste of hard liquor, the smell of his favorite cologne intoxicated me as I pulled at his button up shirt. His rough hands pulled my thong and shorts down, then grab me and lift me onto the freezer. His jeans rubbed against my soft skin, turning me on. He yanked off my white button up shirt, fiddled with his jeans, then pulled me to the edge. A hard gasp came from my throat as he entered me, hands all over my shoulders and back. He pulled my bra straps down, biting my sensitive spots, grunting when I moaned in his ear. His hands grabbed the sides of the fridge as he slammed into me, cussing up a storm as I moaned loudly. When we reached our peak, his left hand went to the back of my neck, lips on my skin, teeth biting hard, almost drawing blood.  
Thinking that was all that was going to happen to me, I tried to regain my breath and slip from the freezer as he stood back and tucked himself in. I went into the house, not realizing that he followed me until I got close to the couch, felt his left hand go around my neck as his right pushed on my back. Down onto the couch I went, ass in the air. His fingers slid into me, pushing against my hot spot, causing a slight scream to exit me. My left leg slipped off the couch as his thick cock entered me and a loud moan came from him. I hadn't felt this way in a very long time and I couldn't decide if I liked it or not. It felt damn good though and I couldn't keep myself from cumming over and over until he stopped.  
But it wasn't the end of it. He pulled me to my feet, swung me around and pulled me towards him as he sat down in the chair behind him, me practically falling on top of him. He knew that this was my favorite chair because it was big enough for me to straddle him and stretch my legs out as far as I could to take him in deep. His little evil grin came to his face as I did what I was use to with him, rolling my hips quickly and sharply until I couldn't handle it anymore, tightening every muscle in my body as waves of eternal bliss came.  
He pulled my face to his, locking lips with me, his hands on my hips. He pushed himself as far as he could up into me and released his build up like he used to. In the past, he would have pushed me off onto the floor and make his exit to go smoke, but this time it was different. He held me close to his body, arms wrapped around me.  
"I'm glad you chose to do this with me instead of drinking yourself to sleep." He kissed me on the forehead and I realized that I wasn't okay with what he said.  
I pushed myself off of him, pulled up my thong and shorts and headed to the bedroom, closing the door behind me. I climbed into bed, grabbed the fluffy white pillow and held it close, afraid that if I let go everything would fall apart.  
Norman pushed on the door, walked in, stopping by the bed. He grabbed my ankle and pulled me to the edge of the bed. I kicked at him and started to scream, slapping him on the chest and face. He wrestled with me, pinning my wrists to the mattress, sitting on my legs.  
"What has gotten into you?"  
"That's basically rape. What you just did and said to me."  
"What the fuck are you talking about? You asked me to fuck you like that."  
"No I didn't." I protested.  
"You're drunk."  
"I know that I'm drunk."  
"Think about it Nic. What did you just ask me in the garage that made me look at you the way that I did? You know that I would never rape you or hurt you."  
I kept trying to push him off of me, getting flashbacks of what happened when I had walked into the garage. He was right. He did look at me in a questioning manner, because I asked him to do what he did to me. That in the past, we never had sex like that. Not in the violent manner that we just did. It was always passionate love making.  
What the fuck did I just do to him?  
"You need to sleep this off. You're not well."  
"I'm sorry." I started to cry and he let my arms go. He got off of me and pulled me into a sitting position.  
"I've never seen you like this before." He moved the hair out of my face. "Is this because of him? The baby?" I cried harder. He put his arm around me, pulling me close. "You don't have to do anything to please me. Just having you here makes me happy." I pushed away and moved over to the pillows, curling up into a ball and cried harder.  
"GO AWAY!" I screamed.  
He crawled over to me and laid down, putting his arm around me. "I'm not going anywhere." I cried even harder, trying to get his arm off of me but he refused to let up. I rolled over onto my other side and tried to push him away, but he held on even more.  
"I hate you."  
"No you don't."  
"I want to die."  
"You may, but I'm not going to let you."  
"Why. Why can't you just listen and go away?"  
His hand touched my face, blues staring into my watery ones. "Cause I love you. And I will do anything to keep you happy. Anything. But I won’t let you throw your life away over him. You can heal from this. You will heal from this and I want to help you. Drunk or sober. Suicidal or sane. You are my best friend. You have shown me how to love myself and it's my turn to return the favor." He kissed me on the lips, not caring about the snot on my face. I closed my eyes, cried harder, clutching onto him even though I was feeling weaker. I could hear him calling me terms of endearment, voice deep and raspy.  
And then we heard Mingus walk into the bedroom.


	14. Chapter 14

I paced on the porch before I made my final decision to walk into the house. And when I did so, the shocked looks on their faces made me want to regret my decision. Ava jumped up from the floor and screamed as she ran up to me, jumping into my arms and I collapsed onto my knees holding her. Cries came from her as she held me tight and I was afraid to look him in the eye.  
He came to us, sat on the floor and waited for Ava to stop crying. But she wouldn't and I couldn't blame her. "She missed you greatly."  
"I can tell."  
"Every day she cried asking when you were going to come home. I didn't know what to tell her."  
I pulled her away, sitting her on my legs. I cupped her little face and looked into her bright blue eyes. "I can't stay honey. I'm just here to collect my things."  
"No mommy you can't leave. I love you. Daddy loves you."  
"I know you do, but I can't stay honey. You'll understand when you get older."  
"I didn't mean to be bad."  
"You aren't bad. I just can't stay. You have your mother...."  
"NO I WANT YOU!" She screamed and held my arms as tightly as she could. "PWEASE STAY!!!"  
"Ava I can't...." I began to cry.  
"Brother is ok. Jesus is taking care of him." I cried harder when I heard those words. "Daddy needs you. I need you."  
I felt his hand touch mine, pulling it away from her face. "I can't honey, I...."  
"Nic, please just listen." He pleaded.  
I looked at him giving him a 'how dare you to ask' look. I got up off the floor, pulling my hand away from him and walked away from her. She screamed and cried, throwing her toy across the room. I went to my room, pushing the door open. Before I could step in, he charged over to me, spinning me around and holding me still.  
"Don't walk away from her. You're what she wants. You're what I want."  
"You took Sonni back so I don't know how that's possible." I yanked my arms away and walked into my room.  
"Is that what you think? Because she stayed for a while to take care of our daughter? I was out looking for you. Day and night. Someone had to stay here to watch over her." He snapped. "Besides, it didn't take you long to snuggle up with Norman."  
I made a sharp turn. "How do you know that?"  
"Because I'm not stupid. I smell him on you. You think I wouldn't notice? You're repetitive with him. You fail at something and run back to him. Every fucking time."  
"I just lost my baby, I didn't know where to go."  
"Right back here where the father was waiting to hold you and comfort you!" He was now practically yelling. I could hear Ava screaming and crying even more. One pitch higher and I was sure the cops would be called. "Yes you lost a baby, but so did I. Don't you dare assume that it had no effect on me." I wanted to slap him, but instead I pushed past him and went back out into the living room. "Don't you leave."  
"Well if you're not going to comfort her, than I will." I snapped as I lifted her from the floor taking her to the couch. I sat down with her, letting her snuggle against me and cry herself to sleep. I could hear him sigh from the kitchen, but didn't want to move and wake her. I slowly rolled over onto my side, letting her little body slide onto the cushions. Slipping the quilt off the backside, I also managed to slip off the couch while covering her. I then made my way into the kitchen, flipped him off then went into the back room.  
It was a few minutes of trying to get my stuff together before he came walking in, closing the door seventy five percent of the way. "So, is this it?" His voice was more calm and quiet.  
I sniffled. "I don't know... I'm still hurting."  
"I know and I can't say that I know exactly what you are feeling, but I am hurting too. I was just hoping that you'd come to me and cry in my arms."  
"Honestly, I didn't know what you wanted with me."  
"I guess I can't blame you for feeling that way." He moved over to the small part of the wall between my dresser and door. "Do you love him?" His head hung low.  
I sighed as quietly as I could. "No. And I never thought that I would end up being there with him and Mingus."  
"What do you want to do then? Cause I can't kick you out. You need a place to stay and Ava needs a role model."  
A scoff slipped. "I'm hardly a role model." I dropped my jacket onto the velvet chair that I hated with a passion. "I'll stay, but only because that little girl won’t let me go. But I'm staying in this room."  
"Alright. Fair enough. Have a good night." I watched him leave the room, closing the door behind him. I went to the stereo and turned on my mixed CD, wanting to cry when Lana Del Rey's song Young and Beautiful came through the speakers. I slid to the floor, leaned against my bed, trying to piece everything together. We were back to square one and I wasn't sure if it was where I was wanting to be.  
I had left Norman on a good note in the late morning. We were okay with just keeping things at a distance for a while, keeping in touch over text especially for Mingus. I knew that he didn't really want to agree on letting me go, but knew that it was needed for my sake and sanity.  
Just as the song ended, Ava walked into my room and sat down next to me, hands on my arm, head leaning against my arm. "Daddies crying. He cried when he told me of brother. You should hold daddy." Without second thought, I got to my feet, helped her up, and then walked with her towards their rooms. I kissed her goodnight and went to his door as she went into hers and closed the door.  
Pushing the door open, I could hear him sobbing, made my way in, closing the door as quietly as I could and went to the bed. "Ava, honey. I'll be okay. Go back to bed." I touched his arm, which made him roll over and sit up onto his arms. "Nicole." He seemed startled. I reached over, taking the tissues out of the box on the night stand and gently wiped his face. The moonlight was shining in on his face and I could see the sadness in his eyes. I wanted him to be happy. I wanted to be happy and the only way to do that was to stay with him.  
I leaned in, taking his lips with mine, pushing him down while climbing onto him. Slipping my hands under his pillow, I shifted until I was laying down on top of him, leaning against my arms. He tasted like salt from the tears and a bit of coffee, but I didn't care. His hands finally rested against my hips, breathing heavy between kisses. "Niki..." I refused to let him talk as I made my way across his jaw line, biting at the nape of his neck. A sharp inhale occurred within him, hands tightening against me. "Stop." He pleaded, but I refused, kissing his collar bone, then moved to the other side. "Nicole, please." This time I stopped and pushed myself up. "I don't want you to do this and then bail on me."  
"Okay." I responded, then got off of him and went to the door. "Okay." I walked out, closing the door behind me. As I made my way across the cold wooden floor, I heard his door open, then felt his hands on my arms. He pushed me into my room, kicking the door closed. His lips were hard on mine, hands pulling at my clothes. I managed to get out the words, "But I thought you didn't want to." To which he replied, "Fuck it, I changed my mind."  
Instead of laying me on the bed, he somehow got us onto the soft carpeted area rug, my naked cold body shivering against him. He pulled his clothes off, pulled the comforter off the bed and wrapped it around himself before laying down on top of me. His throbbing tip rubbed against my hotness, waiting for my command. He bit my nape, giving me back what I gave to him, but not stopping. Instead worked his way down to my bosoms, nipping at them, encircling the color with his tongue. He pushed the comforter over himself, letting it land on my body as he worked his way down, down until he found what he wanted.  
A gasp escaped from me. "Ugh, Jeremy." His tongue was rough against my clit, fingers rubbing my tight walls, then pushed in further to touch my sensitive spot. My right hand clasped against the metal frame of the bed, left hand grabbing at the leg of the chair that I hated. When I was unable to breathe, he immediately stopped and got onto me, entering me gently and taking me over the edge. Pulling out, he kissed my shoulder, rolled me over onto my stomach and wrapped his arm around me. His finger on my nub, rubbing as he entered me again, rolling his hips into me. I held the nightstand legs, panting, toes curling, moaning loudly when he found my sweet spot with his tip.  
"You want me to take you further?" His deep, groggy voice asked. "Tell me my Queen." He bit my shoulder, moaning in my ear as he pushed into me further. I spread my legs further apart, felt his left hand pull my hand away from the wood and entangle our fingers as he thrusted. "Holy hell, woman." I squeaked when his fingers dug into mine, his right hand leaving my zone. It landed on my hip, pushing me into the rug as he pushed further inside of me. The pain felt good and his hot stickiness spilled into me as I cried out.  
It wasn't over though. He pulled me up, pushed me against the side of the bed, slipping under me and lowering me onto his hardness. I couldn't understand how he was still able to keep going, but I didn't want to argue. I wanted it just as bad as he did. His left arm wrapped around my middle, holding me on his tip, teasing me, then BAM, slammed me down onto his legs. He then pushed me back up to his tip, breasts pressed against the mattresses and teased me. Rolling his hips, only letting his tip enter me. I had nothing to hold onto and the edge of the bed wasn't much help as my body trembled. He got up onto his knees, thick cock deep inside me. He tipped my head off to the side, exposing my neck. "Say you want me. You want my cock." His hand was tight on my breast, fingers teasing my nub. "Tell me that you want me. Am I better than him?" His lips were pressed against my ear and I muttered the word yes. His hand slid up to my neck, just resting under it. "Cum for me, Niki. Cum on my thickness." His fingers were going faster making me moan, hips rolling sharply, hitting my sweet spot and I was loving every minute of it. My body shook violently in his hands as I reached my limit, feeling warmness leaving my body and the cool air hitting our sweaty skin. His lips touched the nape of my neck, while my fingers dug into his arm. When he finally slipped out, I collapsed onto the floor and saw nothing but black.  
"Nic?" I heard him panic. "Niki." I could feel him shake me, but I couldn't respond. "Nicole, come on baby." My vision came back and I touched his hands with mine. "Shit scare me to death.  
"Sorry. I got dizzy."  
"Okay, stay there. I'll get some water." He leaned over and kissed me on the lips. While he pulled on his boxer briefs, I curled up in the comforter, wondering if Ava slept through everything. When he returned with a large glass of water, I sat up and smirked.  
"That was fun."  
"I've been wanting to do that for a long time." He handed me the glass, kissed me again, then sat back against the chair that annoyed me. I sipped as much water as I could, then got onto my knees and placed it onto the night stand. I scooted between his legs and licked his lips playfully.  
"I love you."  
"I love you too." He pressed his thumb against my chin, finger under, tilting my head up. His lips brushed against my jaw line, straight to my ear lobe. "Go away with me." His lips pulled my ear lobe.  
"Mmm. Where?" I was getting sleepy.  
"Silver Falls." He pulled away and looked at me.  
"When?"  
"This weekend. Sonni is taking Ava to New York for a mother daughter photo shoot for a few days, so that leaves me time alone with you."  
"Okay. If you let me get some sleep." I kissed him, then slowly got up and moved to the bed, pulling the comforter with me. He joined me, rolling over me after I laid down. He snuggled right up against me, pulling my leg over his. He held my hand, resting them against his chest as he laid there on his back.  
"We leave before noon."  
"Mmhmm."  
"Niki."  
"Hmm?"  
"I love you."  
"I love you too." My voice drifted off as I slipped away to dream world.


	15. Chapter 15

"Are you sure about this?" Sonni picked up her daughter and put her into the back seat, buckling her up. "I wasn't supposed to come get her until ten."  
"I know, but I wanted to surprise him with breakfast. She'll just fall asleep in the van."  
"I'm glad that she's asleep right now." She closed the door after tossing the bags inside. "I'm also glad that you two got back together. He was a complete wreck."  
"I know. Your daughter made sure that I knew that."  
"I'll have her call you guys every few hours. Or at least text you in advance so I know when I can call."  
"Okay, that would work."  
"Good luck and take care of him." She gave me a hug, then went to the driver’s side and got in. I hurried back inside before she left, shivering from the cold. It was six in the morning and the sun was slowly starting to rise.  
I wiped my flats against the welcome mat, kicked them off and tip toed across the wooden floor, went over to the heater control box and kicked it up a few notches. I then went into the back room where he was sleeping, trying to not disturb him, noticing that he was waking.  
"Hey baby." His voice was quiet. "Is CAva up yet?"  
"Sonni just took her. She wanted to pick her up early so they can get breakfast before they get to the airport." I climbed up onto the bed, pulled off my sweater and tossed it off to the side, I pulled off my pajama bottoms, kicked them off the bed and stood there, staring at him. Blinking his eyes a few times, he gazed at me, tilted his head a little then smirked.  
"You went commando outside?"  
"Wanna warm me up?"  
"Hell yeah, get over here." He pushed the covers over as I went to him, sitting down onto his lap. He pulled the blanket over me, pulling it until my face was in his. He licked my lips, sighing when I stuck my hand around his thickness. "You're a bit cold."  
"I'm sorry babe." I bent my head and licked his tip. He moaned as I deep throat, keeping my lips tight around him. His hands grabbed my arms, pulling me up to his face, lifting me and then lowering me onto him.  
"Mmmm fuck." He moaned as I rolled my hips. "How'd you get so wet, so fast?"  
"I was dreaming about last night, all night." My hands rested on his chest, sharp rolls, breathing hard, moaning loudly. I cummed quicker than I thought that I would, apologizing immediately.  
"Don't be sorry. It's sexy." He pushed me off, rolled on top of me and gently entered me. He slowly moved, I guess because he was still trying to wake up. His arms were on either side of my face, fingers touching my face gently. His face was comforting as he spoke to me. "I've been wanting to try this...taking it very slow. Is this better for you?"  
My voice matched his. "Mmmm. It's a good feeling. A bit different."  
"Does it hurt less?"  
"Yes. It's a bit more comfortable." His thumbs ran against the back of my ears, sending shivers through me.  
"I wanted to ask you something, but been afraid of what you said since we just literally got back together last night."  
"Is this what we're making of this?"  
"Is it not what you want? We don't have to be back together."  
I reached up and placed my fingers against his lips. "I love you. I'm here and I'm not leaving this time. Ask your question."  
"Can we try again? For a baby?"  
"Honestly I would love to, but I don't know if my body can handle it. Two miscarriages in six...seven years....it's wearing my body out."  
"Just one more time, please. And if it doesn't work out, we can adopt, or whatever you want."  
"Let me think about it." I kissed his lips, remembering that we were in the middle of having sex. I felt his tip touch my sweet spot, hands immediately going to his arms. He slowly rolled into me, taking long strides, breathing in sync with me. His left hand went to my thigh, pushing it towards my body. Feeling him go deeper, nails digging into his arms. I tried to steady my breathing, but it built up in my throat and chest as I released my warm liquid at the same time he did. His hand gently placed my leg down, hand going to my face. He brushed the hair off to the side, kissing my chin before my lips.  
I fell into a deep slumber, dreaming of whatever came to mind that was pleasant and when I awoke an hour or two later, he was nowhere to be found.  
I shuffled to the end of the bed, grabbed his shirt and pulled it on. Slipping off the bed, I wondered where he was, stretching and rubbing my eyes. It felt like a game of hide and go seek, but he was nowhere to be found. I didn't want to worry just yet, remembering that there was a possibility that he could be in his room or even out in the garage.  
Garage it was.  
He was filthy and it was a turn on. He looked at me and smiled. "Hey sleepy. I didn't want to disturb you." I went up to him, wrapped my arms around him, not caring that he had grease all over him. He closed the hood, grabbed my waist and hoisted me up onto it. His fingers touched my face, leaving grease marks and he snickered.  
"You jerk. I didn't want to get all gross before we left."  
"Don't be a sissy." His fingers grabbed my thighs and the warm fuzzy feeling that I had all night and morning was back. His fingers left grease spots and I frowned. But he kept it up, teasing me because he knew that he wouldn't be able to do anything else until he washed up. His hands went closer to my hips, under his shirt and I whined softly. He touched my neck, letting his thumb rub a grease streak across it. It made me wonder how he got so much on him. He stepped back and grinned. "Sexy." He winked, then grabbed my ankles and pulled me to the edge of the hood. "I've always loved your white, creamy thighs. Now I love them even more." His right hand rubbed my breast, leaving me glad that he did it over the shirt. "And seeing you in my shirt....."His voice trailed off as he got his face close to mine, lips inches away. "Is always a turn on." He pulled me off of the car, lifting me up by my ass. "Still not wearing any panties....love it." I wrapped my legs around him. My arms around his neck, nipping at his bottom lip, whining when he wouldn't let me bite it.  
He took me into the house, treading some grease across the floor. We went into the bathroom, him leaving me on top of the counter while he stripped. He then pulled the shirt up and over my head, pulling it off my arms and dropping it onto the floor. His eyes looked me over from head to toe, stopping when he saw the scar on my stomach. I knew what he was thinking and I didn't want to hear it. His hand cupped my chin, kissing me sweetly before stepping away and flipping on the water.  
Slipping off of the counter, I wanted to cry, but I sucked it up and stepped into the shower with him. His hands grabbed the bar of soap, lathering up, then washed me from my neck down to my toes and finger tips, rubbing a bit harder on the grease spots. He then gently pushed me under the water and rinsed me off. I stood under the warm water as he lathered himself up and rinsed off, looking sparkly clean. He then pulled me close, leaning against the cold wall. Water ran down my fair skin, helping me feel relaxed while I leaned against him. His hands ran down my back, stopping on the top of my bottom. His lips against my forehead, hearing and feeling his heart skipping like crazy.  
He pushed me back a little, ran his thumb against the spot on my neck where the grease once was, then turned off the water. He ran his hands down my arms, pushing the excess water off of me, then stuck his hand out and pulled a towel in. He wrapped it around my body, then letting go when I tucked the corner in and stepped out. I handed him the other towel, then grabbed a third one from the cupboard. I dried my hair as much as I could, hanging up the towel before heading out into the cold air.  
"Nic." He called out. I came to a stop, looking over my shoulder at him. "Wait a second." I closed the door, wondering what he was wanting to say. He came over to me, turned me to face him and I braced myself for a kiss. Instead I felt the towel brushing against my face near my ear. "We missed some soap." I sighed and left the bathroom, feeling the cold air hit me.  
Crossing the wooden floor, I headed to the back room, being stopped when I neared the laundry room and pushed in. He flipped me around to face him, picking me up and placing me onto the folding table that was perfect height for him. "May I?" I was surprised that he would ask.  
"You're never going to let me rest, will you?"  
"If that is your wish, then we don't have to do anything." He kissed me on the lips, then walked away. I hopped down, then went into the back room and got dressed. As I did my hair, I could hear him walk heavily around the house, then silence for fifteen minutes  
Emerging from my room, I stubbed my toe against the door frame and hobbled into the kitchen saying owe over and over until I was up on the stool. I stuck my hurt foot onto the other one and looked at my toe. No damage, just chipped nail polish. I shrugged my shoulders, then grabbed an apple and took a huge bite just as he came walking in from outside.  
"You ready to go, babe?" He looked at me with curiosity. "You're going to wear shorts and a tank top?"  
"It's going to be hot out."  
"What about those dresses you like to wear?"  
"A sun dress?"  
"Yeah, whatever they are called."  
"Boy, you're really demanding today." I refused to move, taking another bite.  
"I just thought you'd like to look nice today, not like you're lounging around at home."  
My eyebrow rose in suspicion. "You are acting very weird today."  
"Not any different from any other day."  
"Oh yes you are." I swallowed hard. "But since you asked so nicely." Sarcasm hit as I got off of the stool and headed back to the room to change. I heard him groan, then the couch creaking. I quickly changed into my nice cream color sun dress, changed my hair style and then headed out to the living room. "There you go, your majesty." He was laying on the couch. He lifted his head and stared hard.   
"Wow. That's sexy on you. I assumed a colored one, but that's even better."  
I glared at him. "Are you kidding me?"  
"No, not at all." He quickly got up and came over to me. "You'd look beautiful in anything, but this one is....breathtaking."  
My eyebrows rose, wondering if he was on something, then turned and went to the door. I slipped on my cream color flats and walked with him out to the car. He opened the car door, held out his hand and helped me get up into his truck. He then closed the door and went around to the driver's side, after getting in and driving off, he turned on the music and we listened to 80s music the whole way to our destination.

 

I was zoned out the whole way to Silver Falls, nodding off every so often only to wake to the sound of his voice calling out my name. When we reached our destination, he was excited like a little kid visiting for the first time, bouncing over to my side of the truck and opening the door. I was hesitant to be going out in a dress and flats but he kept reassuring me that everything was going to be okay.  
I hadn't been here since I was a little girl and to be here with him was more amazing than when I first did. He held my hand the whole way through the tour, acting antsy the whole time, irritating the crap out of me.  
When I got a chance to walk away from him, I made a bee line to the restrooms in the cabin and shut myself in. I texted frantically texted Abby but her only reply was 'stay calm, I promise you you will have a wonderful time. Good luck." I sighed, tapped my fingers on the screen then shoved it back into my purse and went to the counter. I washed my hands, took a few towels and wet them, then patted them on my face and neck.  
Breathe. I told myself, hoping that I wasn't going to have an anxiety attack. Maybe I could convince him to take me back home. Yes. That's it. I'll just beg him to take me home, saying that I was home sick. But I decided against it, walking out after throwing the towels into the trash.  
I went to him, took his hand and followed him out the door. We headed towards the South Falls, the one that I always loved walking behind. It was such a beautiful sight from all angles and I was sure that he had never seen it before. The closer we got, the more I wanted to see the expression on his face over the beauty that was before us.  
He seemed more determined to get around the waterfall, which was heartbreaking to me. It was the best thing about this place. About Oregon. It was my heritage and I felt like it meant nothing to him.  
As we got closer to the water fall, he slowed down, hand gripping mine tightly. He kept me on the inside since I only had on flats and once we were directly behind it, he stopped and looked out to it. He was breathing heavily, which only meant that his heart was racing and I was starting to worry that he could be having a heart attack.  
He then let my hand go, turned and looked at me. He pulled something from his pocket and got down onto one knee. My eyes lit up, and I could see everyone in my peripheral stopping to watch, possibly recording on their phones. He was shaking and I could tell that he was collecting his thoughts. "This place is something beautiful that God has created. You are something beautiful that God has created. I know deep in my heart that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That I want you to be the one Ava goes to when she's afraid and when she needs a woman around. I want to come home from a busy month of filming and see your beautiful face meeting me at the door. And your gorgeous body.....sorry off topic." I smirked. "I am not myself when you are gone. Ava is a wreck when you aren't in her reach. I am asking you to be the mother of my daughter, the love of my life, forever and always. Nicole Cherie Lyons, will you marry me?"  
Tears welled up in my eyes. I always told myself to not let it get to me if he ever asked, but I wasn't in the mood to care now that it was actually happening. "Yes." I blurted out, holding out my hand as he pulled the ring from the box. As he slipped it on, I saw that it was the ring that I had always wanted.  
"The day that we lost the baby, I was going to ask....." His eyes started to tear up, voice shaky. I hushed him and pulled him to his feet. He kissed me and we heard cheers all around us. I didn't want to stop kissing him, but I also didn't want everyone staring. As we started to walk again, we heard everyone we passed congratulate us. I was filled with happiness and then realized that Abby knew all along because she was the only one who would have known about that ring.  
I had to come up with something to get back at her, but figuring out on what was going to be the hard part. But now that I had Jeremy once again, he was now my partner in crime.


	16. Chapter 16

Stepping out of the dressing room, I made my way over to the crowd of friends that happened to gather at the wedding dress shop with me, trying to keep my boobs from falling out. I frowned as I stood before them, waiting for their responses.  
"You don't like it?" Abby seem offended.  
"If my boobs weren't falling out, it would go into the maybe pile."  
"She needs something that's going to hold those puppies in." Sean jumped up and went over to the dresses behind us. The exact ones that I was trying to avoid because they were the most expensive ones.  
"Sean, honey. She has a spending limit."  
"I know, I hid this one so that no one else could take it." He pulled out a cream color dress, walked over to me and handed it to the lady who was helping me get in and out of the dresses. I was unsure of his choices but knew that he'd want me to trust him. Norman was sitting on the counter biting his fingers. I knew that he wasn't happy to have both me and Abby in the same room, but he was the idiot who agreed to join us since Jeremy was attending to Ava at his parents. Sean looked at me with pleading eyes.  
I sighed. "Okay. Just this once." I lifted the dress, turned and went back into the dressing room. As the woman untied the dress, I listened to what my friends were saying.  
Abby: She needs one that will make her happy.  
Sean: But that one didn't even get one hint of a smile.  
Abby: Oh and you think yours will?  
Sean: Think? I know.  
Bryn: Oh God. Here he goes again. (Everyone sighing)  
Sean: I know shit.  
I tried to not giggle as his Irish voice started to come out.  
Norman: I need a smoke break.  
Sean: No. No one’s going to have a smoke break until she comes out of that room with a huge grin on her face. I mean it! (He snapped)  
Bryn: Baby, you need to come sit. You're blood pressure will start to go up.  
Sean: I'm fine. I just want you guys to understand that this is her time.  
Carah: Jake, we know, but we've been sitting here for hours, unable to pee, eat...we need to stretch our legs.  
Sean: Fine. If she doesn't like this one, then everyone can take a break.  
Just then, I stepped out with his choice of dress on and slowly walked out towards the middle of the room. I dropped the dress, waiting for everyone's opinions. The girls' mouths dropped. Sean, who was sitting in a chair, tipped back on the back legs, lost control of the chair and fell backwards. Norman perked up. "Holy shit." Before I could say a word, Sean got to his feet and gawked at me. He spun his finger for me to turn in a circle, coming up to me once I made it back to facing them. I felt my face turn red as he kissed me on the forehead.  
"This is the dress. You should see yourself." He turned me around and I gasped when I saw myself in the mirrors. I, for once, felt like a princess.  
Norman stood up, fixed himself, while staring at me and headed out to the main part of the building. I didn't know what to make of his attitude. Sean kissed me on the back of my head and then headed outside. I could see the smiles on the girls' faces.  
"Are you getting it?" Bryn ask.   
"I think so." I grabbed at the price tag and shrieked. "Hell no. No no no. This is WAY above my price."  
"By how much?"  
"$2,000."  
"Yikes."  
"But it's so beautiful." I teared up as I walked away, slamming the door closed. The woman had left to help out another customer, so I sat on the bench, trying to hold back from crying.  
"Nic, if it's something that you want, I'm sure Jeremy will be okay with it." I could hear Bryn on the other side of the door.  
"No. We set the limit together because we can't afford much. He just had to make another payment on his mother's mortgage."  
"Geesh."  
"I should have gone out more and got a job."  
"Niki, don't beat yourself up."  
"At least we're paying for the Bachelorette party." Abby called out.  
"Maybe Sean can loan you the money?"  
"I can't take money from you guys."  
"You'd be surprise on what he can come up with."  
"No. I refuse to use my friends."  
"You aren't using us."  
"I'll just buy a cheap dress in the back of the store."  
"Honey, none of them fit you."  
"They would if they weren't made for crack heads."  
"Okay." Carah finally spoke up. "I think we should give her a break. Let her get out of the dress. Let's go outside for fresh air." I heard the girls leave, then silence. As I tried to unlace the dress myself, I heard Norman and stopped moving. He seemed very upset.  
"If he doesn't marry her, than I will."  
"Norman, don't say that. You know that he will."  
"Why can't she see that I can love her better?"  
"Dude, you need to calm down and realize what you are saying. Your relationship with her was over two years ago. You need to let her go."  
"I don't need to do anything. She shouldn't have walked away when she miscarried. We could have tried again."  
"She obviously didn't want to." Sean was right and I desperately wanted to cut in. "You need to let her go. She's happy with him. You stepping in, pretending that you care, you're making her do bad things."  
"I do fucking care. I've always cared."  
"Then why did you let her go when Jeremy was flirting with her? You basically handed her to him on a silver platter."  
"I thought it was just innocent because they were drunk. If I knew that was going to happen...."  
"There was no way you could have prevented it if your relationship was already over." Norman became silent.  
"Then what do I do? I still love her."  
"I know you do. But you have to let her go. You weren't meant to be with her."  
"This doesn't feel right."  
"It's not going to for a while. Once you let her go and open your mind, you'll see that someone else really needs you. She's hurting and needs someone to lean on."  
"Abby will never take me back."  
"You'll never know unless you try."  
"Dammit. I need another smoke."  
"Alright. You go do that while I go get that dress for Niki." The door to the dressing room open and Sean's eyes widen. He quickly stepped in and closed the door. "Ah, shit. You heard everything." He rubbed his face. "Ugh, I'm so sorry."  
"Everything you said is true. He did hand me off to Jeremy like I was nothing." I sat down on the bench. "I love Jeremy and I'm not willing to throw him to the curb again. I just can't. I love him too much. I will never make Norman happy like we once were. I didn't walk away from him because of the loss of our child, it was because he acted like it was my fault that I lost it. It was like he refused to see the pain that I was in. Jeremy could see everything and he was willing to make the pain go away."  
"And so he did." He pursed his lips. "Don't you worry your pretty little head off. I'll take care of Norman. You get dressed and get yourself out to the car and go have fun." He helped me to my feet, turned me and untied the corset part of the dress. I stepped out and begun to get dressed as he hung it on the hanger.  
Just before I left the dressing room, he kissed me on the forehead. "Everything will be alright. I promise you this." His big arms went around me, bear hug, another kiss on the forehead and then pushed me out of the room with a slap on my ass. "Oh and Niki?"  
I looked over my shoulder. "Yes?"  
"I'll see you tonight." He winked.  
Confused on what he meant, I went out into the main lobby of the building, passing Norman without a glance. I went outside and grabbed the water bottle from Carah and took a sip. Wondering what Sean meant by that, I hopped into Abby's convertible and yelled as we drove off like crazy people.


	17. Chapter 17

"Chris Pine?" I looked at Carah, confused. "Chris fucking Pine?"  
"Yeah. What's wrong with that?" She sounded offended.  
"Nothing. I just never though that Sean would be matchmaker type." I cleared my throat, took a sip of Lime Tonic, and then looked at Abby. "What is taking Sean so long?"  
"What makes you think that he meant here at the bar?"  
"I just assumed it would be here."  
"Well whatever it is, it better not be wanting a threesome." Bryn spoke up. "I want him all for myself."  
"And you can have him." We giggled, then cheered when Sean and Chris came walking in.  
"Good evening ladies." Sean gave me and Bryn a sexy look. "Ready for a night of fun?"  
"Depends on what you are wanting to do?"  
"Chris and I will be helping you raise money for your honeymoon."  
"And how on Earth will you be doing that?" My right eyebrow rose in curiosity. He nodded at the stage behind us and we looked. All of us girls busted up laughing, looking back at the boys.  
"There's no way you're getting us up there."  
"Who says it'll be any of you?" Chris walked over to the DJ, then went over to the stage, pulled off his leather jacket and tossed it at us. The song that was playing, For Your Entertainment by Adam Lambert had me choking on my drink but it was awesome because he had the moves and he was getting a lot of tips. Carah grabbed her drink and went over to the stage, Abby following right behind her. I looked at Bryn, then at Sean and thanked him for helping.  
"No problem, love. Bryn told me what happened. Don't worry about the dress either."  
"You didn't?" I was in denial.  
"Yeah, I bought it for you. No you cannot give it back or sell it."  
I playfully pouted, sipping more of my drink as he ordered me another one.  
When the song changed, so did the dancer. I wasn't paying attention much, but whoever it was certainly took Bryn's attention away. I had no desire to pay attention. Just sit there a sip my beverage.  
Sean gave me that look. The one where he wanted to lecture me, but decided against it. He was leaning against the bar, observing the scene behind me. "Something's on that mind of yours itching to get out."  
I sighed. "I just want to be at home, snuggling with Jeremy."  
"You have two more days and then you can snuggle with him all you want."  
"I cannot believe that I let you talk me into going two weeks without him. I know that I've done it before but this..." My voice trailed off. It hurt to remind myself of when I had walked away from me. But he knew what I was meaning and it was a peaceful feeling.  
"This is how it will be when he's filming and going to events. Eventually you'll have a baby on your hip and a three year old getting into everything. He'll come home exhausted and so will you."  
"It's all worth it though. To know that he's coming home to me. That I have nothing to worry about anymore." I looked at him. "Except where you are sending us for our honeymoon."  
He smirked. "Don't worry about it. You'll enjoy it. Have faith. Meanwhile, you should contain those animals before they pull your husband off stage." He nodded and just as I turned around, Jeremy pulled of his shirt. My eyes lit up and I desperately wanted to take him home with me. Then Sean explained that Jeremy wanted to surprise me and that's why we couldn't see each other for two weeks. Tonight would be the only night I would get to see him before the wedding and he wanted to make it count.  
Once his dance was over, he hopped off the stage, weaved around the grabby people and made his way over to us. I turned in the seat around to face him, feeling a big grin on my face. I wanted to say something, but he beat me to it.  
"Baby, I love you and this is all for you. We already know each other intimately but I want you to know that for the rest of our lives we will always be having nights like this." My eyebrow cocked, not sure if I wanted to slap him or keep listening. "Full of spontaneous moments that we will remember for the rest of our lives."  
"Those weren't your vows, were they?"  
He smirked. "No baby. Those are better." He kissed me chastely a few times, then got a drink. I placed my glass onto the counter, slipped off the stool and made my way to the stage. Sober, I wouldn't dare do such a thing, but I was pretty tipsy and really wanted those dollar bills. As soon as I got on stage, my girls were cheering and I could see James place a five onto the stage and give me two thumbs up. I looked out at my man, seeing Sean's face freaked out and bumping into Jeremy until he turned and looked. I had two song choices. Avenged Sevenfold's Scream or Bruno Mars's Gorilla. And since I didn't have long legs, I went with my favorite band. At first I was terrified, but then when Chris leaned over the side and told me to 'imagine fucking Jeremy' I went all out, causing the whole bar to explode and rush up to place money into Chris' hands. I didn't know what he was telling them before they walked away, but some of them handed him a few more bills which caused him to have a greedy smile.  
Chris then went over to the counter and started to separate the bills, while Bryn got me to start dancing to Fall Out Boy's Centuries. Not even half way into the song, a man came up to the stage and put his hand on my ankle, trying to prevent me from moving. I yelled at him to get off, but he kept trying to bring me down. I could hear the girls screaming and a few others arguing with him to let me go, but it was no use. This man whom I've never seen before was hurting me and I was afraid of what he'd do to me.  
When another customer finally got him to let go, they got into a fight and I ran off to the other side and tried to hop down. Before I could, I felt a pair of hands grab me and shove me down onto the stage. I could hear Jeremy and Chris yelling and looked up in time to see them jump onto the stage, tackling him to down onto the stage. Sean came over to the side of the stage that I was on and pulled me off. I held onto him watching the boys punch the same man who was trying to take me down, Chris stopping when Carah screamed at him. Then Chris pulled Jeremy off and directed him towards me. "Your wife needs you." Jeremy hopped off the stage and came over to me, cupping my face in his hands.  
"Are you alright baby?" I shook my head. "Do you know what's going on?"  
"No." I watched the bouncers pull the man off the stage and kicked him out, just as Norman came walking in, looking exhausted.  
"Whoa. What happened to that guy?" He stopped when he saw how banged up the boys were. He gave me a glance and then everything clicked. "Fuck, I miss out on everything."  
"I need to sit." I hobbled over to the nearest chair, Sean and Jeremy moving with me. When I sat down, Sean pulled out his phone and turned on the flashlight. "Fuck. He bruised me."  
"Who the fuck was that?" Chris called out  
"I don't know? I've never seen him before." I answered, looking at Norman when he answered.  
"That man's been in here before causing trouble with the locals. Especially with the pretty brunette's with big asses." I knew he directed that towards me, even though all of us were brunette's. "Any who. I'm sure he won’t be back any time soon. He was trespassing and broke his restraining order."  
"That doesn't make me feel any better." I got up and started to walk to the back of the building to the rest rooms. When my hand touched the door, a familiar hand touched mine, making me stop, but I didn't want to look.  
"Are you sure you want to do this?" That oh too familiar raspy voice filled my ears, making shivers go down my back. "You really want to marry him?"  
I gave him a swift 'yes', then pushed the door open and rushed into a stall. I leaned against the door, sighing and praying that he would go away. But he didn't.  
Into the bathroom, standing in front of the sinks, I assumed because his voice was close. "This isn't you to marry someone you hardly know."  
"I know him."  
"Not as well as you know me."  
"Maybe I want a mysterious man for a change. Learn as we go." I put emphasis on 'we.'  
"I just don't see you being happy."  
"Maybe because you can't be happy with your own life."  
"Ouch."  
"Maybe Helena will take you back."  
"Where's this snarky attitude coming from?"  
"I learn from the best." I was surprised that he had nothing to say. I opened the stall door and stepped out. "You can't be doing this to me. I have two days before I'm getting married. You don't get to ruin that."  
"I aint ruining everything. You are making the biggest mistake ever."  
"Well let me make it. It's not your life. Definitely not your body."  
"Don't do this."  
"You can't make me do anything."  
"I know that I can't. Just hold off on the wedding."  
"Why?"  
"I can't really explain it. Just trust me. You will be hurt and disappointed before a year goes by."  
"Is Sonni feeding you this bullshit?"  
"No. I don't talk to her. I don't really know her."  
"Then why are you being like this?" I paused. "I heard what you said to Sean at the wedding shop. You need to stop lying to yourself."  
All of the sudden he snapped and started to yell. "YOU NEED TO STOP LYING TO YOURSELF! This isn't a fucking fairy tale. He's not your fucking prince charming. He's a cheater and will always be one. He will never change. He will do what you want until he has you so far wrapped around his finger and then fuck you over. OPEN YOUR EYES NICOLE. He doesn't fucking love you like I do. I was there when you lost the baby, not him."  
"And I could say the same about you." I held back tears, lifted my chin, took two steps away from him, and then felt his rough hand on my forearm. It happened so quickly. I was in a stall, pushed up against the wall, his lips on mine. I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or an urge and found myself unable to stop myself or stop him.  
When he finally pulled back, I knew right then and there I had to leave. I couldn't trust him and I could not trust myself.  
I rushed out of the bathroom, passed all my friends and went out into the parking lot, not caring that it was raining hard. The tears finally poured from my eyes but I held back the cries and let the rain wash away the pain. It was too much. How was I supposed to believe him? How was I supposed to believe the man that I was supposed to marry?  
The only way that I was going to finally reach some closer was to contact the two people that I despised wholeheartedly.  
Helena.  
And Sonni.


	18. Chapter 18

Everything felt right.  
My whole Friday was filled with nothing but encouraging words from both Helena and Sonni. Helena reassured me that it was just Norman being absolutely bonkers. Jealousy was hitting him hard and making him feel guilty for how our relationship had burnt out. I wasn't wanting him to resent me, but then again I knew that it was his problem from here on out. I was twelve hours away from saying my vows and my nerves were rocking my body.  
I was pacing about without really knowing until the girls yelled at me to sit down and watch 27 Dresses with them. It was no help to watch it, nor the movie Bride Wars. At one point in time earlier in the evening I had an anxiety attack and was surprised that they were able to get me to come down from that.  
Sean had opted out from the bachelor party, but Helena didn’t refuse because she wanted to keep Norman on the good ol' ball and chain. She stated that she wanted to keep Jeremy and Norman separated as much as possible so Norman couldn't give him any ideas. I was very thankful that she volunteered to go. Now I had four women and Jacob trying to convince me that everything was going to be alright. That Jeremy was going to behave himself. But that wasn't what I was worried about.  
Finally, eleven minutes to midnight, Sean pulled me to the back room and called Jeremy from his phone. "Renner, please say something to your woman. She's not doing so well. Maybe your voice can soothe hear."  
I could hear him on the other line. "I thought we can't talk to each other before the wedding?"  
"No that's seeing each other. I think the talking got thrown out when people started to have anxiety attacks before the big day."  
"Oh shit, let me talk to her." Sean handed me the phone but I couldn't get the words out. "Baby. I love and miss you. Cannot wait until this time tomorrow." I let out a half whine, half sigh. "Okay, Niki, everything's going to be alright. Sit down and take a few breaths." I did as he said, breathing into the phone with him. "Good. Now close your eyes and think about a field, wide with wild flowers and deer." It was easy to picture exactly what he was saying to me, but it wasn't helping with my anxiety. "Keep that thought in your head. Take Ava with you and pet the deer." It had been a long time since he had to do this with me and every doubt that I had started to go away. After a few minutes on the phone with him, I made sure he knew that I loved and missed him, then handed the phone back to Sean after hanging up.  
"Better now?"  
"More than I was. Just still have a few gut feelings."  
"I will make damn sure you'll get down that isle before anyone else can fuck it up. That's my promise to you." He pulled me to my feet and gave me a big bear hug. "I love you kiddo. You can do this. You slide into home base without that strike out." I felt him kiss me on the head as I giggled. "Now, let's get out there and watch movies that won’t make us both have anxiety." He practically dragged me out of the room and back into the living room. Sean changed the movies out while the girls booed him and threw popcorn at his back. He put in the movie Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome and sat me down in the comfy round chair before going over to the love seat and sit with Bryn.  
It was entertaining to see the girls stay quiet as they watched the movie, stuffing their faces with the popcorn they didn't throw. By the end of the movie, Sonni and Ava went into Ava's room to sleep and Sean popped in the movie Warm Bodies.  
By the end of that movie,Sean was pulling blankets over Carah, then helped Abby into the guest room. When he came back to sit with Bryn, he kicked the chair and glared at me. "Are you still awake?"  
"I'm starting to nod off."  
"Okay. You should get some rest Bridezilla."  
"Fuck off." I yawned.  
I watched him struggle to get the hid-a-bed out of the couch for him and Bryn to sleep on, then helped her onto it and covered her with blankets. He then helped me to mine and Jeremy's room and tucked me in.  
"Remember future Mrs. Jeremy Renner, home run." He winked, flipped off the light, and then closed the door.

~~~~

T-Minus Six Hours.

Ava woke me up with screaming and running into my room, jumping up onto the chest and face planting it onto the mattress between my legs. "MOMMY WAKE UP!!!" I held out my arms and she wiggled like a worm before popping up and jumping up to me like a frog. Landing in my arms, she banged her head against my teeth. "Owie."  
"Well, be careful honey." I kissed her owie, then gave her a big hug.  
"Uncle Sean says it's your big day with daddy and I have to wear a dress. I don't wanna wear a dress."  
"Well, what are you going to wear then?"  
"I want to wear Moose ears and my princess Tana outfit."  
"Okay. You wear that while everyone else gets their hair done, BUT when it gets closer to time for your hair to be done, you must change, okay?"  
"Okay."  
"Okay. So, what is on the list first?" I looked up just as Abby walked in.  
"Don't look at me. I'm only here in case one of you two need CPR."  
"No one’s going to need CPR."  
"Honey after he sees you in that dress, he's gonna need CPR." I rolled my eyes and smirked.  
"Ava. Go get dress. Ask momma Sonni to help you."  
"Okaaayyeee." She snorted like a piglet, then got off the bed and ran out.  
Sean came barreling in and yelled at me to get out of bed and that we had a long day before he would run off to the boys' side. I slowly got out of bed and started to get dressed. As I pulled on my flats, he came back in, yelling in his Irish voice. "Alright lassies. Let’s get shit rolling." He moved in right behind me and pushed me out into the living room, slapping my ass the whole way. "Let's go ladies!!" He yelled at everyone else and we all filed outside, then piled into Sonni's van and hit the road.

~~~~~

T-Minus Four Hours.

My nails looked awesome as well as my toes. I didn't want to do my toes, but the girls convinced me to do it since I was going to wear open toed shoes. The whole time my feet were getting pampered, I had to hold back from laughing.  
Sean and I would go back and forth, saying lines from both Boondock movies. We were pretty sure that the ladies doing our nails were getting annoyed with us. We didn't care. We were paying them a shit load of money.  
After that, we picked up the dresses and headed over to the church while Sean picked up Chris and went to get the cake. I was nervous as hell with what it would look like as well as the decorations at the place the reception was held at. Sean, I knew, was trying to score brownie points with Bryn and I think it was going well because she wasn't the only one who had a smile on their face.

 

~~~~~~

T-Minus 1.5 Hours.

"She's pacing again!" Carah announced into her phone. I assumed it was to Sean because within minutes he bounded up the stairs and into the master bedroom. It was awesome that he was able to get a friend to let us use their huge home for me to change in since it was only fifteen minutes away from the Chapel.  
"Okay. Everyone out of the room." He shooed everyone out, closing the door behind them. He came over to me and took a hold of my arms to stop me. "Nicole. Breathe. Home run is just around the corner. You can do this."  
"No I cannot."  
"Why do you think that?"  
I wanted to keep it to myself, I was already nervous as hell and this was going to make it worse. "Because I'm afraid that I will walk away once I see Norman. He's a bad drug and I'm aching for him."  
"Nicole. No. You can't do this to Renner."  
"I know. I'm so confused and I'm so scared."  
"What has made you feel this way? You've been good the last few days."  
"Norman cornered me at the bar and confessed."  
"Fucking shit head. I knew he was up to no good."  
"What am I going to do?" I started to tear up.  
"No no no. Do not ruin that make up." He grabbed a tissue from the night stand and blotted the tears for me. "Jeremy loves you. He's giving his life to you. He's handing you Ava. This is what you've always wanted. Don't give in to old shit. You've told me countless times that Jeremy is the one." He tossed the tissue onto the floor. "Think of Jeremy as...as....think of him as the gateway to a better life. Norman is nothing but....Judas. A bad thing that wants to cling on. Shake him off. Just shake it off." We both started to shake about, laughing at ourselves. "Good sweetheart good."  
Bryn stepped in and shook her head. "Don't even think about it."  
Too late. Sean played Taylor Swift's Shake It Off on his phone and started to dance around. "Sean. Turn it off." He grumbled as he stopped the song, then turned on Blank Spaces. "SEAN!!" She snapped.  
"Oops. Hehe." He finally put on the romance songs he put into a playlist for me. From Celine Dion to Toni Braxton's Your Making Me High, which made me wonder why he placed that in the playlist. Finally, after a few songs I never heard of and ones I didn't particularly like, Bryan Adams' song Everything I do, came on and I settled down onto the vintage antique sofa and spaced out.  
I remembered one date that Jeremy and I had gone on, he couldn't resist the grand piano that sat at the restaurant and decided to play this song as best as he could. His voice was smooth and dreamy. Thinking about it was soothing me and calming my anxiety. Its cliché and I didn't care. Because it was my memory and it was special to me.  
Coming back into reality before the song was over, Sean helped me to my feet and kissed me on the head. "Take it home baby." And with that, he left.

 

~~~~~~

We had twenty minutes left to get me into the chapel and I was on a mindset to ignore everyone that had arrived and focus on what was ahead of me. My husband to be. The love of my life and no one was going to stop me. The closer we got to the set time, the more I wanted to stab people if they looked at me wrong. And just as we all arrived at the double doors, Sean had to remind me to smile and shake it off.  
Ava was the first to walk down the aisle and I was glad that she listened to everything we told her. Tossing the petals onto the floor, then sitting down with Shawna in the front row. James and Carah were next and when they got halfway, Bryn and one of Jeremy's friends I never got to know went next. And then Abby and Mingus. Because he desperately wanted to be a part of my wedding and I wanted him to be a part of it too, Norman and Helena allowed him and Abby agreed to go with him down the aisle.  
Sean took my arm in his, squeezing our arms tightly together. I knew that he could feel me shake and he wasn't going to let me fail at this. Everyone rose when they saw us, phones coming out of pockets and purses to take pictures and then I saw him.  
Jeremy looked dashing in his dark blue tux and I could have sworn I saw a bit of eyeliner. His hair was combed nicely, and I could tell that he was as nervous as I was. He was dreamy. Sexy and I only had a few hours left before this dress was going to come off.  
Shit Nicole.  
Get a hold of yourself.  
I smirked at the thought, seeing Sean eye me as we passed his parents. My hand clutch the bouquet hard, when I saw the one person I knew would try to object to everything, out of the corner of my eye. He was wearing a black tux, standing right behind Chris. I could tell that it was eating him alive to see me about to marry Jeremy.  
This time I couldn't give one ounce of a fuck.  
I met the pastor, who asked about giving me away and Sean answered then handed me off to Jeremy. The pastor, who knew Jeremy's family for a very long time gave a lovely five minute speech about marriage, then got on with our vows. This was what was freaking me out. I had no clue what I wanted to say and nervous on his reaction and words.  
"Jeremy. You have been my best friend, my savior and without you constantly wanting to marry me, I wouldn't be standing here today." I heard a few chuckles, but ignored it. "I fell in love with you the day you sang and played on that grand piano and fell in love with you all over again that night you sang to your daughter when she fell ill. It is the best time to witness your emotions that you display beautifully and I'm glad to be able to share that with you. I am looking forward to your singing every day and cannot wait for the day you write a song for me. I love you with my whole heart for all eternity. I promise to love and cherish, not only you, but Ava as well, now and forever more. Through thick and thin, health and sickness." Tears had welled up in his eyes when I had brought Ava into the light.  
"Nicole. The night I had said those amazing things and you asked me if they were my vows and I said no, well, I lied." A few more chuckles were heard. "So since I said those already, this is what I have to say now." He paused, holding back the tears. "Thank you for coming into my life. You have changed me and Ava for the better. It isn't easy to take on the role as stepmother but you do it beautifully every day. Through her temper tantrums, her good days and the days where she just wants to lie around in her pajamas, you never once pushed her away. I knew as soon as you did this, I had to keep you. Because if my daughter can put you through hell and you can walk out and brush off the ashes, you can certainly do it with me. My promise to you, is to keep moving on like you have. To help you up when you fall. Help you relax after a stressful day and tackle our little monster when it is bedtime. If you fall ill, I'll do the chores. I will love you every day and if I fail to do so, may God mark that against me so in the afterlife I have some making up to do."

 

The rest of the ceremony was such a blur. I was attached to the words he said. Especially the last line. To me, that meant that he was serious. He wasn't going to give me up, no matter who or what comes knocking on our door. It was sign to me that if we failed again on having a child, he would keep me close and help me keep trying.  
He was everything I've ever wanted and I got him.  
Norman was wrong about him.  
He was my prince charming.  
My knight in shiny armor.  
And now he's my king.  
And I am his queen.


	19. Chapter 19

Holding up the tickets to the airport, Sean began his speech. "I picked a place that would absolutely be remarkable. Unforgettable." He smirked when he say that we were getting antsy. "You are going to Kakslauttanen."  
"Where's that?" I asked him.  
"Finland."  
My eyes lit up. "What? I have never been outside of the states nor the west coast. I haven't even been to the east side of Oregon and you chose Finland?"  
"Babe...."  
I cut him off. "This better be damn worth it."  
"It's worth it baby girl. Trust. Faith." He handed the tickets to Jeremy. "Take lots of pictures and have fun. Oh and pack warmly." He gave us hugs, then quickly headed off towards the large group of single men while Jeremy tucked the tickets away in his inner jacket pocket.  
He held my hand as I sat down on the Victorian chair, watching the boys pull out their phones to take pictures. I could see Norman off to the side, not wanting to be a part of it, but still wanted to be around everyone.  
Jeremy got down onto one knee, lifted my dress, placing it close to my hip, then proceeded to take off the garter with his teeth. He managed to leave kisses down my thigh, creating shivers through me, instantly turning me on. He then got to his feet and shot it off his finger into the crowd. We waited to see who caught it, laughing when Sean held it up into the air, like he won the ultimate champion wrestling match.  
"That was epic. It bounced off of Piney's hands and landed on me. I wasn't even trying." We laughed and then I took Jeremy's hand and followed him up to the balcony. I could hear the girls chant and Ava crying out for us and when I looked over the side, everyone waved.  
"Are you ready?" I yelled as they cheered, including the men. I turned around, counted to three, and then tossed the bouquet behind me, hearing shrieks from the girls and laughing from the men. Jeremy was laughing, begging me to turn around and when I did, I was surprised to see that Bryn had the flowers in her hands.  
"Those girls are crazy for that thing."  
"They say that whomever catches it will marry next. Sometimes to the one who catches the garter." We looked at each other and chuckled. We couldn't see Sean getting married any time soon, but we knew that there was a possibility that he could change his mind.  
We waved goodbye to everyone, then headed out to the parking lot to my car, where Sonni and Ava were waiting. "Daddy don't go." She whined as she rubbed her eyes.  
"Baby, it's only going to be a few days. We will be back before you know it." He gave her a hug and kissed her all over her face. "You be good for momma Sonni, okay?"  
"Okay." She rubbed her eyes again.  
"Give momma Niki love and then we're going to go."  
I gave her a big hug, then a lot of kisses. Told her that I would miss her, then followed him to the passenger side. It was nice of him to open the door and help me in. Hilarious as helped me get the dress into the car.  
Once he was in the car, we blew kisses and waved then drove away to our long awaited journey to the airport. While we drove, I said a little prayer for a safe drive and flight, then kicked back the seat and took a little nap.

~~~

When we arrived at our house, we quickly packed as we stripped out of our wedding attire. His hands shook as he untied the corset and it made me wonder why. I didn't want to stop and ask, just kept undressing and moving around the house to pack up everything we were going to need. While he packed up the car, I turned off all of the lights, then headed to the door, stopping at the mirror on the coat rack and looked myself over. My hair was in a messy bun, skinny jeans on, flats and a Doctor Who t-shirt. My make-up was a bit smeared but I really didn't care. Just as I moved away from the mirror, he walked in and leaned against the wall and pulled me close.  
"You know, we have the whole house to ourselves, we could always stay here."  
"We can't refund the tickets."  
"I just don't want you to feel out of place."  
"I'll be fine. I promise." I gave him a slight smile, then yawned. He kissed me on the forehead, then helped me out to the car, closing and locking the door behind us. The seats felt cold as I sat down and buckled up. The door closed, then I watched him skip around the car like a little boy and bounce into the seat. After closing the door, he looked at me and licked his lips.  
"I really want....." His voice trailed off. "No. I promise that I'll be good and wait until we get there." I leaned over the console, put my hand behind his head and pulled him in for a full fledge tongued kiss. When I let him go and sat back in my chair, he looked straight ahead and grabbed the steering wheel tightly. He cleared his throat, then backed the car out and then sped off. It was awesome to know that he was aching for me as badly as I did for him.  
Jeremy flipped on the radio, popped in a mixed cd, then tried to relax. It was going to be an hour drive to the airport and he wanted to stay awake as best as he could. I was glad that it was 80s music and sang along to most of the songs. We sang to Whitesnake's Here I Go Again, George Michael's I Want Your Sex and Heart's Magic Man. A few of the songs I didn't know, so I looked out at the window and stared at the trees that flew by us.  
It didn't take time for us to get to the airport, pass the gate and into the airplane. I was nervous because I had only been on an airplane once in my life. So his hand was clutched when the plane took off, unable to relax long enough for him to take the drinks from the stewardess. He kept his arm around me as we napped, sneaking kisses onto my head, while running his thumbs against my soft hands.

 

KAKSLAUTTANEN

Kelo-Glass Igloos.  
It was odd looking to me. Shivers prevented me from smiling as he wrapped his leather jacket around me. Our hostess sounded like a robot as she described the inside of the igloos. At first I couldn't understand why Sean put us up in a six bed igloo, then it dawned on me that he was making sure that no matter where we went, there would always be a spot to make love. Jeremy walked with me into the igloo, sighing with relief that it was warm.  
"There's a sauna in the south building. And if you are wanting to see the northern lights, you can sleep on the twin beds and see how beautiful it is." While Jeremy dealt with the people when they brought in our bags, I went over to the twin beds and sat down, staring up into the sky.  
"This is awesome." I heard the door closed, then looked over at Jeremy. "Are you alright?" I got up and went to him, but before he could answer, his phone went off and he answered it.  
"Hello? Hi baby. I miss you too. Momma Niki misses you too. You are? Okay. We love you, night sweetheart." He ended the phone call, tossed the phone onto the sports bag, then pulled me close and kissed me chastely. "Go get girly, or whatever you want to do and come to the bed. I want to show you something."  
I was hesitant until he slapped my ass. I grabbed my silver bag and rushed off to the bathroom. I washed the make-up off of my face, pulled my clothes off quickly, almost ripping my shirt, then pulled my bra off. Just as I was about to pull off my panties, the bathroom door opened and he took two steps in grabbed my arm and bent down, flipping me onto his shoulder. "I couldn't wait any longer." He carried me out of the bathroom as I giggled, feeling the giggles get choked up as he gently placed me onto the bed. Sliding to the floor, he moved my legs apart, ran his hands up and down my thighs, then grabbed my knees firmly. His lips slowly moved up on the inside of my leg, kissing multiple times when he neared my hot spot. When he started on the other side, I whimpered, wanting him to stop teasing me.  
Two weeks without him inside of me was enough of a wait. It was exciting for him to finally pull down my panties and kiss my lips, gently flicking my little bundle of nerves with his tongue until I wet myself. He took his time, making his way up to my mouth, trailing kisses up my body, grazing his teeth across my breasts. And when he finally entered me, I let out a loud gaspy moan and slid my hands around him, up his back and placed them on his shoulders. He was rolling his hips at a steady pace, sometimes pushing in a bit further to touch my sensitive spot. I was unable to keep my breathing steady, fingers digging into his shoulders, wanting to cry out for him to never stop. His face was pushed against my neck and I could feel his moans vibrate against me between every kiss. Before I could tell him that I was about to cum, he pushed in deeper and cummed with me, but kept moving, making me have multiple orgasms.  
Jeremy sat up onto his arms and spoke quietly. "Did I hurt you?"  
"No. It is all good. Was awesome." I kissed him chastely, then took a deep breath when he rolled off and rested next to me. I rolled over and flung my arm and leg around him and closed my eyes.  
"I love you, Niki."  
"Mmph. I love you too. Night night."  
He lightly chuckled. "Night baby." I felt him kiss me on the head, then pull the blankets over us and wrap his arms around me.   
If that was awesome for the both of us, it was making me wonder what was to come next.


	20. Chapter 20

Snow balls whizzed past my head as I dodged them, trying to keep my balance, while scooping up snow to throw at him. I missed and ended up with him tackling me into the snow, getting a face full of wet fluff from the tree above. Without warning, he was kissing me passionately, heat rising between us. Now that it was daylight, we could see exactly how many feet were in between each igloo. Our neighbors -the only other occupants of an igloo - had gone off to the sauna room before the banquet breakfast began. So it was just me and him in four foot snow.  
"Mrs. Renner. Let's say we have a little risqué fun?"  
"What do you have in mind?" I was curious but also wary with what he was thinking about.  
Jeremy sat up and rolled over into the snow, pulling me along with him. And with a straight face he said, "Fuck me here."  
"In the snow?" I was astonished with his request.  
"Yes. No one’s around." A sly smile came to his face. My hands rested against his chest. "I know it's cold and a crazy thing to ask, but I figured why have a boring sex life when we can have a thrilling one?"  
"You are so....."  
"Okay, fine." He began to sit up, but I stopped him.  
"I'm just afraid of getting sick, not getting caught."  
"And I will take care of you. Remember, it's in my vows."  
"As well as mine." I kissed him chastely.  
"So, do you wanna?"  
"I'm the one who’s going to have to be partially naked in the snow. Besides, wouldn't you have issues getting it up?"  
"Ouch."  
"No, wait. Baby, that's not what I meant." I got defensive.  
"It's okay." He chuckled. "Wait where are you going?"  
"I'll be back." I ran off to the igloo, pulled off my jeans and panties, then pulled on my skirt and rushed back outside. "OH MY GOD IT'S FREAKING FREEZING!!!" I knew that he would have been confused until he saw me. His eyes lit up and laughed as I bounced around, trying to keep my blood flowing. "Let's get this going."  
"Well come here." He grabbed my legs and pulled me down onto him. I noticed that he had pulled off his leather jacket and placed it under him so my legs wouldn't be touching the snow. He kept to the sitting position and held me as I adjusted myself, then pulled his hardness out, feeling that it was hard already. There was no time to ask. Any moment now, our neighbors would be walking back and be in view of us fucking. I quickly tucked him between my legs, sliding down slowly, gasping in his ear. "Gawd woman. How do you stay so tight?" He sounded funny asking me that as he tried to hold back from moaning.  
"Magic." He giggled, stopping when I started to roll my hips. To tell the truth, I had no clue how it was happening. "I'm still cold."  
"You could always go faster. Don't think about it."  
"How am I to do that? We're in the fucking snow." I hissed in his ear. Without warning his hands slid up my shirt and coat, stopping at my shoulders. Somehow he managed to expose the nape of my neck and started to nibble. "Mmmm....baby, stop."  
"No. Just fuck me. Fuck me hard." He took my earlobe between his teeth playing with it while breathing heavily against my neck. "Fuck me hard so I can cum into that pretty vagina of yours." His hands slid down my sides, stopping on my hips. "Come on Niki. Fuck me hard. Show me what you got." And I did.  
My hands gripped his shoulders, hips rolling sharply for a few moments, then slid up and down as fast as I could, then went back to rolling sharply. His breathing was sparse, voice deepening and getting raspy every time he let out a moan. "Oh God, Niki." He yelled as I fucked him exactly how he wanted it. His fingers dug into my thighs, breathing harder, moaning less and then it happened. His cum erupted like a fountain firework into my deep, cum soaked core. I felt him starting to slip away from me and quickly grabbed his shirt to steady him.  
"Whoa Jeremy. We're still outside." He snapped back into sitting position and kissed me sweetly.  
"Mmm. Perfect." He then scooped me up, grabbed his jacket and carried me indoors, kicking the door shut. He placed me onto the bed, pulled the comforter off the bed and wrapped it around me. I wasn't surprised when he immediately started to shiver. Pulling my coat off, I imagined what would have happened if this whole experience led me to getting pregnant and I actually could hold the baby this time around. When I heard him clear his throat, I came back to reality and pulled the blanket back over me. Laying down, I pulled my legs up onto the bed and under the comforter. "Niki. Are you getting hungry?"  
"A little."  
"I'll just call for room service. What would you like?"  
"A bit of everything." I smiled, then closed my eyes. I just needed a small power nap.

 

~~  
When I awoke, Jeremy was nowhere to be found. I guess I had slept longer than expected, because the food was nowhere to be found either. Sighing, I got into my suitcase and pulled out clean panties, then headed into the bathroom. Peeling off my clothes, I tossed them off to the side, placed my clean panties onto the towel rack, and then walked over to the shower. Just as I turned it on, I heard him walk into the cabin, stomping his feet.  
"Nic?"  
"Bathroom."  
"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you. You had a rough night and then with our escapade...."  
"Rough night?"  
"I guess you wouldn't remember." He appeared in the doorway when I looked over my shoulder. "You were having nightmares."  
"Really. I wonder of what?" I stepped under the shower, but didn't stick my head under.  
"I couldn't understand anything that you were saying. It was all mumbling."  
"Oh." I took the body wash and poured some into my hands.  
"I did hear you say one name though."  
"Oh, what name?" I was a bit afraid of who he was going to say.  
"Mingus. Norman's son."  
Stopping myself, I had a quick flashback of a horrific car accident, Mingus and I had gotten into. "He was with me, one night, coming back from the grocery store. Norman was on his way back from filming season two, so he didn't have any clue until he got home. Any ways. A drunk driver hit us on his side, putting us both into the hospital. All Mingus got was a fractured forearm, cuts and bruises. A mild concussion was there as well, but he got better as time went by. We could have lost him. I guess, sometimes I have nightmares about him not making it. I only know about having them because people have witnessed me having them." He was quite for a while. I wasn't sure on what he was doing and I couldn't look since I was rinsing off, then dunk my head under to get my hair soaking wet.  
I flipped my hair back, wiped the excess water off of my face, and then grabbed the shampoo that smelled like Jasmine. After pouring a decent amount onto my head, I sensed him right up against me. I quickly placed the bottle back onto the shelf and tried to turn to face him, but he held me still. I felt his hands touch my head, fingers gently massaging the shampoo into my hair. From the roots to the ends, causing me to feel lightheaded. For once I was relaxed. Something I had been missing for a long time.  
Rinsing everything out was just as sensual, up until he pushed me off to the side. I shivered as he quickly showered, then pulled me close, under the hot water. "Mmmm. Baby. Where did you go?"  
"I went to check out the other buildings. The one with the sauna and banquet. They are nice, but I think you'll want to stay in this igloo for the remanding time."  
"Why do you think that?" I placed a kiss onto his pecks.  
Without responding, he turned me around, back to his chest, then was pushed into the cold tile wall in front of me. His hands fumbled for the hot water knob, turning it up at the same time as his right hand wandered down my stomach, stopping at my folds. His long fingers teased me, not taking long to get wet. "Geesh woman. What have you been thinking of?"  
"Nothing, until now." I let out a sharp gasp as he entered me roughly. His right hand kept to my nub as he thrusted really hard, letting out a loud "dammit' when he cummed early.  
"Fucking goddammit." He pulled out quickly and went to the bathroom door, punching it. "I'm so sorry." He left the room, shutting the door behind him. I had no clue what was going on. My hands shook as I turned off the water, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around myself. I headed out the bathroom and went to the queen sized bed where he was laying. He had his arm over his eyes, shielding them from the sunlight. I stepped between his legs and placed a hand on his arm.  
"I don't know what happened, but I am sorry."  
"You don't need to be. I fucked up." I pulled my arm away, afraid to know what he meant. He sighed, sat up and took my hands into his, kissing them gently. "I was looking for some Tylenol at the office and some dude handed me a little blue pill."  
"Jere. Oh my gosh. Again?!" He nodded his head in embarrassment. "I thought you weren't going to take pills from other people again?!" I went to my purse and pulled out my pill bottle, then went back over to him. Handing it to him, he let out an exasperated sigh. "Fuck, if I would have known you had some."  
"Ask. Or just look. I have nothing to hide." I pressed my wrist against his forehead. "Well, no fever."  
"That's good, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to get him to sleep any time soon." I tried to hold back giggles, regretting the laughing when he flipped me down onto the rug, got down onto the floor and fucked me hard.


	21. Chapter 21

It felt good to be on the queen sized bed, my husband laying between my legs, head on my chest. After hours of non-stop sex, he finally was able to get a break. My fingers were tangled in his brown locks, massaging his head as he slept. I could see out the windows, snow falling lightly and it made me wish that Ava was with us and that it was Christmas because to me it was the perfect time for snow. And I knew that Ava would be in awe and anxious to go out and play.  
When I finally looked at the digital clock that sat on the nightstand next to me, I sighed and wondered why I couldn't sleep. It was midnight and I was exhausted, but unable to get my body to wind down. I thought about sneaking off to the bathroom to call Ava and check on her, but getting him off of me without waking him was going to be a challenge since he was a light sleeper.  
If I timed it right, since it was about a twelve hour difference, it would be about noon in Oregon. "Baby." I said quietly, hearing him grunt. "I need to go pee." He lifted his head, blinked his eyes and said sorry, then rolled off and fell back asleep. I pulled the blankets over him, grabbed my phone and headed to the bathroom.  
"Mommy!!" It was such a relief to hear her call me that. "What you doing?"  
"Taking a break from daddies snoring." It was annoying to have to lie to her.  
"It's night time there?"  
"Yes baby."  
"Daddy's sleeping?"  
"Yes baby."  
"Uncle Sean want you to talk to him. Here Sean." I smiled while I listened to her try to hand the phone to Sean, dropping it on the floor and saying 'uh oh' really loud. He told her that it was okay, then started to talk to me.  
"Hey Sean."  
"Hey sweetie. How's your honeymoon?"  
"Awesome. Lots of sex." I purposely over did my sentence just to make him feel uncomfortable.  
"Well, that's good. I was thinking of delivering all of your gifts from the wedding to the house today, then I remembered, I can't. I don't have a flippin key." Thank God he changed his vocab in front of Ava.  
"Snap. That's what I forgot to hand over before we left."  
"Yeah, so my garage is filled with presents."  
Just before I could say anything, it just dawned on me that Ava was with him and not Sonni. "Sean."  
"Yeah, buttercup?"  
"Why is Ava with you and not Sonni?"  
"Well, she apparently found some Coppertone man and decided that his little sausage was more important than taking care of the squirt. Ava managed to call me and cried her little eyes out until I got there. I packed up her stuff, took the goofy kid and brought her to my house and she's been here since. Don't worry, we feed her dog food." I could hear Abby snap at him for joking around, him laughing. "Abby and I couldn't just let Ava be treated that way."  
"Well thank you. I don't know how she knew your number."  
"I programmed it into Sonni's phone at the wedding when she wasn't paying attention. Ava was playing with it."  
"Oh, well that's good. Are you guys going to keep her there until we get home?"  
"No, we're going to auction her off for a Ferrari." Abby snapped at him again as he laughed. I couldn't help but smile because I knew he wasn't serious.  
"Alright you guys. I'm going to go talk to Jeremy now. I hear him wondering around. Give goober girl my love." I heard her yell that she loved me then her running off.  
"Get some sleep girl. Call me later tonight if you need to."  
"Okay. Have a good day."  
"Have a good night princess." I hit the end button, got up off the toilet and went out into the room. Jeremy stopped pacing about and stared at me.  
"I had a bad dream. Ava was badly hurt."  
"Well, she's not hurt, per-se." I waved my phone and went over to the bed, placing the phone down onto the night stand. "Lovely Sonni decided to ignore our daughter so now Sean and Abby have her."  
"What the fuck?"  
"Apparently at the wedding, Sean saw Ava play with Sonni's phone. He put his number into it and somehow Ava called him crying. She's alright now, Sean and Abby have her and they are gladly taking care of her for us."  
"I'm going to punch that bitch in the fucking face."  
"No you aren't. You shouldn't be hitting women. I'll do it." I got off the bed and went over to him. I tried to pull his arms away from his chest to give him a hug, but he wasn't allowing it. He pulled away from me and started to pace again, but away from me. "Honey, I know that you are upset, but we are miles away and cannot do anything. Please trust Sean and Abby."  
"I do trust them. I just cannot believe that Sonni would promise and then just break it. Over what?"  
"Sean called him the Coppertone man with a little sausage."  
"Great, so now our daughter is less important than some bastard with an inferiority complex." I had nothing to match him. After a few more paces, he finally stopped and came over to me. "I'm sorry love. I didn't want to lose my temper."  
"It's okay. It's your baby girl. You have every right to do so."  
"No. Not with you here. I don't want you to think that is how I am whenever I get mad."  
"Okay." I tipped toed myself to be able to give him a kiss. His hands held my elbows to steady me and deepened the kiss, which left me breathless.  
"I am extremely overwhelmed with happiness that you don't ever treat her like she's.....like she's a dog." I tried to not laugh. "What?"  
"Sean joked that he was going to feed her dog food." Afraid that he was going to be mad, I backed up. Instead he just shook his head and stepped forward, pushing me onto the bed then crawled over me and got under the covers. "One more day baby and then we can get home, over to Sean's and bring her home."  
"I know. I'm trying to not ruin this."  
"You won’t. Just don't worry and trust them." I kissed him again, pulled the covers over me, and then nodded to the window. "Did you notice the snow? Ava would have loved that." He looked out the windows, staying in silence. I started to assume that watching the snow fall was calming him down because he made no noise for over ten minutes. I finally rolled over onto my side, then felt the bed move and him cuddling up behind me.  
His voice was soft when he spoke and I giggled with what he said. "You're the little spoon, I'm the big spoon."  
"No, I'm the spoon, you're the fork and Ava's the spork."  
"If you ever have a baby, he or she will be a spork. Ava's just a salad fork."  
I snorted a laugh, giggling more when he nuzzled against the nape of my neck and nibbled, while tickling me on my side. He then kissed me behind my ear and laid his head down next to mine. "This is what I live for." I held onto his hand, squeezed it, and then closed my eyes. "Niki."  
"Mmmhmm."  
"I am glad you said yes."  
"Why wouldn't I?" It was a rhetorical question, but I knew his answer.  
"Good night my Queen."  
"Night my love."


	22. Chapter 22

Last day in paradise.  
And we didn't want to go.  
But we were responsible adults and our two year old was waiting for us. Knowing in the back of our minds that she's going to be attached to us for weeks on end and Sonni would be ripped a new asshole for what she did. Jeremy promised to just use his words and I promised that I wouldn't hit her in front of Ava, unless she striked first.  
I wanted to use our last day wondering around in the snow, going to the sauna and breakfast banquet, but Jeremy wanted to use the morning for time to pack our things and make sure that nothing gets left behind.  
But by the time we decided to get out of bed to do those things, we stayed in bed instead and snuggled while chatting about things we could do with Ava once we got home. When we finally got out of bed, we packed everything and kept it by the door, then ran off to the banquet, then the sauna and then took a nice long walk in the snow.

 

When we finally got back to the igloo, after the sun set, I was surprised by the room being nicely decorated with roses of all colors and the beds in the window had been removed, as well as the picnic table. It was replaced with a table for two, nicely set up with a candle, bottle of wine and two dinner plates covered with a steel dome lid. I looked at Jeremy with my shocked face, while he just grinned, pulled of his jacket and scarf and tossed them onto the chair. He pulled off his boots, leaving them under the chair, then got up and came over to me.  
"I couldn't let us leave without some romance." He unwrapped my scarf, dropping it onto the floor by his stuff, then helped me take off my coat. I kicked off my shoes, then took his hand and allowed him to lead me to the table. Pulling my chair out, I smiled and said thank you, sitting down as he pushed it in. He crossed over to his side, sat down, then looked at me with glow in his eyes. "It's been a very long time since we've done this."  
"It is how you won me over."  
"I wasn't quite sure what you wanted and a lot of the things on the menu I couldn't picture you eating, so I asked them to put this plate together for you. I hope that's alright."  
"I won’t know until I see it. But now I now know what you really were doing the other day." I grabbed the handle and lifted it, placing it off to the side. On the plate was a neat pile of French cut carrots mixed with green beans, a nice helping of brown rice and a lovely chunk of salmon. It smelled and looked wonderful and tasting wonderful was my next mission to complete.  
"I decided to go with the same, but potatoes instead of rice. I didn't think it would be kind of me to eat steak in front of you, while you're eating healthy."  
"I would steal that steak from you and eat it like a caveman." He chuckled. Picking up my fork, I cut into the salmon, feeling the fork sliding through perfectly. "This is porn." I took a bite and moaned. "Oh my God, so good." He chuckled even more. "This is just as good as sex." I glanced at him, worried that he would take offense to it, but he just sat there and watched me take bite after bite of the food. "Are you going to eat?"  
"Yeah. I was just curious on something."  
"I'm a little worried about that statement."  
"What would you say if I told you that I made a few phone calls while you were sleeping in?"  
"What kind of phone calls?" I took a sip of wine, then took another bite of the salmon.  
"Doctors for Obstetrics and gynecology." I swallowed hard and placed my fork down. I felt horrified that he would do such a thing. "You're not happy with me."  
"Of course I am. You're implying something that is not."  
"No, I want to find ways to keep you from miscarrying our baby."  
"Since when was this a decision for you?" My feminism started to come out.  
"I wasn't trying to hurt you. I am just your worried husband. I want us to be able to have a baby. I want you to be able to experience it from beginning to end without complications." He paused. "I keep saying, I, not realizing that I'm not asking you what you want. Sorry for that."  
I thought for a few minutes, seeing his resting face starting to appear. "I do want help, but I didn't feel like talking about this right now. In ways I am still depressed about what's happened to me....twice."  
"When you are ready to talk about this, I'll be here to listen. I will back off and allow you to make the decisions."  
"Thank you for that. I know that I am your wife, but I am still in control with my body."  
His eyes lit up. "Oh God. Was I coming off as controlling?"  
"A bit, yes."  
"I am sorry baby."  
"It's okay. At least you recognize it." I picked up my fork and stabbed his salmon, pulling a piece of it away. "You should eat this before it gets cold." I ate it, then seductively pulled the fork out of my mouth. Seeing him finally eat was comforting, but the silence was unnerving and I tried my hardest to not get him all rawled up for being too quiet.  
When I finally finished my plate and glass of wine, trying not to gag on it, I relaxed in the chair, watching him sip from his glass. "So is there a part two to this lovely evening?" I nodded towards the windows."  
"I'm working on it." He placed the glass down, pushed back in the chair and slowly got up and moved his way over to our bags. He grabbed out his phone, turned on the music, placed the phone onto the table, then held out his hand. I grabbed it and went with him over to the windows. It was snowing again and it was just as beautiful as the day before.  
Familiar to the song that started to play next on the list, I lifted my head to look into his bluish-grey eyes, wanting to cry. This whole time, I thought that he had forgotten that this song meant a lot to me. He turned me to face him, taking my hands in his and lifting them to his shoulders. He placed my left one onto his shoulder, keeping my right in his hand holding it close to his chest. His right hand clasped around my waist and we lightly swayed as he sang some of the words to me.  
Look into my eyes – you will see  
What you mean to me.  
Search your heart, search your soul  
And when you find me there you'll search no more.  
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for.  
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for.  
You know it's true:  
Everything I do, I do it for you.

Tears started to well up in my eyes, I tried to blink them back but they kept watering. I wanted to wipe them, but also didn't want to pull away from him. He finally got down onto his knees towards the end of the song and placed his forehead against my stomach, hands on my hips.  
Oh, you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for  
I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more  
Yeah I would fight for you  
I'd lie for you  
Walk the wire for you  
Yeah I'd die for you

His voice trailed off, unable to finish the song. Through the music, I could hear his soft cries and could feel his pain. I wasn't understanding quite every reason why he was crying, but it didn't prevent me from wanting to hold him. I got onto my knees and pulled him close, running my fingers across his scalp, hoping it would calm him down. "I'm sorry." His voice was soggy from the cries.  
"What for?" I put on my sweet motherly voice.  
"I shouldn't be crying."  
"It's okay to cry. You've gone through a lot lately. You're exhausted."  
"I'm going to be leaving you in a few months to do some filming. I'm leaving you with my two year old brat."  
"She's not a brat. And she's ours. I told you that I was going to take care of her and dammit, that's what I've been doing. I'm not going to just drop her like a rag doll. She's a powerful independent little two year old who’s got you wrapped around her finger. She loves you dearly and wouldn't want anyone else. She just accepts me because it's her only other option."  
He looked up at me. "She loves you. She wouldn't shut up about you at my parents. It made them happy that Sonni was never brought up. I could see it on their faces."  
"Well, I guess that's good." I kissed his lips, despite the snot that could be there, got up and went to the bathroom, returning with a roll of tissue. I handed it to him after taking a bit of it off to wipe my eyes.  
"Ugh, I don't look very manly now do I?"  
"I like this side of you. Shows me that you can have emotion and still be strong." I dropped the tissue onto the floor. I took the roll from him and placed it onto the chair, then was surprised when he leaned in and kissed me, not letting me catch my breath for a good amount of time.  
His hands pulled at my shirt, trying to get it over my head without hurting me, unlatched my bra then scooped me up and took me to the bed. His fingers grabbed at my button and zipper, then with one swoop managed to get both my jeans and panties off. He shimmied out of his, then dominated over me, lips pressing hard against my neck and lips, hands holding my wrists down. He teased me with his tip, saying how badly he wanted to fuck me, asking how badly I wanted it, demanding to have an answer, while he played with my ear lobes, then moved his way down towards my breasts. Taking my little buds between his lips, I told him exactly what he wanted to hear, then felt him ease up on me.  
"I don't want to hurt you, but fuck I want to ram him into you." His lips brushed against mine. I parted my lips, "No." Then laid there and waited for his response. It was, of course, a silent response as he gently entered me, holding still until my body accepted him. He had completely changed his tone in the whole situation, cautiously rocking his hips into me. Gasps filled the space between us, fingers tangling together on one side, his free hand brushing the side of my face. Going a bit deeper when I finally allowed him to, his tip hit my sweet spot making my whole body shake under him. His name left my lips, which caused him to groan, still wanting to fuck me hard. "Niki, I can't hold out. This feels so good."  
"Please." Was all I could say, pressing my knees against his hips. I knew that in order for me to keep up with him, I was going to have to match his hip rolling. Words that I didn't want to hear came out of his mouth, until we expelled then nothing but sexy grunts came from him.  
"I don't know how you do it, but never ever stop." Chaste kisses filled my lips, even the corners were touched by his puffy lips. "I love how you do that hip rolling."  
"Good. I wouldn't change it."  
He whined. "I don't want to move."  
"That part doesn't feel good, does it?"  
"No, not really."  
"Now you know how it feels when you ram me without getting me wet first." His eyes widen at my words, unable to speak as I rolled off the bed and went into the bathroom.


	23. Chapter 23

"DADDY!!!" Barely able to get out of the car, Jeremy was ambushed by Ava, making him fall to his knees and hold her tightly. He kissed her all over and wouldn't let go when she saw me and wanted me to hold her too. I went over to them and got down onto the ground and held them both, placing a kiss on her little cheek. "I missed you." She sounded winded.  
"I missed you too. It's about to rain, so let's go back inside." I nudged his arm. "Daddy. Let's get inside."  
"I'll get the bags." Sean stepped off the porch and came over to me as I got up and lent me a hand. "Bryn and Abby are inside waiting to see you."  
"We already dropped off the suitcases, we just have grocery bags. Also, I cannot believe that Abby stayed here instead of going home."  
"She was about to, until that phone call from Ava." He went to the car.  
"Come on missy. Let's get inside." Jeremy finally let her go. She hopped up and down until I grabbed her under her arms and pulled her up. "You're getting too big for this. At least for me." I hobbled at first as I went to the house. I looked behind me, seeing Sean helping Jeremy to his feet.  
Bryn and Abby were on their feet when I entered the house and gave me a hug after putting the munchkin down. "Did you two have fun?" Abby asked.  
"Why yes we did."  
"Momma, momma!" Ava held onto my fingers. "Uncle Jake bought me a teddy bear."  
"Really? How sweet of him." I went with her into the guest room and froze in the door way when I saw how large of a bear. "SEAN!" I growled, hearing him laughing in the living room.  
"It's staying here, so when she visits, she has something to play with." I groaned and then went back out into the living room as she ran over to it and started to climb onto it. "Don't worry baby girl. We child proof the house while you were away." He pulled me into a bear hug, placing a kiss on my head. "We all missed you two."  
I noticed the large pile of gifts in his family room and went into the room. "Oh, my, God. That is a lot of gifts." I picked up the one wrapped in silver. "Do I even want to know what half of this shit is?"  
"Maybe. But I know which ones are mine. They are the plaid ones."  
"You would, wouldn't you?" I grabbed the first plaid one I could reach and took both gifts to the chair and begun to unwrapped them. Ava came in and took the wrapping from me to play with. "A Silver Bullet. How cute for it to be wrapped in silver......and a...." I pulled the wrapping off of Sean's. "Silver wear that matches. Cool. About time I get him living like he's married." I could hear everyone giggling.  
"Momma, open this." She grabbed a purple one and handed it to me. It was small, so I assumed it was from her. When I opened it, a smile came to my face. It was a clay handprint, hers of course, like I assumed."  
"Uncle Sean helped me. He says you can put it onto the fridge."  
I turned it over, seeing that it was a magnet. I placed it on my chest then took the next one she handed me. Jeremy finally came walking in, went around the pile then sat down on the floor.  
"This is more than I expected."  
"Me too." I got up and handed him her present, then sat down on the floor opposite of him. I took a green one, while he took a blue one and unwrapped them at the same time. "Blender."  
"Wine glasses." He showed them to me.   
"Are those crystal?"  
"I believe so." He placed the present off to the side at the same time I did. "Let's go with...."  
"Plaid ones are from Sean."  
He passed over Sean's and grabbed a yellow one. "This one has a card." He pulled off the card and read it. "To Mr. and Mrs. Renner. Hope you can use these. With love, Cousin Rayla." He looked at me funny.  
"One of my cousins."  
He opened it and held up matching spatulas and kitchen towels. "Cool. Now I wonder how many other times we'll get something matching...that really doesn't match the rest."  
I giggled, then grabbed the purple one and the one that had clovers all over it. I opened the clovers one, grinning widely as I held it up. "Irish Whiskey."  
"Whose it from?"  
"It doesn't say." I placed it off to the side, telling Ava that she couldn't play with it.  
"Picture frame." He placed his onto the chair behind him.  
I opened the purple one and felt very offended. I got up and looked around for a card, seeing one where I had been sitting. I opened the envelope and pulled out the card. "With love, from Norman. Hope you need this soon." I gave a short gasp. "Does he think this is funny?"  
"What? What's wrong?" He looked up at me.  
I gripped the present, wanting to break it. "It's a fucking vibrator. Is this his get back at me for marrying you?"  
"Maybe it was a mix up?"  
"No. I don't think so. I think he truly meant it." I held it tighter, turned and quickly left, not caring that Jeremy was calling out to me. I rushed out to the car, got in and sped off.  
Who the fuck does he think he is?  
Does he think this was going to make me regret my decisions?

 

Pulling up to the curb as close as I could when I arrived at Norman's house, I didn't bother phoning him to tell him that I was there. Instead I jumped out after shutting it down, slammed my door and stomped up to the door. I didn't wait, pushing the door open, seeing him sitting there at the counter. He looked confused as I was fuming.  
"Niki. What are you doing here?"  
I threw the vibrator onto the floor. "You think this is fucking funny?"  
He rose and went over to his son. "Mingus. Time for you to go to Tyler's."  
Mingus got up from the couch, went up to me and gave me a hug. "Hi Niki."  
"Hi baby. Be good." I placed a kiss on his head before he walked away, shutting the door behind him. I glared at Norman.  
"I don't know why you'd assume that was from me. I'm not that cruel on jokes."  
"Well, the card was certainly from you."  
"I bought you the fucking Whiskey. Come on Niki. Think about it. The card probably fell off or someone switched it."  
"Norman. It's not like you to just buy someone Whiskey."  
"After hearing what Sonni's done to Ava, I think you deserve it."  
"How did you know?"  
"Sean called me, asking to pick up Ava. But I was in New York with Mingus visiting with Helena. So Sean and Abby went over while Bryn was in Ohio with her family." I looked away, trying to piece everything together. "What I don't get is why you cannot see what she's doing.  
"What do you mean?" I looked up at him, eye brow cocked in curiosity.  
"She's doing this on purpose. She's pissed that you took her man away. She thinks that I will take you back, just to get you away from her family."  
"You're lying."  
"She's waiting for a weak spot. You lose another baby, she's going to slide right in."  
"Why are you telling me this?"  
"Because I still love you and care. I may not have you anymore, but I certainly not going to stand around and watch someone sabotage your marriage."  
"Jeremy was going to talk to her when she showed up at Sean's to get Ava." My body jerked at the thought.  
"Nic." He inched forward. "Are you alright? I know that jerk."  
I turned and headed outside into the pouring rain, hearing him yelling at me to stop. All I wanted to do was to get back to my husband and daughter. I didn't care what else he wanted to say to me. I could barely see in this bad weather. I almost tripped over Mingus's skateboard and managed to miss his bike.  
"NIKI STOP!!!" I barreled out into the street to get to my car, fumbling for my keys out of my jean jacket. I shook and was crying uncontrollably. I couldn't let her win. I couldn't let Norman get to me either. His voice was getting nearer and I needed to get out of there. I dropped the keys, which made me cuss, bent down to grabbed them, fingers scraping against the pavement.  
When I came back up to put the key into the lock, I heard my name leaving his lips, but it was in an unusual tone. I heard something to my right, but by the time I looked, it was too late.

 

I hurt.  
All over.  
And the rain was pounding down on my face.  
The wind was blowing hard and it sounded like Norman's voice.  
I could barely keep my eyes open.  
I could hear a woman crying, saying sorry.  
And could see the outline of her body.  
Norman's hands are on me. I know it.  
And his manly tears, voice cracking as he screamed for help.  
"Stay still, Nic." Of course he couldn't tell that I was unable to move.  
The warmth of his hands on my cheeks was all I could feel.  
"Help is coming." He tried to hold back cries. "I love you Niki."  
I knew he did. I knew Jeremy did. I knew Sean and the girls did and I definitely knew from the bottom of my heart that Ava did.  
"Don't you leave me. Stay here with me." He bent over, placing a kiss onto my forehead.  
I wish I could tell him that I wasn't planning on leaving.  
Maybe blinking my eyes would help.  
Nope.  
Couldn't even do that.  
I thought so hard that I began to pray.  
That I could have a way to let him know that I was still here.  
Please Jesus. I don't want to die. I still have so much to live for.  
I am a good person. I'm trying my hardest to do good by my husband.  
"NIKI!!" He yelled, with a loud cry.  
Don't take me away. Not yet.  
Don't make Norman explain why I was lying in this street.  
I heard rushing of feet, then clicking of something. I heard counting, then being lifted and excruciating pain shot throughout my body.  
I finally screamed. "OH GOD IT HURTS!"  
"Nic."  
"Norman!!" I cried.  
"Mrs. Renner. We need to get you to the ER. We need you to stay calm."  
"Mr. Reedus. You'll have to just meet us there."  
"I'm bringing my son."  
"Alright. We will update you as soon as we can."  
I felt myself get lifted again, then metal scraping against metal, then the sound of doors shutting. I heard the sirens, then the voices of the paramedics, telling each other what I was in need of. One told me that I needed to put on the oxygen mask, while the other injected me with pain meds, then slipped the IV into my arm.

Bright lights.  
Double doors more than once.  
People shouting, coughing, wheezing. A baby crying.  
I made it to the ER.  
I was pushed into a room, where doctors and nurses were really loud. I tried to collect as much information as I could, but it was no use. My brain was hurting.  
Hearing the doctors say that they needed to get my clothes off was alarming.  
Then hands were on my right leg and I screamed and kicked at them, involuntary.  
I felt a pinch in my left arm, dizziness over coming me.  
And I was out like a light.


	24. Chapter 24

The echoing of my name rang in my ears, Norman's voice fresh in my mind. The squealing of tires, the bright lights and then it was over.

My eyes slowly opened, brain pounding against my skull. I wasn't sure if I should have been happy that I was in the hospital, but I became happy when I saw both Jeremy and Norman in the same room. Norman, asleep on the chair, feet up on the window sill. His longish black hair in his face. He looked like he had smoked ten packs in a short period of time. His leather jacket hung on the side of the chair and his boots were on the floor, tangled up with each other. A blanket was barely hanging onto him and I could tell that he had been biting his fingers again.  
Jeremy, asleep on my right, in the other chair. His left leg was hanging over the arm rest and his right one was stretched out in front of him. His boots were by the wall, under the white board, leather jacket hanging off of the corner of the board. He was wrapped in a blanket and looked exhausted. He also looked cramped up and then that's when I realized that Ava wasn't in the room.  
"Ava." I tried to speak, but my throat hurt. Like I was punched fifty times. But it was loud enough for the boys because they were both awake, staring at me.  
"Niki?" Jeremy sounded like he had been dealing with me talking in my sleep for a long time and wasn't sure if it was me or not. He moved over to me, gently sitting on the bed. "Hey baby." He felt my forehead, frowning. "You're still hot."  
"What happened?"  
"We can talk about that later. You need to get better."  
"Renner, just tell her. She's gonna need to know sooner or later and its best if you do it now."  
He sighed. "A young college girl lost control of her car and hit you. She couldn't see in the rain. You've been out for three weeks."  
"I lost three weeks?"  
"It's better than three months." Norman spoke up, gently.  
"You've been in and out of consciousness, we were afraid you'd never wake up. But I am glad that you did. I missed you."  
"Where's Ava?"  
"She's at home with Sean and Bryn."  
"I want to see her."  
"Doctors are against that idea." Norman responded. "They are afraid that she'll trigger something and make you overwhelmed."  
"I can't even see my own daughter?"  
"They want to take it one day at a time. And if you respond well to the rest of us, then they'll let her in."  
My eyes started to water and then something made me bring up what Norman said to me the night I got hit. "Sonni?"  
"Norman told me what happened and the girls confirmed it. I don't want you to worry about it. We will take care of it."  
"Helena volunteered to get close to her and report back to us."  
I glanced at Norman, then back at Jeremy. "Can I talk to him alone, please?" Even though he looked worried and confused, he agreed, kissed me on the forehead and then grabbed his boots and jacket. He paused before walking out and closing the door. Norman was hesitant at first.  
"It's good to see your beautiful face." His compliment was wonderful, but it wasn't what I wanted to hear. He finally got up, shuffled over to the side of the bed and sat down, taking my hand in his.  
"Thank you for saving me."  
"Baby, I'd do anything for you, you know that."  
"How did Mingus take it?"  
"He was scared. But was strong. God knows I needed that. He was brave and told everyone what happened when they arrived. I never left your side. I was afraid you'd die if I did."  
Just as I tried to thank him again, a nurse walked in, closing the door behind her. She stopped at the foot of the bed, holding a clipboard and some papers. "Mrs. Renner. I don't want you to think that any of us here at the hospital is intrusive, but because you are a woman and you were unconscious, we did a weekly routine of a pregnancy test."  
"Did Jeremy sign off on it?"  
"Although he is your husband, he wasn't listed as next of kin. I suppose you two just got married."  
"Yes."  
"Then your next of kin is Miss Abigail....."  
"Yeah, okay. So what is my result?" I tried to not be snappy.  
"You are pregnant. Unfortunately, you'll have to be bed ridden with your injuries throughout most of your pregnancy."  
I started to sniffle, tears flooding my eyes. "What are my injuries?"  
"You have a deep laceration on your right leg and second degree burns from hitting the grille of the car, on your hip." I felt the pain as soon as she said it and uncontrollably started to cry. She turned to Norman. "I'll give her some time. If she needs to, let her push the grey button for the morphine. Red button if you need us."  
"Thank you." I heard him say, then felt his hand touch the side of my face. "Do you need some morphine?"  
"Is she gone?"  
"Yeah baby."  
I pushed the button, then tried to roll onto my left side. I knew he wanted to help, but was afraid of hurting me. So instead he adjusted the pillows under my head and I smelled his favorite cologne on him. I could tell that it had been days since it was fresh on him. The smell of it mixed with the cigarette smoke was a scent I missed the most.  
"Is there anything I can get you?"  
"Please don't tell Jeremy that I'm pregnant."  
"Why not? He deserves to know."  
"Just not yet. I'm not ready for him to know. I'm already a burden to him."  
He scoff at my words. "You're never a burden to him or me. None of us feel that way about you."  
"I will be now." I looked away from him, tears welling up again.  
"No you won’t. I will tell him and I will make damn sure that he knows that he cannot fuck this up."  
"Norman..." I tried to protest.  
"Dammit Niki. He has the right to know. Trust me. I have this. And if need be, Sean will back me up." He kissed me on the cheek, stopping when his lips got close to mine when he pulled away. For some odd reason I wanted him to do it. I needed some kind of affection and at this point in time I wasn't caring about who it was coming from.  
But he pulled away and went over to the chair, grabbing his boots and jacket. As he went out the door, Mingus pushed his way in, pulling his arms away from the nurse and out of reach of his father. "Dad, tell her that I can be in here. I'm old enough."  
Norman looked at me then at the nurse. "He's not going to harm her. Just a few minutes. I'll get him out when I come back from a smoke break."  
"Alright. Then someone needs to take him home."  
"Sure thing. Let me call his mom in New York to come and get him." Norman's attitude made me smirk. He winked at me, then went out and shut the door. Mingus slowly came over to the bed and sat down.  
"Dad said that you're going to be alright. His crying said different, so I went into the chapel every day to pray for you."  
"You've been here for three weeks?"  
"Not really. I've been with Uncle Sean, helping with Ava. But when I could get away, I came here and go to the chapel to pray. The nurses kept me from seeing you up until now. When I saw Jeremy walk down to the parking lot to smoke...."  
"SMOKE?" I was astonished. "He's back to smoking now?"  
"With not knowing if you were going to die on us, dad and Jeremy were smoking like crazy. I was sure I was going to lose you both."  
"Well, can't argue with you on that."  
"Dad still loves you."  
"Did he pay you to say that?"  
"If he did, I would have my own X-Box by now and not sharing with him." I giggled. "I'm saying this because of what I've seen. He was bummed that you married him but he wants you to be happy, so that's why he bought you the Whiskey. Up until he heard about what Ava's mom did. He then bought you two Whiskey bottles."  
"I only found one."  
"That vibrator..."  
"Ming...."  
"No hear me out. That wasn't my dad. Although it would have been a funny gag gift, dad knew it would hurt your feelings, so he went with the whiskey. My mom did the vibrator cause she's got more balls than my dad does."  
"Oh, well then." We laughed about it.  
"If only he would have said that first, you wouldn't be here right now. And then he wouldn't be beating himself up over it." He looked over his shoulder at the door as we heard both men griping at the nurses. "Don't tell my dad that I told you." He looked back at me. "I don't want him to be mad that I overheard him and my mom talk about it."  
"Its okay hon, I won’t let him get mad at you. Promise." I held out my arm for a hug, him giving me one just as Jeremy came walking in.  
"Oie. I don't need you hitting on my wife too, ya know." He teased.  
Mingus sat up and I touched his cheek before he got up.  
"Get to Sean's and don't come back until we call you." Norman scolded him. Mingus rolled his eyes, said goodbye to me, then left the room, closing the door behind him.  
Jeremy came over to me and sat down on the side of the bed, smelling like smoke and his cologne. Then Norman did the same and I became over powered with both of their scents. It was intoxicating and making me feel things I shouldn't have been.  
Then out of nowhere, he spoke. The exact thing I didn't want to hear about. "So, you're pregnant." I groaned and tried to hide my face with my arm. "This is a good thing."  
"No Jere." I snapped. "No it's not. I'm going to be fucking bed ridden. Who’s going to want to take care of me and the baby?"  
"Everyone's in agreeance that we'll all be taking turns caring for you. I accepted the new role for a movie, since we're going to need the money, so Sean and Norman were going to take turns helping you. Bryn said she'll help you in the bathroom when you want baths and what not. It will all be fine."  
"Maybe to you guys, but you don't know how I feel about this."  
Norman reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling it away from my face. "Renner and I agreed that when you get to a breaking point, that we will back off and let you vent. That we cannot get mad at you no matter what."  
"You do know what happens to pregnant chicks, right?"  
"Forgetfulness?"  
Norman and I glared at Jeremy, not believing that he acted dumb at that point in time. "Dude, pregnant chicks still get horny."  
"Fuuuuck." He sighed heavily, scratching the back of the head.  
"I still have the vibrator at my house, I can bring it by."  
"Haha, very funny." I slapped his arm. "But in all seriousness, if you're gone to film and I have the urge to be fucked by you, what am I supposed to do?"  
The boys stared at each other unable to come up with a solution. I knew that I had them stumped and it was quite amusing. I guess I was going to have to let them sort that out. In the meantime it was time for more morphine and the nurse brought in a bowl of blue jello.


	25. Chapter 25

"Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope." I pushed Norman's hands away from me, grabbed the blankets and pulled them back over me.  
"It's going to be another hour before Bryn gets back from the movies with Sean. I'm your only other option to a bath."  
"Fuck it. I'll wait."  
"You're sweaty."  
"I don't mind. I was sweaty while I was out for three weeks. Besides, my leg shouldn't be getting wet anyways."  
"It's a sponge bath."  
"No. You'll get some bright idea."  
"You're right. I will. But I won’t act upon it without your permission." He grabbed the blankets and I swatted his hands. "Dammit Niki." He stomped out of the room. "I'm smoking."  
"Good. You should go check up on your son."  
Out of nowhere, Sean came charging in, coming straight over to the bed and ripped the blankets off. "You are taking a bath!"  
"No Sean. No. No. I'm not ready to stand." But it was no use. He pulled my legs over the side of the bed, pulled me up and slid me away from the bed so I couldn't sit back down. "Please Sean, it hurts."  
"Tough shit. You're not letting that leg go weak." He turned me to face the bathroom door and slapped my ass. "Get going." I tried to take a step, body shaking from head to toe. It had been four weeks since my accident, so being weak was expected.  
I finally heard Bryn walk into the house, stopping at my bedroom door. "Sean, leave her alone. She's not ready. Take her in there."  
"No. Don't baby her." He snapped.  
"Sean Patrick Flanery."  
I knew that they were glaring at each other by the way the silence and tension was going on in the room. I took another step, then Norman came walking in and came over to us. "It's fine Sean. She took a few steps. It's a start." He put my arm around his shoulders, then put an arm around me. "I'll take her in there."  
Sean walked out, Bryn following him, not wanting to let him get away with his attitude towards me.  
"Babe. We need to keep you moving. That baby's going to get restless."  
"I know. It just hurts."  
"I'll give you pain meds once you're back in bed. Promise." Norman bent down and lifted me up, carrying me into the bathroom and setting me down onto the toilet. He flipped on the water adjusting it until I was satisfied. I turned towards the bath tub, lifting my feet up onto the edge. "Here, let me help you." His rough hands touched my sides as he lifted my shirt up and pulled it over my head. I had been sleeping in t-shirts and panties so my burns and cut wasn't being rubbed on. He then put his arm under my knees, one around my back and lifted me, placing me on the edge of the tub. He grabbed a bunch of towels and a wash cloth, placing a few on the floor behind me. He then wet the cloth, poured a good amount of body wash onto it and then lathered me up. We could hear Sean and Bryn arguing through the walls, which made me feel uncomfortable.  
Then we heard the front door slam and then Bryn entering the room. "He's going to the store to get you the list of snacks I wrote down for you. I'm going to change your bedding, is that ok?"  
"Yeah. Thanks."  
"Ming called. He says that Tyler's family will let him stay the whole weekend."  
"Okay. I'll just call him later on tonight." I started to shiver as he rinsed me off with a different cloth. "I'm sorry sweetie. I'm trying to go quickly."  
"I know."  
"Jeremy called as well. He said he couldn't get through to your phone."  
"Yeah, it died this morning. Between Ava and taking Ming to Tyler's I haven't had time to charge it." Norman responded.  
"He says that he should be home on Wednesday. But he's only going to be here for a week. He has to fly back out to film the next part."  
"What movie did he say this was?" I asked, shivers running through me more.  
"That second Avengers movie."  
"Ah okay." I felt a warm towel go around me, then his arms again, lifting me as gently as he could. He set me on my feet, helped me get dressed, then lifted me again, carrying me back to the bed.  
"Damn woman, you changed that quickly."  
"Everything but the blankets." She held the blankets until he got me down into the middle, then helped her fan them out over me.  
"Momma." Ava came running into the bed. "Can I cuddle with you?"  
"Come to the left side honey." Norman told her, helping her up as she tried to climb. She snuggled down into the mattress, almost getting sucked in. He pulled the blankets over us, handed me the remote and gave us a kiss each on the head.  
"Uncle Norman. Can I have pizza?"  
"Not right now. Uncle Sean's getting Subway and a kids meal for you."  
"Oooh, cookie?"  
"After your dinner." He slinked away, letting us girls have time to ourselves as he went out to smoke, then did the dishes. Bryn sat in the chair while we went through the list of movies on Netflix.  
"Oh, Norm, there's some movies here with you in it." She teased.  
"Hell no. You want an ass whoopin?"  
We giggled, Ava giggling louder than us, even though she didn't quite get why.  
"How about Emperor's New Groove? That way little miss can watch it with us." I turned on the movie, then placed the remote onto the bed.  
"I'm watching something else when Sean gets here."  
"Yeah, you go do that at your place. Not here in my home."  
"Oh, I will." She winked at me.  
"You dirty slut."   
"Sean's back." Norman called out.  
We heard the door closed, then boots slapping across the wooden floors. He stopped in the doorway and shook his head. "Little miss, you need to eat out here."  
"But the donkey." She protested as we laughed.  
"That's a Llama, honey."  
"Watch it out here." Sean went into the kitchen.  
Ava gave me a hug and kiss, then slid off the bed and ran out into the living room. Sean came back to the doorway. "Babe, your sandwich is on the counter. Did you want any mayo on it?"  
"I'll do it." She got up and left.  
"I'm not really hungry at this moment." I said, hoping that he wasn't going to force me to eat.  
"Okay. It'll be in the fridge for when you're ready."  
"Thank you."  
"We're going to head home now. Call us if you need help."  
"I'm sure you'll hear me from here."  
A smirk came across his face as he left the room, said bye to Norman and then Ava then went out to the car. Bryn yelled bye to me, said her goodbyes to Ava and Norman and then left. After about five minutes, I heard the water turn off, then saw Norman in the door way, drying his hands on a kitchen towel.  
"You hungry babe?"  
"Not right now."  
"Alright. Need me to get you anything?"  
"No. I'm fine."  
"Okay. I'm going to sit with pip squeak, give her a bath and then put her to bed."  
"She's gonna want to hug and kiss me goodnight."  
"Alright. I'll bring her in. Yell if you need me."  
"Okay. Thanks for helping."  
"No problem." He lingered in the doorway, then slowly walked out. It was weird for him to do that, because I never had known him to do that before. Or maybe just never noticed.

When the movie was over, Ava was in my face, wanting hugs and kisses. I must have dozed off because her hair was wet and she was in her feety pajamas. "Who’s on your belly?"  
She gasped "Ariel." She showed me. "She's pretty with her red hair."  
"Yes she is."  
"She got food all over her so I made her take a bath and then finish the movie."  
"Oh, well....more laundry to do tomorrow."  
"I'll make Bryn do it since I bathed both of you girls."  
"Fair enough."  
"Momma you go to sleep now. I sleep with you."  
"Oh no you don't." He grabbed her before she could flop down and she squeaked. "Momma's not feeling well. You are going into your own bed." He put her over his shoulder, letting her make noises as they left the room.  
"Nigh nigh momma."  
"Nigh nigh boo bear." I moved over onto my right a little, grimacing at the pain. I was tired of being on my back as well as my left side, but being on my right was still too much. I wanted to call for him, but Ava wasn't letting him leave the room.  
"When's daddy coming home?"  
"Wednesday."  
"When's that?"  
"Today's Friday, so in four days."  
"Four days? That's too too far far away."  
"Not really. It just feels that way because he’s miles away from us. He'll be home before you know it. Now, lay down, close your eyes and say your prayers." I saw the light flip off, then heard him shuffle across the floor.  
"I love you momma."  
"I love you too, boo bear." I called out.  
Norman kicked off his shoes, scooted them under the dresser, and then pulled off his shirt and jeans. My eyes slightly lit up, unsure of what he was about to do. When he crossed the room and came to the bed, I tensed up, unsure of why I was doing so. "You act like you've never seen me in my briefs before."  
"I'm married now."  
"Calm the fuck down woman. I told you that I wasn't going to try anything unless you give me permission." He climbed into bed and rolled me over onto my left.  
"That side is getting sore."  
"I bet." He kept rolling me until I was halfway on him. "There, is that better?"  
"I guess." I had no choice but to put my arm on his chest.  
"Relax. I'm not going to bite. Unless you want me to." I slapped his chest. "Kidding. Geesh woman. Take a joke."  
"I need some pain pills."  
"Shit, now you say something. K. Hold on." He slipped out from under me, rushed out into the kitchen, and then came back in with some pills and a glass of water. He placed them onto the night stand, helped me sit up, and then handed me everything. As I sipped the water, his phone went off and he was quick to answer it. "Hey Renner. Yeah, she's swallowing." He laughed as I hit him repeatedly, then ripped the phone from his hand.  
"Hey baby, I was taking pills."  
"Kinda figured that much."  
"What's up?"  
"Did I miss Ava?"  
"Yeah, she's out like a light."  
"Damn. Okay. Tell her that I'm sorry. I tried to get to the trailer as soon as I could."  
"Okay. Message will get passed on."  
"How's my Queen doing?"  
"Could be better."  
"Are you excited for Wednesday?  
"You know it." Just then, I heard a bunch of giggling in the background, then him hushing people.  
"Whose there?"  
"Just Scarlett and Lizzy. They stopped by the set to see how I've been doing. They've been making faces at me since I picked up the phone." I said nothing to him which let him to saying... "Hello. You still there. Did my phone die?"  
"I'm here." I choked on my crying. "I'm feeling the pills kick in." I hated lying.  
"Okay baby. I'll let you sleep then. I love you."  
I opted out of the romantic words and said... "Mmmhmm. Night." And hung up before he could say anything else. I tossed the phone at Norman and demanded him to leave me alone as I struggled to scoot back down into the mattress.  
"I know it's none of my business, but that didn't sound like it went well."  
"Well when he's got his giggling coworkers in the background...."  
"Shiiiit..I'm sorry." I felt him get into bed and snuggle up behind me. He wrapped his arm around me and placed his face against my shoulder. "Is there anything you want me to do?"  
"No."  
"Do you still want me to leave?"  
"You can stay." I slipped my hand into his, feeling him tangle our fingers together. I pulled his arm close to my chest. Lips pressed against my shoulder, I knew he wasn't wanting me to break down, but I had been so numb since I came home. Jeremy hadn't been much of help before he left and now.....  
The cries that left my lips were different than I normally would. It was from being exhausted and hurt and feeling left alone. He said nothing, did nothing but hold me tight, let me cry and kept his face pressed against my shoulder. It was all I was needing. And it hurt to know that he was willing to do all of this.  
And my husband wasn't even around.  
"Just let it out. I'm here for you." He whispered, stopping when we heard Ava in the doorway.  
"Momma, are you okay?" She sounded like she was going to cry herself.  
Norman slipped away and went to her. "Momma's just exhausted. Sometimes mommies needs to cry themselves to sleep so they can feel better in the morning."  
"Okay. I love you momma."  
I tried to not sound pathetic. "I love you too, Ava."  
"Let's get back into bed, bear."  
I was so out of it I didn't notice him climbing back into bed five minutes later, until he rolled me onto my back and looked me in the eyes. "You are a strong, beautiful woman. Don't let this eat you up inside." He moved the hair from my face, then handed me the tissue he was holding. I wiped my face, nose, then tossed it onto the floor. "Get some sleep. I'm going to be up a little more to make sure bear stays asleep."  
"Okay." He kissed my hand, then my temple before he got up and went out into the living room. I closed my eyes and prayed to God that Jeremy was behaving.


	26. Chapter 26

Norman looked confused, wearing that damn extra-large, dark blue sweater and a pair of pajama bottoms with Harley's all over them. His hair was messy, some strands in his face. He had a mug of coffee in his hand, leaning against the door frame with his other arm. "Are you crazy? Your mom's going to kill you."  
Little did Ava know, I was already watching her climb up onto the chair and get into the change jar. "Shhh. I'm gonna go get candy for momma."  
"You're mother has her own stash in a drawer. So get that sticky hand out of there and go eat your vitamins." I assumed that she made a face because he was making one at her. He placed his mug onto the dresser, pulled her hand out and lifted her off the chair. Go to the table and watch Frozen. Eat your breakfast and take your gummies. I don't want to have to tell you again." He sighed. "I'll turn off the movie and put you in time out."  
She gasped. "No no no." And ran off into the living room.  
I rolled over onto my left side, hoping he wouldn't noticed that I was watching the whole thing. His body pressed into the mattress as he slid in, putting his arm around me, nuzzling my neck with his face. I felt his lips press gentle kisses, fingers locked with mine. His cologne was stronger this time and I was hitched. My breathing was waving, feeling his lips brush against the nape of my neck, then his teeth gently nibbled. I lightly moaned, hoping the munchkin couldn't hear me.  
My fingers squeezed his, tighter and tighter as he kept kissing, nibbling. Temperature was slowly rising and I could feel myself get wet. His lips passed over my ear, to my neck, kissing my jaw line. He said nothing as he kept teasing me. No asking, no begging. He pulled his hand away from mine, sliding it between my legs from behind and gently lifted my injured leg. He tucked his leg between mine, resting my leg on his. He then wrapped his arm back around me, hands on my breasts, massaging them roughly. His fingers, gently as possible, rolled my little buds back and forth, making them hard. He pressed himself into me, wanting to beg me, but knowing he couldn't.  
I finally couldn't take it and slid his hand down my panties, knowing that he was pleased to at least do something for me. His fingers slid up and down my velvet folds, making them wetter, than slid his long fingers inside me, hitting my favorite spot. His mouth was next to my ear, voice raspy as he tried to stay quiet. "You like that?" I shook my head as he went deeper. He slid his left hand under my neck and covered my mouth as he went faster. My hands grabbed at the pillow, gripping it tightly. He knew my weak spot and went for it. One lick behind the ear, then lips kissing right below that. I turned my self towards him, pulling his face to mine, locking lips with him. The more he fingered me, the wetter I got and the more tongue he was receiving.  
"Mmm...let me fuck you." He groaned as quietly as he could. He was pressing himself more into my back side, thumb on my little bundle of nerves. "Please. Let me..." I kissed him again before he could finish his sentence, feeling myself get closer to the finish line. "Nic, you're killing me."  
"My daughter can come in at any minute."  
He groaned as he pushed himself harder into me. "This is your fault."  
"My fault. How so?"  
"You're so tempting. Sexy." He rubbed his thumb faster and I wanted to scream. Just as I reached my peak, he stuck his tongue in my mouth to prevent me from screaming. When he pulled away, he licked his fingers, then grinned at me. "Always good." He winked, then got up and walked away just as Ava came running back in.  
"Momma. Olaf got impaled." She giggled as she turned and ran off.  
I sighed and rolled onto my stomach, wanting to scream. Every bit of me was angry that I had allowed that to happen, but at the same time, he and Jeremy never came up with the plan on what to do if I needed to be satisfied.  
"Baby girl." I groaned when I heard Sean's voice enter the house, then Ava scream happily. "Ouch girl. Tone that down." He was in the doorway moments flat, holding Ava. I didn't want to move, but I could see his reflection in the window. "Are you okay?"  
"Yes. Just tired of being on my back." It wasn't lying because I truly was hurting and tired of being on my back.  
"Do you need me to pop it?"  
"No. I just need to stay like this for a bit. I'll eventually roll back over."  
"Do you mind if we take Ava to the park?"  
"Totally mind." I sighed.  
"Yeah, you know I can't tell if you're being serious or not."  
"Take Norman with you. Leave Bryn behind."  
"She's wanting to go."  
"Take Norman with you."  
"Someone needs to stay behind with you."  
"Take Norman with you." I refused to give up the fight.  
I heard her whine, then the door close. Ava was in my face before I knew it. "Did something happen?" His voice was quiet enough to were only I could hear him.  
I slightly sat up to look at him. "I'm afraid that if he stays, something will happen and there's no safety word for that."  
"Oh." He didn't argue as he got back up. "Okay then. Taking Norman with me and leaving Bryn behind."  
"Thank you."  
"No problem." He patted my bottom, pulled the blankets over me, and then walked away. "Bryn. You’re staying."  
"What?"  
"Well, I was just thinking...the park is the best place for single uncles to take their beautiful nieces."  
"You better not mean yourself."  
"Not me."  
She must have gotten it because she was in my room and on my bed next to me in no time flat. She waited for the front door to close, then the sound of the truck down the street before she played twenty questions with me.  
"What happened?"  
"Oh nothing. He totally didn't just finger me to death while my daughter was in the other room watching Olaf getting impaled." That was a bit too soon, because it followed a shriek and a slap on my ass.  
"What are you thinking? You are married!"  
"Not like Jeremy's here to deal with it. And I'm sure he's glad he's not here to take care of me anyways." Silence proved that I was right. "The day before I got out of the hospital, I bluntly asked them what I was supposed to do and they never came up with a plan."  
"So, letting Norman...."  
"It's as far as it went, even though he was practically begging for more."  
"Well, you are pregnant, so not like you can get pregnant again. I think it's extremely rare."  
"You're not helping." I grunted.  
"Did you and Jeremy ever state what kind of relationship you guys wanted?"  
I had to think about that for a bit.  
"No."  
"So then, if you happened to just.....is Jeremy going to get mad?"  
"Most likely."  
"Hmmm." Her paused was nerve wracking. "I'm going to punch him in the dick."  
"Who?"  
"One or the other, maybe both."  
"You're conniving."  
"Yes and you're a slut."  
"Certified slut, thank you."  
Her phone went off and I knew exactly who it is by the tone in her voice. "No you may not talk to her. Why? Because you goofed up by not telling her if it's an open relationship or not. I'm saying this because I heard what you did to her last night on the phone. No. Don't you talk to me like that. You're a dick. You left her pregnant and barefoot with a two year old clinging at her side, what the hell do you think is going to happen? Of course the first man that is available is going to want her. Are you that stupid to think it's not going to happen? She married you for you. Don't start cussing at me. I will stick my foot so far up your ass you'll be eating toenails for weeks. No. No you may not. No. You cannot talk to her. Tell her what. YOU WHAT?! You are such a....FINE BE THAT WAY!! Don't expect her to be wanting you when you get back home then if that's how it's going to be. JACKASS!!" She threw her phone across the room, smashing against the door. I didn't need her to explain. I knew that he didn't care.  
A high pitched cry came out of my mouth as I tried to fight it back. "OH sweetie. It's going to be alright. Sean's not going to let him get away with that."  
"Get away with what?" Sean walked into the room with Ava, Norman behind them. I pulled a pillow over my head and kept crying, but tried to listen to them.  
"Jeremy doesn't care if Norman has sex with his wife."  
"Did you even let him talk to her, let him explain?"  
"No. I refused."  
"Well that would explain the broken phone." Norman spoke up. "Maybe you should keep your nose out of our business."  
"She's crying and you want me to stay out of it?"  
"Bryn, I think you should go tend to Ava. Let me and Norman talk to her."  
"I do NOT trust him around her."  
"Settle down. I'm not going to hurt her." Norman snapped.  
"You always say that and then you do it again."  
"BRYN!" Sean snapped. I felt the bed move, then hear voice out in the living room talking to Ava. The door closed, then I felt someone sit at the end of the bed and rub on my leg. "She's only got a part of the conversation right. Renner said that it was alright if that's what you truly want."  
I pulled the pillow off of my face and sat up to look at them not caring that my hair was in my face. "What I want is my husband to be here acting like a FUCKING HUSBAND!!" I yelled. "FOR BETTER OR WORSE THAT'S WHAT HE PROMISED ME!!"  
"I know baby."  
"Not even six months into the marriage and he's already wanting to dump me off onto the closest person. He fought for me so long and now he's got me. What is he so afraid of? Am I that much of a problem. Am I really that hard to please?"  
"You are the easiest person to please." Norman spoke up. "He's fucking foolish."  
"Norm's right. He is being a fool and he will see what he's losing when he gets home."  
"Ha. If he ever decides to come home." I sniffled. "I'm pregnant with his baby, AGAIN and his daughter is in the living room asking why she can't be in here with me and why her daddies not home. And then she has a fucked up biological mother...." I sniffled again.  
"Sean. Ava's throwing up."  
"Fuck. I'll be right there." He yelled back. "I'm going to go help the girls. You get some rest." He got up and started to leave.  
"I'm going to do some laundry." Norman started to leave until I asked him to stay. "Hold on. I'll be back." I heard him walk off, talking to Sean but unable to hear of what. Then he was back, door closed and then I heard something I haven't heard in a long time. The lock of the door. At that point I had given up. My marriage was a sham.  
"Sean's going to take Ava to their place after she's doing better. I think she got into too much candy while I wasn't looking." He climbed into bed with me and pulled me onto my side. He wrapped his arm around me and held me. We were back to saying nothing until Sean knocked on the door.  
"We're heading out now. You two be safe and call us if you need anything."  
"Alright." He called back. Hearing them leave made me feel better because I really didn't want Ava to see or hear me upset again. "Did you need any meds?"  
"No."  
"Do you need me to get you anything?"  
"No."  
"Want me to do anything for you. Foot massage. Sponge bath?"  
"No." I thought hard though on everything he was asking.  
And then I thought about what Sean was saying.  
Thought about what was said that day in the hospital.  
And this morning, the unexpected lovely time with Sean.  
And just as I was about to tell him that I just wanted to sleep, the look that Norman and Jeremy gave each other popped into my head.  
Those little bastards had everything planned out from the beginning.  
Somewhere down the line while I was out cold, they made the decision themselves.  
And now I was going to be their sex toy.  
But only if I gave Norman my consent.  
"Norm." I tried my hardest to not sound so nasally.  
"Ya babe?"  
"Fuck me."


	27. Chapter 27

"Are you absolutely sure this is what you want?" Norman asked me, hand shaking as he turned my head to look at him. "I want you to be sure. Because once we start up again, Jeremy will know and this could go so many directions."  
"I know." I reached out and touched his face. He kissed my hand, then my shoulder. It was pleasant to know what he was concerned about the whole situation and I was surprised that he would actually agree to everything.  
"If I hurt you, in any way, don't hesitate to tell me." I nodded, then gasped when his fingers slid into me. He hit my sweet spot a few times, slid out and licked his fingers. He then sat up and pulled off my panties, trying to avoid the bandages. He shimmied out of his pants, then got back into bed, sticking his fingers back into me. I was extremely wet and excited, wanting to know how we were going to do this and then his tip was inside of me. Teasing my opening. My leg was over his, his arm was around me, making me feel secured. The deeper he went, the more I breathed hard, trying to push out a moan. He was halfway on top of me. It wasn't absolutely comfortable, but I couldn't complain. I need him inside me, to make me scream.  
His hand rested against my chest, lips running up and down my jaw line, my throat, before kissing me hard on the lips. Pressing against my body, he pushed in further, grinning when I finally was able to let out a moan. "Fuck, woman. I miss this." His hip rolling made me breathless, the pain in my leg made everything more pleasurable. His hand moved up to the base of my throat, fingers squeezing a bit.  
"Mmmm...Norman." I allowed the words to fall from my lips. "Harder." He moved his leg up more to lift mine and went deeper. I clawed at his chest as he rolled his hips faster, crying out as he hit the best spot ever. He lifted me up off my back, kissing me as he finished in me. Seeing that I didn't finish, he rolled me onto my stomach and entered me from behind, thrusting as hard as he could. "Shit woman. What's it going to take to get you off?"  
"A lot. It's been a month."  
"God almighty, let her get hers." He bit me on the shoulder, slipped his hand under me and found my little bundle of nerves. When I gasped and pushed my face into the pillow, he became amused. "Ooh, really? I'll take note of that." He drew circles as he slowly rolled his hips into me. I couldn't control my screaming, biting the pillow wasn't helping. Wave after wave crashing against my thighs. His other hand went around my throat, gently squeezing. "Turn your head." I did as he asked. "I want to hear you cum." His lips were on my jaw nibbling at it. I breathed heavy to get myself closer to the edge, then moaned loudly as my body gave away. I could feel the stickiness against my thighs, knowing that he had cummed again, but wasn't sure if he did it inside of me or not.  
Kiss after kiss on my jaw line, then shoulder and then he was slipping off of me and the bed. "I'm going to smoke. Don't go anywhere."  
"Not like I can." I adjusted myself so I could finally be comfortable, then felt the exhaustion creep in. I closed my eyes, just wanting to rest, feeling a big relief, up until Norman came walking back in.  
"I just got off of the phone with Renner."  
"Yeah?" I sat up and looked at him.  
"He's on his way home. He's been missing you a lot."  
"Oie." I flopped myself back down, pulled a pillow over my head and groaned.  
"Don't worry. I've got this." That was what I was worried about. What was he going to tell my husband?  
Was this cheating?  
It was hard to tell since we all had agreed upon this even if it wasn't quite verbal.  
I wanted to get up and run away. But then again I needed to face my men.  
My men.  
I giggled to myself.  
I never had two men at once. Never had two men who wanted me that badly.  
Then I thought harder.  
My husband was coming home and I smelled like sex. Like Norman. I wanted to be presentable. But how was I going to meet him at the door if I could barely walk?  
I rolled over to the right side of the bed, pulled myself up, then scooted to the edge. I wiggled my toes, rotated my feet, then took a deep breath and stood. I held onto the handle by the bed side, firmly, then took a step forward. Another step, then I let go of the bar. I was hobbling, but it was better than nothing. As I got closer to the bathroom door, Norman came walking in, stopping when he saw me.  
"Niki." He was speechless as I kept taking steps towards the bathroom. He came closer to me, wanting to help, but instead moved alongside me in case I fell. "You're doing great. Keep it up baby." Just as I got to the door, I started to feel weak and leaned against the dresser. "Want my help?" I nodded, then felt his arms go around my waist. I pushed my back against his chest and slowly walked with him to the tub. He helped me sit, then took off my shirt and ran the water for me.  
I ran my fingers under the water until I liked the temp, then took the wash cloths from him and bathed myself. "Norman."  
"Yes, love."  
"Can you pull out my summer dress with the V-neck and my pearl necklace?"  
"Sure." I was surprised that he wasn't asking questions and left the room. I looked at my toes, seeing that they were still perfectly painted. When I was about to call for him, he came up behind me, took the cloth from me and washed my back. "He'll think you're beautiful no matter what." He kissed me on the nape of my neck, left side, then tossed the cloth into the tub. He helped me out, dried me off, and then brought the dress and a pair of panties to me. I was excited to be seeing my husband for the first time in a week. It didn't take long for me to get the dress on, but the panties were a different experience. He had to slip them on and pull them up to my hips. I did the rest, then did my hair as he pulled on the necklace and clasped it together.  
Jeremy was going to be here any minute and I was losing my nerve. "Do I look alright?"  
"Baby, you're stunning." He turned me around and looked me in the eyes. "You walk out of this room when he walks in and he'll be stunned into silence. You are strong, beautiful and dedicated. You can do this."  
"Can you help me walk around?"  
"Certainly." He kissed me chastely, which made me want him to keep going, then took my arm in his and helped me walk into the bedroom. We walked back and forth from the window to the door, until I was tired. Just as I sat down on the bed, we heard the front door opened, then a familiar voice.  
"Honey, I'm home."  
"Are you ready for this?" Norman looked me straight in the eye, searching for my answer. I nodded my head, received the same kiss from him, and then waited for him to talk to Jeremy. "Stay there." Norman rushed back to me, helped me to my feet, and then walked behind me in case I needed to quickly sit. I hobbled to the doorway, stopping when Jeremy pulled off his sunglasses and stared, eyes wide open. I managed a small smile, even though I was in a lot of pain. Took a few steps out into the open and watched the sunglasses fall from his hand. I noticed the bouquet of flowers and felt my face turn read. Norman was right up beside me, arm around me in case I passed out. He was right, I stunned him into silence.  
"Hi baby." I managed to say through the pain.  
"You look....breathtaking." He came over to me, Norman grabbing the flowers from him, taking it to the kitchen. Jeremy put his arms around me, hugging me tightly and I was more than happy to have him home. "I couldn't stay away from you any longer. That night on the phone....I am so sorry. I swear I wasn't doing anything. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't say my lines without thinking about my vows. I apparently said your name several times instead of the character name." He kissed me sweetly. "So, did you guys have fun while I was away?" I choked at the thought of what had just happened a bit ago. "Where's Ava?"  
"With Sean and Bryn."  
"Ah, okay." He took off his suit jacket and flung it over the back of the chair. He looked at Norman, then back at me. "Did you too......?"  
"Was it not okay?" I bit my lower lip, off if he said no.  
"Honey, it was my idea to begin with. I knew I was going to have problems coming back. I was damn lucky that they let me go this early." He kissed me sweetly again. "Now that I'm home, I owe you something." He reached into the pocket of his jacket, pulling out a slender red velvet box. Before I could have any reaction, my knees gave away. He caught me, dropping the box onto the floor. "Okay, let's get you back into bed."  
"No. Couch." I was winded and very upset with myself." He helped me over to the couch and sat me down. Norman came over to me and sat down, holding my hand after handing me a glass of water. Jeremy picked up the box and brought it to me. I handed the glass back to Norman, took the box and opened it. It was beautiful.  
"It's from Paris. I had a lot debate on if you would want that, or another pearl necklace."  
"It's beautiful." I accepted his kiss, feeling Norman's hand squeeze my leg. Was he getting jealous? Then it had hit me, Norman was the one who bought me the pearl necklace. So it was a good thing that Jeremy didn't buy me one as well. I looked at my lover. "Can you give us a second?"  
"Sure." He kissed me on the cheek, got up and left the room.  
Jeremy sat down beside me. "Is everything alright?"  
"Did you really mean it, that you are alright with me sleeping with him?"  
"Yeah. I am alright with it. I want you to be happy and satisfied."  
"But are you happy about it?"  
"Why wouldn't I be? I rather have someone I know and trust take care of your needs then some random dude on the street." He had a point. I tried to not burst out screaming. I simply placed the box onto the coffee table, got up and straddled him. He gently placed his hands on my thighs, looking into my hazel blue eyes.  
"I love you."  
"I love you too." He pulled me down, kissing me passionately.  
I felt it. Norman must have been watching because I could feel his emotions from far away and it was getting closer. Jeremy's hands moved to my waist, lifting me up onto my knees. He fiddled with himself, then slowly lowered me back down, grin sliding onto his face as I gasped. We both didn't move and I couldn't figure out why.  
Norman's hand went around my neck, pulling my back against his chest. "Mmm... you look delicious sitting on him." His raspy voice rang out, sending chills through me. "Fuck him good. Make him cum inside your hotness." He let me go, moved to the couch and put one leg up onto it, sitting down. He stroked his long hard self as he watched me roll my hips, hands pressed against Jeremy's chest. I kept looking at them both, seeing that they were enjoying the view. My hip rolling turned sharp, making Jeremy moan loud. I tightened my muscles and kept rolling sharply until he cummed inside me. Before I could catch my breath, Norman had me around the throat, kissing me hard on the mouth. "Beautifully done." He whispered, then walked away. I looked at Jeremy, who didn't seem phased. I kissed him chastely, got up and rushed after Norman.  
"What the fuck was that?" I snapped, watching him switch the laundry. "You can't just do that and walk away."  
He slammed the dryer door shut, came over to me and pressed me against the washer. "That's just a little preview of what's to come." He kissed me chastely. His lips hovered over mine and I licked them.  
"Then I guess it's time for me to put my big girl panties on." I winked, licked his lips again and walked away. I knew it was going to get to him. He was hard as a rock and there was nothing that he could do.


	28. Chapter 28

Jeremy slammed her against the fridge, arm pressed against her chest. "If I ever fucking hear you do that again to Ava....."  
"Jeremy!" I snapped. He refused to budge.  
"Never. EVER do that again to my daughter. You hear me?"  
"Yes." Her voice was shaking just as bad as her body was.  
"Nicole is her mother now. If you want to see Ava, you must talk to her about it."  
"Okay."  
"No more shit from your mouth about my wife. You almost got her killed." He let her go, grabbed her arm and flung her into Sean. Sean held her up, turned her towards the door and let her go.  
"Didn't know that some cheap pussy was more important than the one who gave you your daughter." I clutched my fists, turning around and pulling away from Norman. "Too bad the girl didn't kill you." I lunged at her but Sean grabbed me, holding me back as I screamed at her, calling her a 'fucking cunt.' She laughed, but Bryn got the best of her when she decked her, breaking her nose.  
Helena pushed Sonni out the door and walked her to her car. Norman took me from Sean as Bryn shook her hand. "Damn, she's got a thick nose." Sean looked at her hand.  
"Let's get some ice on that."  
"I had it under control, Bryn." I yelled at her.  
"I was doing you a favor. You could have injured yourself more."  
"I'm not fucking weak."  
"I wasn't implying that you are." I couldn't believe that she was staying calm.  
Ava was in her room crying and my motherly instincts started to kick in. I went into her room and grabbed her. It was hard to lift her but I had to do it. Jeremy came in and took her from me. "You should go lie down."  
"What the fuck is wrong with all of you? You all act like I'm not allowed to do jack shit. That was my moment to prove my ground. She is my daughter. I can take care of her without your fucking help."  
Jeremy handed Ava off to Abby, grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the room. He took me to the guest room, kicked the door shut and pushed me over to the closet. He slammed me against the wall, hand on my throat. "I know you want to stand your ground, but I am not letting you get tabloids all over you, nor the police."  
"And like you need it either?"  
"You're pregnant and you’re the mother of my daughter. They need you more than they need me."  
"You are just as important. Ava would be insane without your love and guidance. You have no idea how much she misses you when you are away."  
"And you?" His face got closer to mine. "Do you miss me?"  
"Every day. Every hour. Every minute that goes by, I cannot stop thinking about you. Where you are. What you are doing. If there's someone else you are falling in love with."  
"I don't love anyone but you. I don't want anyone but you." His hand left my throat, grabbing me around my waist, other hand on his jeans. It didn't take long for him to shove himself inside of me, lifting me off the ground. I wrapped my bad leg around him, arms around his neck. Every thrust I accepted, every bite on my shoulders and neck, led to him fucking me harder and harder. His grunting was sexy and when he cummed inside me, my body twitched, fingers sliding off of his shoulders. He took me to the bed and sat me down. He then got onto his knees and placed my feet on his thighs. "You're my wife. There's going to be points in time that I want to fuck you like that, but I feel guilty for doing so."  
"Are you asking me ahead of time for permission?" I put my hand under his chin, lifting it to look into his greyish blues. "Until I get bigger, it's alright with me."  
Sean and Bryn came crashing in, giggling and kissing each other, stopping when they saw us. "Oh shit. Sorry. We can go home."  
"No. Go ahead. We're done talking." Jeremy stood, took my hand and helped me up. As we walked passed them, Bryn slapped Jeremy on the ass and giggled. Sean stopped me, waited for Jeremy to be out of ear shot.  
"You two alright?"  
"Yeah. Perfectly fine." I glanced at Bryn. "Just clean up after you’re done."  
"Will do." He kissed me on the cheek, then slapped my ass as I walked out and closed the door behind them. I hadn't even moved away from the door when I heard Sean moan and Bryn giggling. Rolling my eyes, I walked past Helena, took Ava from Norman and went to the couch. Sitting her down onto the couch, I heard Norman talk to Helena.  
"Thanks for all of your help."  
"Of course. Just because we're no longer together doesn't mean that we can't be friends. Or help each other out."  
"Dad. Mom is taking me to the bowling alley and getting ice cream afterwards. Can we take Ava with us?"  
"Ming, if Jeremy and Niki allow us to take Ava, we'll have to do bowling another night." Helena spoke up.  
"Oh. Then what can we do?"  
"The park is always a good place to go." Norman came over to me and picked up Ava. "Park boo bear?"  
"YEAH!!" She cheered.  
"That is if it's okay with your mom and dad?" He looked at me.  
"I'm okay with it." I looked at Jeremy, who was standing in the doorway to the bedroom.  
"I'm fine with it. Just have her back by dinner."  
"Alright. Let's go." Norman handed her off to Mingus. I grabbed Norman's arm, holding him back as Helena took the kids out to the car. Norman looked at me. His eyes were expressing so much, I couldn't take it all in.  
"Keep her safe."  
"Always." He kissed me chastely, tapped on my pearl necklace, and then left quickly. I looked over to Jeremy, seeing a grin on his face.  
"What?"  
"Nothing." I went over to him, stopping when I heard the loud moaning coming from my old room. "They got busy quick."  
"Oh my...." I pushed him into the bedroom, closed the door, and then pushed him onto the bed. I pulled his shirt up and over his head, then stepped between his legs and kissed him hard. "Jeremy." My voice was quieter.  
"Yes, my love."  
"Fuck me hard. I want to be fucked so hard that when I scream your name, they can hear it."  
The grin on his face spread wider as he took off his jeans and boxers, he put his arms around me and took me down onto the floor with him. He stuck a pillow under my butt, then slid between my legs and forcefully entered me. "You want it like this?" He slammed into me a few times, making me gasped loudly. "You do like it rough, don't you?" I clawed at his arms as he kept slamming into me, the pain feeling wonderful. "You got wet quick." He pushed himself further into me, stopping briefly when I grimaced. "Shit, you okay?" I nodded my head. Squeezed his biceps as he went a bit further, gasping when he rolled his hips sharply. "Breathe." His voice was heavy in my ear. I exhaled then inhaled quickly and sharply, feeling myself getting close to cumming. "Breathe" He said again. I had no clue that I was holding my breath until he said that again. The more his tip teased my sensitive spot, the more I wanted to cry out. When he bit my nape, I let out the loudest moan I had ever had built up, sure that everyone in the neighborhood could hear me. Jeremy rolled off of me and laid on the ground.  
"Fuck woman. You're so good." A knock was heard on the door. Jeremy covered me with my dress, then grabbed the pillow and covered himself. "Yeah?" The door opened and Bryn popped her head in.  
"Are you two okay? That's the loudest I've ever heard you, girl." I felt my face turn red as he grinned from ear to ear. "Anyways. I just wanted to remind you that you have a doctor’s appointment in the morning for your leg. Then another one the day after for your prenatal checkup."  
"Okay. Thanks for the reminder."  
Sean pulled Bryn out of the way, then looked at us. "Oie. You two had fun." He winked at me. "Can I borrow your woman for a sec?"  
"Depends on what for."  
"She'll understand and can explain later."  
I slowly got to my feet, wobbled over Jeremy and took Sean's hand. He walked me out of the room, then stopped me in the middle of the dining room. "What's going on?"  
He lowered his voice. "I cannot get her to get off. I have never ever had this problem with her before and I don't know what to do. I'm afraid she'll have a meltdown."  
"And you want me to talk to her?"  
"More or less."  
Immediately I understood where this was about to go and went into the bedroom where she was sitting, Sean not too far behind me. "Hey love. You alright?"  
She looked up at me with sadden eyes but I knew she was going to hide it all. "I'm fine."  
"Okay. Well, I'm going to help you."  
"With what?"  
"Close your eyes."  
"What?"  
"Just trust me. Close your eyes." When she did, I looked at Sean and nodded. He got onto the bed and laid down. "He's lying there, so go ahead and get onto him." She listened to me, grabbing my hand for guidance. I saw Jeremy in the door way out of the corner of my eye. This was going to be amusing to both men. "Does it hurt?"  
"No." She shook her head.  
"Good. Now breathe and relax. Sean, give me your hands." He held out his hands and I took one and placed it on a breast. I then moved his other, sticking his thumb on her hot core. "Find her clit and gently do circles. When you are ready, Bryn, roll your hips." I got closer to the bed, turned her head to face me, and then kissed her chastely. I heard both men gasp as I deepened the kiss, rubbing her other breast with my free hand. I then teased her nipple, then pulled away, winked at Sean and walked away, closing the door behind us. We waited a few minutes, then heard her moan really loud.   
"That was......fucking hot." He walked with me into the kitchen. "What else do you have up those sleeves of yours?"  
I couldn't answer as I saw Norman standing there, looking pale as a ghost and blood all over his face and clothes. Helena and the kids weren't with him. I let out a blood curdling scream.


	29. Chapter 29

Norman allowed me to slap him, not restraining me as I screamed and cried. I could hear Sean asking what was going on, while Jeremy was trying to pull me off of Norman.  
"Norman. Why's there blood?" Sean finally grabbed his best friend and shook him. "Wake up. What the fuck is going on?"  
Norman couldn't keep his eyes off of me. "She's alright." I stopped screaming, but couldn't stop crying. He then looked at Sean. "He came out of nowhere. This guy. He grabbed her and ran. I chased him down and ripped her from him. I killed him. I killed a man."  
"Where's the baby?" Sean snapped.  
"With Helena at the hospital. Mingus is with them."  
"Bryn. Get them into the truck."  
Jeremy held me as I cried, having to take me to the bedroom to get me dressed, as well as himself. When Bryn came to the door, she latched onto me and walked with me out to the truck. Sean got the guys out to the truck, making them sit in the bed. He drove faster than the speeding limit, which sucked out a police car that was tucked away, waiting to nail someone. "Hold on." Sean yelled as he floored it, not caring that the police man was yelling at us to pull over.  
The tires screeched as we came to a stop in front of the ER doors and I kicked the door open and ran inside, ignoring the policemen that were yelling at me to stop. I could hear Sean's voice in the distance and slid to a stop when I saw a nurse. "My daughter."  
"Are you Ava Renner's mother?"  
"Yes."  
"Okay, sweetie. She's in the children's wing on the fourth floor." She stopped talking when Mingus ran up to me, out of breath.  
"I heard Uncle Sean's truck. Come on." He took my hand and ran with me to the elevators. I forgot about my husband as Mingus pushed on the door to the stairwell. We ran up the stairs, breathing heavily when we reached the fourth floor. He pushed another door open, pulled me past a bunch of on looking doctors and nurses and pulled me into room number five. He hit a button that made the glass door slide open, then pushed back the curtain.  
"MOMMA!" I heard my baby girls gasp and rushed to her side.  
"Ava!" I wanted to snatch her up and squeeze her tight, but her little arm had an IV in it. "Oh my baby girl." I kissed her little face, making sure that I didn't miss a spot, then looked at Helena. "Thank you."  
"Thank Norman. He saved her."  
"But you brought her here, so I'm thanking you as well."  
She started to cry. "I don't know what happened. I took her off the swing, she ran over to the back side of the slide. I went to the front to catch her and then she was gone. I screamed for help, which brought Norman and my son over to me. Ming ran around the playground while Norman scouted the woods. When he came to me, he had blood all over him and handed her off to me. She was unconscious so I rushed her here."  
I got off of the bed, gave Mingus a hug, thanked him, and then went over to her. I gave her a reassuring hug. "I am very thankful from the bottom of my heart that you saved her." The door opened and I jumped up, stopping when I saw Jeremy and Bryn standing there. Jeremy rushed to the bed, while Bryn explained about the boys.  
"They are taking Norman into custody. Sean will be in here soon. Norman explained why he did it and they aren't mad. Apparently the man was a predator. They just have to hold him over night so the press doesn't say that he's a serial killer or anything like that." I went to her and gave her a hug. She rubbed my back. I looked up as Sean walked in.  
"They will release him in the morning. How's she doing?"  
"They have an IV in her." I went over to the other side of the bed and watched Ava play with the deck of cards that Mingus had been carrying around. Sean went to Helena and pulled her out of the room to talk to her.  
"My dad's arrested for saving her?" Mingus sounded confused. "That's bullshit."  
"Ming." Bryn tried to speak, but he cut her off.  
"My dad's not a killer. He saved her and a lot of other little kids."  
"I know baby." I looked up at him. "He'll be out in the morning. I promise you."  
"I found this in the lobby." Bryn handed him his iPad.  
"Thank you. I forgot about it." He took it, went to the chair and sat down.  
The door opened and a doctor walked in. "Mr. and Mrs. Renner?"  
Bryn went over to the window and sat down.  
"Yes." Jeremy sat up.  
"Avaa is going to be alright. When your friend found her passed out, it was from fright. There's a possibility that she saw your friend kill that man. If at all she is showing signs of depression or acts out in any way, please don't hesitate to bring her in or take her to a psychiatrist.  
"Alright. When may we take her home?"  
"This evening. We want to be sure that she's hydrated enough and can stay coherent." I felt him jerk at that word and knew that it was going to be a long night. "Your friend, is going to need a lot of love and support and needs to know that what he did was okay. He had to do what was needed to protect your little girl." I knew that she meant me. Jeremy would have done the same thing. I knew that he was glad the sick bastard was killed. I on the other hand was glad, but also worried that it was going to affect Norman in a bad way.  
Another doctor popped his head in. "We have a gentleman asking for Mrs. Renner. Says they are friends. The police are waiting for him though. We have most of the blood off of him."  
I perked up at the description. "I thought he was already arrested?"  
"They were going to until he showed signs of paranoia. We got him cleaned up and sent him up to the eighth floor for a psych eval."  
Jeremy and I looked at each other and he nodded. I didn't want to leave Ava, but Norman wasn't going to stop asking for me. I kissed her on the cheek, went over to Mingus and squeezed his arm. I followed the doctor down the hall way and into the elevator. I wasn't sure on what to think or say. My lover, my best friend was going to be labeled as psychotic and a killer. I couldn't let that happen.

When I walked into the office, I cringed at the way it looked at smelled. Norman was hand cuffed to the chair, looking very pissed off. I went over to the empty chair and sat down. "When this dick comes back in, tell him that I'm not crazy. I've never killed someone before."  
"I will." I kissed him on the cheek, sitting straight when the doctor came in and sat down. He glanced at his paper work, then at me.  
"Mrs. Renner. Can you vouch for Mr. Reedus.....?”  
I refused to let him finish. "Norman has a fifteen year old son that he lives and dies for. Ava Renner is his niece and by what you've been told, he lives and dies for as well. He killed that man to protect my daughter and saved thousands of other children that could have suffered the same fate, or worse. He has never hurt another person intentionally."  
"Then I will tell the judge that he's not a harm to society. He may go back to living his life, but will be on house arrest until further notice."  
"You do know who he is, right?"  
"Yes Miss. We will discuss his job as an actor later on. But until he is called to do his work, he is under house arrest and you are to be his guardian. You are to report to us every week and any time he steps out of line."  
"Alright. I can do that."  
"A fucking guardian?" I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. The police officer un-cuffed his hand, handed him his things, then ushered us out. I kept a firm grip on his hand and walked with him to the elevator.  
Once we were on, he pushed me against the wall. "I did it for you. I know how much she means to you."  
"Thank you for that." I pushed the four button, then leaned against the wall.  
"You think I'm a monster now."  
"Not at all." I kissed him chastely to prove it. "I love you more for it." I kissed him again, keeping my hands on his face. His hands rested on my wrists, not wanting me to let go. When the doors opened, he pulled away and stood there, unable to move. "What's wrong?"  
"She's not going to be able to look at me."  
"We will find out together." I took his hand again and led him out, down the hall and to her room. I pushed on the button to open the door and stepped in first. "Ava." She looked up at me with a toothy smile.  
"Momma."  
"Someone wants to say hi." I took a step off to the side, holding his hand behind my back. It was tighter than normal on my hand as she stared at him.  
"Uncle Norman."  
"Hey baby."  
She looked at her arm, then whimpered. "Owie." She looked at Jeremy. "Daddy, owie."  
"I know pumpkin. It has to be in there for a little bit longer."  
She looked back at Norman. "Thank you."  
"You're welcome sweetheart."  
"Daddy said bad guy stole me but you...you save me."  
"Yes." His hand got tighter and I wanted to push him off. He looked at his son. "Ming."  
"Hey dad. I thought they were booking you?"  
"I'm under house arrest." Everyone looked up at him.  
"They put him under my care. I have to report to them every week until they see it fit for him to rejoin society."  
Sean scoff. "If only we were in Texas."  
"Well we're in Oregon, so it's going to be different."  
"I don't know about you guys, but I have to piss like a race horse." He yanked on my hand. My cue to go with him. When I stepped out, I looked back at Ava, seeing that she was distracted by Jeremy and he was distracted by her.  
Norman pushed open the stairwell door and pulled me along with him. "I thought you had to go pee."  
"I needed to get fresh air and didn't want to upset the kids." He led me down the stairs, stopping me at the long hallway and pushed me against the wall. "I've been thinking....." His voice trailed off and my hands grabbed at his baggy black sweatshirt. I could see the blood stains, unable to look away. "Nic." He lifted my chin. "I'm going back to New York with Helena and Mingus.  
"WHAT?" I grabbed his arms, keeping him from stepping back. "Don't you dare leave me."  
"Helena's taking Ming back so he can visit his friends there. He misses them. I figured that I'd go with them and check on my apartment there. I can come back in the winter, when things have settled down here."  
I fought back the urge to scream at him and let him go. "Okay. If it's what you want. Just don't forget to check in with me periodically." Sucking it up, I walked away, trying to get up the stairs, but he grabbed me and pulled me back to him. I tried to push him away, but his mouth was on mine, hands going up my shirt. "Norman." I tried to protest, but he had me speechless. I finally pushed him off of me and walked to the stairs, stopping. I thought about everything, then turned and went off on him. "You can't just do that. Make Jeremy compromise his marriage with me, do what you want with me and then leave me when shit hits the fan."  
"This was all his fucking idea. I was against it because I knew....I knew..." His voice trailed off. I knew what he was wanting to say but I didn't want him to say it.  
"Okay." I tried to control my breathing, my heart was pounding and I was feeling dizzy. A part of me was getting ripped out and stomped on. I headed up the stairs, not stopping when he called out to me. I didn't want to speak to anyone as I went into the room and sat down next to Ava. I kissed her on the head and pointed at the dog on the screen. Mingus was sitting at the end of the bed, showing Ava how to play the game.  
Jeremy looked up at me, mouthing "are you okay?" I faked a small smile, then looked back down at the screen.  
I had my family. I had my extended family and that's all I was needing.  
If Norman wanted to walk away, then so be it.  
I was better when he wasn't in my life.  
I will be glad when he's gone.  
Norman stepped into the room and I felt my heart skip.  
No. I wasn't okay with this.  
I wouldn't ever be okay with it.  
But I had to let him go.  
To keep my children safe.   
To save my marriage.  
It had to be done.


	30. Chapter 30

I couldn't do it.  
It was breaking his heart that I was refusing to say goodbye.  
Goodbye was permanent. And this couldn't be goodbye.  
I could hear him in the living room tapping his foot on the wooden floor, possibly biting his fingers. Jeremy had already said goodbye before taking Ava to the store.  
Mingus had left with Helena the day before and Sean was out in the garden with Bryn, waiting on Norman.  
I was on my bed, not wanting to move. I made him believe that I fell asleep. That way he couldn't see or hear me cry and could leave without saying a word to me. I tried my hardest to not move, but I needed to pee badly. So with a sigh, I heaved myself up and off the bed, hobbled into the bathroom to relieve myself.  
He was in the doorway when I flushed the toilet. We were unable to say anything as we stood there staring. He moved forward, but I pulled my arms away from him. "Nic...."  
"Don't. You don't get to say goodbye." I choked up. "Just go."  
"I can't go. Not until I get a hug." I knew that it was a bad idea, but allowed him to put his arms around me. His smoky cologne smell hit me hard and I fought the urge to cry. His hands slid down to my butt, lifting me up, setting me down onto the counter gently. I pushed him away, then covered my face. Crying was something I had been doing a lot lately and I was getting tired of it. He pulled off his sweatshirt and put it on me, pulling my hands through the sleeves. "You're cold. I can see you shivering."  
Liar. You just don't want me to be without a memory of you.  
"I will call you when I get to my apartment." He kissed my head, moving away slowly. I reached out to grab his arm, but found his belt instead. I refused to let go and he refused to get any closer.  
"Please, don't leave."  
"My flight is in an hour. I have to go." Seeing that I wasn't letting go, he came closer, grabbing my face and looking me in the eyes as the tears rolled down my face. "One day, when things get better......when I get better, I will be here."  
"But you won’t be the same."  
"I can't be the same. You are married to my friend. It's not right. What I've done to you isn't fair. Look at you. You are a wreck over someone you aren't in love with."  
"I do love you."  
"But you're in love with him. And he doesn't deserve all of this. You don't deserve to be trapped between two men who are pretty fucked up all on their own."  
"REEDUS. Let's go!" Sean yelled into the house from the front door.  
"I have to go."  
"No." I grabbed his hips, preventing him from leaving. He suddenly kissed me passionately but it felt like everything was disintegrating between us.  
"Do you know what I loved the most about you?" I could think of a thousand and one things that he loved about me as much as Jeremy loved about me because they were practically the same. "You, as cranky as you are, you are a strong woman. Your lips, your ass...." He wanted to say some other things but opted out in case Ava came walking in. "You hold yourself up high and lift others with you. You are the anchor to this group and we wouldn't survive without you." He kissed me chastely, then pulled me off the counter and walked with me out to the truck.  
When Jeremy walked up with Ava in his arms, Norman placed my hand in his. "Don't ever change. You are built for this. You weren't built for sin." He kissed me on my cheek bone, then turned and got into the truck. Sean hopped in and drove away, while Bryn came over to us. She put her arms around me and waved good bye to the boys.  
Jeremy kissed me on the head, wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close. "How about we watch a movie?"  
"Hmmm. Which one?"  
"How about Frozen? It's funny to watch that snow man get impaled."

 

There's a lie for every truth,  
If you take these pills, I think you just might make it  
Dammit I hope you make it

When you were mine, was I for you,  
Just one cheap thrill just to help you make it  
Dammit I hope you didn't fake it

~ Built for Sin, Framing Hanley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued....... in Fair Game


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's been so long since I've posted something for this series. I didn't realize I had 262 hits... until someone pointed out a mistake in chapter one, that is now fixed. I will try to post the rest of them on one of my days off this week - either Friday or Saturday. I work nights from 9 pm - 5/6 am and I try to be in bed before 8 am. To anyone whose been patiently waiting for the other 30 chapters, thank you for doing so and I am really sorry I've left you hanging.

Loud noises should had been something to get use to. Alarm clock going off, kids screaming, vehicles going by as well as the many different levels of sirens going off. I however wanted to go back home. It was more peaceful with less noise except that of the two year old I once declared as my own.  
But it had been two years since I saw her and I had a munchkin of my own. Her strawberry blonde hair sat in pigtails as she stood on top of the chest staring at me. I blinked my eyes, trying to wake up, knowing that if my lover saw her, he'd get very upset.  
"Amy. You know that you aren't suppose to be in here."  
"The babysitter is gone."  
"What do you mean the babysitter is gone?"  
"Her boyfriend called and she just left."  
I groaned, slipped out of bed and grabbed the thin white robe and pulled it on. "Come on bug. Let's get something to eat." I grabbed her and carried her out into the kitchen, closing the door behind me.  
The biggest difference between Amy and Ava, was Amy was a small baby. She always had been small. We assumed it was because I was bed ridden most of my pregnancy, leaving me to not want to eat much.  
I placed her on the stool, pushed it in more so she couldn't fall off, then went to the cupboard. "Baby what do you want to eat?"  
"Can we go out to eat?" She was smart, just like Ava. She knew what she wanted and always tried to get her way. This was one of my favorite qualities that she got from her father.  
"Honey, not today. It's not Friday."  
"Cheerios then."  
"Are you going to be miss sassy today?" I grabbed the box from the cupboard, closed it then went to the other one and grabbed out the purple bowl for her.  
"Can I talk to daddy?"  
"Yes, you are always welcome to call him." I poured her a good amount into the bowl, poured in the milk, then gave it to her.  
"Then I be sassy today." She was always sincere about things too, which was another quality she got from her father. Every time she got onto the phone with Jeremy, they had a game they played. Who could be the sassiest and she would always win.  
"Is that why the babysitter left? Did you get sassy with her too many times?"  
"No. I got sassy after the phone call."  
"Well, remind me to never higher an eighteen year old again."  
She gave me a thumbs up, then dug into the bowl with her Queen Elsa spoon. She was just like me on that movie. Hated it with a passion, except Olaf. We loved it when Olaf got impaled. To her, it was a character being silly. But to me, it meant more. Reminding me of the long haired friend that parted from me when she was just a few weeks old in my belly.  
"You girls are quiet today."  
I looked up and saw my new lover standing in the kitchen by the dinner table, hair messy, orange bath robe hanging open. He was wearing his baby blue boxers and held his coffee mug in his left hand. "Yeah, well, we lost another babysitter today."  
He scoff. "Doesn't surprise me. You're hiring all the wrong people. Her smarts will grow more if you have older people watch over her." He went over to my daughter and placed a hand on her head. "And if she wasn't so demanding like her mother." He glanced up at me with a wink."  
"You're getting me that Unicorn today, right?" She asked him.  
"See what I mean." He walked over to me, placed his mug onto the counter and pulled me into him. "Always that unicorn."  
"Despicable Me is one of her favorites."  
"She's not going to be demented by it, is she?"  
"Depends on if you let her watch those horror movies."  
"OH, did she catch me again?"  
"Yeah and wouldn't leave the bedroom last night until I slept with her."  
"That would explain why you came into the bedroom at two in the morning." He kissed me chastely, then grabbed his mug and went to the coffee machine. Something about his kisses put me off. They didn't seem meaningful and like they were forced.  
"We have a special client coming in tonight. I would like you to come in a meet him."  
"If I can get someone to watch her." I went to her and kissed her on the head. "Are you going to be good so I can go with Stephen tonight?"  
"Can you get the hot guy who lives in twenty four C?"  
"What hot guy?"  
"He's got blond hair, really tall and he knows how to skateboard. He says hi to me every day and wishes me good luck with the babysitters."  
"I'll have to go speak with him. How old is he?"  
"Seventeen." I knew that Stephen was staring at us, wanting to cut in.  
"Darling, I don't want you to be talking to him so much. Okay."  
"Why? He goes to school every day and doesn't stay out late with his friends."  
"You are too smart for his type." I kissed her again.  
"Please talk to him."  
I sighed. "Fine. I'll talk to him." I went back into the bedroom and changed. When I emerged, Stephen was bent over the counter, talking to Amy about the different princesses. "I'm going to go talk to this kid. I'll be back."  
"I'll come looking for you in thirty minutes."  
"Deal." I pulled on my flats, headed out the door, hearing her yell at him for messing up Rapunzel's boyfriend's name. I tried to not laugh as I pulled the door closed and headed down the hallway. Taking the elevator would have been best, but I wanted to stretch my legs. Twenty four was on the floor above us and the last time I had gone up there, a homeless man was asleep on the floor and I almost tripped over him. I had no clue how he got inside because we were in a locked facility.  
Up the stairs I went, thinking about the way my daughter described this kid. He couldn't have been hard to miss. If I didn't know any better, my daughter was crushing on a potential sex offender.  
My hand came down on top of the door, jumping back when it immediately opened and I became speechless as the familiar face stood in front of me. "Mingus."  
"About fucking time."  
"Watch your mouth."  
"Get in here." He grabbed my arm and pulled me in, quickly shutting the door behind us. "Dad said that he thought he saw you but wasn't sure."  
"What are you doing here in Portland?"  
"Uncle Sean said that you were missing. They've been looking for you non stop for days. Jeremy says he gets mysterious phone calls of a little girl asking for him, but she never says her name and is always hanging up before he could ask her to put on her mom. Dad thought that if we moved back here, we'd some how find you, if we looked together."  
"Well, you found me. Where's Norman?"  
"He's out right now, looking for you as well as doing some business. He wouldn't say what of." He grabbed his phone from his pocket. "Wait till dad..."  
"NO." I grabbed his phone and threw it at the couch. "You cannot tell him that I am here."  
"Why?" His curiosity was peaking out.  
"I can't explain. He just cannot know. Not yet."  
"Okay." He changed the subject. "I know you are in need of a sitter. Bianca was terrible anyways."  
"How do you know this?"  
"Cause she was hitting on me whenever I walked by to say hi to your daughter."  
"Not surprised."  
"I can watch your daughter tonight. Amy, right?"  
"Yeah. I'm just going to have to explain to Stephen why I changed my mind about you."  
"Just tell him that you use to babysit me when I was her age."  
"Brilliant."  
"Dad misses you."  
"I miss him too."  
"What time do you need me?"  
"Seven o'clock. I want to go over some things with you."  
"I'll be there ten till."  
"You're such a good kid."  
"You have a hand in that, ya know." He gave me a hug, then let me out. I stumbled over the skateboard, then headed back down the stairs, smile on my face. My curiosities were confirmed.  
When I walked back into my place, Amy was in the living room dancing around to the music from Aladdin, while Stephen was sitting at his desk, typing away. I closed the door and went over to him.  
"Kid is good. Turns out that I use to baby sit him when he was Amy's age."  
"Well that's good." He kept typing. "He's up to watching her then?"  
"Yeah. He'll be here around seven."  
"Good. If you want, you can take the card and go shopping with Amy. I need to respond to some emails and get some paperwork printed off for a new perspective client."  
"Alright. Do you want me to take the blue card or black one?"  
"Take the blue one. I need the black one for tonight."  
"Okay. I'm going to get her dressed then." I started to walk away, feeling him grab my arm. He pulled me back, then down for a kiss.  
"Find something sexy to wear. I want him to sign."  
"Desperate, are we?"  
"He's got connections that I want."  
"Ah okay." He kissed me again, then let my arm go. I quickly went to Amy, turned off the movie and took her into her room. I put her into her rainbow dress, pulled on her shoes and then carried her back out into the living room. I grabbed my purse, went to his wallet that sat on the island and took out the blue card. As I headed to the door, I looked back, seeing that he was still staring at the screen.  
A sigh slipped from my lips and I closed the door just as Mingus walked out. "Ming!" She squeaked.  
"Hey princess." He gave her a hi-five. "You look cute today."  
"Thank you. Momma dressed me. I could have looked better."  
"Amy." I scolded her as he laughed.  
"Can I walk with you? I'm on my way to meet my dad for breakfast."  
"Sure, just don't...."  
"I know. Don't tell him I saw you. Promise." He took his finger and made a cross over his heart, then pushed the door open, letting me walk out first.  
"Ming, you look hot today."  
He laughed.  
"Amy." I snapped.  
"Amy, you are silly. I'm family. You can't be flirting with family."  
"Oh." She looked disappointed.  
"Don't worry. You'll find someone soon." He kissed her on the cheek, then walked away. "See you at seven."  
"Be safe!" I called out to him. He sprinted, then threw his board down and hopped onto it.  
I sighed, went across the street to the bus stop and sat her down on the bench. I had fifteen minutes before the bus would be there and wasn't wanting to deal with an antsy two year old. The only other option would be the max and she hated that thing. I heard the max ascending, giving me five minutes to get to the stop that was fifty feet away. I snatched up my purse, picked her up and raced across the lawn. She giggled as she bounced around in my arms, stopping when she saw where I was heading. Before she could protest, we were hopping aboard and taking the first empty seat I saw.  
Watching the scenery go bye, I replayed what Mingus said to me in my head, then put the pieces together. If Amy had been trying to call Jeremy, that meant Stephen had been preventing her from completing the calls. That would only explain why she developed the sassy attitude and her supposed game with Jeremy was due to him yelling at Stephen for not letting him talk to her.  
I never thought that Stephen would be that kind of a person. Lately, a lot of things hadn't been right with him. He hadn't looked at me the same way ever since he met her. And then I wondered if he would ever give me the ultimatum. Her or a life with him.  
He's stupid to think I wouldn't chose her.


	32. Chapter 32

Six fifty on the dot, Mingus was there in my living room, staring at me while I moved around the kitchen, getting things situated for Amy's dinner. "She likes hot dogs in her macaroni, grapes are in the fridge and she likes strawberry milk. Don't give her any candy and her inhaler is in the first drawer on the island." I placed her bowl in her spot, then went around the counter and went into the living room. "Bug, momma's got to go now. Stephen's waiting for me."  
"Okay." She gave me a hug, I kissed her on the head, then went over to Mingus. "Call me if she has any problems."  
"Only if it's an emergency." He gave me a hug. "If I was my dad, I wouldn't have let you go."  
"Thank God you only look like him." I kissed him on the cheek, then wiped the lipstick off his face. I hated to dress up when it wasn't needed. "Behave."  
"Always."  
"Amy!" I called out. "Do not argue with Mingus."  
"Okay momma. I love you."  
"Love you too." I walked out and closed the door, having a gut feeling that tonight was going to be a life changer. Wasn't sure if it was going to be for the best, but there wasn't going to be a way to prevent it.

 

I headed into the club, a few feet behind Stephen. This was one of the things that had changed between us. Going from being the girl on his arm, to the girl who didn't matter anymore. He was greeted by the "Olsen" twins, whom I was sure had a time or two with him in the past. Their giggling was annoying and I wanted to puke in my mouth at the sight of their fake breasts. The only person I was glad to see was Candy. She was the loud mouth redhead that always got her way. We always had each other's best interests, keeping me safe whenever I did show up to the club. Once I was spotted, she waltzed over to me and hissed at the twins until they left me alone.  
"Stephen says that there is a new client. Did he tell you who it was?"  
"No. Unfortunately I'm not special enough." She put her arm around me and walked with me around the building, waving at the dancers.  
"I also have a special friend whose interested in this place. More or less of the dancers than the business itself. There's a rumor that he's got a fetish for short brunettes, especially milf's."  
I choked when I heard her say that last word. "You don't say."  
"He's going to want to deal with someone of a high importance, so maybe he just might ask for you."  
"Are you kidding me? I haven't danced in two years."  
"Well you can't always be pushed around by Stephen. He's going to have to realize that you need to earn money as well."  
"There's no way he's going to do that."  
"Pray about it." We stopped at the emergency exit. Candy grabbed my shoulders and turned me into the direction of Stephen and the new client, I had never seen before. And then her friend walked in and I almost screamed. "Bryce Winters. Forty six, single dad. Supposedly he's perfect in bed." I choked on my words, even though I wanted to confirm her answer. "He comes in here at least five times a month, but never leaves satisfied."  
I imagined what Stephen was saying to him as he pointed to all the dancers, waiting for him to chose. But Bryce didn't seem interested in any of them. And then that's when Candy walked over to him and I wanted to stab her. She was cheerful and convincing and when she came back over to me I knew I was doomed.  
"Stephen actually agreed after I sold you like a diamond." She grabbed my arm and led me to the back of the building where all of the private rooms were. She picked number six, pushed me in and closed the door behind me.  
I was scared. I didn't know what was going to happen and praying didn't seem to help. As I looked through the CDs, I heard some laughing, then the door opening and closing. That familiar raspy voice filled the room.  
"Star?"  
"Yes." I tried to not sound like myself, not wanting to give it away yet. I flipped through more CDs, glancing at all of the names.  
"I heard that you were the best, but you're a bit rusty."  
"Yeah, a bit."  
"A thousand dollars says that you are perfect. Five hundred now, five hundred if you can get me to leave here satisfied." It was the best offer anyone had ever given me. I grabbed the mixed CD, placed it into the CD player, closing the door. I pressed the play button, took a deep breath and took my hair out of the bun. I shook my hair out, placed the hair band onto the dresser, then turn and faced him, not letting myself look up at him. I could see out of the corner of my eye, him pulling up a chair, dusting it off and sitting down. He was trying to relax, but I could tell that he wasn't wanting to be here.  
I reached up and pulled my hair out of my face, then walked over to him, stopping when his mouth dropped. "Niki." My name was quiet coming out of his mouth. We both didn't say a word as the irritating song kept playing. I inched towards him, afraid of what he was going to say, feeling his hands touch the back of my knees as I stood in between his legs. He pulled me down onto his lap, hands on my back, holding me securely. Our lips brushed each others and I could feel a spark light up between us.  
When our lips pressed together, I felt a deep ache in my heart as well as down below, feeling myself get instantly turned on. His fingers gently touched my face, lips moving to my jaw line, tracing it as I breathed heavily against his neck. I gasped when he bit the nape of my neck, realizing that he hadn't changed one bit. My finger dug into his leather jacket, wanting to pull everything off of him and let him take me there, on the floor. In the chair, on the stage. I didn't care, I just wanted him inside of me.  
The knock on the door made him pull away from me and I hopped off of him and fixed my dress just as Candy came walking in. "Oh, I'm sorry to disturb you guys, but Stephen's looking for Star. I guess your babysitter, Mingus, is on the phone. Something about your daughter having issues breathing."  
I could feel his disappointment in his son as I crossed the room and left with her, not looking back. My nerves were a mess as I grabbed the phone from the bartender and covered one ear. "Mingus?"  
"I gave her the red inhaler and she's not doing well. She's not turning blue, just still winded."  
"Okay. Get into the emergency kit in the bathroom and grab the purple one. Give her a few puffs of that and then have her sit and watch Frozen. I'll be there soon." I hung up the phone, looking at Stephen when he walked up.  
"Is she going to be alright?"  
"I don't know. I need to be with her."  
"Alright. I'll be home around three."  
"Okay." I stepped forward, being held back by him when he swooped in and kissed me, then let me go. He walked away with Candy and I looked over my right shoulder, seeing Norman standing there on the other side of the bar, staring as he sipped from his glass. I quickly turned and left without saying a word to anyone and rushed off to the max train that was approaching.

 

Mingus held back laughter as I walked into my place, wiping his face as I walked past him. "Well, I see that you met the special client."  
I reached up and wiped the lipstick off of my face with my hand, went over to the sink and washed my hands. I slipped off my heels, jacket and purse being dropped onto the floor as I went over to the couch, seeing her sitting there, holding her Olaf stuffy. "Hey baby."  
"Momma." She said, sounding sick. I sat down and pulled her into my lap just as Mingus came over and sat down.  
"Did my dad scare you?"  
"You knew about this, didn't you?"  
"I told you that my dad was looking for you. He wasn't going to just skip the trashy areas."  
"Yeah, well, he's going to cost me my relationship if he doesn't be careful."  
"Stephen? He's a class A douche."  
"Ming."  
"No." He got serious and it was surprising. "He doesn't give a shit about you or Amy. My dad has always cared. There was never a day that went by that he didn't say something about you. You had a great impact on his life and then you pushed him away." He got up and went to the door, grabbing his skateboard. He looked over his shoulder at me. "My dad would have given anything to have kept you near him." And with that, he was gone.  
There wasn't anything more heartbreaking than to see that kid disappointed in me. Stephen wasn't going to let me go, especially if he knew that Bryce Winters was Norman Reedus, a former lover of my past. I was trapped and I made it that way. There was no one to blame but myself.

 

Three thirty hit and I was awoken by the sound of the door closing. I hoped that he didn't wake up Amy as he went around the kitchen, closing the cupboards louder than normal. I slipped from the bed, slowly walked into the kitchen and stopped by the island.  
"Did you have fun?"  
He spun around, smiling when he saw me. "Well, he signed."  
"That's good, right?"  
"For the most part, yes. Just waiting for the money to start rolling in." He took a sip of beer. He was reeking of alcohol and random perfumes.  
"Well, it's a good thing that you are charming and the girls are persistent."  
"I just wish that you were there with me. You would have been the knock out for him. It took two hours of convincing him."  
"Oh, I'm not a lucky charm. I'm just another person."  
"But you are a lucky charm." He placed the bottle down, grabbed me and lifted me up. He set me down onto the counter and stepped between my legs. "I'd like to celebrate." He kissed me hard on the mouth, then pulled off his belt and undid his pants. Without prepping, without warning, he shoved himself inside of me and thrusted. That was the biggest difference between him and my boys. They cared about everything they did. Stephen did not. His lips on my neck wasn't wanted, but I had no choice. I fake moaned the whole time, hoping that Amy wouldn't wake. It was only a few minutes and he was already expelling inside of me.  
Just months prior to the change in him, Candy had begged me to get on birth control and without questioning I did so. I spent most of the time praying that he wouldn't get me pregnant and that I wouldn't ever contract anything from him.  
Stephen pulled away from me, quickly zipping himself up just as Ava walked out of her room. "Momma, I feel hot."  
I slipped from the counter and went to her, getting down onto my knees and feeling her forehead with my wrist. "Oh, you do feel hot. Let's get your temp checked and then take some medicine." I took her into the bathroom and sat her up onto the counter, popping the thermometer into her mouth after pulling it out of the drawer. It was going to be a long night and by the way he went into the bed room I knew that I was going this alone.


	33. Chapter 33

Nine am came quickly and I was on my feet ready to pounce on Mingus when he would do his daily walk by before going to class. I had been up since six am, waiting on Stephen, then taking care of Amy until Stephen went to work at seven thirty. I was getting antsy, until ten minutes pass and she was right at the door, hand on the handle, trying to get the door open. I rushed over to her, ripped the door open, grabbed Mingus as he stepped up and pulled him inside.  
"Shit Niki. You scared me."  
"Sorry. Is your dad home?"  
"Yeah, it's his day off, why?"  
"I need you to watch Amy until I'm done talking to him."  
"Dad will kill me if I miss school."  
"Fifty bucks and I'll tell him that I made you." He dropped his bag onto the floor, the board against the wall, then went with Amy into the living room to watch Tarzan. "Thank you!" I yelled as I rushed out, closing the door behind me, then ran to the stairs. Up I went, hoping and praying the whole way that Norman would listen to me. As I reached out to knock on the door, it opened and I jumped back.  
"Norman."  
"Niki. I thought you were Mingus."  
"He's with Amy. My idea. Giving him fifty bucks. Can I come in? We need to talk." My abrupt fast paced talk floated around his head until it made sense to him. He invited me in and then went over to the fridge as I walked in and closed the door behind me.  
"You thirsty?"  
"No thanks. Had coffee this morning."  
"I see that." He moved to the coffee pot and poured some into the black mug before going over to the end of the counter and sat down on the bar stool. "What do you want to talk about?" His fingers ran around the lip of the mug, making it hard for me to concentrate. I didn't even think he knew he was doing it. "Nic?" I knew what to say, just at a loss of how to say it. He started to catch on and decided to talk first. "Mind telling me what happened between you two after I left?"  
"Besides the birth of my daughter, no, nothing to say, except that we are separated."  
"I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad that you and your daughter are safe. After receiving a voicemail from a panic stricken Renner, followed by Sean threatening to kick my ass, I knew I had to start looking. Seeing you last night took a few notches down."  
"A few?" I aimed it at what he did to me in the private room. "And I suppose you are going to report to Jremy and Sean that I'm working at a gentleman's club?"  
"No. That's not my place. All I would say is that you are safe and need time to find yourself." I had to give him credit. He wasn't the type to tattle tale on someone. "If you don't mind me asking, how is it working there?"  
"Well, I wouldn't know. I've been out of practice since I've been with Stephen."  
"I see that you and Candy have worked things out on who gets who."  
"She knows who you are due to the pictures I carry in my purse. I just don't know how she knows you."  
"Old friends. Nothing ever got serious between us. Was never a fan of the fake breasts." I nodded my head, acting like I understood. "Are you going to keep standing, or would you like to sit?"  
"Standing is good. Keeps me from doing things I shouldn't be doing."  
"I think that's what gets you into trouble. Sit." He kicked out the stool beside him. I was very hesitant. I would sit in the stool beside me, it was enough space between us, but my body was betraying me, forcing me to go to that specific stool he wanted me to plant my butt in. I was refusing to look at his face, taking note on what he was wearing. Blue jeans, black hoodie and his favorite biker boots. Oh how I loved those boots on him. "Nic?" I looked up and saw it. Around his neck was the chain necklace I gave him years ago when we were together. It made me wonder if he was still wearing the pendant with it. "What else did you want to talk about?"  
"Your son has a mouth on him."  
"Yeah, I try to keep him straight. Kinda hard with him going back and fourth to New York."  
"Calling Stephen a douche isn't acceptable."  
"Depends on if Stephen is actually a douche. From the way Ming has described him...."  
I cut him off. "You don't know him."  
"Ah, but I do know you and you never let men step all over you." His fingers were now gripping the mug tight. "Your independence is gone as well as your happiness. Whatever happened between you and Renner has torn you apart. And it seems that this Stephen guy detected that and decided to make matter worse." I couldn't respond. "Hit a sore spot, didn't I? Good. You needed to hear that."  
"You are...."  
"Whatever it is that you want to call me, I already know that I am. I always have been straight forward with you. You're not happy with Renner, you definitely aren't with this Stephen guy, so what makes you happy?"  
"Amy." I didn't miss a beat.  
"Well, I'm glad that she does cause someone's got to make you happy." He pulled out a cigarette from his hoodie pocket and stuck it in his mouth. I scoff and looked away. "I'm not lighting it. You know that I have an oral fixation, when it's not busy with other things." When I looked up he licked his lips.  
"I should go check on Amy."  
"Kids fine. Ming's got this. Now that he knows what to do when she has a bad one, you can relax. I can see that you haven't been able to do so in quite some time."  
"Understatement."  
"I could pop open Jack and give you a sip." He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth, sticking it between his fingers on his left hand.  
"No thanks. Last time I drank around you it got a little crazy."  
"But the sex was good." He pointed the cancer stick at me, knowing that he was getting to me. "What's the deal with Stephen anyways? Going to get married to him?"  
"No. He doesn't believe in marriage and I know that he's been sleeping around, so there's not much there."  
"Why are you with him then?"  
I shrugged my shoulders. "A home. Security."  
"So he scares you." I clammed up, having the urge to walk out on him. He sighed, dropped the cancer stick onto the counter, grabbed the stool and pulled me closer to him. "Do I scare you?" He slid part ways off the stool, sticking his feet onto the floor, keeping me between his legs. He took my arms and pulled them away from my chest, sliding his hands to mine. "Do I scare you?" I shook my head no, letting him place my hands on his chest. "If you don't want me, push me away." His voice was starting to get raspy like the night before. It was his go to thing to make me weak. He kept inching closer and my brain kept telling my arms to push him away, not succeeding one bit. My heart wanted him, my soul wanted to be with him and my tight core definitely wanted him. "Tell me what you want." His hands were on my thighs, siding upwards. I was glad that I had pulled on shorts and not a dress. "Tell me to kiss you." His face, his lips got close to mine, practically brushing them as he spoke. "Make me complete you." The last sentence made my green light turn on and I connected our lips in a forceful way. His hands held onto the edges of the stool, pulling himself off of his, not wanting to stop kissing me.  
I felt myself get pulled off of the stool by my waist, my legs instantly going around him as well as my hands in his hair as we still kissed. He some how managed to get us to the couch, sitting down with me on top, straddling him. My shirt was the first thing to come off, then his sweatshirt and t-shirt, leaving us in our bottoms and me in my bra. He couldn't take his eyes off of me and I knew exactly why.  
"Niki." His voice trailed off as he saw all the scars and fresh marks from cigar burns. "Did he do this to you?"  
"No. These are from his clients. When he found out he pulled me out of the club."  
"Did anyone else get these?"  
"No and that's what Stephen couldn't understand. Believe me when I say, he's not a bad man. He was afraid that one day they would follow me home and hurt Amy. I don't go unless he's there and he usually keeps me by his side."  
"Except last night."  
"I don't know how Candy convinced him to let me be alone." His fingers gently touched my scars, stopping at the longest one. I was instantly reminded of my miscarriages and my only child being born that way.  
He kissed my hands, then sat up and kissed me on the lips. "You're still beautiful to me." He lined my jaw with kisses, then my neck, stopping at my nape. His hand slid my bra strap down, then moved to my breast to carress it. "Mmm, Niki. What do you want me to do?" He kissed my neck then moved up to my ear.  
"Just kiss me, hold me." Without questioning he did what I wanted. His chaste kisses were just as good as the ones from the past, some leaving me breathless.  
The front door opened and Mingus stepped in with Amy in his arms. I grabbed Norman's sweater and covered my breasts. "Shit Mingus."  
"Well it's my house."  
"Couldn't you have called?"  
"Mingus, what's up bud?" Norman slid me off of him, getting up and going to his son.  
"The school called wanting to know where I was and why you haven't called. I told them it was emergency babysitting and that you would call to confirm it." Mingus came over to me after I pulled my shirt back on and placed Amy onto the couch. "And she just threw up."  
I felt her forehead. "Dammit. Not again." I got up and picked her up. "I have to get her home."  
"You don't have to leave." Norman closed the door. "Stay a while."  
"Well, I know that he's not going to make it home for dinner, so I guess we could stay until then."  
"Have dinner with us." Mingus spoke up, sounding enthusiastic.  
"I have to get her meds."  
"I'll get it. I have to get my stuff anyways." He hopped over the coffee table and headed back into the hallway. He was quick going down the hallway, ignoring his dad telling him to slow down.  
I sat back down, placing Amy on my lap. "I don't know what to do with you anymore, bug. I guess I'll have to give you up to the Goblin King."  
"No no no." She said as she laid her head on my chest. Even her voice sounded terrible. "This better not be the flu." I looked up at Norman with worried eyes.  
"I'm sure it's nothing. Probably just a stomach bug. Let me get her some water." He went off into the kitchen and Mingus came sprinting back into the apartment. He placed the med kit onto the coffee table, then looked at his dad.  
"Can I go play on my Xbox now?"  
"Sure. I'll call the school." I heard him pick up the phone just as Mingus bounced off to his room. "Yes, this is Norman Reedus, Mingus Reedus's father. Yeah he missed school due to an emergency babysitting for a neighbor's kid. I think he may have caught a stomach bug as well. You're welcome. Yes. Thank you." Norman hung up the phone, then came over to me and handed Amy a sippy cup.  
"Where did you manage to get one of those?" I pushed her off of me, onto the couch.  
"It was here when I moved in. Don't worry it was disinfected ten times." He sat down in the chair, staring at me and Amy. "She looks like him."  
"You think?"  
He sat forward and stared at her more. "No you're right. She looks like you more." I smirked as he gently pinched her nose. "Hi goober."  
"Hi." She smiled for a few seconds, then went back to drinking.  
I got into the med kit and grabbed out the thermometer sticker and stuck it to her head after removing the backing. "I love these things. She can't bite it and still drink while I'm checking it." I grabbed the Tylenol bottle and got the right dose ready.  
"She can take a nap on my bed."  
"You sure?"  
"Yeah, I don't mind." He started to bite on a finger.  
I looked at the thermometer. "Yup. You have a fever." I moved the cup from her mouth, shoved the eye drop into her mouth and squeezed in the liquid crap. She made a face that made us chuckle, then went back to drinking.  
"If you don't mind, I'll put her in there for you. Take some time to relax." He got up and held out his hands. "Want to sleep on a big bed?"  
"Yeah." She got up and jumped, laughing when he caught her. He carried her to his room, returning shortly with a smile on his face.  
"I can tell she's his by the way she mouths off."  
"She's pretty smart." I kicked off my flats and pulled my legs up onto the couch. He sat on the edge of the coffee table, grabbed one of my feet and started to massage it. "I thought you didn't like feet?"  
"Shut up and enjoy it." He got up and moved to the couch, sitting down where my feet were. I placed my right one behind him and my left one on his legs. He turned on the TV, changing the channel to the Discovery network, then went back to massaging my feet.  
It didn't take long for me to fall asleep and I knew that I slept hard cause the next thing I knew, I woke up to the sun setting and the kids being loud in the kitchen.


	34. Chapter 34

Noah was putting the sauce and meat on top of the pasta, while Casey was pouring the milks and getting out the Parmesan cheese. Amy was standing on the stool, trying to reach for her plate and I happened to walk over just before she face planted it. "Amy. You ask." I grabbed the plate and placed it in front of her, then made her sit.  
"How much would you like?" He looked up at me, licking the sauce off of his fingers. He poured a little onto my pasta and then slid it over to me. "Okay, don't answer then."  
"I'm still waking up."  
"You slept hard. Slept through your kid screaming her head off when she flipped off the bed."  
"What?" I looked her over.  
"She's good. She landed on the mattress on the floor. Just a last minute game Ming came up with to keep her entertained while you slept." I sighed, then pulled out the stool next to her and sat down. Before I could pick up my fork, my phone went off and I got a stare from both boys. I hopped down and went to my phone that was sitting on the coffee table. "Hello? Stephen. Hey. What? Oh, okay. No that's the kids having fun. Mingus came by after school to say hi and then Amy pulled him into a game of tag." I glanced at the kids, wondering why they were being so loud. "Pizza? Yeah, I'll let her know, but she's been sick all day. Yeah that's fine. Forty five minutes? Okay. See you then." I hung up the phone and looked at Norman seeing the disappointment in his face. Mingus placed his plate down and went over to Amy, pulling her out of her chair.  
"Momma?" She was confused as he handed her off to me, then grabbed the emergency kit and walked with me back to my apartment. I didn't want to go, but there was no way that Stephen would be alright with it.  
Mingus stopped me before I went into my apartment. "Dad was really happy that you were with us again. I wish you would change your mind and stay."  
"Honey, it's complicated. Maybe one day we can all get away over night, but for now, this will have to do." I kissed him on the forehead, gave him a hug, then placed Amy down. I took the kit from him then went inside, closing the door behind me.  
"Momma, I'm hungry."  
"I know baby. How about some crackers until the pizza comes?"  
"I want sphetti."  
"I know. I do too." I went into the living room with her, turned on the TV and popped in the Little Mermaid. I wish that everyone could just understand my situation. But for now, staying alive is more important than anything else.

 

Stephen walked into the apartment, holding a large box, calling out to us. "Hey girls. Pizza is here." I shuffled over to him from the bathroom, taking the box from him and placing it onto the counter. "Hey, no kiss?" I ignored him as I took slices out and placed them on plates I had already grabbed from the cupboard. He came to me, grabbed my arms and turned me to face him. "What's going on with you?"  
"I'm exhausted with her being sick again. She's mad at me because Mingus had to go home and I didn't make her spaghetti."  
"Ah, she's just a kid. She'll get over it." He kissed me and then took a plate into the living room. I cut up a slice into bite sized pieces, then took it to Amy. I then sat down on the couch seeing him giving me a confused look.  
"Aren't you hungry?"  
"No."  
"Are you pregnant?"  
"No. Just tired."  
"Maybe an early time then?"  
"Yeah. I'm going to give her a bath and then put her to bed after this movie."  
"When you are done with that, I'd like to discuss some things with you." The email bell on his computer went off, making him jump up and go to it before I could say anything to him.  
All of the sudden, Amy stood and looked a little green. "Shit. Hold on baby." I jumped up and grabbed her, rushing her into the bathroom, setting her down in front of the toilet just before her food came back up. Her crying made me want to cry. "It's going to be alright sweetie." I kissed her on the head, then sat down on the floor, holding onto her little waist as she kept throwing up. Stephen came into the doorway, leaning up against the door frame.  
"Did you want to take her to the hospital?"  
"No. I'm going to wait until morning."  
"Okay. Just let me know if you change your mind and I'll go with you." He walked away and I was imagining me stabbing him in the back of his head.  
"Momma." I came back to reality. "Can I have a bath now?"  
"Yes baby." I flushed the toilet, then begun to undress her. It was going to be a long night and I was wishing that it was spent with Norman and Mingus. At least they cared and Norman wouldn't have let me tell him no.

The bath was quick as well as getting her dressed and to bed. I was glad that when her little head hit the pillow she was out like a light. I wanted to climb into bed with her and hold her all night, but the thought of Stephen wanting to talk to me was pounding on the back of my mind.  
Heading out into the living room, I prayed that a phone call would interrupt us, but it was completely silent in the apartment. He was sitting on the couch watching a horror movie. I went to him, stopping a foot from him waiting for him to look up at me. His hand went between my legs, stopping at my knees and pulled me down. I straddled him, looking into his brown eyes as he looked at me.  
"I'm going to be going to Paris next week. I would like you to come with me."  
"I can't leave her behind. Not while she's sick. It took a week for her to get well last time she was this sick."  
"We can get a nanny."  
"I'm not up to having some stuck up bitch attending to her." Not to mention that I was afraid you'd take the opportunity to kill me and leave my body in the river. "Besides, I think it's the best time for you to have a break from us."  
"You sure?"  
"Yeah, I'm sure." I kissed him on the lips, hoping he'd take that as me being perfectly fine with the idea.  
"Okay. I leave on Tuesday and wont be back until the following Monday. When I get back I would like to take you out on a date. Maybe to the beach. And then maybe to Bullwinkle's with the squirt." My muscles tensed at him using that word about my daughter.  
"Momma." I slipped from his lap, thankful that she woke up. I hurried into her room, seeing that she was sitting straight up.  
"Yeah, bug. What do you need?"  
"My cloths are wet." I sighed, pulled her to her feet and undressed her. I could hear Stephen in the kitchen, probably getting another beer, then going back into the living room. I shuffled over to her dresser and pulled out a thinner night gown and plopped it over her head, taking a seat on the floor as she pulled it on. "Momma, can you sing to me?"  
"Yeah baby. Lay down." I crawled onto her bed, snuggling up behind her once she laid down. I didn't know exactly what to sing to her, so I sang the song from Pinocchio.  
"When you wish upon a star  
Makes no difference who you are  
Anything your heart desires  
Will come to you 

If your heart is in your dream  
No request is too extreme  
When you wish upon a star  
As dreamers do 

Fate is kind  
She brings to those who love  
The sweet fulfillment of  
Their secret longing   
Like a bolt out of the blue  
Fate steps in and sees you through  
When you wish upon a star  
Your dreams come true."  
Out like a light again, but I didn't want to move. Stephen wasn't ready to go to bed and I didn't want to sleep in a bed alone. So I closed my eyes and dreampt of going to the beach with Norman and Mingus.

 

I woke up to giggling. "Momma, why are you in my bed?" I got up, feeling achy all over. She followed me into the kitchen, stopping at the first stool. I picked her up and placed her into it, then noticed the note on the fridge.  
Niki ~  
You looked peaceful sleeping with Amy, so I didn't wake you.  
Have a good day with her.  
~ Love Stephen.  
I scoff, took the note off and tossed it into the trash. I knew that he didn't really love me. Before I could get the cereal out for Amy, a knock was heard on the door. She didn't move because it was ten o'clock. We both had already missed Mingus so it left us to being confused. I went to the door and pulled it open, freezing when I saw Mingus and Norman standing there.  
"I missed you at nine." Mingus pushed past me, going to Amy. "Hey bug. Hi five." Their hands made a loud noise and I couldn't get myself to look away.  
"Norman." I wanted to ask him why he was there, but couldn't get the words out.  
"Nice place. Would you care to join me while I go get a coffee from Starbucks?" He finally took notice of my hair and clothes. "Well, after you get dressed."  
"Sure." I turned and went to my room as he came in and closed the door.  
"Hey Amy. How are you feeling?"  
"Good."  
"Stephen told Mingus this morning that you had a bad night."  
"Yeah. I threw up and got sweaty."  
I tried to listen in as best as I could as I ran around pulling on jeans, my bra, a t-shirt and my flats. I then pulled my hair up into a messy bun, grabbed my pearl necklace and pulled it on before leaving the bedroom. When I made it back out to them, I had a funny feeling that I was missing something, realizing that it was my phone. I grabbed it off of the coffee table, then kissed Amy on the head. "I'll be back baby." I grabbed the mail key off of the hook and shoved it into my pocket.  
"Okay." She shoved cheerios into her mouth as she smiled at me.  
"Thank you for your help." I glanced at Mingus before I left with Norman.  
"Welcome."  
Norman led the way to the back stairwell, leaving me confused because the Starbucks store was a block away in front of us. Once the door was closed, he stopped at the second door and refused to speak. "Norman?" He turned to me, as I moved closer to him. "Are you okay?"  
"I'm fine. I was trying to remember if I grabbed my phone." He pushed on the door, then stepped out into the sunlight. I went with him, knowing that wasn't the reason why he had stopped. I said nothing as we headed around the block, then up the street to Starbucks.  
Once we had our coffees and he took a few sips, he started to talk. "I was bombarded by Mingus this morning and his troubling thoughts. He's under the impression that Stephen's going to hurt you and Amy. I tried to explain to him that it will never happen, but he just can't get rid of those thoughts."  
"He's just worried. He'll get over it once he realizes that we are safe." I hated to lie to him and had a small feeling that he knew that I was.  
"He was also wanting you and Amy to go with us when we go to the beach next week."  
"I don't know if that will happen. If it does, it'll just have to be for the day."  
"Can't convince you anything otherwise, can I?"  
"Not today." He held open the door to the apartments after typing in the code. I walked in, then headed over to the mailbox, pulling the key out of my pocket. My hand shook as I placed the key into the lock, unable to turn the key. His hand touched mine, holding it steady. I glanced up at him, seeing him eyeing me. I knew what he was wanting to say, pushed his hand away and opened the box door. I took out the mail, then pushed past him and went to my apartment door. He was on my heels, but I tried to ignore him. I opened the door and placed the mail on the coat rack table, as well as my coffee cup and the key, then pulled the door shut. I leaned against the wall, letting him get close to me.  
"Why can't you tell me why you are afraid of him?"  
"Because then it'll come back and bite me in the ass ten fold." I was surprised that he accepted that as an answer.  
The door open and Mingus stood in the opening. "Dad. Mom called to see where we were."  
He looked at his son. "Okay. Tell her that we're on our way." Once Mingus had the door shut, he looked back at me. "Care to join us?"  
"Where?"  
"Powell's, then the Water Front. The Blue's Festival is going on." Perfect way of blending in without getting caught if Stephen happened to be there. "I suggest shorts and a summer dress for her. It'll be in the eighties by noon."  
"Let me get ready then." I went in as Mingus went out.


	35. Chapter 35

Amy being carried by Norman through the crowds was the cutest thing to see. She was excited to be taller than everyone else, up until he stopped by a six foot five inch man. He was super nice, handing her a balloon before walking away to hand out more balloons. Mingus had his mouth full of blue cotton candy and I had my hands full with two plates of elephant ears. I didn't know where Norman was wanting to go, but was glad that he kept his eye on me and Mingus, while weaving around the random bundles of people.  
Once we were free of the people, he walked with us down to the side of the river, stopping at an empty spot. We sat down, getting comfortable, before pulling the foil off of the plates. I placed Amy's sunglasses onto her face, kissing her little nose before handing her a small piece of the sugary bread.  
Mingus laid on his back, watching the jets above us while people in the distance were cheering at the performances. I kicked off my flats, wiggled my toes in the grass, then handed Amy another piece before eating some myself.  
"Is it good bug?" She shook her head, jumping when a lady bug landed on her arm. "It's just a lady bug sweetie. She's taking a break before flying off again." I scooped it off of her, placing it onto the grass beside her. "See, it wont hurt you."  
"I might." Norman teased as he laid down onto his side. His glasses were on top of his head, squinting as the sun shone in his eyes. I assumed he wanted to see things more clearly without them, even though it was the worst time to do it.  
"Momma. I'm thirsty."  
"I'll get something." Mingus sprung up, then dashed off before we could stop him.  
"Don't get mad at him. He's seventeen." I reminded him.  
"I know. Just wish he would have waited until she said what she wanted."  
"It's all good. She'll just have to drink more water when we get home." I handed her another piece, before eating another one myself. He slid his hand around my ankle, then slowly went up my leg, stopping at the back of my knee before going back down. It sent a wave of chills through me, but felt nice to be touched by him. It was calming and intimate.  
Mingus came back, handing me a water bottle, placing two more onto the ground, then handed Amy a smaller bottle. "I drank the bug juice and filled it with water." Norman gave him a questioning look. "What? I didn't want her to get dehydrated."  
"It's very thoughtful. Thank you."  
"Dad, there's ducks over there on the water. Can I take Amy over there to feed them?"  
"With what?"  
He pulled out a small bag of bread. "I always carry some to feed the pidgins."  
"I don't know if they will eat that bud. But go ahead. Keep an eye on her." Mingus pulled Amy to her feet, then walked with her down to the water. I kept an eye out for the first few minutes, then got distracted by Norman.  
"You seem more relax now that you are out of that shit hole."  
"A bit, yes."  
"Could I ask you for a kiss?" Without hesitation, I moved over to him, leaned in and kissed him chastely. "Mmm. That sugar makes you taste sweeter." He kissed me again, this time holding longer.  
Amy screamed, which made me pull back and look. She was soaking wet and running back to me as Mingus was laughing hard. "Momma."  
"What happened baby?"  
"They got me wet."  
"How did that happen?"  
Mingus finally came over to us, still laughing. "They didn't like her trying to pet them so they splashed her."  
"Oh baby." I tried to suppress laughter as she sat down and pouted. Norman sat up and pulled off his sweater from around his waist and wrapped it around her.  
"It's getting late anyways, we should get home before Stephen shows up." My heart sank when he said that. I quickly got up and picked her up, walking away before Norman and Mingus could say anything. I pushed my way through the crowd, stopping at the entrance, when Norman hopped out of nowhere and stopped me.  
"Norm, get out of my way."  
"Not until you tell me what is wrong."  
"Everything was good up until you mentioned Stephen."  
"I wouldn't have to mention him if you would get away from him."  
"It's not that easy. He has a hold on me."  
"No one can make you do what you don't want."  
"You have no idea what he can do to me. To Amy." I walked away from him as fast as I could, hoping that he would get the hint to not follow me.

 

I was in the apartment before five thirty, but came to a hault when I saw Stephen walk into the kitchen. "Where have you been?"  
"Feeding the ducks." It was partial truth, but the proof of Amy being wet was there in front of his face.  
"Whose sweatshirt is that?"  
Fuck. I forgot about that. "Ming's. He went with us, but left with his mother." I tried to walk past him, but he held out his arm. "I need to get her changed. She fell into the water." He moved his arm and I quickly went to her room to change her. I put her onto the bed, yanking off the sweater and tossing it into her closet.  
"I tried to call you." I glanced at the door, seeing him in the doorway.  
"I didn't get any missed calls." I pulled out my phone and checked it. "There's nothing here." I placed it on top of her dresser, then pulled out dry clothes.  
"I need you to come in tonight. I have a client wanting to pay two grand to watch you dance."  
"Can't you give that to Candy?" I asked as I pulled the wet clothes off.  
"He specifically wants you."  
"And what if he wants to fuck me? Are you going to allow that as well?"  
"He's a very special client, so whatever he wants, you're going to give it to him."  
I knew that I couldn't argue. I pulled the dry clothes onto her, dropping the wet ones into her hamper. "What time?"  
"Nine thirty. I want you to be in room six. Your best outfit." He took a sip of his beer then turned and left. I grabbed my phone and called Mingus.  
"Hey Ming. Could you watch her tonight, please? I don't know when I'll be home but you will get paid lovely. Thanks baby." I hung up, then looked at my daughter. She didn't need to know what her mother was about to do and Mingus was the best distraction for her.

 

At exactly nine thirty I was in room six, pacing about. Mingus had shown up at eight to watch Amy and Stephen had left at seven to meet up with clients in the conference room on the other side of the building. I was shaking from head to toe, surprised that I was still standing. The boots were squeezing my legs and feet, while my itty bitty skirt was having a mind of it's own, trying to slip off of me. I must have past the mirror a thousand times before the door open and the client came walking in. Normally men who would pay that sort of money were from another country so a possibility of a cigar burn was going to happen. I stopped at the mirror, checked my make up and hair as the man sat down. I saw who it was and was confused on why he was there.  
"Norm."  
"Shh. It's Bryce."  
I went to him. "You don't have that kind of money."  
"Don't worry about it."  
"Why didn't you say anything to me at the festival?"  
"I made the decision after you walked away. A few phone calls got me here." I glanced at the door. "Don't worry, I locked it." He held out his hand and took mine, pulling me closer. "I can't sleep knowing that you aren't happy." I sat down, straddling him, allowing him to put his hands all over me. "You still have that hypnotic charm." Feeling his lips on my neck sent chills through me. His hands squeezed my thighs, sliding up them to my hips. His fingers wrapped around the thin string of my thong and wouldn't let go. "I know that you can't stop thinking of me." He pushed me off of him, fingers still tangled in my thong. He slid them down my legs, leaning in to kiss the thicker part of my thigh. "Give me your trust." He pulled off his tie, wrapping them around my wrists and tying them. He then stripped down, pulled my arms over his head, then unhooked the skirt, letting it drop to the ground. He then unhooked the top, letting that fall to the floor before taking me over to the bed. The sound of my boots rubbing against each other was the only thing we heard as we fell onto the mattress. Noah was quick to enter me, but refused to move until I was ready.  
He lips caressed my breasts, gently suckling on the buds. He made his way back to my neck, gently biting as he slowly worked his way into a perfect rhythm. Because my wrists were tied, I had no way of scratching him, running my fingers through his hair or digging into his shoulders. I felt helpless, but didn't mind. I felt safe laying there, under his control. "Nicole." He moaned as he felt my knees press against his hips. "Fuck." He grunted as he went deeper, making me moan louder. When I tried to warn him that I was about to reach my peak, it happened and my body jerked under him. He sat up onto his arms and looked into my hazel eyes. "Am I that good, or has it been too long?"  
"A bit of both." I declared as I tried to catch my breath.  
"I think that is the fastest time I've gotten you off." Instead of answering, I lifted my head and kissed him. He untied my wrists, dropping the tie onto the floor.  
"Two grand?"  
"Yeah. It's my best offer."  
I rolled over onto my stomach and stuck my ass up at him. I could sense that he was grinning as he put his arm around me and stuck his fingers onto my nub before entering me again. Letting him do what he wanted to me was the biggest step I ever took, because it never had been that way in the past  
It didn't take long for us to reach our limit, both of us collapsing onto the bed. When the alarm on my phone went off, I sighed and rolled off of the bed.  
"Where are you going?"  
"The time allotted for you is over."  
"Fuck that shit." He got off of the bed and came over to me, placing his hands on my face. "We are staying here. The whole night if we have to."  
"It doesn't work that way."  
"Like hell it doesn't."  
"Please don't do this."  
"What are you afraid of? What's he got on you that you can't walk away from him?" I pulled away from him, scooped up my clothes and moved over to the stage. I placed my stuff down just as he grabbed me and spun me to face him. "Niki, dammit. Tell me."  
"He knows how to destroy Jeremy." I bit back tears. He dropped his hands and stepped back. "His whole career is hanging by a thread. He doesn't know that's who I'm married to, or that he's Amy's father. He just thinks that I left an abusive situation."  
"How did you get involved with him in the first place?"  
"Well when I came here for a job, I was just a waitress. Then this big corporation came in and made changes. I thought he wanted me for me and didn't mind Amy...."  
He finished my sentence. "But then things changed."  
"He said the more I resist him, the more he'll make Amy's life a living hell. Even to the point of putting her up for adoption, somewhere in Europe." He looked angry the more I spoke. "I tried to run away. Either he was there and stopped me or he would kick me out but keep Amy from me."  
"And I suppose those cigar burns were from him, not his clients."  
Tears ran down my face, letting him know the truth. "Please don't do anything. I have to be able to leave with Amy."  
"One phone call and Ming can have her at Helena's."  
"But my things. Her medication."  
"They would take that with them. Believe me. Once they got word of this, all your stuff would be out of there. But you have to give me the go ahead."  
"He's not going to be home until three in the morning. I can just get our stuff if you can have them meet me there."  
"I don't think so. It's either me calling them, or you going home and possibly never coming back."  
I shook my head. "Okay. Call them. I need to get my things from the green room." I quickly pulled on my clothes, then went up to him and kissed him sweetly before leaving the room. I walked normally out to the bar, asked the bartender for a shot of whiskey, shooting it and then walked around to talk to the customers, while Norman slipped out of the back room and headed to the bar.  
As I made my way to the green room, Stephen came out of nowhere and stopped me. "Did you give the client what he wanted?"  
I put on a fake smile. "Yes I did and he was pleased."  
"Good. I want you to meet a few more clients that will be joining us soon." He put his hand on my arm, gripping it tight as he pushed me up the stairs. I glanced back, seeing Norman's unpleasant face. I knew what he was thinking, what he was wanting to do, but he couldn't. We were in a building full of witnesses and he'd lose his career as well.  
When we went into the conference room, I found myself surrounded by a bunch of white Europeans and a few Asians. This was going to be a long night. Norman and I weren't going to get our way and I slapped on my fake smile while praying that he would forgive me.


	36. Chapter 36

Walking into my apartment, glad to see Mingus asleep on the couch, I felt the urge to keep him there and place a blanket on him. But Stephen got to him first and woke him up, which made me upset. "Here's some cash. Don't spend it all in one place."  
Mingus hesitantly took the cash, pocketing it, then came over to me and gave me a hug. I could tell that he wasn't happy to see Stephen and I wanted to tell him what his father had planned, but I couldn't and didn't know if I ever could.  
"Thank you so much for watching her on such a short notice."  
"It's no problem. At least it was a Friday. Oh and my mother wanted to spend some time with you and Amy. A girls day if you like." I glanced at Stephen seeing no protest.  
"Sure. Just have her give me a call when she's ready to go."  
"Have a good night."  
"You too." I watched him leave, then went into Amy's room to check on her. She looked so cute curled up between her stuffed moose and elephant. I was relieved that he had nothing to report and was bounded for my bedroom when Stephen called me into the kitchen.  
"I've been told that Mr. Winters was extremely satisfied. Whatever you did, I need you to keep doing it." He slapped five, one hundred dollar bills onto the counter. "This is your spending money for the week. Do not ask for more unless it's an emergency."  
"Thank you." Without saying more, I took the money and pocketed it.  
"I also want you to shower that stench off and be ready for me in the bedroom."  
Stench? He thinks that Norman's smell was awful. I bit my tongue though and was about to leave for the bathroom when Amy came walking out, rubbing her eye. "Momma. I didn't get to see Norman today."  
"Whose Norman?" He sounded a bit annoyed that another man's name was coming out of her mouth.  
I quickly responded with, "He's her guardian Angel." I went to her quickly, scooped her up and headed to her room. "Honey, I think he was just a bit busy today. I'm sure you'll see him again soon."  
"But mommy, I wanted to play games."  
"I know sweetie. We can pray tonight and we will see tomorrow if he comes. But you cannot get mad if he cannot come. He's assigned to a lot of different little kids, so you cannot be selfish."  
"Okay." I put her down on her bed, pulled the covers over her and kissed her on the forehead. "Dear Jesus. Please let Norman come back tomorrow and play with me. I miss him a lot. I want him to play with me and Ming. Please. Thank you Jesus. Amen."  
"Amen." I kissed her on the forehead again, got up and went to the door. Closing it meant that I didn't want her to hear or see what was about to happen to me. I wanted to protect her from the lifestyle I was sucked into.  
"I love you momma."  
"I love you too baby girl." I closed it tightly, then went down the hallway and dashed into the bathroom before he could say anything. I quickly showered, pushing every thought that was trying to attack me out of my head. I knew deep down inside I was killing Norman as well as Jeremy and I probably wouldn't ever be forgiven. Mentally preparing myself was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I already cut myself off to most of my emotions and gained a thick skin within a short amount of time.  
When I got out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around me, took another one and dried my hair, then hung up that one and walked out into the cold air. As I went to the bedroom, I kept praying that I would slip and fall and crack my head, but then again, where would that leave my daughter?  
The room was dark, except the light from the TV. He was sitting up in bed, staring at the screen. I went to the bed to crawl over, but he prevented me from getting onto the bed. He grabbed my arm and pulled me to him, making me stand there without saying anything to me. Shivers ran through me as I stood there on the cold wooden floor. His hand grabbed my towel and pulled it off, letting it drop to the floor. I tried to cover my breasts but he grabbed my arms and pulled them away. When he looked up at me, it was eerie, like his soul left his body.  
"What was it that you did to him?"  
"What?" I was confused a bit with what he asked.  
"What was it, that you did to Mr. Winters, that made him want to come back for more?"  
"Nothing."  
"Nothing. So then, if I fucked you right now, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference?" I tried to not laugh in his face. He had no idea of all the things that both Norman and Jeremy would say to me while they were in me. He slipped out of bed and grabbed me by my hair, pulling me out into the kitchen. "Tell me again, what did you do to him?"  
"Nothing. I swear all I did was dance for him." I felt the searing pain on my shoulder and I bit back the screams so I wouldn't wake my daughter.  
"You fucked him didn't you?"  
"No." He moved the cigar to another empty space and again I bit back the screams.  
"Funny cause that's not what the girls say." He lifted the cigar and I assumed took a puff because it went right into my face. "I'm going to ask you one more time. If you answer yes, the burning will stop. If you don't, well..." He scoff. "I just may have to put one on your daughter."  
"YES!" I screamed. "Yes I fucked him because he wanted me to. I lied because he didn't want people to know that he liked call girls." I braced for another burn, but this time he put it out and let go of my arm.  
"I'm going to my mother's. I will be heading to Paris in the morning. Have your babysitter look at that. Don't say a goddamn word or I will put one out on her." He went straight into the bedroom as I fought back tears and gripped the stool.  
In matter of minutes he was gone, but I waited for another thirty before I picked up my phone and texted Mingus an S.O.S. I went into the bedroom, grabbed the bathrobe and pulled it on. I couldn't move without shaking as I went to the door, trying to unlock it and let him in.  
"Holy fuck Nic." Mingus stepped in and turned me to see my shoulder. "He did this to you?" I shook my head. "Let me get dad."  
"No." I pleaded with him. "Don't tell him. If Stephen comes back and sees him."  
"Nic, we need to get you to the ER. This is bad."  
"No. No doctors, not your father."  
"Mom's not going to be here until noon. I have no other option but to tell dad."  
"No..."  
"FUCK STEPHEN!" He yelled, I jumped and then we heard Amy cry. "Shit, I'm sorry. I'll get her." He rushed to her room as I closed the door and hobbled over to the couch. When he came over to me, he sat down on the coffee table. "I told her that everything was fine, that I came over to check on you guys. She went back to sleep." I nodded. "I texted dad. I had to." I didn't argue. I just wanted the night to be over.  
When the front door open and Norman came in, Mingus moved over to the couch and held my hand. Norman closed the door and came over to me, seeing my face wet from tears. He sat on the coffee table and made me turn to see my shoulder. "Fucker's dead." He saw that I wasn't dressed and I knew that it was making Mingus uncomfortable. "Ming, get her some clothes and then go check on Amy." Mingus got up and did what was asked.  
Norman helped me to my feet and got me halfway dressed, leaving my bra and shirt off. "Where's the med kit?"  
"In the bathroom."  
"Stay here." He kissed me on the head and went into the bathroom, coming back moments later. He sat on the couch and bandaged me up, then helped me pull on the shirt. "I have to get you to the ER." I wanted to protest but all I could do was cry. Mingus came walking in with Amy in his arms.  
"She wants to know why you are crying."  
Norman looked at her. "Mom's hurt and we need to get her some help. I need you to be a big girl and help her stay strong. Can you do that for me?" She nodded her head. "Okay. Can you help Mingus get her purse and shoes. Meet us out at my car?" She nodded her head again. Mingus placed her down and walked with her into the kitchen. Norman helped me to the door and pulled it open. I was afraid to leave the apartment, even though I knew I was in good hands.  
It didn't take long for the four of us to get into the car and be at the hospital. The nurses who were on duty were surprised that I made it out alive and had no problem with taking me straight to one of the rooms, while Mingus sat in the waiting room with Amy. I was relieved to find out that the security guard was on duty and didn't mind keeping his eyes on them.  
I came to a point of almost breaking his hand as the nurse tried to stick the needle in me for pain meds as well as when she pulled off the bandages to look at the wounds. "Wow, he got you good, baby girl. This is going to take time to heal. Do you have a safe place to go?"  
"Yes."  
"No." We said at the same time, which made her confused.  
"Nic, you can stay with me."  
"Not in the same fucking apartment complex."  
"We can move, where ever you want."  
"Can we please just take this one step at a time?" I knew it wasn't what he wanted to hear, but it was what was needed to be said. His anger was building over time and he was going to snap at any given point.  
"If you like, we can keep you over night. Let you sleep on it. We can put the kids with you and have them sleep on cots."  
"I think that would be best since we don't know when he will return."  
"He said he was going to be in Paris for a week."  
"That should give you plenty of time to figure things out." She patted my hand, then left the room.  
"Nic..."  
"Don't. Not now. I can't handle this." I bit back tears. "He threatened to hurt my daughter."  
Norman stood up and went over to the paper towel holder and punched it. He then swung around and pointed a finger at me. "That's it. You are not going back there. You are coming with me and Mingus and that's final."  
"You know that I can't."  
"That's fucking bullshit and you know it."  
"He has shit on Jeremy."  
"Like what? Huh? Last time you said that you weren't very clear on what the shit was." He stepped back and leaned against the counter. "I'm waiting."  
"Sonni.....use to be a call girl. Jeremy came in one night, not knowing that was the type of place it was. He kept going back to Sonni, they started to date, then one thing led to another and they had Ava. And then when they decided to get married... Stephen didn't like that idea. He tried to keep Sonni from leaving, but she left anyways."  
"And I guess she was the best piece of ass there. Just like you are."  
I nodded. "He told me that if he ever found out who Jeremy was, he'd end his life. So I threw out all of the pictures I had of him and Ava, hid the necklace he gave me and told Amy that he never existed. That he never wanted her to begin with."  
"That is a fucked up thing to tell her."  
"How else was I suppose to protect them?" He had nothing to say as the nurse and doctor came walking in.

 

It felt nice to be in his arms again.  
Mingus and Amy were sound asleep on their own cots and I was snuggled up beside Norman, listening to him breathe as he slept. Unfortunately I was having difficulties sleeping. Every time I closed my eyes, I could see Stephen's face, how empty his eyes were. My stomach was growling and as much as I didn't want to get up, I did so anyways.  
Trotting out of the room, pushing my IV cart, the night nurse looked up from her book and instantly had an attitude. "Where do you think you're going?"  
"I'm hungry and I can't sleep." She placed her book down, got up and went to the vending machine just before the guy could close it. When she came back, she handed me a blueberry muffin and a Snickers bar.  
"Do you want a sleeping pill?"  
"It's not going to keep the empty face from haunting me." She looked startled when I said that.  
"Niki, take the pill and come back to bed." Norman called out to me. So I took the pill from her, as well as the cup of water and went back to the bed. I sat on the edge, splurged on the food, then climbed back into bed with him. His kisses melted away my fear, but when he said those magical three words, I knew that I had nothing to fear.


	37. Chapter 37

Day one away from Stephen.

 

Amy couldn't stop laughing as she chased Mingus around the living room, trying to tag him. I wasn't in the best of spirits, but I tried my hardest to be around them. Norman was on the computer a lot, refusing to tell us what he was doing. He assured me that it wasn't anything to be worried about, but the more he stayed on the computer, the more I began to do the very exact thing.  
We had spaghetti for dinner and it felt like we were starting up where we had left off. Amy was tossing noodles onto the wall to see if they would stick and Norman was encouraging her to pour a lot of cheese onto his plate.  
For our entertainment, we would read books for her in random voices, which kept her happy and us laughing at each other. Once the kids were asleep, Norman cleaned the kitchen, then joined me on the couch to watch Jeff Dunham.  
When the time came for him to change my bandages, he tried his hardest to be gentle, wanting me to slap him hard if he hurt me in any way. I refused to do so. Digging my nails into his thighs was more therapeutic for me. He never flinched and took the pain like a pro. I still couldn't decided on what was worse. Taking off the bandages, or, it getting cleaned and covered again.  
He gave me long tender kisses afterwards and carried me to his bed when the sleeping pill kicked in. His queen sized bed was fluffy and I felt like I was sinking in. It was better than a bed that felt like a brick. Even the pillows were fluffy as well as the purple comforter. He flipped on the TV, turned off the lamp and got comfortable as I snuggled close, keeping my hand on his leg. His fingers traced the outline of my hand, relaxing it, relaxing me and soon enough I was fast asleep.

 

Day two away from Stephen

 

We took a trip to the downtown mall, Mingus and Amy running ahead of us as we neared the toy store. Norman kept beside me, holding my hand. As much as I was beginning to feel more safe, I felt like everyone was staring at me, like they knew that I had been abused. It was so bad that I couldn't get myself to go into the Toy store and see my daughter's happy face. Instead I spent the whole time standing off to the side of the store with Norman standing in front of me, holding my hips to steady me.  
"You're going to be alright love. Just breathe. It will pass." His kisses felt wonderful, but his words and kisses weren't erasing my fears. "Would you like to go home?"  
"No." The thought of going to his apartment was the worst idea ever. "Can we go to a hotel or something?"  
"Yeah. If you feel like it's a better thing."  
Mingus and Amy came out to me, Amy showing me what she bought. Norman talked to his son off to the side as I picked her up and looked at her toy car with her. She opened and closed the doors a few times before the boys came over to us.  
"We still need to get your purse and med kit. If you want, I can drop you and the kids off and go get them."  
"Alright, just be careful."  
"I will." He took Amy from me, then walked with me out of the mall, Mingus not too far behind us.

Just like he said, he dropped me and the kids off at the hotel and went to get our things. Mingus and I chose joint rooms, on the fifth floor, then made our way up there. It was just going to be a one night thing because the kids wanted to go to the beach the next day.  
Once Norman showed, Mingus brought him and our things up to the room, dividing his and Amy's into their room. We had dinner brought to us while we watched Need for Speed, then Mingus and Norman went out to get ice, while I gave Amy a bath.  
Once Amy and Mingues were sound asleep, Norman helped me take a sponge bath, then dressed me and my wounds before having me take a sleeping pill. Once my head hit the pillow I was out like a light.

 

Day three away from Stephen

I ran with Amy out into the water, laughing when she shrieked from how cold it was. I splashed her a few times before running back to the boys as she chased me. "Momma. You too fast." She said as she panted, trying to sit down.  
"Okay. Time to sit. You're turning red." I pulled her into my lap and gave her some water. After taking a few sips, she crawled under the umbrella and laid down. "You okay baby?"  
"I'm getting tired, momma."  
"Awe. Don't you wanna make a sandcastle with Ming?"  
"Can I do it later?"  
"We can go back to the beach house. Let her sleep. The kids can do it tomorrow." Norman stood, picked her up and headed for the beach house. Mingus helped me pick up everything and carry it to the porch.  
"How's your shoulder?"  
"I haven't been able to really look, but your dad says it's getting better." Mingus pulled the shirt away from my arm and looked at my shoulder.  
"Doesn't look bad." He took the umbrella from me and leaned it against the wall. "I'm going to play on my ipad. Let me know when dinner is done."  
"Alright." He dashed into the house just as Norman came out.  
"She was asleep within seconds."  
"It happens when she stays busy all day." He pulled me out of the doorway, close to his body as he leaned against the wall. The cool breeze made goosebumps pop up. "I'm getting cold."  
"I know. I just want a few minutes before we go in and get trampled by the kids." He pulled me into his body, holding his sweatshirt around me. He placed his chin on my head and for those few minutes, I felt secured.  
"What should we make for dinner?"  
"We could do hot dogs and chips. Cut open that watermelon."  
"Sure." I looked up and kissed him sweetly.  
"I need to tell you something."  
"And what would that be?" I kissed him again.  
"I know you'll be upset with me, but I had to." I took a few steps back. "I called Jeremy. They will be here any time now." My body uncontrollably shook. It had been a very long time since I saw him and Ava. Just as I opened my mouth to scold him, we heard a car pull up in the front, then Mingus yelling as he ran out the front door to greet them.  
"How could you?"  
"He needs to see you and Amy. Know that you two are safe."  
"But we aren't safe."  
"Right now you are. That's all he needs to know." He pulled me close. "Baby, trust me." He tried to kiss me, but I pulled away and went into the house. I went into the kids's room and woke up Amy.  
She whined. "I know sweetie." But I need you to come outside with me. I want you to meet someone." She got up and followed me out to the front yard. We stood in the walk way as Ava came out and stopped by the fence. Jeremy, Sean and Bryn came out next and the look on her face was saddening to me. She was happy as a little blue bird and I was miserable as hell.  
"Well look at Mrs. Sunshine over there." She came up to me and give me a hug, then bent over and held out her hand to Amy. "Hey I haven't seen you since you were just a little beanie baby." Amy refused to touch her, clutching onto my leg. The only person that Amy truly knew was Sean and when he came up to her and handed her a little unicorn, her face lit up.  
"Uncle Sean."  
"Hey sweetheart." He picked her up and motioned for Mingus and Bryn to go inside. Jeremy came over to Ava and pushed her closer to us, even though she didn't want to. Sean kissed Amy on the forehead, then placed her back down, kissed me on my cheek bone, then went inside, closing the door behind him.  
"Hi Niki."  
"Hi."  
His eyes wondered down to my pigtailed blond. "This is Amy?"  
"Amethyst Hailey Renner."  
"Couldn't think of a middle name?"  
"Hailey runs in my family as a middle name. I wanted to keep the tradition alive." I placed my hand on her head. "Amy, this is your sister Ava. And your father, Jeremy." Jeremy crouched down and held out his hand. She turned away from him, making him feel unwanted. "Amy, don't be rude."  
"It's alright. She doesn't know me." He stood up and finally looked at me. "There's something I wanted to ask you."  
"Can we talk about it inside?"  
"No. I don't want the others to know just yet."  
"Alright. What is it?"  
"I wanted to have you sign some papers making you the legal guardian of Ava. They are sisters and they need to be able to stay together."  
"Jere. You don't need to explain. I will sign it. You know that I wouldn't push her away." I knew what he wanted to say to that, but was relieved when he ignored it and pushed Ava inside. He kissed me on the cheek, then went inside himself. "Let's go have some hot dogs and watermelon." I picked Amy up and carried her inside, closing the door behind us.  
Everyone wanted to hold Amy, but all she wanted to do was go back to her nap. "I pulled her out of a nap, so back to the bed she goes." Everyone booed as I went into the room and laid her down. When I walked back out, Sean pulled me off to the side.  
"Care to walk with me on the beach?"  
"Sure." I closed the door, glanced at Norman who nodded his head, then went out the back door, Sean right behind me.  
"What's up?"  
"I know that something is wrong. I could hear it in Norman's voice. Mind telling me what's going on?"  
"Not really, but I know that you'll make me tell you anyways." We turned and headed towards the rocks. I didn't know where to begin exactly, so I just spilled it all. From when I arrived to the club as a waitress, up until the last time I saw Stephen. We had reached the rocks and I could sense how furious he was. But it wasn't like Sean to burst out yelling and making me feel like shit for the mistakes I made. He always thought first before he spoke.  
"Let me see the marks." He stopped me and slipped the thin material over my shoulders, seeing the scars all over my front. He then made his way around to my back side, touching every line on my back before pulling the bandage away. "Oh, Niki." His voice was soft. "I'm so sorry." He covered it back up, then slipped the fabric back over my shoulders. Tears were running down my face. I didn't want him to act that way, but I couldn't make him stop. He pulled me into his arms, holding me as I cried. He didn't tell me that karma will bite him in the ass, or that he was going to kick his ass, just told me to cry it out and that he had me. It was nice to feel this way. To feel supported and loved without feeling judged.  
"How about we go back and eat some watermelon. Yes?"  
I nodded my head, wiped my face with my sleeves, then walked with him back to the beach house. "I don't know how I'm suppose to get my things."  
"Don't you worry about that love, we will do it for you." He kissed me on the head, then opened the back door and helped me inside. I went over to the bathroom to wipe my face, seeing Mingus staring at me. Everyone was laughing about something, except Norman. He was in the kitchen stirring something, while holding Amy.  
Mingus popped his head in. "You okay? Dad's worried about you."  
"I'm alright. Just told Sean what happened." Mingus came in and hugged me from behind.  
"You've always been a mom to me and I would cry if you got hurt again." I squeezed his arm and messed up his hair.  
"I'm alright kiddo. Sean and your father wont let anything happen to me."  
"Good. Cause I'm not strong enough to defend you yet." He slipped away and walked out before I could say anything. He was a good kid. Knew what was right and I hoped and prayed that one day he would find the perfect woman to love.


	38. Chapter 38

"I brought divorce papers too, cause I thought you'd like to sign those as well." He pulled out a stack of papers from his bag and placed them onto the coffee table. "You don't have to sign them right away. Take all the time you need, to look over them. I'm giving up the house and car to you, so you have a home for the girls. Everything that's in the home that's not family heirlooms are still there, so you don't have to worry about dishes or anything like that."  
I was speechless. I wasn't thinking that he was going to go that far. I assumed that it was just the adoption papers and maybe a few seductive looks from him, but not even that happened. "Not what I was thinking you'd do." I pushed the papers off of the adoption ones, grabbed the pen and started to sign.  
"I figured it's what you wanted since you are now with Norman."  
"I'm not with anyone if that can ever get through anyone's head. I left to be alone. I wanted to be a single mother and not deal with this bullshit." I placed the pen down. "Excuse me. I need some fresh air." I got up and went out the back door, wondering out to the beach, stopping before I got to the halfway mark. It wasn't fair of him to assume that's what I wanted because I didn't even know what I wanted.  
"Is it even okay to assume that Ava is even what you want?" Hearing him behind me made me irritated.  
"Kinda rude to insinuate that I don't want her."  
"Some day I'm not going to be alive and I need to know that she's going to be in good hands. It's why I chose you over Sonni."  
"Don't say that. You will live for a very long time."  
"Why cause I'm a stubborn old fool."  
"Stubborn yes, old, not quite there yet." I turned and headed back into the beach house and went into the kitchen. As I got into the juice, he walked in and grabbed me, spun me around to face him and pushed me against the counter. His lips were on mine and I wasn't to sure if I was okay with that. "Jere...." I pushed him back, then tried to move away. He grabbed my arm and I screamed, almost falling to the floor. He let go as Norman came running in from the front yard, stopping when Jeremy grabbed my sweater and pulled it off of me.  
"What the fuck is this?" I knew he was going to blame Norman and tried to defend him  
"It wasn't him. He's protecting me."  
"Who the fuck did this?"  
"Stephen." I tried to pull the sweater back over my shoulder, slipping my arm from his loosened grip. I moved over to Norman, curling up into his arms as he explained to Jeremy everything that he knew and what I admitted to.  
"That doesn't make sense. He never did that shit to Sonni."  
Norman sat me down onto the couch and pulled the quilt around me. "It doesn't matter now. He's never going to lay another hand on her."  
"And what if he comes after her?"  
"Then he's going to get a rude awakening." Sean walked over to us, standing between the boys. "This is uncalled for. No man in his right mind would be so abusive."  
"Tell them what he said about your daughter."  
I shot a dirty glance at Norman. "Don't do this." I pleaded.  
He looked at the boys and told them anyway. "He threatened Amy. Said that if she told anyone, he'd burn her too."  
"Sick fuck." Sean shook his head, then sat down on the foot stool to the chair. "He must be stopped."  
"You can't stop him. He has connections all over the world. He'll just pop right back up." I clutched onto the blanket. Norman finally sat down, but on the arm rest of the couch.  
"We have to find out a way to take him down."  
"Momma." Amy came running into the house, stopping when she saw the guys sitting there. Norman pulled her up onto his lap. She smiled when she saw me. "Momma. They have marshmallows. Can I have one?"  
"Just one baby. It's past your bed time." Just then I heard the pitter patter of other tiny feet. Ava popped up onto the back of the couch, smiling when she saw me. "Hi Ava."  
"Hi."  
"What are you doing?"  
"Eating marshmallows."  
"It's past your bed time."  
"I know. Daddy said that it's okay."  
I glared at him. "What?" He shrugged his shoulders.  
"Ava, get into your pajamas and then come back in here." I looked at Amy. "You too."  
"But I didn't get a marshmallow." Bryn came in and handed her a marshmallow.  
"Eat that first, then go wash your hands." She took Ava off the back of the couch and carried her into the bathroom.  
Mingus came in, mouth full, stopping when we all looked at him. "What?"  
"You're a bad habit for these girls." I teased him as he rolled his eyes and went into the bedroom.  
Norman dropped Amy onto her feet, then patted her butt as she ran off to the bathroom. I could see it in Jeremy' eyes that he wasn't okay with Norman touching his daughter. "Nic, can I talk to you outside?"  
"Whatever you have to say to her, you can do it in front of us." Norman spoke up.  
"Nothing that I have to say concerns you."  
"Well it should, because she's my girlfriend."  
"And she's still my wife."  
"She wont be anymore if you keep that attitude up."  
"She never loved you in the first place. Hence why she came to me."  
"ENOUGH." I stood up, yelling. I tossed the quilt onto the couch. "I cannot have you two acting so childish." I looked at Jeremy. "You, outside." He walked past Sean, glaring at Norman as he shoved the screen door open, stepped out and letting it slam behind him.  
"Momma, are you going to sing to me?" Amy looked at me.  
"Ask uncle Sean. I'll be back shortly." I stepped out and looked around for jeremy. I spotted him a moment later walking towards the rocks and dashed out there to stop him. "Jere. Stop." He stopped, but refused to turn around to look at me. "I don't understand why you have to be this way. We need to get along so we can keep Amy protected. To keep Aa protected. I know that you are mad at me for leaving, but could you push that off to the side until we know for sure that Stephen's not going to come after us? Please. If not for me, for the girls."  
He finally turned around and looked at me, but still said nothing. Then when he finally spoke, my heart sank. "Do you even love me?"  
"Of course I love you. I never stopped loving you."  
"But you can't stop loving him either." I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing would fall out. He came to me, lips on mine, feeling soft and sensual. I could melt in his arms, I wanted to, but the thought of Norman came into my head and I pulled away. "Nic...." His voice trailed off at the same time we heard Mingus screaming my name from the beach house.  
Without hesitation I ran. The sand was giving away under my feet, feeling longer to get back to the house. At one point I slipped, but Jeremy's hands held me up and pushed me to keep running. I flew past Mingus into the house, dropping my sweater onto the ground and fell onto the kitchen floor where Amy was. She wasn't responding and her breathing was faint.  
"I gave her the meds in the order you taught us." Norman was fighting back tears. "I don't know what I did wrong." I shoved him back, grabbed the blue cylinder, moved it around, then slammed it down into her little thigh. In matter of seconds she opened her eyes and cried when she saw me.  
"Momma." I scooped her up and held her tight against my chest.  
"It's okay baby. You'll be fine." I held her with one arm, touching Norman's face with my other. "You did great. Don't beat yourself up."  
"I think she got stung by a bee." Ava spoke up, sounding breathless. "I saw her dancing around and then she fell."  
"If Ava didn't scream, no one would have known." Mingus sat down beside Ava and gave her a hug.  
"Thank you Ava."  
"Welcome, momma." I pulled her into my lap and hugged them both.  
"I think it's time for you two to get into bed." Sean took Ava from me and I gladly handed Amy to Bryn. Mingus gave me a hug then went with the kids into the bedroom.  
I looked at Norman. He wasn't crying anymore, just staring into nothingness. I scooted closer and placed my head on his arm. "Thank you for helping her."  
"I thought I killed her."  
"No baby. You just didn't know what was happening to her. It happens to me all the time. It's not the first time she's been stung by a bee."  
Sean came to the doorway. "Nic, the girls want you to snuggle with them."  
"Okay, I'll be there in a second." I wiped the single tear off of his cheek, kissed him on the lips then got up and went into the bedroom. The girls' eyes were drooping and it was adorable to see them snuggled up against each other. I laid down behind Amy, kissed them both, then closed my eyes.  
"I'm going to go with Bryn and Norman for a drive. Mingus is getting ready for bed." Sean said quietly. I nodded my head, without looking at him, then adjusted my arm. I waited for the sound of the car to be off in the distance before I got up. Mingus walked in, said goodnight then headed over to the top bunk. I closed the door, then went out into the living room where Jeremy was. He was sitting on the floor, legs under the coffee table. He had been fingering the papers and flipping the pen around his fingers. He pushed the divorce papers over to me and waited for me to sign them.  
"He's a better father than I would ever be." Ouch. That hurt me just as much as it hurt him. Instead of letting it get to me, I went over to him, pushed the coffee table out of the way with my foot, then sat down on his lap.  
"No one's going to tell me what to do with my daughter's. Not you, not Norman and definitely not Stephen." He flinched at the last part, hands tightening on my elbows. "I love you and I love Norman. It will never be the same way. You both have a part of me and I don't want either of you walk away from me."  
"So what are you going to do then? Neither of us want you to have the other."  
"Then you both are going to have to deal with this until I can finally make up my mind. I know you don't want to....." He leaned in and kissed me chastely. That familiar kiss that was easy to take. His hands firmly gripped my waist, pulling me onto his hardness that was begging to be released. In one move he had me on the floor, bikini bottom off and on top of me, begging me with kisses until I would give in.  
It didn't take him long to have his jeans around his ankles and lined up with my hotness, teasing my folds with his tip. Before I allowed him to make his move, I put my leg up onto the coffee table, grabbed a pillow and placed it under my hurt shoulder. My hands grabbed his shirt and pulled him down onto me, lips going straight to his collar bone. Feeling his thickness press against my walls, I tried to relax, while he took control of everything. His gentle rolling of hips took me to the edge, pushing me closer and closer until he spilled inside of me. He covered my mouth when I cried out, then pulled my leg off of the table.  
We heard the car pull up and he jumped up, pulling his clothes on as I slipped my bikini bottom back up. With one pull, I was to my feet and on the couch, fixing my hair before Bryn came walking in. She came up behind me, wrapped her arms around me then went off into the bedroom. Sean came in next, coming over to me and kissing me on the head before walking into the bedroom.  
Norman closed the front door before coming over to us and I could tell that he had been smoking. He sat down beside me, pulling my feet onto his lap, not looking at Jeremy as he went past us and into the kitchen. "How was the drive?" I asked, receiving a shoulder shrug. Jeremy came back into the living room, handing Norman a beer before handing me a wine cooler. He placed his beer onto the table, turned on the TV and popped in a movie. I placed my drink onto the table, then rolled over onto my side, not wanting to watch the movie.  
I felt the quilt get placed over me, then Norman's warm hands resting on my ankles. He rubbed my legs until I fell asleep.  
This wasn't right.  
I was back to square one with the both of them.


	39. Chapter 39

"Good morning everyone!" Sean, loud as possible, came out of his room stopping when he saw us on the floor with the kids, eating cereal and watching Finding Nemo. The best beach move ever. We had been taking turns mimicking voices and I happened to be stuck as Dory. My girls didn't seem to mind and Jeremy thought that it was amusing, so there was no way I was going to be able to stop.  
"Such a beautiful sight to see us as one big family." He smiled, until he saw that no one was paying attention except me. I gave him a dirty look, not pleased with the choice of words that came out of his mouth. "Who all wants to go on a walk and collect shells?" Amy jumped up from her daddies lap, while Ava raised her hand since I was braiding her hair.  
Mingus finally looked up and agreed to go since Norman would have made him go anyway. He had already spent all morning on the ipad. It was time for him to get out of the house.  
Bryn emerged out of the room, wearing a bikini and sarange, looking like she had a wonderful night, while I had to deal with two snoring men. Their allergies had kicked in and it also didn't help that they drank themselves to sleep. "Okay Sean. We should head out. They were saying that a storm is approaching.”  
"Well if that's true then I'm staying behind to board up the windows." Norman got up and headed to the front door.  
"Yeah, I should stay behind and help him." Jeremy looked at me. "You look like you need more sleep."  
I yawned. "I could use some." I helped Ava stand up, then watched her run off out the back door with Sean and her sister.  
"I have my phone on me, so call me if you need me." Bryn winked at me, then left with Mingus, closing the screen door behind them.  
Jeremy helped me up off the floor and onto the couch. He handed me the remote, kissed me on the head, then went out the front door. Curiosity was playing with me, so I turned down the volume and tried to listen into their conversation. At first I heard nothing and then the craziest shit started to come out of their mouths.  
Jeremy: She's not going to chose because she needs both of us to keep Stephen away.  
Norman: She's making it sound like that I cannot protect her and the kids.  
Jeremy: I don't think that's what she's implying.  
Norman: She doesn't even know what she wants, does she?"  
Jeremy: I don't think so.  
Norman: So then we make her chose.  
Jeremy: You can't make her chose. Just like you can't make someone fall in love with you. It's taking away her free will.  
Norman: I'm not okay with her fucking you behind my back and then coming to me when you're not available.  
Jeremy: Would you rather have it be Stephen?  
Norman: Fuck that shit. And fuck you for thinking like that.  
Jeremy: Than what other choice do we have? We just have to let things happen. Just not talk about it. It would make matters worse if we brought anything up.  
Norman: Then how do we know when the other has just fucked her?  
Jeremy: That's still bringing it up.  
Norman: So we just don't say anything at all and assume that everything's kosher.  
Jeremy: Well I wouldn't want to assume she fucked you and then turned out she didn't.  
Norman: You come up with the craziest shit.  
Jeremy: I know. And one day, if we're not careful, she just might pull a double on us.  
Norman: I don't know if I can handle that again.  
Jeremy: I don't know about you, but I would do anything to keep her satisfied.  
I tried to bite back my giggling, clearing my throat would be out of the question, since they would have heard me and they both knew me so well. I could hear them banging against the side of the house, then heard the rain pour down on the metal roof. Getting up slowly, I could barely see outside the front window. I could hear them cussing and yelling at each other to work faster, but it didn't matter to me as much as where my babies were.  
Once the boys had all the windows covered, I stood at the back door and watched for everyone through the window. The minutes were ticking away and the rain wouldn't let up. I was worrying more and more as the minutes grew into an hour.  
Norman stood with me at the back door, coaxing me to sit on the couch, but I refused because I felt like the moment I sat, my children would never come back to me. He stood with me for another thirty minutes, then Jeremy finally got up and pulled on his jacket.  
"Fuck this, I'm going to find them." He opened the door and pushed on the screen, just as we saw them walking up the beach. The winds were high and it was pushing them back. Sean was holding one of the girls, covering her face with his jacket and Bryn had the other, covering her face as well. Poor Mingus was on his own, trying to lead the way back to the house.  
Jeremy ran outside, I stepped out onto the porch with Norman, holding onto the railing so I wouldn't fall. We watched Mingus fall to his knees and when Jeremy got to him, he scooped him up and carried him back to us. Norman took him inside as Jeremy ran back out to the others, guiding them back safely.  
Once everyone was inside, I stripped the girls down, wrapped them in towels and took them into the bathroom. "Oh girls, you're a mess." I flipped on the water, had them stand under the shower and started to rinse off all of the sand.  
"I dropped my shell momma." Amy started to cry. "It was really pretty."  
"You mean this shell?" Mingus came walking in, handing her the shell that she thought she lost.  
"Thank you." She sniffled as she took the shell from him. I rinsed the shells the girls had and placed them onto the counter, then helped them out and dried them off. I then took them to their room and began to get them dressed.  
"That storm came quicker than the news channel said it would." Bryn popped her head in. "I'm so sorry. I should have taken them a different day."  
"It's alright. You all came back safely. That's all that matters." I gave her a slight smile, then looked away when Jeremy came in.  
"Got the back door covered. The front will be the only way in and out." He came over to us and sat down on the bed. "Did you girls have fun?"  
"Yeah, until the wind came." Ava gave him a hug.  
"What about you Amy?"  
"It was cold." She shivered as she climbed under the blanket.  
"Okay. Both of you stay under the blanket until we can get the fireplace going. I want you two to stay warm." I slightly demanded as Ava moved under the blanket. CMingus walked in with clean clothes on. He said nothing as he climbed up onto the top bunk and slipped under the covers. "Thank you Mingus for helping them get back here."  
"No problem." He handed me a flower, with a few petals missing. "I tried to save it for you."  
"Where did you get it?"  
"I stole it off of someone's back porch when no one was looking." I couldn't scold him. Not at a time like this.   
"Thank you. It's beautiful."  
"Hey." Sean popped his head in. "I'm about to get the fire going. The power's about to go out, so we're in need of candles."  
"I saw a box that said candles out on the front porch and a box in the kitchen above the stove. Not sure what was in it."  
"Alright. I'll look." He winked at me, then dove off.  
I looked up at Mingus, seeing that he had his headphones on, facing the wall. I then looked at Jeremy and knew I owed him a few words. "Thank you for helping them."  
"Anything for the kids." He tried to get up, but I pulled on his arm, making him sit back down. "What's up?" His voice was quieter.  
"Do you mind sleeping with the girls tonight?"  
He looked like he was anticipating more than what I was asking. "Yeah, I can do that. I don't want them to get scared when the lights go out."  
"Thank you." He kissed me on the cheek, then got up and went out into the living room.  
"SUCCESS!! We have fire." Sean cheered as everyone in a monotone voice said, 'ohh and ahh.' I tried to not laugh at them as I watched my girls get sleepy. Once they were out like lights, I kissed them both, then went out into the living room to join the others in their crazy hour of ghost stories.

 

I found myself smushed between Bryn and Jeremy, his arm on the back of the couch and Sean was bouncing around, telling us his famous ghost story. Norman was sitting in the chair, looking bored out of his mind. But I could tell what was going on in the back of his mind. If looks could kill, Jeremy would be on fire.  
"Momma!"  
"Daddy!" Both girls came running out of the bedroom, Ava reaching us first and jumping up onto the couch. She climbed onto his lap and gave him a hug. "Hey, bug. Did you sleep well?"  
"Yes but Amy hogged the blanket."  
"I did not." Amy stopped her feet when she came to me. "Ava is mean. She called me a doo doo head."  
"Cause you are a doo doo head." Jeremy put his hand over her mouth.  
"That's not nice to say. We say loving things to our family."  
"She's not family." She tried to speak, but couldn't cause of his hand still being there. But we heard what she said and I wanted to slap her.  
He snapped. "Ava Ann, she is your sister and you will apologize to her for calling her that." He moved his hand from her mouth.  
"She's not my sister. She doesn't look like me. And I hate her." The pop on her mouth was loud as his hand came down on it. Her eyes welled up with tears and you could tell that she was fighting it back. As she tried to get down, he held her firmly, demanding that she'd apologize. She screamed and cried as she fought to get out of his arms.  
Finally I spoke up. "Jeremy, just let her go."  
He did as I asked, then looked at me surprised that I would say such a thing. "She doesn't understand that they are half sisters. And it doesn't help that Amy looks like me more."  
"What was I suppose to do?"  
"Tell her to go to her room and that you'll be in there shortly to speak to her. It shows that she's in trouble, but not be embarrassed in front of everyone else." I stood up and plopped Amy into his lap. "Now get back to the story telling, but don't make Amy have nightmares." I kissed her on the head, then went around the couch and into the kids' room. I went straight to the bed and sat down. "Ava, please look at me."  
"No." She pouted.  
"I need to explain something to you. You're not in trouble."  
"But daddy made me get into trouble."  
I sighed and rolled her onto her back. "Okay. Remember that you came from mommy Sonni's tummy when mommy and daddy were together?" She shook her head. "Well Amy came from my tummy when daddy and I were together. So that makes you and Amy sisters. I know it's probably a bit confusing, but you'll get the hang of it soon. You look like your mommy and Amy looks like me."  
"But we still sisters?"  
"Yup and you'll always be sisters for the rest of your lives. Sometimes your sister is all you have as a friend. She's your first friend. You are going to be five soon and going to school. You will make new friends, but you cannot forget your first friend. You will come home and you will see her and she will be happy to see you because you've been gone all day."  
"And she miss me?"  
"Yeah. She's not trying to steal the blanket on purpose. She was just cold. And sometimes when you're asleep, you forget that you are next to someone."  
"Momma?"  
"Yes, bug."  
"What did daddy do to make you go away?"  
"Daddy didn't do anything love. I just let to many fears get in the way."  
"So you ran away?"  
"Sometimes people do that. And as much as I feel better off alone with your sister, I do miss you guys and wish that things could be different."  
"Why are you afraid?"  
"Because daddy is wonderful and I'm afraid that my stupid mistakes will get in the way of our love."  
"I want you to come home. I miss you."  
"I know baby. Hopefully one day, the fears will just go away."  
"Did you forget to pray to Jesus?"  
I felt a wave of emotions go through me. She had caught on that I hadn't been doing what I had been teaching her. "I have."  
"Then we pray." She held her hands together just as Amy came trotting up to us. I slipped onto the floor and pulled Amy into my lap. Without questioning, she too put her hands together, closed her eyes and listened to Ava's prayer. "Dear Jesus. Momma needs help. She didn't mean to walk away. Please help her get better. Thank you. Amen."  
"Amen." Amy said in her cute voice.  
I tried to not cry. I was proud of my girls for keeping themselves true to Jesus, when I could not. The girls jumped into their story of how they found their shells and how uncle Sean fell into the water while getting the one that Amy saw. As they giggled and kept the story going, I could feel a presence in the door way and slowly turned to see who it was.  
Jeremy was leaning against the door frame, a proud smile upon his tired face. He had his girls and that's all that mattered to him. We weren't that far from his reach. All he had to do was to come over to us and sit down, listen to how his daughters became happy over the littlest of things.  
After a few minutes, I waved at him to come over, happy that he complied. He sat down in front of me, leaning against the bed, pulled Ava off of the bed and onto his lap, making faces at Amy, smiling when she giggled and tried to make some back.  
It was the perfect thing in the world to me. To have my children and my husband by my side. All of us happy. Not wanting them to ever go away.  
But then the tiniest thought that something bad was going to happen crept into the back of my mind and hung on real tight.


	40. Chapter 40

Waking up with Jeremy beside me felt very familiar and oh too cozy. He was halfway on me, out like a light. The girls were up on the bottom bunk and Mingus on the top. I had forgotten that we made a makeshift bed next to the girls and boy was I going to be sore once I'd start moving. I tried to slip out from under his arm, but it made him groan. "Jere, I have to go pee."  
"I don't want to move." I scooted closer, kissed him on the nose then whispered dirty promises if he let me get up. Surprised that it worked, I quickly got up before he could change his mind and hopped into the bathroom before Norman could walk in.  
"Dammit, Nic. I have to piss like a dragon."  
"Sorry. My bladder hurts. Besides. You're a guy. Go pee outside."  
"It's not just pee."  
"Eww. TMI." I finished up, washed my hands and opened the door. "All yours pretty boy." I winked at him as I ducked under his arm and went back into the kids' room. Jeremy pulled me down on top of him, feeling how hard he was. "Damn. I didn't even touch you." I whispered as I bent down to kiss him.  
"Words work for me to, ya know." His hands went up the front of my shirt, stopping on my breasts.  
"Jere. Not in front of the kids." He sighed, sat up, then got up, while holding onto me. I locked my legs around him so I wouldn't fall, letting go when he placed me onto the dresser. "Jere."  
"Nic. Calm down." He shuffled over to the girls, pulled the blanket over them, then came back over to me. "I don't know where you want to go. This house is filled up." I hopped off of the dresser, took his hand and led him out of the room. We went out the front door, turned to the right and headed to the end of the porch. Thankfully he had grabbed his leather jacket, cause I was freezing. Once we made it down the porch and over the fence, we headed over to the biggest tree and hid around the other side. Jeremy pulled his jacket over me, pushed me against the tree and looked me in the eyes. It was like he was searching for something I was wanting to say. His lips were on mine after a few minutes passed, slipping his tongue in a few times before pulling back. He fiddled with his sweat pants, then pulled down my pajama bottoms. His fingers gently rubbed my folds, sliding into my tight core, thumb pressing against my nub. I moaned, then asked him to fuck me. Without hesitation, he did as I asked, keeping his hands against my ass, so it wouldn't get cut up by the tree bark. He was only a few thrusts in, when we heard the girls scream their heads off, then a louder scream by Sean. "Goddammit." Jeremy stopped.  
"I have to check on them."  
"Yeah, okay." I kissed him chastely a few times before he pulled away, pulled up my pants and then headed back to the house. I stopped halfway up the hill and looked back at him. "Go ahead. I'll be there shortly." He pulled his pants up, then leaned his head against his arm, against the tree. I knew that he was disappointed, but there wasn't much we could do.  
When I pulled open the back door, I came to a stop when I saw Sean holding Ava upside down and Amy pulling on his arm, being lifted into the air. "What are you doing?" I didn't make a blink as I walked over to them, stopping at the couch.  
"Just playing momma." Ava answered with a smile on her face.  
I leaned against the couch. "Did you have breakfast first and eat your gummies?"  
"No." The girls said in unison.  
I folded my arms across my chest. "Then get off of Sean and get into the kitchen." Sean placed the girls down onto their feet, then let them go as they ran into the kitchen. "You know better."  
"If I did it after they ate, they probably wouldn't have kept their food down."  
"True, but then you could have waited an hour after they ate."  
"Spoiled sport." I flipped him off then went into the kitchen. I grabbed the bottle of vitamins and handed them four each. As I went around the kitchen to get out bowls, milk and cereal, Jeremy finally walked in and looked miserable.  
"Mmm. What's for breakfast?"  
"The girls are having Cheerios. I don't know what you want, so just make whatever."  
"I'll make you breakfast too." He kissed me on the lips, then grabbed the bowls from me and placed them in front of the girls. He pushed me over to the stool, told me to sit, then went to the stove and pulled out the frying pan. I looked at the girls, seeing them play with their gummies.  
"Girls....." They gave me a ornery look. "Don't even think about it. Eat them." They plopped one into their mouths, then played with the next one. I sighed, then looked up into the mirror on the wall behind them. Norman had been looking at me, but Bryn distracted him when she came out wearing a bikini, asking him how it looked on her. He nodded his head, then looked away when Sean walked up to her and kissed her. It wasn't hard to see that he was feeling down about being alone.  
"Niki." I looked over to my left, seeing Mingus walk over to us. "Have you seen my ipad?"  
"I put it on the charger on the bookshelf." Jeremy answered him. "Your dad didn't want you to have it this morning." Mingus groaned. "Now you'll have to participate in this mornings activities."  
"What on Earth would you guys be doing?" I chalked up a question on the spot.  
"Taking the boards down, cleaning the gutters. Picking up the mess that's been left over." Jeremy spun around, placed a plate down in front of me. Two pancakes, two slices of bacon, scrambled eggs and a strawberry. I hadn't been paying attention to anything that he had been doing. So sneaky with everything. "Girls." He snapped, making them jump. "Stop playing and eat your food." Both girls grabbed their spoons and started to shovel Cheerios into their mouths.  
"You can't possibly think that Mingus is going to want to do that all morning."  
"What, he's just going to hang out with girls all day?"  
"Why don't you just let him make the decision." I looked at Mingus.  
"I'll help. If that means I get my ipad back."  
"No chance in hell." Norman called out.  
I tried to not laugh. "Nice try, buddy." He rolled his eyes and ate his Lucky Charms. "We could make things go faster if we all pitch in."  
"Whose going to watch the girls?"  
"They can pick up twigs."  
"No. I don't want them outside. There could be things out there that could hurt them."  
"You let your imagination take control too much." I placed my fork down, then took a sip of milk. "Fine. They can do laundry with me."  
"The pipe lines are down." Sean said as he walked into the kitchen. "Until we can get it back up and running, no laundry or dishes done.  
"Fine, I'll take them down to the beach."  
"No, they can go clean their room. I stepped on like ten Legos this morning."  
I bit my lip, then look at the girls. "When you're done, go clean your room. If you get it done quickly, we can watch a movie." They smiled at me, plopped another vitamin in their mouths, then went back to eating. My irritability with Jeremy was getting higher and higher by the minute. "I need some air." I hopped off of the stool, went to the couch, pulled my sweater off and headed out the back door. It didn't take long for me to put on my sweater and be out of sight of the house. I didn't know how far out I was wanting to go, as long as I couldn't hear anyone calling out to me.  
I had always wanted to get to the other side of the rocks, remembering that only once or twice when I was younger, I was able to get down onto the beach. It was hard at first to climb, since I was alone, having no support, but once I was down the other side and walked towards the cave, I was feeling better about things. I stood in the middle of the small beach, looking out to the rocks that held a lot of seals.  
"Beautiful isn't it?" My head snapped in the direction of the voice, wondering how he found me. "Seals are majestic."  
"Sean, what do you want?"  
"You kinda stormed off. You left everyone confused. What's up buttercup?"  
"Just a bit annoyed with Jeremy. A little with Norman too."  
"Their controlling attitudes with the kids."  
"You've noticed."  
"How could I not? Not only are they butting heads over you, they are doing so over whose more fatherly. They don't like the fact that they are both Alpha's refusing to step down."  
"Can you blame them? I must hold the world record of worst wife ever. Worst girlfriend too. Fuck. Worst person ever."  
"Only if you believe it."  
"How can I not? I'm fucking them both. I love them both."  
"It doesn't make you the worst person ever. Just means that you're unsure of yourself."  
"Hmm. Wow. Never thought of it that way."  
"It's why you walked away from them, right?"  
"Well, technically Norman walked away from me....."  
"You could have stopped him, you chose not to." I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it when everything started to make sense.  
"Why must you do this to me?"  
"Cause I'm Switzerland and I make sense. And I know shit." He winked at me. "Now. Let's get back to the house before they think we ran off to Mexico." He held out his hand, wiggling his fingers until I took it. Together, we went back over the rocks and headed back to the house. "I was thinking of taking the kids to the mall down the road. Let them buy a toy or two, if that's okay with you."  
"Sure. As long as it's not going to leak all over the place."  
"Gotcha."  
"Nothing with glitter."  
"Yeah, I don't feel like looking like a stripper was hanging all over me."  
"Well, I'm sure if it was Bryn...." He giggled, then hopped up onto the porch, pulled the door open and let me walk in first. I saw the girls run out of the kitchen and into the bedroom, crying, Norman and Mingus nowhere in sight and Bryn walking in from the back porch. I headed over to the kitchen, stopping when I saw Jeremy leaning against the counter, head bent low. "Jeremy?"  
"Yeah?” His voice was quiet.  
"What happened?" I nodded at Bryn as she waved at me, pointing at the bedroom door. She went into the room as I went over to him, placing my hand on his shoulder. "Jere. Please talk to me." He looked up at me, face red and splotchy.  
"The girls thought it would be funny to throw their cereal at me. I asked them to stop several times and when they didn't, I spanked them."  
"Oh. Well, that explains them running to their room crying. I'll talk to them." I kissed him on the lips. "Calm down a bit, please."  
"Yup. Trying." He kissed me back, then slid his hand down my arm as I walked away. "Girls." I made my voice stern as I walked into the bedroom. "Did daddy ask you to stop throwing your food?"  
"Yes." They both answered as they sniffled.  
"Then why didn't you listen?" Both of them couldn't find reasons, so I told them no trip to the mall or a movie until their room was clean and they apologized to their father. Right as I walked out, Amy came running up to me, pulling on my shirt.  
"Momma." I stopped and picked her up. "I didn't do it. I told her to stop." I took her straight over to Jeremy and plopped her down onto the island. "I sorry daddy."  
He heaved a heavy sigh, then took a few steps closer to her. He placed a hand on either side of her and leaned against them. "Thank you for apologizing and I accept your apology." He kissed her on the nose and in return she snorted like a pig. She giggled, stopping when he did nothing back. Then, out of nowhere he snorted back, then poked her belly. "Did you eat your gummies?" She nodded her head. "Good. Thank you."  
"Welcome."  
"I HATE YOU!" Ava screamed from the bedroom, throwing her toys around.  
"What is her problem?" I looked at him. "It's like she just now hit her terrible two's."  
"Tell me about it." He sighed again, kissed Amy on the head, kissed me on the lips, then went off into the bedroom. "Knock your shit off." He snapped loudly. The toy throwing stopped. I picked up Amy and took her to the bedroom door. "Why are you doing this?" He lowered his voice as he knelt down before her. She refused to answer as she pouted with her arms folded across her chest. "Fine. No toys for a week. So while your sister gets a new one and watches a movie, you'll be in here cleaning up."  
"No!" She shrieked. "I want a new toy."  
"I don't think so. Not with the way you've been acting lately."  
"Babe, when was the last time she saw Sonni?"  
"Two months ago." Not what I was expecting to hear. "She's back packing in Europe with her new flavor of the month.  
"Maybe a few hours of Barney might help." Mingus snorted as he laughed from the other room.  
"Remind me to slap him later on." Jeremy looked over his shoulder at me, then back at Ava. "Your sister apologized, why can't you?"  
"Cause she's a suck up. She threw food too."  
"Nuh uh. Momma would be mad at me." I walked her away from the door, plopping her down onto the couch next to Mingus, who had magically appeared out of nowhere.  
"Please watch her for a bit."  
"Can we watch a movie?"  
"Which one?"  
"Emperor's New Groove?"  
"Fine." I messed up his hair, then went into the bedroom. I sat down onto the bed and made her look at me. "What's been bothering you?"  
"Why does she get a mom and I don't?  
"You have a mom. Niki's your mom."  
"But it's not the same."  
I spoke up. "Ava, I don't have parents at all. They disowned me years ago."  
"Disowned?"  
"Meaning that they don't want anything to deal with me anymore."  
"That's horrible."  
Jeremy jumped in. "Yeah, so, you should feel good that Niki is here for you, sweetie. She loves you with her whole heart."  
"And Amy?"  
"Yeah."  
"And Mingus?"  
"Yeah, and Mingus."  
"When two people become parents, they have a lot of room in their hearts for their children. Adopted, step children...."  
"Half sisters?"  
"Yes honey. Mommies have lots of love for their babies." Jeremy wiped her face with his shirt. "So don't think that Niki doesn't love you. You mean a whole lot to her, bear. She was the one who gave you that nickname."  
"Boobear?"  
"Yeah, boo bear." He kissed her on the forehead. "Feeling better now?" She nodded her head. "Okay. How about you get dressed and meet Uncle Sean at the front door so you guys can go to the mall." She still didn't move until he pulled her to her feet and took her to the dresser. I got up, kissed her on the head, then went out to get Amy. When I headed back into the bedroom, I saw Norman standing on the front porch staring at me. It made me curious with what he was doing.  
"Leaving in five!" Sean yelled as he went outside. Mingus jumped up and ran out the door just as Bryn popped in and took Ava out to the car.  
"Momma, hurry." Amy whined as I pulled her socks and shoes on. Without waiting for me to finish tying her shoe, she hopped up and ran to the back door, pushing it open just as the car drove away. It was heartbreaking to see her cry, falling to the porch. I went out to the porch just as Norman bent down and tied her shoe.  
"I don't think they knew that she wanted to go." He wiped off her pants, then helped her to her feet. "But Jeremy went, so you'd think he'd tell them to wait."  
"Yeah, really." I wasn't happy with what he said.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it has taken me so long to post the remaining chapters. I was working all summer and now have a lot of doctors appointments. Right now, I am extremely bored, so I am posting until I get bored of it.

"Jeremy!" I snapped while on the phone. "Why the fuck did you let them leave without Amy?"  
"We went to go get gas. Calm down. We told Norman to let you know that." I looked at Norman and he didn't seem like he knew what he was saying.  
"He didn't say jack shit to me."  
"You're a fucking dick. You need to stop babying Ava. You have two daughter's for fuck sake."  
"I know I have two of them. We went to go get gas. What do you not understand about that?"  
"You know what, you can just forget about coming back for her. Go do your stupid shopping. I don't want to see your face when you get back. You can go fuck yourself." I hit the end button and slammed the phone down onto the counter. Amy's tears kept coming and it was making me feel like tearing his face off.  
"Amy, I'll buy you ten toys tomorrow once I can get the car to work. K sweetie?" Norman picked her up and carried her into the living room. "What movie do you want to watch?"  
"I want toys."  
"I know sweetie. But I can't do it right now. How about Toy Story."  
"No. I want to watch Cinderella."  
"Okay." I peeked around the corner just in time to see him kiss her on the forehead and place her down onto the chair. He wrapped her princess blanket around her, grabbed the movie from the shelf and went over to the TV. "There we go princess. It'll play in just a minute." He walked away and looked up in time to see me move back into the kitchen. "She doesn't deserve that and I'll give him a piece of my mind."  
"Well, I'm sure that Bryn will as soon as she finds out that Amy wanted to go." I stepped back as he stepped forward until I ran into the counter. I didn't want to be in view of her, she didn't need to see what was going on. I placed my arms on his chest when he got close enough. I fingered his shirt, wanting to rip it off. "She adores you."  
"I wouldn't know why?"  
"Think about it. You've been kind to her, you treat her like she's your own. You well up like a baby when she's ill."  
"Don't say it." He could read my mind and it was scaring him.  
"Okay. I'm going to go watch the movie with her." I tried to move, but he held my elbows still. "Norm, please." His hand reached up and moved the strands of hair out of my face. I knew that he loved it when I would pull my hair back into a messy bun, eyeliner out of place since I fell asleep with it on. He leaned in to kiss me and I waited for it, but only felt his tongue brushing against my lips. Inhaling his scent, I parted my lips but then closed them when we heard the car pull up and Sean came into the house. Norman stepped away from me and we looked at him.  
"I was told that Amy didn't want to go. So I ripped him a new asshole. If I knew that she wanted to go, I would have waited."  
"She's watching Cinderella. It's one of her favorites. So I dare you to try to pull her away."  
"Challenge accepted." He went into the living room and looked at Amy. "Amethyst. Would you like to go with us to the mall?" I could only imagine what her face was like, cause she hopped off the chair and went to him. He picked her up and came to us with a grin on his face. "I promise you that she wont leave my side. Oh and we're going to see a movie later on tonight, so we wont be back until maybe nine or ten."  
"Alright. Not too much candy for her." I handed him her inhaler from the drawer.  
"There's never too much." He teased, took the inhaler and dashed out the door before I could scold him. I could see out of the corner of my eye, Jeremy staring at us, so I moved away from Norman and went into the living room.  
Once the car was gone, I began to pick up the random pieces of clothes that Mingus had tossed around and took them into the laundry room. "Did you want to take a walk on the beach with me?" I asked him, wondering what he was doing.  
"Maybe later."  
Going past the kitchen, I could see him leaning against the counter, but didn't bother to stop and actually look. Every time I passed him, he sighed, probably biting his fingers and watching me look ridiculous. "Can you just stop what you are doing and come over here." I placed the basket onto the island and went over to him. "I hate it when you pick up after people's messes. The girls, is one thing....."  
"Norm, I don't mind." He took a step forward, hands on my hips, spun me around and lifted me up onto the counter. He then stepped between my legs and pressed his lips firmly against mine. I grabbed at his shirt, trying to get it off, not wanting the kissing to stop. Norman pulled off his shirt, letting it drop to the floor, then helped me take off mine. His hands held my thighs as our kissing went deeper and a slight moan came from him. His lips traveled across my jaw, stopping beside my ear. "Please let me fuck you."  
"No." He stepped back and looked into my eyes. "I don't want you to just fuck me."  
"I'll do whatever you want. I just want to be inside of you." He pulled me off of the counter when I locked my legs and arms around him, carried me into the bedroom that Bryn and Sean was sleeping in and gently laid me down. He pulled my shorts and panties off, dropping them onto the floor, then shimmied out of his clothes and got onto the bed. I pulled off my bra, letting it drop to the floor, then arched my legs as he lined himself up with me. "You want it nice and slow, don't you?" His voice became raspy as he tried to figure me out. "Deep and throbbing against your sweet spot." He playfully bit my neck, his hand traveled down my side, stopping at my hips. His fingers dug into my skin, aching to enter me. "Filling you up to the top, making you scream my name." His fingers inched over towards my hot core. "Your cum dripping down your thighs..." His voice trailed off when he stroked himself, placing his tip at my opening. Just one move and he'd be inside of me. My right hand was turning colors as I gripped his shoulder, wanting him to stop teasing me. I inhaled, then exhaled and felt him inside of me before I could finish letting the air out of my mouth. I gasped, fingers pressing harder against his shoulder. The slow rolling of his hips sent chills through me and dizziness approached. Trying to breathe, I felt him lift my leg to go deeper and cried out his name. His lips were hard against me, wherever he kissed me, a few times unable to breathe himself. "I can't....I'm going to..." He pleaded as I bucked up my hips and started to roll them against him. "Nic...." I wanted to be able to get off with him and what a perfect way to do it. "Oh shit..." He bit my shoulder when he felt me tighten my walls more. "Nic....stop." I inhaled sharply and cried out when I felt my orgasm through out my whole body. Seconds later he met me and shook all over, then collapsed onto me. "You're evil." He said in my ear, then kissed my neck.  
"You wanted to know how I wanted it."  
"Yeah, I know." He rolled off of me, grabbed the blanket and pulled it over us. He then snuggled up behind me after I rolled to my right. "You're still evil." He kissed my shoulder a few times before relaxing. "I don't know about you, but a nap sounds good right now. We can go on the beach when the sun sets." I said nothing as I closed my eyes and listen to him breathe hard.

 

It was cold on the beach. So cold that even when he came up behind me and pulled me into him and wrapped his sweater around me, I was still shivering. The sunset was beautiful. I never got to see the sun rise, but was always seeing it set. Norman was lucky to be able to see it rise and set.  
"Do you prefer to see it rise or set?"  
"Depends on the mood I'm in. Right now, set. With you, it's a beautiful sight." He kissed the back of my head. I squeezed his arms, then leaned my head back onto him. There wasn't anything I could say to make the moment better, so I kept my mouth shut and enjoyed every minute of it. "Nicole." He cocked his head off to the side to look at me. "I love you." I turned and looked at him, seeing how serious he was. Before I could say the words back, Amy came running up to us.  
"Momma, momma. I'm home. Come see my toys." Norman picked her up, hitched her onto his side and poked her belly.  
"What did you have for dinner?"  
"I had a sandwich at Moe's."  
"A sandwich? What kind of sandwich?"  
"A fish sandwich. Uncle Sean got it for me. It was yummy."  
"What movie did you watch?"  
"Tangled."  
"Didn't that movie come out already?" He looked at me.  
"Yeah, maybe they were just replaying it for the kids." Seeing her shivering, I declared that it was time to go back in. I took her from him and walked her back to the house, Norman not too far behind us.  
It was a perfect moment, but that nagging feeling in the back of my mind returned with vengeance.


	42. Chapter 42

Amy was super excited to show me the toys that Sean bought her. She got three Barbies, two ken dolls, a jeep and a case to carry them in. As well as an arm full of clothes. I cocked an eyebrow at him and he just sat on the foot stool with a grin on his face. She was happy and I wasn't wanting to make her feel bad for it. It was the most that she ever had and I was bound and determined to make her keep them nice looking.  
"And what did you get Ava?"  
"I'll show you." She hopped up from the floor and headed to the front door. I got up and followed her, wondering why she was heading outside. I came to a halt when I saw the child sized Barbie jeep. "Daddy bought it for me. He said that I needed to learn how to drive." I grabbed her arm and pulled her back inside.  
"Go back into the living room and watch the movie." She skipped away and I immediately looked at Jeremy. He was leaning against the counter, trying to act like it was nothing. "Really Jere? A fucking car? You get her a fucking car and got Amy jack shit?"  
"Ava's older."  
"And a little brat. I told you to stop spoiling her. It's not fair to her sister."  
"What do you want me to do? Deny her what she's been wanting since Christmas?"  
"Or buy both of them a jeep."  
"Amy wouldn't be able to reach the pedals."  
"Then we accommodate for her. Shit Jeremy. You act like you don't want her as your daughter."  
"Don't say that."  
"Then fucking treat her like she is. Quit ignoring her."  
"It wouldn't be so fucking hard if you never walked away in the first place."  
"I wouldn't had to if you were home more often to see them."  
"Then why didn't you take Ava with you?"  
"You know that Sonni wouldn't let that happen. She didn't even want her alone with me."  
"That's bullshit cause she was fine with it when I talked to her."  
"So much for what you know."  
"If you hadn't ran off to be with Stephen...."  
"You don't know fucking shit with him. You don't EVEN know what he will do to me if I walked back into that house. All these scars...this burn mark is from HIM. And he wanted to burn Amy as well. Have you no compassion for us?"  
"I do, but I can't do anything if Norman's going to be right up your ass."  
"Leave him out of this."  
"No I wont. It's funny how when things get bad you run to him instead of back home to me. Like you always have."  
"My son was the one who found her like that." Norman finally spoke up and walked into the kitchen, stopping behind me. "I had no clue that she was even there. Probably wouldn't of ever known if Mingus never called me. Not one ounce of thank you to him for saving her."  
"Thank you Mingus." He yelled, then looked down at the floor before looking back up at me.  
"You can say thank you all you want. It's not going to fix the fact that you're treating our daughter like shit." I felt Norman's hand touch my lower back. "At least tell her that you love her."  
"I do love her."  
"Tell her then. I shouldn't have to prompt you to do so."  
"I don't need you or him to tell me how to be a father."  
"Someone ought to." Norman snapped. "Because right now, I'm the one being a father to her."  
"Over my dead body." Jeremy snapped back.  
"THAT can be arranged."  
I turned to Norman. "Stop it." I placed my hands against him, pushing him out of the kitchen.  
"He needs his ass whooped." He moved away as I let him go and went back into the kitchen.  
"Jere, please. Think about the pain you are causing her. Not the past."  
He rubbed his face with his hands. "It's just so hard. I'm used to one kid."  
"Try, please. I rather you try and get irritated, then not and make her upset."  
"Amy, please come here." He looked at me, then down at her when she came in. He picked her up and placed her onto the island. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad. Daddies just going through a lot lately. I love you. Will you forgive me?"  
She placed her tiny hands against his cheeks. "I forgive you." She kissed him on the chin, then looked at me. "Can I have some grapes?"  
"Do we have grapes?" I looked at him.  
"Yeah, I got the girls some grapes." He went to the fridge.  
"See, there's a start. Well, the day of the storm was a start, but this works too." He gave her three grapes, then placed a few more into a bowl. He placed the bowl next to her then looked at me. In his eyes, I could piece everything together that happened since we got to the beach house. He was conflicted with his role as a father and as a husband and it was killing him inside. "Thank you." I quietly said when I looked at Amy. I pulled the hair ties out of her hair and placed them onto the counter behind her. "Do you want a bath honey?" She nodded her head as she munched on a grape. "Okay. Momma's gonna spend some time with you. We're going to read." I wiped the dirt off of her face, then picked her up. Jeremy grabbed my arm to stop me and when I looked at him, he slid his hand down my arm to my fingers, letting them slip away as I walked to the bathroom.

 

Brushing her hair was easier with the detangler, but since it was at the apartment, I had to deal with leave in conditioner from Bryn's stuff. She looked at the books, pointing out the different characters and naming them off. "Let's keep your hair down tonight. It'll make your head feel better." I kissed her, then pushed her over and laughed when she just laid there staring at me. "Are you okay, baby?" She nodded her head as I pulled the blanket over her. "Just a long day, huh?" She nodded her head again, then rolled over and faced the wall. "No book tonight?"  
"No. I sleepy."  
"Okay. I'll read to you in the morning then." I kissed her arm, then covered it, picked up the books and took it over to the dresser. When Ava came walking in, I grabbed her before she could get onto the bed. "You're sleeping on the floor tonight."  
"What?" She shrieked. "No."  
"Yes. You are not going to bother your sister."  
"Ava. Listen to your mother." Jeremy called out from the living room.  
She flopped onto the mattress, folded her arms and pouted. I pushed against her forehead, making her fall backwards then flung the blanket over her. "Good night Ava." She pouted louder, then kept quiet as I walked out of the room, closing the door part ways. I stood behind the couch, running my fingers lightly across the back of Christian's neck. He always hated it when I did that. "Where did everyone go?"  
"Sean and Bryn went for a walk on the beach, Mingus went with them and I think Norman is out front, messing with the jeep."  
"You're letting him touch it?"  
"Yeah, he's putting the stickers on while it charges."  
"Hmmm. K." I pulled on his hair, then went to the front porch. Norman was where Jeremy said he was. Crouched down on the back side of the toy, placing the stickers on. I could see the cherry on his cigarette and sighed. "Thought you were done smoking."  
"Not when I'm stressed."  
"Why are you stressed?" I closed the door behind me, stepped down to the stairs and sat down. I pulled my sweater tighter around me, noting that it had been colder than earlier.  
"It doesn't really matter. I'll eventually be back to normal."  
"There's nothing ever normal in your life."  
"Exactly." He flicked the cherry off, then glanced at me. "What are the girls doing?"  
"Hopefully sleeping."  
"Ava's got a mouth on her."  
"From her mother." I watched him take a drag, then blow it out the side of his mouth.  
"There's a barn, not too far from here. I was going to sleep there tonight. Get a break from everyone. You're welcome to join me." I got up off the stairs and went over to him, pulling the cigarette from his mouth. He blew the smoke out, then looked up at me. I kissed him sweetly, then placed his cigarette back into his mouth and walked away. "So is that a yes?"  
"Maybe." I walked into the house, letting the screen door close behind me.  
He yelled at me. "Tease."  
I grinned to myself as I went into the girls' room, seeing that they were asleep. When I turned to go to the couch, Bryn walked over to me. "Hey sweetie. Girl's asleep?"  
"Yeah. Do you mind watching them? Norman and I were going out and might not come back until morning."  
"Sure." She slightly smiled. "Is everything alright?"  
"Yeah. Just need some time away from here and he wanted to tag along."  
"Okay. Keep your phone on you." She gave me a hug, then went into the bedroom. I quickly left the house before Sean could walk in and stop me. I closed the front door, coming to a stop when I saw Mingus talking to his father.  
"No, you need to stay here."  
"Ugh, the girls are so irritating. Why can't you give me a brother?"  
"Because then that entitles me to knocking up someone and then you'll still be alone because you'll have so many years apart."  
"Adopt someone?"  
"You'll get use to them when they start to get older."  
"Yes and dealing with boys hitting on my sisters is going to be better." He turned and went into the house, not acknowledging me as he passed.  
"Sisters?" I curiously looked at him. "Since when did he claim them as his sisters?"  
"Not like I put it in his head that it was needed." He tossed the cigarette butt into a puddle. "Are you ready to go?"  
"Mmmhmm." I bundled up, then followed him to the car. He pulled out several blankets, two sleeping bags and asked me to take the pillows. After closing the car door, I followed him up the hill and down towards the other drive way. It seemed like a short distance, but it didn't really bother me because I just wanted to get away.  
The barn was smaller than I thought it would be, surprisingly clean. We headed up to the loft, then together we made a makeshift bed, went to the window and watched the deer feed in the field below us.  
As much as I wanted to make small talk, I found myself unable to, because I was now getting horrifying images in my head of the boys dying. I did not like it at all and clung onto him afraid to let go.


	43. Chapter 43

"Niki. Nic, wake up." My eyes slowly opened, feeling groggy as I looked at Norman. "You're having a bad dream." It was hard for me to move, body aching since I wasn't on a mattress. "Do you remember what it was?"  
"No." I lied as I rolled over to face him. His head was propped up onto his arm, biting on a finger. "Stop biting your fingers. It's a bad habit."  
"I know. I do it when I'm worried." I grabbed his hand and bit his finger. "Owe. What was that for?"  
"I don't know, felt like it."  
"Pain in my ass." He pushed against my shoulder, then got up and went to the window.  
"Are you peeing out the window?"  
"Yeah, I really don't feel like going down the ladder right now."   
"You know what I think is oddly strange?"  
"What's that?"  
"Why on Earth is there a barn on the beach?"  
"Maybe for horses?" He came back over to me after zipping up and laid back down besides me. "I could have sworn I saw some when we arrived."  
"Yeah, but this close to the beach?"  
"Well I know one thing. I really don't want to be here when the owner's arrive."  
"Then maybe we should get back to the house." I rolled over and hopped up onto my feet. He groaned and then did the same, then helped me pick everything up. It didn't take long for us to get out of the barn and back down to his car. After throwing everything inside, we went down to the back side of the house, seeing everyone out on the beach flying kites.  
"Momma!" Amy came running over to me, jumping into my arms.  
"Hey baby. Did you sleep well?"  
"I miss you. Where did you go?" Before I could answer her, I noticed that Ava and Jeremy weren't with them.  
"Bryn! Where's Jeremy?"  
She looked over her shoulder at me, tipping her sunglasses down. "Inside. They are packing to go back home."  
"What?" I placed Amy down. "Yeah, he said he had to get her back home. Something about Sonni being home and wanting to see her." I turned and ran to the house, hoping that I would catch him before he would leave.  
"Jere?" I slid into the first bedroom, not seeing him in there, then the kids' bedroom, then the bathroom. He wasn't in the living room or kitchen. I stepped out onto the front porch, seeing him packing suitcases in the back seat. "Jere!" I jumped off of the porch and ran to him. "You can't leave."  
"Nic, Sonni wants to see Ava."  
"I know, but you can't leave. Not right now."  
"She's expecting us by dinner."  
"You can't leave."  
"Why Nic? There's nothing here for me. You chose Norman."  
"I....you....please don't leave."  
"Niki, there's nothing for me with you. I left the papers on the counter for you in the folder.”  
I finally blurted out what I've been trying to hide from everyone. "You leave and you'll die." He closed the back door, so Ava couldn't hear us.  
"What the fuck did you just say?"  
"A dream....I had...keep having."  
"Nic, it's just a dream."  
"NO!" I snapped. "This isn't just a dream. It keeps playing over and over. Awake or asleep. If it's not you then it's Norman."  
"What?" Norman came walking over to us from the side of the house, Sean with him.  
"The dream that I had...that you woke me up out of...." I glanced at Norman, then back at Jeremy. "One of you dies. It's not set on who exactly. But you never die the same. And I'm alone with the kids. Not just Amy and Ava. Mingus too. One of you dies, the other disappears and I'm alone with the kids, somewhere new. Far away. In the hills. Beautiful cabin." As I described everything, I could see it in my head. The ending to the dream. "And it's years before we see Sean and Bryn again. They have two kids. A boy and a girl. And everything is wonderful again. As much as I want that ending, I do not want any of you to die."  
"If I were you. I'd believe her." Bryn finally walked over with Amy in her arms. "Last time she had a dream that she could describe this well....it came true."  
"You can believe me and get back into the house with Ava, or you can drive away and meet your end and she'll be without a father." Jeremy went to the driver's door, opened it and got in. He started the car and pulled out of the drive way. "JEREMY NO!" I screamed as I ran after him, stopping when Norman and Sean grabbed me. "JEREMY!!"  
"There's nothing you can do. He chose and there's no changing his mind." Sean put his arms around me as I cried. "All we can do is pray." I felt the rain splashing down, then Bryn calling out to us.  
"I'm taking Amy inside."  
"Norman, go with Mingus inside." Sean held me tighter as I cried harder. "Oh Lord. If you are listening, now would be a good time to do your damn job." He picked me up and carried me inside, taking me into his room. He sat me down on my feet, grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around me. "Let's get you out of the clothes, aye?" I shivered as he helped me get down to my bra and panties, then left the room when Bryn came in with clean clothes. She shut the door, then helped me get out of my bra and panties.  
"He's not that stupid. It will click and he will come back with Ava. Have faith that he will." I wobbled as I pulled on my dry clothes, then latched onto her, crying again. She dragged me over to the bed, helped me get under the covers, then sat down and held me until I stopped crying.  
We heard a knock on the door, then it opened and Mingus came walking in with Amy. He helped her up onto the bed, then came around to the other side and sat down. He leaned against me as Amy climbed into my lap, placing her head against my chest.  
"Momma. Daddy is gona be ok." I placed my hand on her head, then kissed it. Norman and Sean came to the door, both leaning against the frame, looking at us. They said nothing as tears rolled down my face, holding onto Amy, afraid to let her go. As I looked around at everyone, I realized what I couldn't have a long time ago. Everyone here was willing to sacrifice their needs to help me and Amy. It wasn't right. It was making me selfish.  
I knew what I needed to do to keep them from ruining their lives. To keep Jeremy and Ava safe. It would be the stupidest thing for me to do, but it was the only one that I could come up with. The hardest part would be convincing them to let me go.  
Once the boys went outside, I looked at Bryn and pushed Amy off of me. "Promise me that you'll look after her."  
"What?" She gave me a startled and confused look.  
"You are her godmother, act like one." I climbed over her, feeling her grip my arm. "Bryn, let go."  
"I know what you are thinking and you're not going."  
"I have to. It's the only way to keep my family safe." I yanked my arm out of her hand.  
"Don't be stupid, Nic." I went out of the room and started to grab my clothes. "NIKI!" She yelled, Amy started to cry as waves of emotions filled the house.  
"Niki!" Mingus yelled as he got up and ran to the back door. "Dad! HELP!"  
"Nicole Cherie. STOP RIGHT NOW!" Bryn rushed at me, grabbing my bag, but I refused to let go. "You can't do this. You have your daughters to think about."  
"It's the right thing to do. Going back to him without Amy is protecting her. It's protecting Jeremy and Ava."  
"You're out of your fucking mind!!" She half screamed as she pushed me against the couch.  
"What the fuck is going on?" Norman came in, Sean behind him.  
"She's trying to go back to Stephen." Bryn announced as she pried the bag from my hands.  
"What the fuck?" Norman grabbed me. "Are you out of your mind? Do you not remember that he burned the fuck out of you? Threatened to do the same to Amy?" I could hear Amy in the background, crying louder and it made me cry. Bryn handed the bag to Sean, then pushed Mingus back into the bedroom. She closed the door, then came back over to me.  
"What is going through your head?" She took a hold of my arm.  
"Alright!" Sean yelled. "Stop it you two." He dropped the bag onto the couch, pushed Bryn off to the side, taking a hold of my arm and pull me out of Norman's grip. He pushed me into the kitchen, grabbed me and hoisted me up onto the island. He glared at whoever was behind me, then looked me dead in the eye. "Stop crying and tell me what you are thinking. We can solve this."  
I wiped my face with my sleeves, then slowly told him what I was planning on doing and why I was wanting to do it. The anger on his face changed into an understanding tone and he stepped back and leaned against the sink.  
"Protecting them is a wonderful thing to do, but risking your life isn't an ideal thing. Especially on your own." He rubbed his cheek with his left hand. "If you are serious about this, going back there to protect your family, we need to do this with a safety plan."  
"Sean, no." Norman spoke up, but Sean cut him off.  
"It's her decision. We shouldn't keep her from doing what she wants."  
"It's not just for protecting them. I want to stop him from doing this to another person."  
"You do know that setting him up without the aide of law enforcement is extremely hard, right? You might not come back from this."  
"Then I'll die trying." I wiped the tears that rolled down my face. "Can you just for a moment look into the future. What if it was Amy in my shoes. What if it was Ava. Or better yet, what if it happened to Bryn? You'd want to make sure that the asshole goes down. I know that you try to stray from hate and vengeance, but if it was Bryn, you'd want to slit his throat. But if she beat you to it....."  
"I couldn't forgive myself, knowing that she took matters into her own hands. It's damaging to a human being."  
"Exactly, but sometimes we have to do what we know isn't right."  
"It's not right with Jesus."  
"I know, it's breaking the first commandment, but it's either me or him."  
"It's only breaking it when you've acted upon it. Premeditating it isn't right either."  
"Then that sin is between me and God." I knew that Bryn was listening from the other room. "Bryn needs to keep Amy with her. Keep the kids here." We heard Bryn's phone go off.  
"Hello? Shit, yeah, okay. I'll come get you." She walked into the kitchen. "It's Jeremy. The car broke down five miles outside of city limits. I'm going to get him."  
"I'll go with you." Norman followed her out the door. "Don't let her leave."  
"Wasn't planning on it." He looked at the clock on the microwave, then back at me. "Sounds like God's listening. You should go check on Amy. Make sure she knows that everything's going to be alright. Get some sleep if you can. I'll think about all of this and talk to the boys about it. No leaving in the middle of the night. Promise me."  
"I promise." I slipped off the counter and went into the bedroom. I gave Mingus a hug and apologized about what happened.  
"I don't want you to go. I'm afraid that you wont come back."  
"I'm not going anywhere without a plan."  
"And two back up plans."  
"Yeah, two of them." He stepped out and closed the door part ways. I went to the bed, seeing Amy staring at me. "Hey baby. Momma's sorry for scaring you." I climbed onto the bed and laid down on my stomach. "Forgive me?"  
"I forgive you. I love you momma."  
"I love you too baby girl." She kissed me on the cheek, then snuggled close and closed her eyes. She was out in minutes and I wanted to do the same. I was in and out of consciousness for a while, waking every time I heard someone pass the door.  
When the door finally opened, Jeremy came walking in, pulling off his jacket and tossed it onto the chair by the closet. He kicked off his shoes, pulled off his jeans and came over to the bed. "I was about to turn back when the car stalled and then quit on us." He kept his voice low so he wouldn't wake her up. He climbed onto the bed, on the other side of Amy and got under the covers. "Ava's in the other room with Bryn and Mingus." He kissed Amy on the head, then reached over and touched my arm. "I love you, Nicole."  
"I love you too, Jere." I was out like a light seconds after saying that.


	44. Chapter 44

"Daddy, can you sing Queen Elsa's song?"  
"Not right now. Mommies still sleeping." I tried to keep quite and my eyes close as the girls harassed Jeremy. "Dang it Ava, sit still. I can't do a braid if you don't sit still."  
"Niki does it better."  
"Oh thanks, that's just what I wanted to hear ya brat." She giggled. "Dammit bear, sit still." She giggled again and I could feel the bed moving and knew he was getting frustrated. I finally opened my eyes and smiled at them.  
"Daddy, she looks very messy that way."  
He cocked an eyebrow at me when I called him daddy. "That's not okay coming out of your mouth."  
"Oh, well, I thought that it was when it regards our daughters." I rolled over onto my side, leaning against my arm. I felt my shirt move then saw him bit his bottom lip.  
"Girls, maybe you can ask Auntie Bryn for help." He placed Ava onto the floor, unable to take his eyes off of me. "Shut the door too." The girls ran out and Ava shut the door behind her. I got up onto my knees, slowly moved over to him and stopped inches from him.  
"Thank you for coming back home. For not leaving Amy behind."  
"What kind of father would I be?" He tried to kiss me, but I moved back. "Did you sign the divorce papers?" His voice got quieter.  
"No."  
"Good." He pulled me in, kissing me passionately. "Can I ask you a question?" He kept the kissing going between speaking.  
"What do you want to ask?"  
"Can I make love to you?" I knew that wasn't the question, but let it happen anyway. "One last time."  
"One last time? What do you mean?" I placed my hand over his mouth, pushing him back.  
"It's just...because we don't know what's going to happen to us....I'm afraid...." His voice trailing off worried me about what the rest of his sentence was suppose to be. I cupped my hand over his cheek, rubbed my thumb against his cheek bone.  
"It's going to be ok. The dreams went away. I think God decided to step in." He looked into my hazel eyes, searching for the truth. "I love you." I pressed my lips against his, slid my hand down his chest, stopping at his waist band and then pulled his hard member out. I slipped my hand down his shaft, slowly going back up, squeezing the tip.  
"Nicole." He moaned, pulled me onto his lap and moved my panties off to the side. He lifted me, then gently lowered me onto his thickness, accepting my hard kisses as my core accepted him. His arms went around me, holding me steady as I breathed hard for the first minute. "You okay?" I nodded my head, then began my hip rolling, holding onto his shoulders for support. Neither of us could make a sound and we couldn't hear beyond our heavy breathing. I could feel his hands dig into my thighs, his lips pressing into my throat. I was forgetting how to breath, trying to find his pattern to match it. I felt my body slip onto the mattress, then his body pressing against mine. He filled me beyond my sweet spot and I wanted to cry out in joy. He covered my mouth with his when I hit my peak with him, not sure if I was going to be able to keep myself from passing out. When he moved off of me and onto the bed, I was seeing blackness and tried to blink it away.  
"Jere. Water."  
"Okay, stay still." He kissed me, then got up, tucked himself in and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. When he returned, he sat on the bed and helped me sit up, handing me the glass when I was in a good position to drink. "Slowly." I felt his hand move my panties, then pulled my shirt down. "I'm going to get you some shorts." He kissed me on the temple, then got up and went to the dresser.  
Both girls came running up to the door, prancing back and forth on their little feet. "Daddy. Can we fly kites?"  
"Not right now. We're going to the grocery store in an hour. Maybe later on today."  
"Awe." They whined, but it was too cute to get mad at them. "Go get dressed and then you can come back in here." I heard them run off to the bedroom, then saw him out of the corner of my eye, shaking his head.  
"Those girls have you wrapped around their little fingers."  
"Amy's starting to."  
"See, she's not that bad." He came over to me and tossed the shorts at my face. I placed the glass onto the night stand, then pulled the shorts on. I went over to him, sat down - straddling him - and teased him with my fingers running down his chest as well as licking his lips lightly.  
"Mmm. Nic, stop. The girls will be back in here any moment now."  
"Afraid to get caught?" He grabbed my thighs and pushed me off of him, standing up quickly just as the girls came running back in. He picked up Ava and tossed her into the air, laughing when she landed onto the soft mattress, making funny noises.  
"Daddy, me too." Amy whined in her cutesy way.   
"Bug, you are too small for that." He grabbed her by her wrists and pulled her up onto his chest. "I don't want you to get hurt." He went to the end of the bed and lightly tossed her onto the bed. She still gave a giggle, then struggled to get back up for another round. Ava bounced on the bed, then launched onto him, holding him tight. "One more, then we need to get to the grocery store."  
"Ava, tuck your head in so you don't get whiplash."  
"She's not going to listen." He tossed her again and she yelled the happiest sound I haven't heard from her in years. When she hit the mattress, she bounced and rolled into the pillows. She busted up laughing, then went to the end of the bed and slid off, almost falling completely off. "Bug, I'm not going to toss you like that."  
"I want to fly."  
"You want to fly?"  
"Yes!!"  
"Okay then." He picked her up and flipped her onto her stomach, carried her out of the room, while she held her hands out in front of her, yelling at everyone to watch her fly.  
I got up, changed my shirt and pulled on a bra. I then pulled my hair into a messy bun, slid my feet into my flats and headed out into the living room. I went over to the couch, bent over the back and kissed Mingus on the cheek. "Good morning, brat." His hands squeezed my arms, not wanting to let go as I pulled away. I saw Sean out on the back porch swing, Bryn on his lap, kissing her sweetly as they talked. I wasn't wanting to disturb them, so I told Mingus that we were heading to the store. When I walked into the kitchen to grab the keys and my purse, Norman looked up from the paper and stared at me.  
"Where are you going?"  
"To the store. The girls wanted a few things to snack on."  
"Want me to drive you?"  
"No, Jeremy is taking us." I pulled out my compact mirror and quickly looked at myself. I looked like a slob, but I knew Jeremy didn't mind. "Need me to get you anything?"  
"Unless it's cigarettes and alcohol, no." I closed my compact when I looked at him, not happy with how serious he was. I placed it back into my purse and went over to him.  
"Not going to happen. You're a big boy. Go buy it yourself." I bent down to kiss him on the cheek, but he pulled away. "Okay then." I turned and headed towards the door.  
"So that's it?" I stopped before opening the screen door. "He comes back so you stick with him?"  
I turned around and looked at him. "He's my husband, what do you expect. Do you want a big purple sticky note for every time I'm with him?" He said nothing as I stood there waiting for a response. "Yeah, typical for you to shut down when things don't go your way." I pushed on the screen, stepped out and let it slam shut behind me.  
Jeremy kept the passenger door open as he helped the girls in and buckled them up. When he stepped back after buckling Amy in, he looked at me with worry in his eyes. "You alright?"  
"Yeah, couldn't be better." I tip toed for a kiss, then hopped into the front seat and let him close the door. Once he was inside, we turned the radio on and popped in the Disney cd that he made for the girls, then drove off to the store.  
It was cute to hear the girls sing along to the songs, Jeremy singing the male parts, making them giggle. The scenery was beautiful but hard to focus on as we passed by fairly quickly.  
When we came to the stop light, I looked at the girls and smiled. "Do you know what you want for snacks?"  
"Yes."  
"Yeah!!" I smiled at Amy's adorable reaction, then turned back around just as we started to move again. When we passed the mall, I saw a familiar car and felt my heart drop.  
"Jere."  
"Yeah, babe?"  
"Please go to the mall. I need to see something."  
"What. Now?"  
"Yes." He pulled off to the side, then made a u-turn when there was room to do so. He headed to the parking lot of the mall, slowly going up and down the rows. "There. Stop." He stopped the car, stared straight out the front window at the black Camaro. His right hand slipped from the steering wheel, straight to my hand, gripping it tight.  
My chest tightened, breathing laboring as I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My face was feeling hot and fingers becoming numb. I felt the car move backwards, then flipped around and went out of the parking lot. I knew we were heading back to the beach house but I couldn't get my brain to compute anything. The girls were calling out to us, questioning us, but I had nothing to say, leaving it all up to Jeremy to comfort them.  
"It's okay girls. Daddy forgot his wallet. Can't pay for the snacks and drinks without money, right?"  
"Yeah." They both agreed.  
"Maybe Mingus might want to join us. You should ask him." I felt his thumb rub against my hand.  
When I finally was able to be coherent enough, Bryn came walking up to the car with Sean and grabbed the girls from the back seat. They were having troubles telling the girls why they needed to be back in the house and I wanted to tell them to stop, but I couldn't get the words out.  
"Niki." Jeremy placed his hand on my face, turning it to face him. "I'm not going to let him hurt you. I promise you." My whole body was now shaking and I couldn't control my crying. I felt the cold air on my back and knew that the door was open. I felt Norman's hand's on my back, then his leg pressed against my back. He had slid into the seat behind me to help him comfort me. He wrapped his arms around me as I half screamed and cried, Jeremy scooting closer to let me place my head against his chest. I held onto him with one hand, my other on Norman's arm.  
This was not how I dreamt how it would all go down.


	45. Chapter 45

Every voice was muffled. The cries of my confused daughters stuck in my head while Mingus tried to distract the girls in their bedroom. I was unable to move, laying on the bed, gripping the pillow tight. My right leg was out of the covers, but I didn't care. I wanted to die. I could hear the guys bickering back and fourth, Bryn stepping in every so often to calm them down. It was bad enough to have Norman and Jeremy disagreeing, but now with Sean, it felt ten times worse. I knew that it was getting late and pretty soon they would have to stop and tend to the kids. Feeding them and getting them ready for bed.  
The moonlight was shining on the bed, when I awoke again. Jeremy walked in as quietly as possible, perhaps he was afraid that I would cry again. It didn't take long for him to strip down to his briefs, pull on his sweatpants and join me on the bed. His hand wrapped around my ankle, slowly going up my leg, stopping at the hem of my shorts. "You're getting cold." His voice was soft and low. "Let's get you covered." I moved my leg when he pulled on the blanket and rolled onto my back. It was the first time I moved since I laid down after my melt down in the car.  
Jeremy had to pull me out and practically drag me into the house, afraid of what I'd do if he allowed me to be alone. Having him step it up with me and the girls was a big relief and I was proud of him for taking the big leap.  
He was under the covers in seconds flat, putting his arm around me and pulled me in close. I rolled onto my stomach, half way on him and placed my cold leg over him. His warm fingers felt wonderful against my skin, gently rubbing it to get the circulation going. My fingers traced his collar bone, stopping when his lips pressed against my hand. I then moved back enough to look into his eyes, feeling the comfort he was giving. There was something more that was making me feel the way I felt when I first laid in his arms years ago. Exactly what, was to be determined.  
"The girls are mad at me?"  
"No. They are just confused. Mingus gets some of it. You were a bit comatose so you had everyone scared."  
"I'm scared."  
"I know baby, I know." He kissed my lips gently. "I'm afraid my words aren't comforting to you."  
"They are. It's why I'm talking to you." He reached up, moved the hair out of my face, then ran his thumb down the dried up tear streak.   
"Norman said he'll go out tomorrow afternoon and look around." I nodded my head, not knowing how to respond to that. "Is there any place in particular you'd like to travel to?"  
"Ireland."  
He scoff. "If we had that type of money, I'd take you and the girls there."  
"I'll settle for this then." He adjusted his position, then took his lips with mine, fingers touching my jaw line. It was all I wanted from him at this point in time. To be held and adored with kisses.  
jeremy pulled away when the door opened and Mingus stood there with Amy in his arms. "Sorry. She couldn't sleep and I didn't know what to do."  
"Bring her here." Jeremy sat up as Mingus took her to the end of the bed and placed her down. He smiled when he saw that I was awake, then left the room, closing the door behind him. "Bug, what's up pretty girl?"  
"I miss momma."  
I sat up a bit and held out my arms. She was ecstatic that I was awake and crawled over to me with her stuffed animal. I curled her up into my arms and squished her with my hug and kisses. "I love you, bug."  
"I love you to momma. You feeling better?"  
"Yes, now that I gave you kisses." I loosened my grip, letting her scoot around until she was comfortable. "Bug, don't take up all the room. Daddy needs a place to sleep." She scooted towards me more, sticking her butt into my stomach. I patted her butt, then ran my fingers through her hair until she was in a deep sleep. Jeremy gave me one last lingering kiss before I fell back asleep, holding onto Amy as she slept.

 

Giggling filled the house, pulling me out of my deep sleep. I groaned when I got sunshine in my face and wished that I had a sleeping mask. Slipping out of bed, I tried to figure out what everyone was laughing about, trying not to trip over the toys and Mingus's skateboard. The girls were on the stools, eating and laughing at Jeremy trying to sound like Flynn Ryder from Tangled.  
"Well, glad to see that the girls are happy."  
The girls gasped when they heard me and darted their looks at me, yelling "Momma" at the same time. I went to them, kissing them on the head, then looked at the corner of the kitchen, seeing Mingus sitting on the counter, eating. Jeremy was leaning against the sink, eating as well. "What are you eating?"  
"Oatmeal. I figured it's more filling for them, that way they aren't snacking all day."  
"Oh, daddy's growing up." I teased.  
"Do you know what I just realized? Not only do I have two beautiful girls, I have one smokin' hot wife." I felt my face instantly turn red, hotter when Mingus started to laugh.  
"I'm sorry Niki, but I have to agree." He laughed again. "Dad says your a MILF." He laughed again and it was obvious that he knew what the acronyms meant.  
"That's true." Jeremy backed him up. "My wife is a MILF."  
"Haha. Very funny."  
"What's so funny?" Bryn came walking in from the front porch, Sean right behind her.  
I cringed as Jeremy explained. "I was telling her that I just realized that not only do I have two beautiful daughters, my wife is one smokin' hot babe."  
Bryn giggled as Sean eyed me. "Dad says she's a MILF." Mingus laughed again and I was tempted to slap him.  
"Well, he aint wrong." Sean spoke up, receiving a chest slap from Bryn. "What? She is. Now if only she can just get herself to see it."  
"See what?" Norman came walking in and I sighed as it started all over again.  
"Ming. That wasn't meant to be repeated." Norman scolded him. Mingus's smile quickly turned into a frown.  
I shot him a look, telling him that he didn't have to do that. "He's just a kid. Don't act like that."  
He quickly changed the subject. "I've looked everywhere and couldn't find him. So maybe it's just someone else with that car."  
"No, it was the same license plate." I gripped the back of the girls' chairs.  
"Well, I didn't find him, nor the car. But that doesn't mean that he won’t be out later on tonight when the bars open up." He went into the living room, leaving me speechless.  
"I'm going to take the girls down to the beach. Fly some kites. Is that okay with you two?" Bryn looked at us both. I nodded my head and Jeremy told the girls to go get dressed. I helped Amy down, then watched them run off to the bedroom.  
"Mingus, why don't you go out with them." It wasn't a question more like a prompt and Sean was determined to keep him out of the loop. Mingus took one last bite before placing it onto the counter and hopping off. He gave me a hug, then ran off with the girls when they came out of the room. Bryn gave me a hug, then went outside, yelling at the kids to slow down and stay together.  
I knew that Sean wanted to lecture me, but I wasn't wanting to listen. "I need to talk to Jeremy, alone." Not wanting to leave, Sean hesitated at first, then left the kitchen.  
"Norman, let's go for a walk." I waited until the back door closed, then went into the living room to make sure that the boys were gone. When I went back into the kitchen, Jeremy placed the bowls into the sink, then wiped his hands on the towel and came up to me.  
"I'm not going to ask you if you are okay, cause I know that you aren't."  
"Yesterday, before we had sex. You were wanting to ask me a question. What was it?"  
"Don't worry about it. It's not important now."  
"I can only imagine what it was."  
"Nicole, please don't."  
I ignored his request. "You want to have another baby." He stepped back, almost running into the stools. "I get that you want a bigger family, but do you think that this is the right time to try?"  
"Reason why I didn't ask."  
"Then ask again when the moment is right. Because I'm sure that the answer will always be yes." The moment of silence between us was gut wrenching. I had no clue if he was going to change his mind. He has plenty of time to do so but I wanted to state my answer before anything could make him alter his decision.  
Seeing that he was at a loss of words, I looked away, then headed for the kids' room to clean up. I heard his footsteps, but assumed he was going outside, up until he twisted me around and pushed me against the door frame. Body pinned against mine, lips biting mine, he was unable to control himself.  
Jeremy pulled at my shorts, forgetting that they were snapped together, hands trembling when he finally slowed down, taking his time to kiss every inch of my lips, jaw line and neck. My fingers held onto his biceps, pulling at his sleeves hoping he'd take off his shirt. I felt over heated, my core aching for him, my bottom lip bleeding from me biting it hard to prevent my sighs from getting loud.  
We were so close to getting away with it, backing away from each other when Mingus walked into the house and one of the girls stomping and pouting loudly. Jeremy stepped out of the doorway and looked down at our little monster.  
"Amethyst, what's wrong?"  
"Ava broke my kite."  
"It was on accident." Mingus explained what happened, then left the house when Bryn called out to him.  
"Amy, it was on accident." She started to make her exasperated noises, but that didn't get far with him. "Okay, I think you need a nap."  
"No." She bounced up and down. Her temper tantrums were cute and it was hard to get mad at her. "Movie?"  
"Not if you're going to act that way."  
"Momma." She was now twisting back and fourth, making her dress move.  
"No flippin way are you going to pull that on me." He picked her up and placed her on the back of the couch. "You cannot get mad at me and then go ask your mother. It doesn't work like that." I tried to not bust up laughing when she gave him puppy eyes. "What the flip is that? Don't you give me that look." She started to laugh. "Whose says you're allowed to do that?"  
"Momma."  
He glanced over his shoulder at me. "Really? Well, I think momma needs to be put in time out." She giggled again as he came over to me and grabbed me before I could jump out of the way. He put his arms around me and hugged me tight, then lifted me up and carried me into the bedroom, dropping me onto the bed. He then quickly left the room and closed the door. I could hear her giggling as he pretended to be a monster that ate little kids and got the craziest idea.  
When I opened the door, I could see him bent over the back of the couch, but no Amy. I could hear her laughing and figured that she fell off onto the couch, or he put her there. I tip toed over to him, stopping when I was close enough. I placed my hands on his hips, then slid them to the front, pulled his sweats away from his waist and then wrapped my hand around him.  
"Nicole." He snapped. "Stop, not now." He stood up and spun around as I stepped back and slinked back into the bedroom. Amy got up and ran outside, letting the screen door slam shut. "You are such an evil woman."  
"So I've been told." I smirked when he came into the bedroom and closed the door.


	46. Chapter 46

Not able to understand what we we doing, sitting here in front of the apartment complex, my hands gripping the stearing wheel tightly. Amy in the back seat and Mingus in the front. Norman and Jeremy would have killed me if they knew that we had came back here before they could meet up with us. It took us days to try to put a plan together, but in the end we all figured that we would have to just wing it. I wasn't thrilled that I was putting Amy and Mingus in harms way, but it was the only way to get the police to finally get off of their lazy asses and do something.  
I pulled the car into the designated parking slot, that had been empty for nearly a month. There was an eerie feeling to this place and it smelled like death. I stepped out first before Mingus, then grabbed Amy from her car seat, pocketed the keys and headed towards the stairs.  
"We're here just for the stuff, right?"  
"Yeah." All of us had agreed to keep Mingus from knowing what we were going to do so he wouldn't be trialed as an adult if everything back fired. "I want you to take Amy straight to her room and help her pack." We went up the stairs to the first floor, walked down the hallway and straight to my front door. I shook as I tried to get the key into the lock, keeping a firm grip on Amy's hand.  
I pulled the key out after pushing the door open and walked inside, surprised that Stephen wasn't there. We walked in together, Mingus and Amy going straight to her room to pack her things. I went to the counter, grabbed the pile of mail and sorted through them. Whatever was mine, I shoved into my purse, then went to the bedroom and started to pack my things.  
"Nic, what's dad's sweatshirt doing in Amy's closet?"  
"Oh, long story. Just bring it along." He pulled it on and zipped it up then went back to Amy's room.  
I pulled the suitcase over to the front door, then went back into the bedroom to grab my sports bag shoving in the extra things, like toothbrushes, hairbrushes and other bathroom things. I pulled every bit of jewlery out of the box and placed them into a plastic bag before placing it into the sports bag. Once that was full, I took it over to the front door, leaving it by the suit case. "Mingus, is everything packed?"  
"She's worried about her toys."  
"Amy, just take your favorite ones and a few books." Just as I turned to grab my coat, I came face to face with Stephen.  
"Well, I never expected you to be here. I've been looking for you."  
"Yeah, well, I'm not staying."  
"I see that."  
"Niki, she wants to bring her large Care Bear...." Mingus stopped when he saw Stephen.  
"Ming, go back into the room and shut the door." My demanding tone made him listen and he pushed Amy back into her room.  
"Your having a kid help you leave? Thought it would be a grown up."  
"Yeah, well, that's my decision." I grabbed my purse, pulling it closer to me.  
"So where have you been? You smell like the ocean."  
"No where in particular. Just spending time with Mingus and his mother."  
"You going to live with them for a while?"  
"Yeah, for the summer before they go back to Texas." I lied.  
"What about the girls. What about your job?"  
"Well, find someone else to be your star."  
"You...you think that your replaceable?"  
"Anyone is. Everyone is disposable. Give it to one of the flim flam twins. I'm sure they can bring in a grand a night."  
"And I suppose your husband is okay with everything that you've been doing?"  
"We're separated. Whatever I do isn't his business." I took a few steps back and looked at Amy's door. "I hope everything is packed. We're leaving in a few minutes."  
"You're not leaving."  
"Yes we are and you're not going to do a damn thing about it."  
"I'm not letting you go."  
"Oh yes you are. I have the police on speed dial." I pulled out my phone and placed my thumb on the edge. "One move and I call them." Seeing that he wasn't going to move, I headed towards Amy's room. Suddenly he grabbed my arm, yanked the phone out of my hand and smashed it to the ground. He grabbed me by my hair and threw me into the counter. I hit the stools and held onto the edge of the counter. My ribs hurt, but they weren't broken, so that was a good thing.  
"You're not fucking leaving or calling the police." He came to me quickly, grabbing me again, twisting my arm behind my back, while pulling my head against his chest by my hair. "I will rape you and leave you for dead. You hear me. I will kill your daughter."  
"LET HER GO!!" Mingus yelled and rushed at us.  
"NO MING!" I yelled until he got back handed by Stephen, almost flying into the couches. "Mingus." I could hear Amethyst crying in her room, seeing Mingus bleeding from his mouth and cheek. I tried my hardest to get out of his grip, but he had a pretty good hold on me. I kept my eye on Mingus, watching him hold his cheek, hoping that Amy would stay in her room. Mingus slowly got up and hobbled into her room, slamming the door shut. I could hear him press something against the door.  
"This is all you." He pushed me down onto the coffee table. "If you would have just stayed and did what you were told, I wouldn't have to go to the extremes." I felt his hand go between my legs, pressed against the place I didn't want him to touch and did things I didn't want him to do. I fought back my cries as I heard his belt come off then felt the belt get tied around my ankles. "This happens when you are bad." He slammed my head against the marble, almost knocking me out. The adrenaline rush was the only thing keeping me awake. I kept my eyes on the front door, pleading to God to let this end.  
My eyes closed breifely and in that moment, Norman came flying in and punched Stephen in the face. "Don't ever fucking touch her again." He punched him a few more times before grabbing me and pulling me towards the door. "Mingus, grab Amy and let's go."Mingus ran out with her suitcase and Amy behind him, passed the mess on the floor and out the door. He took the keys from Norman and rushed out into the hallway.  
Norman unbelted my ankles, then helped me to my feet. Shaking violently as I grabbed for my purse, I spat on Stephen, then walked out of the apartment. Norman grabbed my bags and followed me out, slamming the door behind us. I could barely make it down the stairs, jumping when Sean darted around the corner and coming to a sudden stop.  
"Bloody hell." He came up the stairs and put his arms around me, helping me down to the cars. Mingus and Amy were in the back of Norman's car and as Norman packed my things into the trunk, Sean helped me to my car. "You need to give me the keys so I can get it to the dealer." He tried to take the keys from me, but my weakened state made it hard for me to move. He moved me to the front of my car, leaned me against it, while searching through my purse for the keys. "Ah, here we go. I'll meet you two where Jeremy is." He kissed me on the forehead, then rushed over to the driver's side after handing Norman my purse. Norman helped me over to the passenger side, got me inside and closed the door.  
I looked into the back seat, seeing Amy wipe her face with the tissue that Mingus handed her. "Everything's going to be alright baby. We're almost to daddy. Just hang in there."  
Norman practically sped off once he was in the driver's seat, making a hand gesture to Sean before pulling out onto the street. We went one way while Sean went the other. I had no clue where Bryn was and was a bit afraid that she wasn't going to be where I wanted her to be.  
The whole ride to our destination, I had a nagging feeling that something wasn't right. I kept looking back at the kids, smiling whenever Amy looked up at me, praying that she would just fall asleep and not witness whatever was to come.

 

Unable to tell exactly where we were, Norman pulled the car up into the driveway, turned off the car and then told everyone to get out. Jeremy was leaning against the back of his truck, Ava in the bed. Bryn got out and went over to Jeremy, holding her arms out when she saw Amy.  
"Bryn's going to the train station with the girls. You're going to meet them there with Mingus." Jeremy handed her the keys, then came up to me. He kissed me, but I was unable to kiss him back. "Wha....what's wrong?"  
Norman kept his voice low as he told him what he walked into, Mingus finishing it with what he saw. Just with their stories, Jeremy was able to piece together what happened.  
"I'm going now. See you guys there." Norman and Jeremy waved at her, then turned back to me. I listened to the truck leave, wanting to look away from Jeremy, but his jaw clinching and dark look on his face was worrying me.  
A familiar vehicle sound ascended, making me grab onto Jeremy's arms and anxiety kicked in.


	47. Chapter 47

Stephen stepped out of his car, pulled off his suit jacket and threw it into his vehicle before closing the door. "Pretty smart of you to call the police on me. There are now warrants out for your arrests." I tried my hardest to not look at Stephen, but when Jeremy started to move away from me I had no choice and held him back. "Ah, Jeremy Renner. Stealing my property once again."  
"She's not your property and neither was Sonni."  
Stephen unbutton his sleeves and started to roll them up. "This is going to be fun smashing in your face. I knew that something was up when her ring went missing, as well as her stack of photos she kept in Amy's dollhouse." My eyes lit up. "Oh, I knew who he was from the moment I saw those pictures." He was getting closer to us and I could feel my stomach churn.  
"Why don't you shut the fuck up, get in your pricey piece of shit Camero and go back to where you came from, huh? No one gives a fuck about you and your whore house."  
"I'd be careful with your words. It could put a damper on your wife's image." Jeremy looked at me, wondering what he was talking about. "Oh, you didn't know? Your wife is a high priced prostitute. She was the star of the place." And now Norman knew why I was called Star. "Your wife, she's fair game. She has been touched by many hands, as well as mine. There's even a special opening in the future for your daughter Amethyst."  
Jeremy decked him in the face with no warning, hitting him over and over until Stephen was able to push him back, decking him in the face. Stephen charged him, but Jeremy grabbed him and threw him over his shoulder and dropped him onto the ground. Jeremy stepped on his wrist and spat on his face. "Don't fucking talk about my wife or my daughter that way." Jeremy kicked him in the side. I looked around for Mingus and Norman, only seeing Mingus by the car.  
Stephen got to his feet, but got knocked down again when Norman came out of nowhere and tackled him. He pinned Stephen to the ground, slamming his fist into his face. "This is for my son." Jeremy grabbed Norman, pulling him off after a few more punches.  
"I know you're angry, but we can't kill him." Jeremy pushed Norman to the driver's side. "Get her out of here. I'll talk to the police." He turned his attention to me, wanting to hold me and I wanted to hold him and be glad that it was all over.  
Everything after that happened so quickly I had barely any time to react. Stephen jumped up and pulled out his knife, stabbed Jeremy in the leg, bringing him down. Then with one move, he yanked the knife out and stabbed Jeremy on his side, in his rib cage. Jeremy collapsed onto the ground and I felt all of the air leave my body as I screamed and ran over to him. I fell to my knees and looked up just in time to see Norman pull out his gun and shot Stephen in the head.  
The gun dropped from his hand as Mingus ran up behind me, holding me tight as I screamed. Norman rushed over to me, pulled me to my feet and looked into my eyes. "Nicole. Get it together. You need to get Mingus out of here. Get to the train station. Head north. Do not come back. You hear?!" He was partially shaking me, glancing at Mingus. "Niki, go!" His voice was harsh and raspy, demanding me to leave my husband. "Mingus." He grabbed his sons arm, shoving cash into his palm. "Take this and get her the fuck out of here. GO!" He yelled as he handed me the keys, kissed me on the forehead and shoved me at the car.  
I stumbled to the door, climbed in and got the key into the ignition. I pulled out of the driveway, looked at him one last time before speeding off away from the sounds of the sirens. "What just happened?" I panicked as we weaved around the cars that were going slow.  
"I don't know." Mingus responded. I could hear the fear in his voice. "But I'm never going to see my dad now, huh?"  
"I don't know sweetie." I floored it past the yellow light, then slammed on my breaks after we passed the turn off for the train station. I hit it to reverse, then floored it, then back into drive and turned right. Once we found a good parking spot, I parked the car, got out and rushed to the trunk. Mingus helped me pull out my stuff and ran with me down the platform. I had no clue where Bryn and the girls were and it was worrying me.  
"Niki, there." Mingus headed towards an opening between the two large groups of riders stopping when he came upon the bench. I stumbled up behind him, stopping when I saw Bryn look up at us. My girls were sitting on the bench, eating corn dogs, oblivious to what happened.  
"Nic?" Bryn got up and came to me. "Where's the boys?" Mingus and I couldn't find the words to say. "Okay. Get on this car and hand the tickets to the man when he comes by. He will take you to a private room. Get some rest. I'm going to find Sean." She hugged me like it was going to be the last time she would see me. She hugged Mingus, then handed him the tickets. "Take care of them." Bryn walked away like nothing was going on.  
"Last train to Olympia." The speakers rang out in my ears and I robotically grabbed the girls and took them to the door, Mingus behind me. Once we got on, Mingus handed the man our tickets and he escorted us to the back side of the car. He opened the door, stepped aside and waited for us to walk in.  
"There's beds in the wall. They are safe for the kids to sleep on as long as they don't bounce on it."  
"Thank you." He tipped his hat, then closed the door. I flipped the lock, then pushed the girls over to the seat on my left.  
"Momma, where's daddy?" Ava's question made my heart and soul sink.  
"Daddy's going to meet us there." I hated to lie to them, but they didn't need to know that their father wasn't going to be with us. That he will never be with us ever again.  
I pushed the luggage under the seats, while Mingus pulled out the bed from the wall opposite of me and locked it into position. He helped Ava up onto it, then Amy. "Don't fight." It was surprising to see the girls listen to him as they settled down and Ava pulled the blanket over them.  
Mingus came over to me and sat down as I tried to get the med kit to close. He took it from me, opened it, rearranged and few things then closed it. He slid it under my seat, then took a hold of my hand and squeezed it. There were no words to describe how we were both feeling. I looked out the window as the train started to move, feeling the tears roll down my cheeks. Mingus moved over to the other seat and laid down, falling asleep within minutes.  
Faster and faster the train went. My eyes couldn't keep on the scenery much longer and my shaking wasn't ceasing. I was afraid to close my eyes. Afraid that my mind would replay everything that had just happened. Just before I got up to go find the refreshment car, I spotted a paper sticking out of Mingus's back pocket.  
Slowly I got up and moved over to him, gently removing the paper. I sat back down and opened it, seeing that it was a printed out copy of a cabin that was for sale. Down below in the empty space was short hand writing. Norman's.  
Ming,  
This house is yours now. You will house Nicole and the girls until they can get back onto their feet. I'm putting faith in you to do the right thing.  
Love, Dad.  
When Norman had spent all of that time on the computer, it was for this cabin. It was as if he knew what his fate was going to be. Before I could fold it back up, I saw the bottom of the paper. I will come find you. More tears ran down my face and I tried to hold back my cries, while wiping off my face with my sleeves. I moved over to him, placed the papers back into his pocket, then moved back over to the seat.  
It felt good to lay down, but I was still afraid to close my eyes.  
It was going to be hours before we would reach our destination.  
Mingus would have been up before me.  
Maybe if I could try to get some sleep.  
My eyes drooped shut.  
And I could see his smiling face.  
My Christian.


	48. Chapter 48

It didn't take us long to get a car rented, the girls and bags into the trunk and on our way to our destination. The only thing we were missing were clothes for Mingus. So we stopped off at the local thrift shop and went around the store, picking out clothes with him, using the money that his father gave him.  
"This safe house, do you think it'll be furnished?" I glanced up at him as I looked at the dress that Amy wanted.  
"Dad didn't say. All I know is that we're suppose to go there and then when he can, he'll come get us. I don't think he will. I think he'll just send us a bunch of money." He grabbed three pairs of jeans, dropping them into the cart. Ava squeaked as the clothes got piled on top of her legs. "I just keep thinking that if we never left the beach house, Jeremy would still be alive and dad would be here with us."  
"I know. And it's my fault."  
"It's not your fault. It's the way things were meant to be." He came around to my side of the isle, grabbing a few t-shirts along the way. I didn't question him if they fit, just assumed that he knew what was best for himself.  
"Well, are you hungry?" I knew the girls were hungry as well as tired. We had been traveling for hours, waking up every so often to make sure we didn't miss our stop. The girls had a slight nap in the back seat, but it wasn't enough to keep them from getting grumpy.  
"Can we just get some Arby's in the drive through? I kinda of just want to get to the cabin."  
"Yeah, we can do that." We headed over to the check out and I noticed that people were staring at us. "Did we make the news or something?"  
"MILF." He whispered to me, trying to hold back a laugh. "I don't think they can believe that I'm your kid."  
"You're basically my kid."  
"It's odd to have my step mother seventeen years older than me."  
"Don't go all Bill and Ted on me." I placed the girls's new clothes onto the counter, glad that they were only five dollars each. I took the bag from the cashier and then picked up Amy and carried her to the door.  
Mingus handed his money to the lady, then took the bags and pulled Ava out of the shopping cart. They walked over to us and then we headed back to the car. "We can put everything in the trunk. There should be enough room." As I opened the trunk, I looked down at his clothes and realized why everyone was staring. "Shit, you have blood on you."  
"Dang." He quickly pulled off his shirt, tossed it into the trunk, pulled out a clean shirt and pulled it on. "If anyone asks, I had a skateboarding accident." I looked at his face. Yup, that's not going to pass if we were to get pulled over." He put Ava into her car seat, buckled her up, then closed the door and hopped into the passenger seat. I placed Amy in her car seat, buckled her up, then climbed into the driver's seat.

 

An hour later we found an Arby's, stuffed our faces, passed seven cops cars, lucky to not get pulled over for the way his face was, grabbed Starbucks, made three pit stops to relieve ourselves, then headed for the Canadian border. Wherever this cabin was, it was straddling the American Canadian border.  
"Dad had stuffed my bag full of passports. Does that mean that we can go to Canada whenever we want?"  
"As long as the passports are up to date."  
"How long do you think dad will be in prison?"   
"Your father killed a man, so most likely until he dies."  
"That's bullshit. He was defending you."  
"He was defending all of us." When I saw the GI Joes, I knew what I needed to do. I pulled off at the turn, made another right turn and pulled into the parking lot. "I need you to stay in the car with the girls." He gave me a questioning look as I hopped out and walked briskly into the store.

I came out thirty minutes later, opened the trunk, placed what I bought into the back, then closed it and got back into the car. I drove off quickly, looked at Mingus and explained to him that I bought two guns. A hand one and a rifle. It wasn't going to be easy to keep the girls from sticking their hands all over them, but at least I knew that Mingus was just as responsible as I was.

 

The sun was starting to go down when we finally pulled up the long driveway. I parked the car as close to the stairs as possible, then killed the engine. It didn't take that long for us to unpack the car, get into the house and take things to the rooms. We were relieved to see that it was already furnished.  
"I'm taking this one." Mingus headed for the first bedroom, tossing his bags onto the bed before coming back over to us. "The other two bedrooms are closer together. I figured you'd want to be closer to them."  
"Thank you." He took Ava by the hand and led her to the back room with her suitcase. I followed, carrying a sleepy Amy, stopping in the door way when I saw the two princess beds. The whole room was decked out in princess themed things and I knew that I would grow tired of it eventually. I placed Amy down on the bed closest to me, pulling off her jacket and shoes before laying her down. "Good night bug." I kissed her on the cheek, then went over to Ava. "Good night bear."  
"Night momma." She got onto her bed and held out her arms for a hug. I squeezed her gently, kissed her on the head, then headed out of their room and into mine. Mine was all decked out in beautiful mahogany colored wood, a fan light and a queen sized bed. Nothing too special. But that was alright with me because this was going to be my home for a while.  
"There's a river not too far from here. Could we check it out tomorrow?"  
I looked up at him. "It's your home, I don't see why not?"  
"I see you found the paper. It's not mine until I'm eighteen. Legal wise. So the house is yours. If I go to college though, I want you to be able to have somewhere to live with the girls."  
"That's mighty nice of you." I took my luggage from him and put them by the chair in the corner. "Thank you."  
"I'm heading to bed now. Just wake me if you can't sleep."  
"I just might keep you up so we can see what's in the cupboards."  
He smiled. "I'll wait until morning. Night Niki."  
"Night Mingus." He closed the door when he moved away.  
A bed.  
All to myself.  
It didn't feel right.  
My hands shook from the cold air as I changed, then headed to the bed. It was nice and fluffy and the blankets were thick enough to keep me warm. It was still hard for me to go to sleep. I didn't want the images floating around in my brain.  
But once I prayed to God and my head hit the pillows, I was out like a light.


	49. Chapter 49

Floor creaking, my hand slid under my pillow, finger sliding the safety button off. I knew it wasn't Mingus, because I had just checked on him and the girls an hour ago when I woke from a nightmare. It was odd that the footsteps went nowhere near the girls' door, so I assumed that this person knew exactly where they were heading. God, if you are listening, please don't let him hurt me. I felt the bed move, like they were sitting and I sat up quickly, gun pointing in their face.  
"Niki." He grabbed my wrist and pushed it off to the side.  
"Norman?" I dropped the gun onto the bed and pulled him into a loving embrace. "Oh my God. I thought...how'd you....what's going on?"  
"First off, let's get that safety back on." He pulled away and picked up the gun. He turned the safety on, then placed it onto the nightstand. "It's a long story and I cannot get into it right now." He touched my cheek with his cold hand.  
"But shouldn't you be in prison?" I gasped. "Are you running?"  
"No." His hand went back to the bed.  
"Then how is it that you are here. Am I dreaming?" He pinched my arm. "Owe."  
"Looks like you aren't." He smiled.  
"Does Mingus know you are here?"  
"No. I wasn't going to tell him until morning."  
"Are you ever going to tell me what happened?"  
"Can't you just have a little faith and be happy that I am here?" It was all he was wanting. "The girls?"  
"Asleep and well."  
"Good. I'm glad." He moved the hair out of my face. "You and your hair." He smirked.  
"Please tell me that you are at least staying with me tonight."  
"Of course." He kissed me sweetly. "Mmm. My, you still taste the same."  
"You act like it's been years."  
"It feels like it." He untied his boots and slipped them off, pushing them under the dresser, then got up and went to the door. He closed it, then started to pull off his shirt as he came back to the bed. Just before he climbed into bed, he shimmied his jeans off and tossed his wallet and cigarette pack onto the top of the dresser.  
I was finally able to turn off the lamp without the fear of being alone hindering me. He held his arm above his head as I slid down into the mattress and rolled into him, arm and leg wrapped around him. I felt his arm go around me, then a kiss on my head. His hand was tucked under my breast as his other one landed onto my thigh, holding me like he was afraid to let go.

 

When I awoke, I was on my stomach and Norman was halfway on me. I could smell eggs and bacon in the air and wondered if there was any coffee. Slipping out from under him, I managed to not wake him up, pulled on pajama bottoms and headed out to the kitchen.  
"Ava, do you want waffles?"  
"Yes, please."  
"Amy?"  
"No, thanks."  
My girls were on the floor coloring, the front door wide open and cool air poured into the house. I went over to the first stool, pulled it out and sat down.  
"Hi momma." Ava said while she still colored.  
"Morning bear."  
"Momma." Amy looked up and smiled. "I made you a picture."  
"You did?" I smiled. "What did you make?"  
"A butterfly, but it's not done."  
"Okay. You finish it then."  
"Niki." I looked up at him. "There's a black jeep parked behind your car, but I didn't see anyone. Did uncle Sean show up?"  
"No it's not uncle Sean." I took the coffee from him. "Um...we... need to talk."  
"About what?"  
Just then Norman came walking into the kitchen and Mingus's eyes lit up. "DAD!!" He placed the coffee pot onto the counter and ran over to Norman. It was sweet to see them hugging. "I missed you."  
"I told you that I'd find you." He gave him a kiss on the head, then looked at the girls. They were just as astonished.  
"Norman!" The girls jumped up and ran to him, latching onto his legs. He bent down and kissed them both.  
"Ah, I missed you both."  
"Niki, why didn't you wake me?" Mingus glared at me.  
"He wanted to surprise you."  
Norman rose and messed with Mingus's hair. "Don't get mad at her." He changed the subject. "Who wants to go to the river?"  
"ME!!" The girls yelled, then ran off to their bedroom to change.  
"What about you?" He looked at his son. Mingus hugged him again, then ran off to his room to change. Norman came over to me, placed his hands on the back of the stool and leaned in, lips inches from mine. "Got a sexy suit to wear?" I shook my head no. "Well, that's too bad. I guess a white shirt and shorts will have to do." He licked my lips then walked away.  
"Not in front of the children." I got up and went into my room and closed the door. The girls were laughing loudly, running out onto the front porch, Norman yelling at them that he was going to throw them into the river.  
I quickly pulled off my pajamas, pulled on my shorts and black tank top. I slipped on my flats, fixed my hair and then opened the door.  
"Girls, slow down and wait for Mingus!" He yelled just as I stepped out of the room and went to him. He turned and looked at me with lust in his eyes. "Not quite what I was hoping for, but it'll do." He winked at me then walked out of the house.  
I closed the screen door, then followed him through the field to the trees seeing the girls and Mingus waiting for us. As soon as we got to them, I grabbed Amy's hand and helped her walk over the rocks and fallen trees all the way down to the river bank.  
"Dad, there's a tire swing." Mingus ran over to the platform, dropping his towel onto the ground.  
"Don't get onto it until we check the rope." Norman followed him as I took the girls to the driest spot and stopped them.   
"Towels here girls." They dropped their towels, kicked off their flip flops, then waited for me to kick off my flats. I grabbed their hands, walked them to the edge of the water, then let go. "I'm going in first." As I inched toward the water, Mingus yelled and then there was a big splash. We looked to our right, seeing Mingus popped up and cheered. Norman was cheering from behind us, then decided to show off by swinging off and jumping into the water as well.  
It was easy to get Ava into the water. I swear she was a water baby, but Amy was a bit harder. "Don't you want to go in?" She shook her head. "Then come in." I held out my arms, but she bounced up and down and made her cute little freak out noises. "Baby, come here." Norman swam over to us and tried to help me coax her in.  
"Amy, it's okay. We're here."  
"Momma, can I swim out to the dock?" Ava pointed at the wood in the middle of the river.  
"Not now baby."  
"But Mingus is."  
"He's a better swimmer." I splashed her to distract her and she splashed me back.  
Amy made her noise louder, Norman sighed, then got out and picked her up. "Amy, calm down."  
"I want momma." She tried to get out of his grip, but he wouldn't let go.  
"Amy, stop. I'll take you to mom if you stop."  
She started her whines again and that's when I decided to get out and take her from him. He got back into the water and started to play tag with Ava. I took Amy over to the tree stump and placed her down.  
"Amy. Stop. Calm down and tell me what's wrong."  
"I'm scared."  
"Of what? Norman and I are here. Sis and Ming are here too."  
"I don't know."  
I cupped her little face, kissed her nose, then gave her a hug. "Okay. Then we will sit and watch sissy play." I helped her off of the stump and walked with her to where the towels were. I sat down and patted the ground until she sat.  
"Is she alright?" Norman looked up at me.  
"Yeah, she's scared."  
"Okay." He splashed Ava, not knowing that Mingus was behind him until Mingus jumped onto him and dunked him under. Mingus laughed then swam over to the dock. Norman popped back up, spat out water, then swam after Mingus. Before he could get close enough to the dock, Mingus cannon balled, then swam away.  
The skies started to turn grey and a small sound of thunder rolled across it making the girls jump. "I was wondering if that was going to happen. It's been really muggy today." I stood up, grabbed Amy's towel and wrapped it around her. "Time to get back to the house. A storm is coming."  
"Maybe that's why she was scared." Mingus climbed out of the water, grabbed his towel, slipped on his shoes and headed back to the path.  
I looked down at Amy, then grabbed Ava's towel just as she got out of the water and came to us. "Momma, can we watch a movie?"  
"Not tonight baby. We might lose power."  
She sighed as I wrapped the towel around her, then made her take Amy's hand and walk back to the path. Norman walked up to me, stopped long enough to give me a lingering kiss, then rushed off to help the girls.  
I looked up at the skies, waiting for the down pour. "God, please take care of Jeremy." I saw a bird fly by and knew that he got the message.  
"Niki, come on." Norman yelled at me. A heavy sigh came from me and I went back to the house, even though I really just wanted to stay down at the river during the storm.


	50. Chapter 50

Thunder was cracking, but there still was no lightening or rain for an hour. It was still off in the distance, which I thought was odd cause usually within forty-five minutes it would be over our heads. The girls were coloring in the living room while Mingus was on his ipad watching some cartoon. I took the liberty to relax in my room, reading a book. Norman had gone to the back to chop some wood for the fireplace and even though I was a bit worried, I knew he would be safe as long as lightening didn't occur.  
"Hey, Niki?"  
"Yeah Ming?" I placed my book down, finger on the spot where I left off.  
"The girls wanted to watch My Little Ponies. Do I have to?"  
"You can play it on the TV until the power goes out." A minute later I heard the TV on and the girls getting excited. I rolled onto my stomach and picked up where I left off. I played with the sheets with my toes, fingering the edges of the paper and thought about the very first time Jeremy and I had sex. The book wasn't helping my situation at all, especially the chapter I was on. It also didn't help that I had no privacy to take care of myself. Unless...I went into the bathroom for a shower.  
"Mom. Amy hit me!!"  
"I did not!!"  
I sighed, rolled off of the bed and walked into the living room with the book in my hand, thumb between the pages. "Amy, don't hit your sister or your going to your room." I saw that Mingus had his head phones in and decided to mess with his hair before walking over to the fridge while reading the book. I got into the fridge, pulled out a strawberry, closed it then walked back to my room while eating it and still reading. By the end of the chapter, I knew that I needed to take care of myself, so I booked marked the page, placed it onto the nightstand and went to the dresser. I pulled out clean clothes then headed into the bathroom. I texted Mingus asking him to watch the girls and let Norman know where I was if he asked, then placed my phone onto the counter and flipped on the water.  
It didn't take long for me to strip, get in and wash the sweat and dirt off of me. After that, I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on all of the times Jeremy and I ever had sex. It wasn't lasting though because of the fact that he was gone now. So I sighed and started to think of Norman. The image of us fucking in the back room at the club was all I could get my mind stuck on and the song that was playing at that time was now playing in my head.  
Cold hands touched my hips, then cold lips touched my neck. Raspy voice in my ear, slightly moaning. I must have been too busy with myself to notice that Norman came in. "Thinking about something naughty?" His hand slid down my arm, pushed against my hand as I froze, my fingers inside of me. "Don't stop for me." He licked behind my ear. "What are you thinking about?" His other arm wrapped around me, hand gripping my breast tight. "Tell me."  
"Mmm. You." His hand gripped mine tighter.  
"Me? What about me?" He nibbled at my nape, fingers gently caressing my breast.  
"The night...."I swallowed hard just thinking about it. "We were in the club." I allowed him to remove my hand, tuck it behind me and place it onto his hard self. He slid his hand down my stomach, fingers across my sensitive spot.  
"Do you want me?" I felt his hot breath against my skin, fingers now inside of me hitting the magic spot. I couldn't get myself to say yes as I breathed hard. "Nicole, I need an answer or I'm walking away." He pressed his lips to my ear. "Tell me you want me." I felt him throb in my hand, wanting to keep to a mind of it's own. "Niki." I hiked my leg up onto the faucet, pushed my butt into him, then placed his tip at my opening.  
My body tensed as he pressed against my walls, relaxing when he teased my nub, holding me firmly against him as he rocked his hips into me. I fought back the urge to cry out, forcing myself to breathe out my nose and in through my mouth. Norman pulled out of me, turned me and pushed me against the wall. When he pushed himself back into me, he oddly felt bigger, but I didn't mind. I put my other foot onto the faucet, wrapped my arms around his neck as he started to roll his hips again.  
"It doesn't.....it doesn't feel right." He said. Bad thing to say to a girl, especially when she had been feeling emotional lately. He stepped back, flipped off the water, opened the curtain and stepped out. He then helped me out, pulled me close and kissed me. Down to the floor we went, him on top of me. I grabbed the corner of the counter when he entered me, arching my legs to take him in deeper. My fingers grabbed at his shoulders, digging into them when he hit my mark. Norman sat up onto his arms, looking into my eyes as I rolled my hips into him. When I felt my orgasm starting to emerge, I closed my eyes and let it flow out of me. Norman matched me, trying to hold back his grunting.  
I opened my eyes when I felt his lips press against my neck. "Thank you." I whispered, feeling awkward when he looked at me confused. "What?"  
"Nothing. I think that's the first time you've ever thanked me."  
"I don't think so." He helped me up as he sat back on his legs. "Sorry to change the subject, but I'm really hungry now." He smirked.  
"MOM!! Amy hit me again!!"  
I rolled my eyes and sighed. He pressed his lips against mine, then got up and helped me to my feet. We quickly got dressed and I headed out first, going straight over to the girls. Norman went into the kitchen and started to take things out for dinner. I grabbed Amy, pulling her up off of the floor. "Did you hit your sister again?"  
"She called me a brat."  
"Doesn't mean you hit her. You come find me when she does that." I took her over to the island and sat her down on the stool. "You're in time out until dinner is done." She tried to look around me at the screen. "Nope." I stood in her way and she whined at me. "No Amy. You are in time out. That means no TV." I turned her away from the TV, then went over to the other stool and sat down. I placed my foot onto the metal bar, pressed my knee against the chair part and hoped she wouldn't kick me. "What's for dinner, babe?" I looked up at him.  
"I was just going to make spaghetti."  
"Alright." Amy pushed against my leg and I took the magazine and slapped her hand with it. She whined and pushed against my leg again. "Amethyst, stop it."  
"No. Ponies."  
"Amesthyst Cherie." Norman snapped. She looked at him with widen eyes. "Listen to your mother or your going to get spanked."  
"NO!" She protested. "No spanking."  
"Then listen to your mother." His stern voice got her to sit back and stare at him. She then looked at me and started to cry.  
"Amy." I sighed, got off of the stool and picked her up. I took her into her room and sat her on the bed with me. "What's up with you bug?"  
"I want daddy." Her crying brought tears to my eyes. It was then I realized that I hadn't had time to morn over him. "Why did daddy have to leave?"  
"I don't know baby." I scooped her up and held onto her as I cried. Norman came walking in and sat down behind me. He put his arms around us, pressing his face against my shoulder.  
"Momma." Ava came walking in. "Are you okay?"  
"Mom's alright, bear. Go back to the movie."  
"Can Amy watch it with me?"  
"Yeah sweetie. She'll be there in a second." He let go of me when I pushed Amy back to look at her. I wiped her tears with my shirt then kissed her chubby cheeks. "We'll see daddy again, one day. I promise you." I ran my finger over her button nose then helped her off of the bed. "Go watch TV with your sister and Mingus." She wiped her nose on her arm, then ran off to the living room. Norman put his arms back around me just as I started to cry again.  
"You will see him again. I promise you." He said to me, trying to hold onto me, but I pulled away, got up and went into my room, closing the door.

 

I was unable to handle the dream that was happening into my head. I was standing at Jeremy's grave with the girls at my side. Mingus was beside Ava but Norman was nowhere to be found. Sean and Bryn were standing at the car waiting for us. When I looked down at the girls, they weren't there. Mingus was gone and when I looked back at the car so was Sean and Bryn. When I turned back to the grave, Jeremy was standing there. I jumped back, but couldn't move any further.  
"Jere."  
"Niki."  
"I told you this was going to happen. My dreams always come true."  
"No they don't. This isn't real."  
"I know this isn't real. My brain is making this shit up."  
"No. This isn't real. I'm not dead and I'm going to find you."  
I decided to play along. "How can you find me if you don't know where I am?"  
He reached out and touched my cheek. It felt as real as it would if he was actually here with me. "Have faith in our love."

I opened my eyes and sat up quickly. My breathing was labored and I became afraid when I saw that it was dark out and my lamp wasn't on. "Norman?" I flipped the blankets off of me went to the door and pulled it open. I stopped at the girls' door seeing Ava asleep on her bed. I went out into the living room seeing Mingus sprawled out onto the couch watching something on his ipad. He pointed to the front door with his foot, then went back to his show.  
Pushing against the screen door, I paused when I saw Norman on the porch swing, Amy asleep on his lap. He was rocking it back and fourth with his foot, running his fingers through her hair. "You know, she's cuter when she's asleep." I smirked, went over to the wicker chair across from him and sat down, tucking a leg under me. "You slept through dinner, so I saved you a plate."  
"Thank you."  
"This storm was very off. No rain, no lightening." He looked around at the scenery.  
"Maybe it will later on tonight or maybe tomorrow."  
"I guess as long as we're not out in it." He looked down at her. "Does she always put off this much heat?"  
I smiled at him. "Yeah, usually." I got up and went to him, picking her up after he stopped the swing. "I'll be back." I slowly took her inside, quietly shutting the screen door then walked to her room. Ava was awake when I walked in and placed Amy down.  
"Momma. I saw daddy."  
"Oh. Where?"  
"In my dream. He wasn't in Heaven." I pulled the blanket over Amy then went over to Ava and sat down on the bed. "Daddy's not dead."  
"Honey, I don't think...."  
"No. I know that daddy's here. Please believe me." I didn't want to make her upset, but I also didn't want to lie to her. For all I knew, he was in a coma somewhere in a hospital and that was how he was able to talk to us. I watched a bit too much of Supernatural and a few other shows to know better, but still, the nagging feeling that he was still alive was hitting me hard.  
"Alright. I believe you." I kissed her on the forehead. "Get some sleep. We will look into it in the morning."  
"Thank you momma. I love you."  
"I love you too." I tucked the blanket around her, got up and went to the door. I closed it part ways then headed to the front door. As I stepped out, I closed the door behind me, then let the screen door go. I went straight over to Norman and stood in front of him, hands on hip, feeling like I was going to burst.  
"You have some explaining to do."


	51. Chapter 51

"Goddammit Norman. Just fucking tell me where my husband is."  
"I can't tell you."  
"Why not?"  
"He doesn't want me to tell you."  
"So he is alive." I leaned against the post, restraining myself from the want to slap him. "This whole time I've been under the impression that he died." Norman said nothing as he stared at me. "Say something." I rolled my eyes. "This whole time you've let me down. For what reason. So you can still fuck me?"  
"No, it's not like that."  
"Bullshit."  
"I'm keeping that old promise we once had."  
"You would only do that if he was in a coma."  
"As far as I know he is." He heaved a heavy sigh, then rubbed his face. "Bryn and Sean are the only ones that know of his status. They are refusing to return my calls. I asked Helena to search them out."  
"And how did you get out of the back of a police car?"  
"I didn't." He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a long drag before blowing it out. "They let me go, on defense, but I have to return in ten days for my court hearing. When I told them that I knew where you were, they let me go." He took another drag. "You and Mingus are the only ones that can keep me from going to prison. I know that my son will testify, but I didn't think that you would." He flicked the cigarette to get the cherry off. "Me fucking you in the shower wasn't planned." He looked at the door. "In some ways I still love you and I'll never stop caring." He then looked at me. "And I don't expect you to forgive me for keeping this from you, or letting Jeremy get hurt." He swallowed hard. "That should have been me." He took another long drag, holding it in longer than usual.  
I jumped when I heard his phone go off. He blew out the smoke and pulled it out of his back pocket. "Hello? Wait, Hel, let me put you on speaker." He pulled the phone away. "Okay. Tell her so she believes me."  
"Hi Niki. I called all of the major hospitals today after days of calling local ones. He was in OHSU but was released earlier this morning. He could be anywhere by now. If you're wondering how I got the info, I lied and said I was Sonni, his ex wife." I couldn't say anything as I held back tears. "How are the girls?"  
"They are good." He answered for me. "Mingus's watching some weird show on his ipad."  
"Tell him to call me."  
"Will do."  
"Nicole. I don't know you or Jeremy very well, but what I do know is this. Your love for him is pure and unwavering. What God gave you two will never break. Have faith in your love for him."  
I wiped the tears off of my face and thanked her in the clearest voice I could give. Norman said thank you, good night and then hung up the phone. He went to the door, pushed it open and told Mingus to call his mom. When he came back over to the stairs, he stamped the cigarette out and looked out into the night.  
"I don't expect you to want me here, so I'll sleep in the jeep tonight." As much as he pissed me off, I wasn't that cruel. Plus he was right. That promise ran deep with us.  
"Shut up and get into the house." He looked at me through his hair that fell into his face. "Seriously, get into the house. You're not sleeping out here." I moved to the door, pushed it open and went to the fridge. I grabbed the bowl of grapes, a bottled water, then headed over to the couch. I tapped Mingus's foot with mine, then sat down when he sat up.  
"Care to watch Zombieland with me?"  
He got up, grabbed the HDMI cable from the table then went over to the TV and hooked it up. After a few minutes he turned on the TV, pressed play and then came back over to me, grabbing a handful of grapes as he sat back down.  
I couldn't sleep knowing that Jeremy was out there somewhere. And I knew without asking him, that he would stay up as late as he could, waiting with me. He was a good kid, sometimes better than his father.  
"How's your face?"  
"Hurts but I'll be fine."  
Norman handed him a bottle of ibuprofen, then went over to the chair and sat down. He grabbed his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled out a twenty. "Twenty bucks says Jeremy will be here in three days." He tossed the bill onto the table.  
"Two." I said.  
"He'll be here in the morning." Mingus responded before shoving more grapes into his mouth.  
"You're more optimistic than I am."  
"Hey, if it's true love, he's going to travel all night."  
"Shit, your son is getting smarter every day."  
"I know. He's pretty smart mouthed too."  
"Momma."  
"Shit, movie off." Mingus jumped up and ran to the ipod, turning off the movie.  
"Watch your mouth." Norman snapped.  
Amy came around the corner, stopping when she saw me eating. "I'm hungry."  
"Didn't you eat dinner?"  
"She did, just not a whole lot." Norman answered, getting up and going to her. "Come little one. I'll make you a bowl of cereal."  
"No, I don't want her peeing her pants. Give her toast with jelly."  
"Okay. Toast with jelly."  
"Strawberry!" She said, gleefully as he took her to the island.  
"Then back to bed." I peaked over the couch, watching him get things together for her. She waited very patiently, which was a first cause normally she was antsy. "I was thinking of fishing tomorrow, if you wanted to join me."  
I laughed. "Since when did you fish?"  
"Figured I'd learn now before going into the big pen."  
"You aren't going in, so don't worry about learning new things quickly." He stuck his tongue out at me, then handed her a plate.  
"The sun is starting to rise. I didn't think that we already stayed up so late." Mingus finally turned around and joined me in the staring.  
"I didn't either. But then again, I slept through most of the night."  
"I think we all did."  
"This ones going to need a nap if she ends up staying up with us."  
"I'll make sure she gets one." Norman kissed her on the head and then came over to us, slowing down, when something caught his eye. "Well, I'll be damned. If it isn't twiddle dee and twiddle dumb." He went over to the door and opened it. He pushed the screen door open when Sean and Bryn stepped up onto the porch. "About fucking time. You've had us worried."  
"You worried? We had a hard time finding this place." They walked in, stopping when they saw me on the couch, staring at them and Mingus sitting beside me.  
"No word on Jeremy?"  
"No, why would we get word? We just found out from Helena that he was released yesterday morning." Norman answered him.  
"Yesterday morning? He was released the night before. He called me and asked us to meet him here."  
"So now my husband is hurt and missing." I felt irritation building up.  
"Give me time to use the restroom, grab something to eat and I'll go out there and search for him." Sean responded. "Bryn can stay here with you guys and help with the girls, keep an eye out for him."  
"I'll take the jeep and go out." Norman went over to Amy when she called out to him.  
"Mom." Ava walked out of the room, shuffling her feet until she got around the couch and looked up at me. "I can't sleep anymore."  
"It's fine baby."  
Sean went straight to the bathroom as Bryn took Ava back to her room to get her dressed. Norman helped Amy down, then took the stuff to the sink as she ran off to her room.  
"Niki, the twenty bucks." Mingus whispered to me and I felt a smirk run across my face.  
The girls came running back out with their new dresses on and their coloring books. "Can we color outside."  
"Sure." I got up and went with them out onto the porch, helping them sit down and get their books open and Crayons out. "Momma's going to change. Stay here."  
"I'll watch them." Bryn stepped out and went over to the swing.  
"Thank you." I stepped back into the house, went straight to my room and shut the door. As I went through my suitcase, I realized that I hadn't even unpacked yet. "So much for settling in." I pulled off my clothes, pulled on a pair of clean shorts, then a lose shirt, tying it on the side. It once belonged to Jeremy, but it was too big on me. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun, slipped on my silver flats, then went to the door. When I opened it, I was surprised to see Norman standing there.  
"What's up with the messy hair again?"  
"I like it, so leave me alone."  
"You know what it does to me."  
"And what it does to Jeremy." I tried to go around him, but he stopped me. "Norman."  
"Niki."  
"Please don't do this."  
"What are you going to do if he never shows."  
"You don't know that."  
"Just think about it." I held my breath and pushed past him, not happy that he was acting like that. I could hear the girls talking to Bryn about their pictures, wanting to join in on the fun, seeing that Mingus was looking out the window.  
"Don't push too hard against the glass. You just might fall through it."  
He glared at me. "Haha, funny."  
"I thought it was." I went over to Sean, bumped him with my hip, then went past him and over to the fridge.  
"Hey, that was rude."  
I looked over my shoulder at him, sticking my tongue out at him. I grabbed a bottle of Nuro, went around the island to avoid Sean, but he tripped me as I past him. "Asshole."  
"You know it." He winked, then went over to the fridge as I stepped out onto the porch.  
"Bryn, you must contain your puppy."  
"What did he do this time?"  
"Tripped me."  
"ONLY because she bumped into me with her big ass." He yelled through the kitchen window after opening it.  
"I thought you were getting into your shitty car and go out to look for my husband?"  
"It's not shitty. It's just slow. Stop making fun of the slow car. You'll hurt it's feelings." Bryn and I laughed at him until Mingus stepped out of the house.  
"Um...Niki..." I looked at him, then at the girls when they jumped up, dropping their Crayons onto the porch and screamed.  
When I looked up, my heart skipped and I felt the bottle fall from my hands.


	52. Chapter 52

"DADDY!!" Screamed the girls, Ava practically flying off of the porch after dropping her coloring book, then Amy did the same, running after her. I had to blink my eyes a few times before I realized that I wasn't dreaming. He got onto his knees dropped his back pack onto the ground and scooped them up into his arms.  
"Ah, my baby girls." I could tell that he was wincing, but didn't want to alarm the girls. He gave them both a few kisses as he brought them back to the porch, placing them back onto their little feet, ten feet from the stairs. He looked up at me and I felt like I was going to burst. "Wife." The way he said that word make my heart skip, but I couldn't get myself to move. Mingus pushed on my back at little, for a jump start and I came down the stairs, almost slipping on the last one. When I neared him, I reached out and touched his face to make sure he was real, feeling the tears roll down my face. "I love you." He pulled me in and kissed me passionately and I didn't want to let go. I put my arms around his neck, feeling his hands touch my back, then got onto my tip toes to help him not hurt himself.  
I finally was able to pull back after a few minutes to see his beautiful eyes and the tears that were streaming down his face. He wiped a few off from the corners of his eyes. "My beautiful wife." He got all choked up as he looked me over. "I thought I'd never see you again."  
"I thought we lost you."  
"Never." He kissed me chastely, then pulled back when the girls latched onto our legs. He placed his hand on Ava's head and I placed mine on Amethyst's. "Have they been brave?"  
"I don't know if they knew what was going on exactly, but they knew that you were coming home to us." He looked down at them, then looked up at everyone up on the porch. He saw Mingus's face, how red and puffy it was still. He said nothing though because Norman came out onto the porch, looking like he was defeated. "Let's get inside and I'll show you the girls' room."  
"Come on daddy." Ava grabbed his hand and led him inside, Amy pulling on his other arm. I quickly went to his bag, grabbed it and then went into the house, glaring at Norman when he glared at me. I went straight into my room, dropping his bag off onto the chair, then went to the girls' door and leaned against it. They were excited to show off their room and the many princess things they had. After twenty minutes of pure excitement, he was beginning to look exhausted.  
"Alright girls. Daddy needs to get some rest. You can show him more later." I stepped in and took his hand, leading him out of their room and into ours. "I put your bag on the chair."  
"Thank you my love." He turned me to face him and kissed me again.  
"Momma. Ava hit me."  
I pulled away from him and went into their room. "You two need to stop hitting each other. That's not nice."  
"How about I take them to the river?" Sean walked into the room. "Wear them down so they sleep longer tonight. I'll take Mingus with us so not one kid can bother you two."  
"Alright, but they aren't bothering us."  
"I know, he's coming with us too, he just doesn't know it yet."  
I looked at the girls. "Get on your suits and flip flops. Take your towels and go with Uncle Sean to the river."  
"Okay." They both agreed, then grabbed their suits and started to change. I stepped out of the room with Sean, then slid into my room before Norman could turn around and see me. I heard the girls running to the front door, then heavier footsteps, the screen door opening and closing as well as the front door.  
"It's really muggy in here." I looked at the bed seeing Jeremy sitting there on the edge, clothes off, but still in his briefs. "Can I have a kiss?"  
"You don't need to ask." Going to him, after closing the door, stopping when I was in reach of the pull strings to the fan. I pulled the longer one, glad that it was working. I felt his hands go up my shirt, stopping at my bra, sliding his fingers around my sides, stopping at the clasps. He undid them, then watched me pull off my shirt and bra, dropping them onto the floor. His thumbs gently ran across the curve of my small breasts, from the middle to the sides. Firm, his hands were, on my sides, pulling me down onto his lap. He shuffled back, then sat there staring into my eyes. "How's your side and leg?" I ran my finger across the bandage.  
"Fine, as long as I don't lift anything heavy."  
"I guess you can't lift me then. You already did too much with the girls."  
"When it comes to you, right now, I don't care." His hands ran down my sides, stopping at the hem of my shorts. "I want to make love to you, but I'm afraid it'll be too much."  
"Why's that?"  
"The knife....it pierced my lung."  
"And they let you leave?"  
"I made them let me. I couldn't stay away from you. So they told me to go to Seattle if I have any issues."  
"Okay and you better tell me when you have problems. No hiding anything from me."  
"I promise you I will." He kissed me sweetly, hands running up and down my thighs, softly. "Can I convince you to take these off?" He pulled on my shorts. "Please."  
"As long as you take those off." I snapped his waist line, then got up and pulled off my shorts and panties. I climbed onto the bed, laying down on my stomach, waiting for him to join me. The bed hardly moved when he finally crawled onto it, laying right next to me with barely any room between us. He ran his hand up my thigh, across my ass and up my back, then ran it down the other side, stopping at the back of my knee. I moved a bit, getting comfortable into a position where I could watch him be intimate with me.  
After the second time he ran his hand over me, he stopped where my leg met my ass, moved his hand over to my hot, wet core and slid his long fingers into me. I closed my eyes, gasped and moaned when he touched my sweet spot. He pressed his lips into the curve of my lower back and made his way up my spine, stopping when he got to my neck. "Roll over." It was more of a slight demand then a request and I didn't hesitate one bit. I wanted my husband inside of me because he needed it. I needed it and it was the right thing to do.  
Jeremy grabbed the back of my knees, pulling me closer to him, closer to the center of the bed, ran his hands down my thighs, stopping at my hips. He slid his legs apart, leaned in and pushed himself in, waiting for a few seconds for my walls to take him in. I felt his throbbing member against my swollen walls, sliding against them, making me wetter than I first was.  
I let out a loud moan, quickly covering my mouth after I did so. He moved my hand and told me to not worry about being loud. He wanted to hear me say his name, to hear every profanity leave my lips. I quickly forgot about everyone else and the possibility of them hearing us. But then I realized that Norman would be able to and it was about damn time he knew that there was no way that he could beat Jeremy.  
The deeper he went, the louder I got. Faster or slower, I couldn't contain myself. When I finally reached my limit, my body tensed up and I held back the loudest scream I would have given, just to spare his ears. My body wouldn't stop, pushing wave after wave of orgasms as he rocked his tip into my sweet spot, until he cummed inside of me and it was a lot.  
Jeremy almost collapsed onto me, but I had sat up in time to catch him. "Baby, you okay?" He nodded his head against my shoulder. "Are you hurting?"  
"Just a bit." He shook against me.  
"Did they give you any pain killers?"  
"Vicodin, top pocket of the bag."  
"Okay. Lay down and I'll get it and some water." I helped him lay down, then covered him with the sheet. I quickly crawled over him, got off of the bed, pulled on my shorts and shirt, then headed out to the kitchen. I came back with a glass of water, went to the bag, pulled out the orange prescription bottle and went over to him. I handed him both things then went back over to the door and closed it.  
"Are you coming back to bed?"  
"Of course silly." I went to the side of the bed, pulled off my clothes and got onto the bed, under the sheet. He swallowed the pill and water, then placed it onto the night stand before turning to me. "When do we need to change them?"  
"After a nap."  
"Alright." I slid down into the mattress and snuggled up behind him. I didn't know where to put my arm, so I let it lay behind him. It didn't take him long to grab my arm and pulled it around him, placing it exactly where it wasn't going to hurt him. He locked our fingers together, holding them firmly. I pressed my lips against his shoulder, then in between his shoulder blades. "I love you Jere."  
"I love you too." I placed a few more kisses against his back, then closed my eyes and breathed in his scent.  
Thank you Lord, for bringing him home to me and the girls.  
I am forever grateful to you for having my husband back.  
Now all we need to do is work on finding a girlfriend for Norman so he can finally leave me alone.


	53. Chapter 53

"Good morning beautiful." Just hearing his voice without looking at his face was comforting. I didn't want to open my eyes because then it meant that it was time for me to get up and be a mom.  
"Five more minutes." I rolled into him face close to his chest. He smelled liked he had just stepped out of the shower. "Mmm babe. You smelled good." I kissed his exposed skin, feeling his arm go around me.  
"The girls are patiently waiting for you to go outside and play with them. I fed them already. Oh and Bryn wants a girl's night with you."  
"Girls night would be nice, not so much with the girls though."  
"I'll watch them. I know what to do if Amy gets sick."  
"Okay, if you think you can handle it. Call me if you need help."  
"Baby, I can handle it." He brought my head up to look at him. "Trust me."  
"I trust you." I couldn't have placed more emotion behind those words, wanting to fight back all the worries that tried to flood my mind. His lips felt soft against mine, finger brushing the side of my face. "I love you, Jere."  
"I love you too, Nic."  
I kissed him again, then rolled away scooting off of the bed and headed to the dresser. "I bet the girls are driving Mingus mad." I quickly pulled on a summer dress, my flats, pulled my hair into a pony tail and headed out to the living room. Ava and Amy were outside playing tag with Sean and Mingus. Their laughter was peaceful, making every waking moment worth it.  
When I stepped out onto the porch, I was half expecting Bryn to be there, only she wasn't and Norman was sitting there in the wicker chair, playing with some wood. His knife was sticking in the arm rest. I didn't want to risk talking to him, so I headed out to my girls.  
"Niki, Sean doesn't think you'll try the swing rope at the river."  
"Oh really?" I glared at Sean.  
"He bet me fifty bucks that you wouldn't."  
"I'll do it after spending time with the girls."  
"Momma, can we play Candyland?" Ava bounced up to me.  
"Tired of being outdoors?"  
"Please?" She gave the cutest puppy face.  
"Okay. Go get the game out." I looked back at Sean. "What did you get them last night?"  
"Games, toys. Stuff like that."  
"I cannot wait for you to have kids of your own. Then you can stop spoiling mine." I took Amy's hand and led her into the house.  
"I'll never stop!" He yelled and I flipped him off just as the screen door closed.  
"Can daddy play with us?"  
"I don't know. You should go ask." Ava ran off to my room, loud and clear on asking him to play. jeremy came out of the room carrying her and the game.  
"You'll have to show me how to play." We all went over to the coffee table and sat down onto the floor. I helped Ava set up the board, then helped Amy start since she was the youngest.  
We played Candyland, Connect Four and Hungry Hungry Hippos in a course of three hours, watched two movies and ate dinner before Bryn and I headed out to town for our girls night.  
Bryn and I got out nails done, it was the first time for me since my wedding, bought new summer dresses, shoes and make up as well as lingerie for our men. We then headed to a little cafe at the north end of town and bought desserts that were to die for.  
It wasn't until we headed out to the car that Bryn revealed that she missed her period and went to the store for a few pregnancy tests. "IF you are, what are you hoping for?" I smiled at her.  
"I don't know if I'm ready to have any?"  
"No ones ready. Jeremy wasn't when Ava was born, I wasn't when Amethyst was born, you just simply adapt. And I know that you and Sean will make wonderful parents."  
"What if I fuck up. What if Sean decides to leave me?"  
"Bryn, you know that will never happen. Sean loves you a lot. I've never seen that man as happy as he is with you. Don't let your fears get to you. Everything will work out. Believe that it will."  
"How come you can give good advice but not use it for yourself?"  
"Cause we're not talking about me, we're talking about you and Sean and your future together."  
"I know that you just want to talk about me and Sean, but you seriously need to think about your situation as well."  
"I don't have a situation and we're not going to do this. Not now." I hurried to the passenger side and got in. I quickly pulled on my seat belt hoping that she would just drop the subject. Instead, she hopped into the driver's seat and stared at me, not moving, not putting the key into the ignition and driving. "Bryn...."  
"Niki. You seriously need to figure your shit out. Bouncing back and fourth between both men isn't good for you. It's causing emotional trauma for you and for them. Not only that, but your girls...what are you going to tell them?"  
"I'm not going to lie to them."  
"But are you willing to tell them the truth and possibly be judged by them, especially Ava?" My stomach churned at the thought and I couldn't find the words to say. "Norman loves you, but I can see the lust in his eyes, the determination to make your marriage fail. He cannot see that he's going to hurt you again. He's going to do whatever it takes to make you happy even if that means sadness for everyone else. Nic, Jeremy has come so far and I know that it sucks that it took him to almost lose his life to wake him up and have him step up, but that is better than nothing at all. He's willing to fight and not give up. He needs his wife, his best friend help him stand strong. Are you willing to throw away what you have with him over someone who will never last? If you were in my position, do you honestly think you'll make it with Norman? Do you wan Amy to have an older brother who will be off to college all the time, hardly able to see her, or have her with siblings her age that she can grow up with and be a little girl?"  
"Bryn, please stop." I tried to hold back my crying, but tears streamed down my face.  
"You were meant to be Ava's mother. You are meant to be with Jeremy. Please don't throw that all away on some obsessed ex boyfriend who can never make you happy. If you feel overwhelmed with Jeremy, you can always talk to me and Sean. Even if you feel like giving up, just bring yourself and the girls over for a while. Let things settle down with him and think things over. In the end it will be worth it. I promise you."  
"He wants me to have legal rights to Ava. I guess because Sonni doesn't want her anymore and he's afraid of where she'll end up if he dies."  
"Then he has put his faith and trust in you that you will do what's right and raised that little girl the way he would. That's something big and important to keep your thoughts on. He loves you that much to put his child's life in your hands. Don't make him regret that decision. Remember your vows." She leaned over and gave me a hug. "You can do this. You're the strongest woman I know."  
"Okay suck up." I lightly laughed.  
"Let's get home and have fun with the girls before they have to go to bed." Bryn had always been a good friend. Always looking out for my best interests. She always let me make my mistakes, stepping in when she feels like I've gone too far.  
"Are you going to use all of those pee sticks?"  
"Yeah, I'd like to be one hundred percent sure."  
"I'll wait with you if you'd like me to."  
"Thanks, Nic. I appreciate that."  
"That's what friends are for."  
"I'm serious though, Jeremy needs you."  
"I know." It was the last thing we could say to each other while we drove home. Neither one of us were wanting to confront the men. We weren't exactly ready to, but since we were doing it together, it didn't seem as scary.

 

Sean and Jeremy were standing on the porch steps when we pulled up, both leaning against the posts. Bryn parked the car, killed then engine, then stepped out at the same time I did.  
"Did you two have fun?" Sean stepped down and went to her. He put his arms around her and kissed her sweetly.  
"Yeah and I can tell that you missed me badly."  
"Been busy with the girls, but yeah, I had you in the back of my mind the whole time."  
"I've got to get the bags." She pulled away, him grabbing her hand and walked with her to the back seats. I couldn't get myself to say anything to Jeremy, just wanting to go inside and climb into bed.  
Jeremy finally came over to me, placing his hands on my hips. "I was thinking, that we could renew our vows."  
"Jeremy, that's in ten years you're suppose to do that." Bryn spoke up, but Sean hushed her.  
"To start our marriage over since we spent most of it apart. It will just be all of us. The girls can stand there looking pretty like their momma."  
"Jere, we need to get those papers turned in for Ava before we can do anything else. I have a funny feeling that Sonni's going to try to take us from her."  
"Alright. We'll go first thing in the morning." I tried to keep my focus on him, seeing Norman out of the corner of my eye, staring at me. I knew what he was wanting to say to me. To him. And I wasn't wanting the drama. Not right now.  
"I'm...I'm going to take a walk."  
"You sure? It's getting dark."  
"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'm not going to go far. If I don't return in an hour, come find me."  
"Okay." He pulled off his sweatshirt and handed it to me. "Keep warm." I took it from him as well as the kiss, then headed out towards the field.  
Halfway out, I pulled on the sweatshirt and headed towards the trees, wondering if Norman was following me. If he had anything to say, it needed to be to me, without anyone interfering.


	54. Chapter 54

Silence around the tree line was peaceful. The sound of the rushing water was peaceful as well. But the footsteps of the person who was following me, wasn't so much. I went over to the clearing and walked into it, stopping when the foot steps got closer to me and turned around to face them. "You just can't stop, can you?"  
"I cannot believe how blind you are to Jeremy."  
"And I cannot believe how blind you are to my feelings."  
"Your vows are quite broken up for someone who promised to be faithful no matter what. Kinda useless to renew them when you've fucked around on him."  
"You brought me to that."  
"No. You took yourself to that line and crossed it so many goddamn times. For fuck sake Nicole. You give into every little temptation that runs across you and you go with it. Have some composure for once."  
"Excuse me? Who needs the composure, Mr. I need my dick to get wet all the time and don't want to find some random pussy."  
"I'm sorry that I want to make love to the woman who has my heart."  
"I don't have it and hadn't for quite some time now."  
"You're a fucking bitch."  
"You're a goddamn man whore."  
"You're the fucking whore. Taking my money when you knew damn well that it was to cover your fucking ass."  
"I didn't take your fucking money. Stephen used it on whatever the fuck he wanted. I only got a certain percentage and it wasn't much. Only enough to get me and Amy by for a week."  
"Amy." His voice trailed off for a bit. "I helped you with her and now you're pushing me away. I'm more of a father to that girl than Jeremy ever had been."  
"Don't bring her into this."  
"No. I'll say whatever I fucking want. You know that it's true. I love that little girl like she's my own."  
"She's not your fucking daughter." I snapped. "She's Jeremy's through and through and you have no fucking right to say any of that shit. I never gave it to you." His jaw was now clinching as he was trying to keep his words back. "I haven't loved you in so long. Not like that. I lost my love for a lot of things, people, but I never will for Amy nor Ava. My daughters names will never come out of your mouth that way again. You hear me?"  
"Every time." He choked out his words. "Your miscarriage, your car accident, your first break up with him, you came back to me. Why?"  
"I don't know!!"  
"Comfort from the one who put you in pain." His voice was getting softer. "It's what you did to me when you lost the first one. You felt the comfort with him when you thought you were alone. And I get that. I do, but you put me in a position that made me not think straight. I walked away once before, but that phone call put chills through me. I was afraid that you hurt yourself and you did. Being with Jeremy killed me, but I knew that he was going to take care of you. Staying with Stephen, knowing that you could have came home at any given point, made me into a man I never thought I'd become. I killed two men for you and for...." He stopped himself from saying her name. "Because it was the right thing to do. Because I love you. What has Jeremy done for you, aside giving you a beautiful daughter?" He looked at me like he was searching for an answer. "A roof over your head. A marriage you've always wanted. Security. Faithfulness." The last word stung. "I'm about to go to jail, possibly prison and I'll never get to have this. My son will never have his father be there when he gets his first girlfriend, when he walks her down the isle. Jeremy... gets everything. Twice." He paused to look away, then looked back at me. "So when you get to those points in your life, please, I beg of you, please don't forget about the one who helped you along. The fool who fell in love with the girl he could never have." Norman turned and walked away from me, leaving me in the rain. I hadn't even noticed that it had been pouring on us.  
I watched him walk across the field and disappear around the corner of the house, to the backside. Bryn had stepped out onto the porch, looking around for me. I knew that I was making her worry about me, but she needed to know that I was going to be alright. I pulled my hair out of the pony tail, pulling it onto my wrist, then headed back to the house.  
Halfway there, I slipped and fell onto my ass. It was time to just sit and think, not caring that I was getting soaked. What did I want?  
Jeremy was everything that I wanted. I had everything that I ever wanted with him.  
But then why wasn't I happy?  
Norman was everything that was bad for me. He was fun in the bedroom and more protective over me and Amy.  
I still wasn't happy.  
Where was my happy medium?  
"Whatever your searching for, you're not going to find it here out in the storm." I looked up to see Sean standing over me, just as soaked as I was. He held out his hands and helped me to my feet when I took his hands. "I know you and I definitely know Norm. You're better off without him. It will hurt for a while. You'll want him in ways that you shouldn't, but eventually he'll just be that old memory that's just a friend. You can't erase what you have with Jeremy. You've built up so much with him. You're about to tip it over like dominios if you keep playing them both. Could you wait for him if he went to prison?"  
I knew that I didn't have to think about that answer. "No."  
"Then why make yourself available to him, now, while he's still here in front of you?" I couldn't find an answer that time. "He's a big boy. He can find another person to fall in love with." He finally changed the topic. "Now, let's get you inside and dried off. The girls are waiting for you to tuck them in." He put his arm around me and walked with me back to the porch, letting go as we went up the stairs and went over to Bryn who was sitting on the porch swing. I went inside and went straight into the bedroom, changed and then went into my daughter's room.  
"Momma." Amy held out her arms and I went to her. "Ava is asleep."  
"That's okay bug. She's pretty tired." I sat down on her bed and gave her a hug. "And it's time for you to sleep."  
"Okay. I love you."  
"I love you too, sweetie." I pulled the blanket over her, kissed her on the forehead, then went to the door. I looked back at her and could see her smiling while she laid there with her eyes closed. She was happy and I couldn't take that away from her.  
Going to the kitchen, I noticed Mingus sitting on the couch and Norman in the chair, both watching some movie. At some point Norman had changed his clothes and looked exhausted. Instead of getting a bag of popcorn, I went over to the couch and sat down next to Mingus, pulling my feet up onto the coffee table.  
"What are you watching?"  
"Weird Science."  
"Surprised I didn't recognized it at first."  
"Yeah, well it's the only movie on TV right now. The DVD player doesn't work now cause Amy put a waffle into it."  
"You’re kidding."  
"Nope." Casey pointed to the waffle on the coffee table. "Jeremy scolded her good. She told him that she hated him, then ran off to her room."  
"What? She said nothing to me."  
"Some kids forget what they say or do." Norman spoke up, quietly.  
I got up, messed up Mingus's hair like I always did, then headed to my bedroom. I frowned when I didn't see Jeremy in there, then decided to go out to the back porch. There he was, sitting on the rocking chair, not moving, staring out into nothing.  
"Jere?"  
"She told me she hated me." He looked up at me. "Why would she say that?" I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was upset.  
"She doesn't really understand. She's just two."  
"Is she mine?"  
"What?" That threw me off. "Of course she's yours. Why would you think that she wasn't?"  
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you were fucking us both."  
"Jeremy. She looks like you." I paused. "Are you drunk?"  
"No. Just worried about my daughter hating me." He looked back out into the darkness.  
"I'll talk to her in the morning. Explain to her what it means to hate and that it's a harsh word to use. I'll do the same for Ava." He got up and came over to me.  
"Do you hate me?"  
"I love you."  
"Do you love him?"  
"No. And he knows it." I shivered when the wind picked up. Jeremy pulled me into his arms.   
"I have never stopped loving you."  
"I know and I never stopped loving you, even when I was being fucking stupid, I couldn't stop thinking about you and how much I've hurt you."  
"Okay, this is getting too mushy. Can we just go inside and fuck like rabbits?" I pushed away from him and playfully slapped his arm. "Owe, not too hard on that side."  
"OH SHIT! I'm sorry, I forgot."  
"It's okay." He kissed me, then pushed me towards the sliding glass door to our bed. "Amy looks like you more."  
"Well then. It shouldn't be that hard for her to get dates." I stepped up into the room and went to the bed.  
"Nic, do not joke like that." He followed, closing the screen door and locking it.  
"Between Amy and Ava, they should get an even amount of boys at the front door."  
"Over my dead body."  
"Well, they would have to figure out where they lived first anyway." I saw the look of relief sweep over him. "Plus, they'd have to get through me first because I'm not having our girls act like us."  
"Glad we can agree on something." Darkness hit as the power went out. I sighed as I fished around the top of the dresser for a lighter. Jeremy lit his, then went over to me, lighting the candles. "The only good reason for me to be a smoker." I glared at him. "Don't worry. I haven't had one since my journey up here." He placed the lighter down onto the dresser. "Now, where were we?" He pulled me close and kissed me. "Ah yes. We were about to fuck like rabbits." I giggled as he playfully nibbled at my neck, stopping quickly as we heard a crashing noise and the girls screaming.


	55. Chapter 55

Jeremy got into the room first, stopping when he saw a branch had came through the window, then went over to Ava as I went to Amy. "Daddy. I'm scared."  
"I know baby."  
"Amy. Calm down. You're going to hurt yourself." Amy breathed harder than normal and it was freaking me out. "Come on bug, calm down." I heard footsteps behind me, then Norman was in my sight, kneeling down beside the bed.  
"Amy, open your mouth." She did as he asked. "Okay, good, a little more. Now breathe in when I push on this." He placed the inhaler on her lips, giving her little puffs. "Good. Now come on out of the room and we'll have you sleep in the living room." She reached out for me and I pulled her up into my arms and carried her out into the living room. Jeremy followed, carrying Ava and we sat them onto the couch. Moments later, Jeremy and Norman brought out the mattresses and placed them against the back of the couch.  
"We sealed off the girls' room. I'll clean it up in the morning." Ava went over to Jeremy, hugging his leg. "Bear, I need to cover your bed."  
"I got it." Norman spoke up. "Just worry about the girls." He went over to the closet in the hallway, returning with clean sheets, pillows and blankets. Bryn and Sean came walking in, confused on what was going on. Jeremy filled them in as I took the girls over to the mattresses, waiting for Norman to finish.  
"Okay, Ava. You can lie down now." He moved off of the mattress, holding the blanket for her. She laid down, he placed it over her, then kissed her on the head before walking into the kitchen.  
"Momma. My head hurts."  
"I know bug. Let's get you back in bed." I sat down onto her mattress that was next to the couch and helped her lay down. "Get some sleep honey." I ran my fingers through her hair, like I always did when she needed it. Jeremy came over to us, looking exhausted. "I'm heading to bed."  
"Okay, I'll be there as soon as they are asleep."  
"Okay." He bent over and kissed me chastely, then headed to our room.  
Norman came over to us, handed me a glass of water, then looked at the girls. "Thank you for your help."  
"They are worth it." I grabbed his hand before he could walk away and pulled on it. He got down onto one knee and looked down at Amy.  
"What you did in there, are the reasons why I can't push you away. You are a big help to them, to me and everyone else. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I didn't mean to. I just get carried away when everything feels comfortable to me. And having you and Jeremy is comfortable to me."  
"You can't have both of us."  
"I know, but I'm not losing my friendship with you. That, we've built on for so long, it wouldn't be easy for you to just up and leave. Pull away if you need to, but don't just erase me from your life. One day you'll find that special girl and you'll find that you're going to need me for help. What good am I, if we're not friends?"  
"Just another memory." He got up and went out onto the porch. Just as I was about to get up and chase him down, I overheard Sean talking to him.  
"You love her, I get it, but she's not leaving Jeremy. She's not going to stop loving him. You two were better off just as friends. Let her go. You'll find that it gets easier with time. You'll find someone, eventually and then you'll see what is keeping her to Jeremy."  
"Is her happiness worth risking just for you to be satisfied with where you are at with her?" Bryn spoke up finally. "Cause it really isn't. You've just convinced yourself that you are happy with her because you don't want him to have her."  
"You guys fucking suck." Norman sounded defeated.  
"It's going to hurt, but in the end everything's worth it."  
"Besides." Sean stepped in again. "You have to worry about keeping yourself out of prison. That's a bit more important than chasing after her. She's not going to wait for you, ya know."  
"Yeah, kinda figured that much."  
"So now, you need to step back and observe how she interacts with her family and you as her friend. You'll find that it will get easier every day."  
"I just don't know if I'm ready to let go."  
"Ready or not, it needs to happen. The girls are getting old enough to catch on to everything. That's not going to be easy for her to explain."  
"You're basically a home wrecker." Bryn said in a snarky attitude.  
"Bryn, did you need to say that?"  
"Fuck yeah I did." I heard the screen door open, worrying about them knowing that I could hear them. I slowly laid down onto my side, closed my eyes and pretended that I fell asleep. Norman and Sean walked in, stopping when they saw me laying there.  
"Shit, he's not going to be happy that she's still there."  
"Nawh. It takes a lot to get him pissed." Sean walked over to me and slapped my butt. "Wake up. Your man is waiting for you." I opened my eyes and realized that I was really sleepy. "You okay?" He felt my forehead. "You feel a bit warm." He helped me to my feet, walked me to the bathroom and pushed me against the wall. "Try not to move." He stepped into the bathroom, returning with a thermometer. He stuck it in my mouth, removing it two minutes later. "All this hot and cold weather has made you sick."  
Jeremy came over to us, placing his wrist against my forehead. "Yeah, you need to lie down."  
"I'm fine." I brushed their hands away from my face. I took a step forward, feeling dizzy. "Okay, maybe not." I leaned against Jeremy as he put his arm around me and dragged me to the bed. I flopped down, onto my stomach, almost passing out as soon as I laid my head on the pillow. Jeremy prevented that by handing me Tylenol and water. "Ugh, don't baby me."  
"Shut up and take it." I popped the pills into my mouth, swallowed with water then handed him the glass. He placed it onto the nightstand, then climbed over me and laid down. He then pulled the blankets over us and snuggled close. "We need to get this fever down before the girls catch it."  
"It might be too late."  
"Don't jinx it."  
"Mmm. We could have sex, that might help."  
"Nope. First day you should always get some rest."  
"Spoiled sport."  
"I love you too." He kissed my shoulder. "Off to sleepy land." He closed his eyes before I did and I concentrated on his breathing until I fell asleep myself.


	56. Chapter 56

By noon I was on my feet again, but the boys refused to let me do any cooking or cleaning. Sean and Bryn had gone into town to get groceries, taking Mingus and Ava with them. Amy wanted to stay behind and entertain me as I laid on the couch, trying to watch a movie. At least I had seen it a few times, so it wasn't that important to watch.  
"Momma." She placed her head on my stomach. "Is baby okay?"  
My eyebrow cocked and I pulled her up to face me. "What did you say?"  
"Baby." She tried to place her head back down onto my stomach, but I pushed against her forehead, pushing her back into sitting position. Before I could sit up and call out to the boys, they both were right at the backside of the couch.  
"Did she just say...." Norman asked.  
"Yeah." I nodded.  
"Baby." She tried to put her head back down, but Norman picked her up.  
"Amy, what do you mean baby? Mom's not pregnant."  
"Uhhuh." He placed her on his hip, then looked at me. Jeremy leaned over the couch, placing his wrist over my forehead.  
"Maybe she's mistaken by the fever?"  
"Jere, last time I had a fever, I had a miscarriage."  
"When you were pregnant with Norman's baby."  
Jeremy and I looked at Norman. "What?" He gave us a confused, questioning look.  
"No, that's impossible. She cannot detect a baby this early."  
"When was the last time we had sex?" Norman asked, trying to keep Amy in his arms as she wiggled.  
"Just before we found out that Jeremy was coming home."  
"Then it couldn't have been me. It takes two weeks before you can detect it on a stick."  
"I know, but I was told that I couldn't have any more kids." I looked at Jeremy.  
"Miracle baby." Norman said as Jeremy and I stared at each other, unable to say anything. "Your body can't comprehend what's going on, so it's fighting it off like a sickness."  
"Don't scare her." Jeremy finally looked away. "Well, we can go into town and get it checked out. Meet up with Bryn and Sean later. Will it make you feel better?"  
"Yeah. Maybe we can get the squirt to stop saying baby."  
"Baby." I glared at her.  
"Evil child."  
"Nic." Jeremy leaned over and kissed me. "Don't make her think she is."  
"Well, she's more of an Angel if she can prove the doctors wrong. You have to admit, she's a miracle baby too." Norman sounded like he was defending her.  
"Come on. Let's get going." Jeremy helped me sit up, then came around the couch and helped me to my feet. I wobbled towards the kitchen, then booked it to the bathroom, falling to the floor as I vomited into the toilet. I heard both boys say "she's pregnant" then Amy saying "baby" again.

 

I wanted to punch the doctor when she said that I was pregnant, even though it wasn't her fault that I was told different, back in my home town. I snatched the pictures from her and stared at the little peanut that she marked as the baby. It was embarrassing to have both boys in the room with me, the four of us trying to pin point how far along I was. I was more wondering when it was exactly Jeremy got me pregnant.  
Then it donned on me. The day that we saw Stephen's car at the mall was the day I conceived. What such odd timing. I had been extremely lucky that I never lost the baby, with what Stephen did to me. Even luckier that Stephen never got the chance to rape me.  
I was assured by the doctor that the fever was just a normal one, due to whatever was going around. And it turned out that Amy had it as well. One little sneeze from her made the doctor check her out. She figured to kill two birds with one stone.  
Once the doctor dismissed us, Norman carried Amy out to the car as I walked with Jeremy, arm around me. "I hope it's a boy."  
"Of course you would." I teased him. "So you can put Harley Davidson shit on him, huh?"  
"Hell yeah. I did it with Ava too." He kissed me on the temple, pushed the door open and walked with me outside. "I just..."  
"Don't want to be out numbered anymore."  
"Yeah."  
"That's fine with me. I have my girls and that's all that matters to me. You can have a boy now." I smiled when he grinned at me. "That is, if God doesn't decided to give us another girl and laugh his ass off."  
"Then I'm going to have words with Him." I giggled as I got into the passenger seat and pulled on my seat belt. He closed the door, then went over to the driver's side, Norman in the back with Amy in her car seat. "Everyone buckled?"  
"Yeah." Norman answered.  
"Baby." Was all we got from Amy as she looked at one of the pictures.  
Jeremy looked over at me as he buckled, then started the car and drove off.

 

When we got to the pizza parlor, I excitedly got out and rushed up to Bryn, her in the same mood rushing over to me. "Bryn, I have to tell you something."  
"I do too, you first."  
"I'm pregnant." I felt my face light up with a smile, but hers was fading away. "No, no. Don't be upset please."  
"I'm not upset. I'm shocked. The doctors...."  
"I know, but we just came from the doctors and she confirmed it. Little miss ladybug is a baby detector." She looked at Amy as Norman came up to us.  
"Here, hold her. I need to relieve myself." Amy reached out to Bryn, smiling when Bryn took her and hitched her to her hip.  
"Baby." She pointed to Bryn's stomach, then looked at mine. "Baby."  
"Why is she still saying that?" Norman looked at me, then looked at Bryn. Click. "OH SHIT!"  
"Shhh." Bryn snapped. "Sean doesn't know yet."  
"What?" I was surprised. "Why haven't you told him?"  
"I don't know how? I tried two different times already, I just can't get the words out."  
"Third times the charm." Norman teased as he went off to the bathroom.  
"Don't listen to him." We walked over to the empty booth, slid in to the wall and waited for the men. Amy sat between Bryn and the wall, unable to see over the table.  
"Momma, I can't see."  
"If you stand, you need to be careful."  
"Okay." She stood up and leaned on the table. She placed the picture onto the table, smiling when Sean came over to us with the drinks.  
"What's that Amy?" He took it from her and stared at it. He looked at Bryn, the picture, then at me before looking back at the picture. "Holy shit, Nic. That's awesome." Jeremy walked up and placed the Parmesan cheese onto the table. "Congrats on the peanut."  
"Thanks. I worked hard." He gave a smug look as he sat down beside me. Bryn and I rolled our eyes.  
Sean pulled up a chair, flipped it around and sat on it. Norman came over with the pizza, placed it onto the table, then sat down onto the table. He nudged Bryn's arm as the rest of us served up the pizza for ourselves. As I cut up a pizza into bite sized pieces for Amy, Bryn finally got the courage to make her announcement.  
"Since we are on the topic of babies, curtesy of miss lady bug....."  
"Baby."  
She looked at Sean. "Sean, I'm pregnant."  
Sean looked at her as he was about to take a bite, placing the pizza down. "Are you serious? Both of you are pregnant?" His gaze went back and fourth between us, Jeremyjust as shocked since he missed out on the conversation earlier.  
"Hormones." Norman spoke up before he shoved more pizza into his mouth.  
Mingus and Ava came over to us from the kids zone, pulling up another chair for himself as Jeremy pulled his daughter into his lap. "Ava."  
"Yeah, daddy?"  
"How would you feel if momma was having another baby?"  
She put her hands on her hips. "It better be a boy cause I'm tired of sisters." We all laughed at her sass.  
"You're having another kid?" I couldn't tell if Mingus was happy or not.  
"And I'm pregnant as well." Bryn spoke up.  
Mingus looked at Jeremy and then at Sean. "You're trying to kill us, aren't you?"  
"I think I'm the only one not bothered by the fact that both of my beautiful friends are cooking up some Grimlins." Norman sat back and gave a sly smile. He was truly amused by all of this. "I'm so glad that I'm not in your position." He glanced at Jeremy, then shifted his look to Sean. "Or yours."  
"Fuck off." Sean pushed his pizza away, got up and went outside.  
"Move." I pushed on Jeremy and he moved, still holding onto Ava. I rushed outside, running up to Sean as he went to his car. "Don't tell me that you are upset that she's pregnant."  
He stopped in front of his car, sat down on the hood and looked at me. "I'm upset that she didn't tell me as soon as she found out. Not that she's pregnant."  
"She was scared that you'd be mad at her. She said she tried so many times, but that fear was nagging at her."  
"This whole time, I thought she didn't want kids. I found her birth control, but not one of them were opened. So it confused me cause I know she hates taking it."  
"She's weird like that." I moved closer to him, stepping between his legs. "You two will make wonderful parents." I gave him a hug, stepped back in time to see Norman walk out to us.  
"I think he wants to talk to you."  
"Yeah." I sighed. "Go give her some love." We kissed each other on the cheek, then I moved away from him as he got off of his hood and walked back into the pizza shop. I wasn't in the mood to have a lecture from Norman. I just wanted to stay happy.  
"I'm glad that you are happy about your pregnancy." Hearing that come from his mouth brought mixed feelings. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm heading back to Oregon in the morning for my court date. I'm taking Mingus since he's a witness."  
"I'm going with you."  
"Nawh. Mingus's enough. You stay here and take care of your family."  
"Norman, shut up. You're taking me. I'm not letting you go to prison for defending us."  
"I'm sure I wont be going in. All I have to do is tell them what Stephen did and I'm sure I'll be home soon enough."  
Home.  
He was calling this place his home.  
He was calling me his home.  
"There's a house a mile up the road. I was going to see about getting the papers for it. That way this can be your home and that one can be mine and Casey's. I know how much he loves the girls. He's always wanted siblings. I can't make him leave."  
I started to see that it was his way of saying that he didn't want to leave either, but didn't bother to mention anything. "Well that would be good for him and the girls."  
"If, I did go in. I need you to take care of Mingus until he's of age."  
"Norm, you know that I will. You don't need to ask."  
"I just needed to hear your answer." I stepped closer to him, wrapped my arms around him and pressed my forehead against his chest. I began to pray that he would come back to us and never have to see the inside of the state penitentiary.  
"Let's go eat." He wrapped his arms around me and walked with me back into the pizza parlor.


	57. Chapter 57

I was five months along when Norman and Mingus finally came back home. I had a hard time being able to talk to him, with Bryn shoving her stomach into him when she tried to hug him and the kids jumping all over him, excited to have their uncle back home. Sean and Jeremy decided to have a barbecue, taking up the whole front yard, while the kids ran around out in the field with Mingus.  
"Sean and I are going in tomorrow to see what gender the baby is. Nicole already knows, but she wanted to tell you herself." I rolled my eyes as I relaxed on the hammock, reading a book. It was quite annoying that Bryn was being super loud, pretending like she didn't know that she was.  
I watched over the top of my book, Norman getting up from the porch swing, down the stairs and over to me. He sat down on the hammock, pushing it back and fourth with his feet. "How's my princess doing?" His voice was gentle and soft to the point of only the two of us able to hear each other.  
"Good. Hungry."  
"Horny?" He teased.  
"A bit, but I'll manage."  
"Don't tell me that he wont fuck you?"  
"More like, I don't want him touching me." I placed the book mark in the binding, closed the book and placed it off to the side.  
"Oh, at that stage, huh?"  
"Yeah. I don't mind the kissing and touching my belly, but other than that, I don't want to be touched. Aside the girls wanting to cuddle." I rolled to my left, grabbed his hands and placed them on my belly as the baby kicked. "It's a boy." His look was priceless.  
"You're shitting me?"  
"No. He finally got his boy. He had the craziest dance when he found out. It was so much more than when Amy was born."  
"Hey, hands off my wife!" Jeremy joked.  
"She was mine first." Norman yelled back. He moved his hands, placing one on my leg. "What am I to do with your girls? Both of you, pregnant and horny and I cannot touch either one of you."  
"Is that all you ever think about?"  
"It's been like, what six months?"  
"Just about."  
"Fuck. I'm going to be the gay friend, aren't I?" I laughed. "That's not funny."  
"Yes it is." I kissed him on his jaw line, then tried to get out of the hammock, trying not to fall over.  
"That was mean."  
I winked at him, then headed into the house, Bryn giggling as she followed me inside. We sat on the couch, opposite of each other, Bryn picking up the remote and turning on the television. Norman came into the house, stepped over my legs and plopped down in-between us. He stretched his arms out and put them around us.  
"So gay." I teased as he grunted at me.  
"At least I'm getting some kind of love."  
"More than Sean and Jeremy are." Bryn giggled. She then leaned forward and looked at me. "He's so trapped in this."  
I looked at him. "What do you mean, he's trapped? He placed himself here."  
"I'm right here girls. Don't be so secretive."  
It went like clockwork. As if we could read each others minds. She sat back, turned to him and kissed him behind his ear, as I did the same on his right side. I could hear him gripping the back of the couch, breathing hard. Suddenly he jumped up. "That's...." He spun around and looked at us. "Not cool. SO not fucking cool." He stepped over my legs and walked away to the bathroom as we giggled and went back to the movie.  
A few minutes later, Jeremy came walking in, carrying Amy. He pulled her dress down as she was sniffling. Tears were running down her little cheeks and I wanted to coddle her. "What happened?"  
"She tried to tag Ming, tripped over his skateboard and skinned her knee."  
"Oh, bug." I pushed myself up and waddled behind him as we went to the island counter. He placed her down, then went to the first aide kit on the wall, pulled it off and laid it down next to her. "You're always getting hurt. I feel like you should be put in a bubble."  
He glared at me. "Don't say that."  
"What? I was teasing." I moved her hair out of her face. "Maybe cutting your bangs might help you."  
"She may need her eyes checked. Get some balance tests done or something."  
"She's fine. She's just like me. Certified klutz." I took a tissue and wiped her tears as he placed a bandage on her boo boo.  
"There. Good as new." He kissed her knee, then pulled her off of the counter, holding her on his hip. "Ready to go play?" She shook her head no. "What. Are you done for the day?"  
She shook her head yes. "I want momma."  
"Want to watch Tangled with me and Auntie Bryn?"  
"Yeah."  
"I'll take her to the couch." He kissed me on the forehead, then walked her over to the couch, reaching over the backside and plopping her down. "Stay here with Bryn. I have to talk to mommy for a bit." He kissed her on the head then came over to me. He turned me, facing the bedroom door and pushed me to the bedroom.  
"What's going on?" I questioned him, a bit worried when we walked in and he closed the door behind us. I sat down onto the bed, grabbed a pillow and cuddled it for comfort and support.  
"I just got a call. Sonni never showed for the court hearing. The judge threw the case out the window. My lawyer just said that you have custody of Ava now. The cops found Sonni all strung out in a hotel room. I guess that helped the judge with the ruling."  
"And they aren't mad that you weren't there?"  
"I guess not. I guess my lawyer was all he needed and the fact that she was doped out."  
"Well, I guess God was really wanting me to be her mom."  
"You're perfect for her. Don't forget that." Jeremy moved closer, bending over to kiss me on the cheek. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer, locking lips with him. "Mmm. Nic. You're going to turn me on."  
"I know." I slipped my free hand down his pants, grabbing onto his manhood, stroking him. "I want you inside me."  
"I know, but I don't want to hurt the baby."  
"You wont hurt him."  
Jeremy pulled away and got down onto his knees. "Nic, I'm not really comfortable having sex with you while you're pregnant."  
"Could you at least play with me?" I gave him a puppy look.  
"That, I can do. But tell me if I hurt you or the baby."  
"Shut up and stick your fingers in me." He got up and pushed me down, laid down beside me and started to kiss me chastely. I slipped my hand between us, gripped him firmly and stroked his shaft. Hearing him moan turned me on more, even more when his fingers ran up my thigh, pushed past my panties and slipped inside my hot, sticky core. Thumb pressed against my button, I moaned against his mouth, rubbed my tongue against his, while moving my hand faster.  
It didn't take long for me to cum, but for him it seemed like forever. "Nic, here." He pulled my hand to the tip. "Firmer, okay and....oh my go...yeah. Holy shit." He instantly cummed on my hand, which was a lot for him. "Holy fuck." His body spazzed as I moved my arm and he laid down beside me. "Four months is too long."  
"Four more months and then you can start fucking me again."  
"Cannot wait." He rolled back over and kissed me sweetly. "My little family." He placed his hand on my belly. "Okay, daddies getting hungry. How about you momma?"  
"I feel like I could eat a whole cow." Jeremy got up first, tucked himself in, zipped his jeans, then helped me to my feet. "Now you have yourself on you." He looked at his hand.  
"Not like it's something new."  
I scoft at him, then waddled to the door. I opened it, glad to see that the bathroom was free. I went in and washed my hands, then went out to the porch. Sean was flipping the hot dogs, while Ava and Mingus were making a daisy chain. Norman was sitting on the hammock, sipping a beer. He raised the glass to me and I blew him a kiss.  
Everything was exactly how I was wanting it. Everyone getting along, Norman finally content with just being friends and Jeremy happy to be my husband and a father. We were all happy to have Norman at home instead of prison, Mingus able to spend more time with us and Ava being my daughter once and for all.  
It felt like nothing was going to ruin anything. I had a healthy baby boy growing inside of me, two beautiful, bright little girls and a house in the country side, just the way I had always dreamed it would be.  
My best friend was pregnant, happy with her boyfriend, twelve hours away from determining the gender and three weeks away from getting their own home in the city. We were one happy dysfunctional family and no one gave a damn about what our past held. We were in the present and the future was now.  
"Nic, get your fat ass in here. I need to pee and your daughter wont get off of me." I laughed as I went into the house and relieved her of babysitter duty. For a pregnant chick, she was fast at getting up and into the bathroom.  
"Amy, are you being a snuggle bug?" She nodded her head, then perked up when Sean announced that the hot-dogs and burgers were done. She jumped up and ran outside, stopping when she got to the picnic table and sat down.  
"NIKI!" Bryn screamed from the bathroom and I rushed in there, shoving the door open. She sat there crying, blood on her hands.  
"SEAN!!" I screamed as I went to her and held her face in my hands. "You're going to be alright. I promise you. "JEREMY!" I heard thumping, but could only keep my attention on her. "You're going to be alright Bryn. It's nothing. It's nothing." Her body shook under me and I fought back tears. No use to having two women crying.  
"Niki, what's....shit." Jeremy came in first, moving off to the side when Sean pushed past him, quickly stopping when he saw the blood.  
"Bryn."  
"I'll start the car." Jeremy ran out of the house.  
The hysterics started and I felt useless as I tried to keep her calm, Sean trying to help, but feeling like he was no use as well. We helped her off of the toilet and I pulled up her pants, sticking a hand towel between her legs. Jeremy popped in to tell us that the car was started, then ran back outside as we stepped out onto the porch. Sean picked her up and carried her to the car as I quickly told Norman what was going on. He told me to go and that he would stay behind with the kids. I promised to call him, then ran off to the car and hopped into the front seat. Sean in the back with Bryn.  
"God, please don't do let this happened." I prayed hard as we sped off down the gravel road towards town. Between the prayers, the screaming and Sean yelling at Jeremy to drive faster, the feeling of a miracle swarmed inside of the car.  
It wasn't over for her.


	58. Chapter 58

Unable to sit on the bed with her, I sat in the chair, close to the bed side, legs pulled up under me, waiting patiently for the boys to come back from their walk. Sean had gotten too worked up about Bryn, the doctors had to make him chose between a sedative, or a long walk outside, around the hospital with Jeremy, while I comforted her as the doctors checked her out. After her check up, she fell asleep while watching cartoons with me and I stayed awake so I could update our men.  
Jeremy poked his head in, looking just as exhausted as I was. I pushed myself up and waddled to the door, stepping out when he moved, going to Sean as he paced back and fourth. Jeremy closed the door, the leaned against it.  
"She's fine." Sean stopped pacing and stared down at me. "And the baby is fine. Some women still have their periods. They don't know why her body decided to bleed that much, but she's stable now."  
"Can I see her?"  
"Yeah, she's been sleeping though."  
"Thanks for your help." He kissed me on the head, then went to the door.  
"Anytime." I pulled out my phone and called Norman to update him. I could hear the girls in the background yelling about a game, Norman having to snap at them to stop fighting. I thanked him for watching them, then told him that I'd be home as soon as possible. He told me not to rush it, then said goodnight and hung up the phone at the same time I did.  
I went over to the chairs and sat down, placing my hand on my forehead. Jeremy came over to me and sat down, one leg on the chair as he kept close. "Are you okay?"  
"I didn't have the heart to tell him that there's a possibility that the baby might come early. She will end up in the NICU."  
"They are having a girl?"  
"Yeah. She was wanting a boy, but she's happy with a girl." A tear rolled down my cheek.  
"Honey, why are you crying?"  
"I'm just scared. Not many babies make it when they are born prematurely. I can't see her dealing with that."  
"She has you to help her through that."  
"But it wouldn't be fair for me to be pregnant and trying to council her. It feels like I'd be back stabbing her."  
He bit his lower lip. "Yeah, I really don't understand the way you women think, but I believe that she'll make it through this. Her and the baby."  
"Please don't tell him what I told you. She wanted to be the one to tell him."  
"Promise." He kissed me chastely. "Let's get something to eat. I'm sure that he's pretty hungry."  
"Yeah, he's been fussing." Jeremy got up, then helped me up and walked with me down to the cafeteria, holding my hand. I decided to change the subject. "I was thinking of naming our son London Avery."  
"I don't like it." He made a face at me, smiling when I frowned at him. "Kidding. I love it. Better than Ashlen Taylor."  
"What the?"  
"My mom thinks that's what we should name him."  
"No. Hell no. It doesn't go well with Ava and Amethyst. It's not her son, so she doesn't get to decide."  
"I know." He grabbed a tray and handed it to me, grabbed another one and walked behind me, grabbing things I didn't grab. We had a routine. Whatever I didn't think I wanted, he would get because eventually I wound up eating whatever he had. Curtesy of our son. The food that was left over, he would eat and never complained unless it was something that he really wanted. "Jello?"  
"Yes."  
"Ambrosia?"  
"No." He put it onto his tray anyways. "Chocolate milk."  
"Strawberry." He took both cartons and placed them onto the tray. I took the green beans and chicken as he took the potatoes, roast beef and carrots. As we passed the desserts, I stopped and grabbed the chocolate cake, then whined when I saw the Tiramisu until he took a piece and carried it to the nearest table with his tray. I waddled my happy ass over to the table, placed the tray down and pulled out the table.  
As I sat, I could see people staring at me out of the corner of my eyes. "You'd think people would have seen a pregnant woman have cravings before."  
"They're just curious." He sat down across from me, pulling the plastic out of the wrapper. "Remember, your a MILF."  
"Fuck off." I took the fork from him and stabbed the green beans.  
"Nic." I looked up and smiled when I saw Sean walk up.  
"Hi sweetie. How's she doing?"  
"Good. They are going to move her to the eighth floor in case the baby comes early. If you guys want, you can go home and get some rest. I'll call you if she goes into labor."  
"Alright, if you are going to be fine without us."  
"I'm always fine." He lied as he bent over and gave me a hug. "Give the girls my love."  
"Certainly." I didn't want to let go cause I could sense his emotional high, but did so and watched him hug Jeremy before he went back to the room.  
"The girls need us anyways." Jeremy took a bite of his food. He was right, the girls would end up terrorizing Norman and Mingus if we stayed over night.

 

When I walked into the house, I was surprised to see Ava asleep on the chair, blanket over her and Norman asleep on the couch with Amy cradled next to him. I went to them, pulled the quilt over them, then placed a kiss on Amy's forehead. Norman opened his eyes, looking sleepy. "Hey, how is she?" His voice was soft.  
"They are moving her to another floor. She might have the baby early."  
"Shit." He rubbed his face, then ran his fingers through his hair. "Is there anything they can do to stop it?"  
"No. If she wants to come early, then they have to let it happen."  
"She?"  
"Yeah, they are having a girl."  
"Funny that you are having a boy and she's having the girl. Shouldn't it be the other way around?"  
"Don't say that to Jeremy."  
"Where is he anyways?"  
"He's checking up on the trailer for them, feeding her cat."  
He looked at my belly. "And you. How are you doing?"  
"I'm good. Just tired." I sat down, placing my hands on my belly. "Mmm, he's asleep."  
"So much excitement for one night."  
"How were the girls?"  
"Good. They drove Mingus into his room, hiding in there all night. Fought a few times over some toys, but I ended that quickly. They are in your room on the dresser, if you're wondering. I made them watch the Discovery channel as their punishment, but it ended up being their favorite network cause of all the cool animals they were showing."  
I smirked a bit. "They are brilliant little girls."  
"Little hellions more like it." He looked down at Amy as she turned over. "She's a gem though." He looked over at Ava. "And she's an instigator."  
"Like her mother." I felt my eye twitch at the thought of Sonni.  
"She'll change over time. You'll rub off on her. She'll learn quickly that she wont get her way when she sees that Amy and this little one get spoiled when they are good."  
"Ah no. They aren't going to be spoiled and certainly not going to be punished differently. I don't want to hear it when they catch on to their punishments."  
"Nice thinking." He sat up and moved around me and Amy. "I have to piss like crazy. Excuse me." He managed to kiss my shoulder as he got up and swiftly moved to the bathroom.  
Jeremy walked in, closed the door and locked it. He sat down beside me and started to take off his boots. "Cat's fine. I cleaned out the box and fed her. I swear there's more females on this property and I've lost count."  
I snickered as I got up and went towards the bathroom, almost running into Norman as he came out of the bathroom. "Whoa baby." He touched my tummy. "Don't want to knock you over." He stepped around me, stopping when I wouldn't let go of his arm. "You okay?"  
"Yeah."  
"Have you picked out a name yet?"  
"London Avery." His smile faded. "What?"  
"Nothing. It's a good name." He kept walking as I went into the bathroom. As I peed, I figured out why he wasn't happy. London Avery was the name he and I chose if we were to have a boy.  
"Fuck." I hopped up, pulled up my panties, flushed and left as fast as I could out into the living room. "Where's Norman?"  
"Outside, smoking I guess." Jeremy responded, wondering why I was asking.  
I quickly went out onto the front porch seeing him off in the corner smoking. I marched over to him, not caring about the smoke. "I am so sorry." He moved his hand away from me.  
"It's alright. I don't own the name."  
"But it's not fair to you. You helped me chose the name."  
"Niki, it's fine." He took a drag, stamped out the cancer stick, then turned around and leaned against the railing. "Name him whatever you want."  
"You seem like you're pissed at me and not just for the name."  
"I'm just worried about you girls. Bryn being in the hospital and your history of losses." He finally blew out the smoke, away from me. "I care about you both."  
I opened my mouth to say something, but was interrupted when Ava came out onto the porch. "Momma. I had a bad dream."  
I turned and looked at her. "Where's daddy?"  
"He's busy with Amy. She peed on the couch."  
"Shit." I looked at him. "I'm sorry."  
"Don't be. Go help her. I'll be out here." He pulled out another cancer stick as I went to her and pushed her back into the house.


	59. Chapter 59

"What was your dream about?" I asked as I walked her to her room.  
"You and daddy got mad at each other and you leaving again."  
"Well, that's not going to happen bear." Jeremy spoke up as we walked into the room. He pulled down Amy's shirt, then pulled her up onto the bed. "Your mother and I wont always agree on things, but we come to an agreement and work with each other on things. You two need to start doing that as well."  
"But in my dream, momma walked away because Amy died." I fell down as I tried to sit on her bed.  
"What?" I shook my head. "Amy's not going to die honey."  
"She drowned in the river though. Uncle Norman tried to save her."  
"OKAY THAT'S IT!" I snapped. "You're not watching that shit that Mingus watches anymore." I reached over and snatched Mingus's ipod from him and threw it out of the bedroom door.  
"HEY! That's expensive."  
"Go cry to your dad." I snapped. Shocked at my attitude, he got up and left the room.  
"Nicole." His voice was stern.  
"I don't want my girls thinking that will happen to them. That ANYTHING bad will happen to them."  
"That's not his fault. Don't blame him for the shit that Ava says."  
"OH and I'm suppose to assume that she's just acting out again. Whatever she dreams, comes true."  
"Bullshit."  
"She knew when you were coming home. That's not bullshit. She knew hours before you showed up."  
"It's just a coincidence."  
"Ugh, you are unbelievable." I got up and stormed out of the room, went out onto the porch and stopped when Norman came up to me.  
"Did you yell at my kid?"  
"I really don't give a fuck right now." I stormed off the porch and headed to the trailer.  
"Don't fucking walk away from me when I'm talking to you." Norman chased after me. "NICOLE!" I ripped the door open to the trailer, hopped inside and slammed it shut. I went straight to the back and sat down onto the bed. Norman pulled the door open, hopped up and slammed the door behind him. He went as far as the stove and stopped. "What the fuck is wrong with you? I get that you're pregnant and all and that your friend is in the hospital, but that's no way to treat the kids." I folded my arms and refused to talk. "Are you pissed because I refused to be mad about the name?" I played with my bottom lip. "Nicole. Answer me."  
"Just....go away."  
"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on." He lowered his voice. "Nicole. Please." I placed one hand on my belly, grabbing a hold of the wall corner in front of me. I felt tears roll down my cheeks, feeling guilty for the things I was thinking. "Do you even want this baby?" His voice kept getting quieter, stepping closer to me, but hesitating every once in a while in case I would yell at him again.  
"I don't know what I want anymore."  
"That's not true."  
"Yeah, it is." I looked down at my massive belly. "This baby has me all confused."  
"It's just the hormones. You'll be normal again once you have him."  
The door opened and Jeremy stepped in, stopping right behind Norman. "Babe, come to bed, please."  
"I don't want to. I upset the girls and hurt Mingus's feelings."  
"He's fine. He knows why you're upset."  
"And the girls are asleep. You wont have to deal with them until the morning."  
"I'm just going to stay out here for the night. I need to be away from everyone."  
"Then I'll stay out here with you."  
"No. I want to be alone."  
Norman backed him up. "Nic, we're not going to let you stay out here in the cold."  
"They have a heater and blankets, I'll be fine."  
"Fine. Be that way." Jeremy turned and left. Norman followed him, stopping at the door.  
"Jere...."  
"If she doesn't want me. Fine. You can stay with her. Sounds like she wants that divorce after all." He stormed off and I couldn't hold back the crying any longer.  
Conflicted on who he should comfort, Norman stepped back and closed the door, choosing me over him. He came over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Give him time to think it out. He's just being stupid." I let out a horrible cry. "Come on, get into bed." He pushed my shoulder back, waiting for me to move as I made my way to the top of the bed, sliding under the covers. He moved my flats, sat down and pulled off his boots. He shimmied out of his jeans, pulled off his sweatshirt and left them on the floor. He tried to not move so much as he scooted up behind me and pulled the blankets over him. The harder I cried, the more he cuddled up and held me tightly.  
"This is getting ridiculous." I said to him. "I shouldn't have to hear him say that."  
"I know. It's bullshit and I'll talk to him in the morning."  
"Maybe he's right. Maybe we shouldn't be together anymore."  
"What?" He sat up and rolled me onto my back. "You cannot be serious."  
"It's what he wants. This is the second time he's done this to me."  
"I'm sure that he's just saying it cause he's upset."  
"Then why would he keep the papers?"  
"There has to be a reason. We could wait until morning to find out, or do it now."  
"I rather do it now." I held out my hands, pulling myself up when he grabbed them. He helped me to the edge of the bed, slid my flats onto my feet, then got dressed. I left the trailer first, Norman not too far behind me. We found Jeremy sitting on the porch swing, drinking a beer. "You cannot do this to me." I sat down, grabbed the bottle from him and handed it to Norman when he walked up. "Twice now, you've instigated a divorce. I want to know why you assume that's what I want."  
"It's obvious that you aren't happy with me. You've got what you wanted out of me. Three kids. A house in Oregon and this one here."  
"I never said that you didn't make me happy."  
"You don't have to say anything at all."  
"Dude, I don't even make her happy." Norman spoke up. "It's not us, it's her."  
I shot a dirty look at him, then looked back at Jeremy. "There has to be something else to this."  
"Why is there always something else. Why can't it just be simply because I don't make you happy."  
I snapped, but tried to keep it quiet so I wouldn't wake the kids. "Because it's bullshit and you know it. Goddammit Jeremy. What the hell is going on with you?" In the moonlight, I could see him swallow hard and his eyes tear up.  
"I have cancer." My heart dropped and I felt empty inside. "When I was in the hospital for my injuries, they found out that it's terminal. That's why I demanded that I be released. So I could be with you guys to the end."  
"Don't....don't lie to me." I held back from crying again. "Tell me that you cheated on me and I'll forgive you, just don't say that."  
"Nic..." Norman tried to stop me.  
"No. It's not fair."  
Norman interrupted me. "Jeremy, how long have you known?"  
"I've had my suspicions since I first slept with Nicole. Wasn't until she left with Amy that I found out that it was true. I knew that Ava needed to be with her and Amy, so I made sure that Sonni had no rights at all. I didn't even consider divorcing her until I found out that she was sleeping with you. I figured that she was better off with you. She wouldn't ever be alone and the girls would have a father." He finally acknowledge me again, looking straight at me. "I never meant to keep this from you. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to fall in love with you."  
"Don't say that." My face was drenched in tears. I was shaking from head to toe from being overwhelmed, exhausted and the cool air blowing past us. I scooted closer to him, pressing my forehead against his. "Don't say that."  
"Nicole. I need you to be strong for the kids."  
"I can't." I started to cry.  
"Yes you can. I know you can. You are the strongest woman I know."  
"No. Your mother is."  
He slightly laughed. "Next to my mom, you are." I felt his hands on my belly. "Bring this baby into this world, raise him well."  
"Stop it, please. You make it sound like you aren't going to make it through the night."  
"You're the only thing keeping me alive."  
I put my arms around him, running my hand up and down the back of his neck. "Promise me that you'll stick around until the baby is here."  
"I promise." I knew it was a lie, but I wanted to pretend that it was the truth. He then began to tell me that starting in the morning, he wasn't going to be taking his pills anymore. That meant that he was going to be in pain more and wouldn't be able to play with the girls anymore. I wanted to make him stop talking, but it was no use. I was losing the love of my life and he was making it sound like it was alright.  
The sun was coming up and we were feeling awful. Norman helped us both inside, then stayed up longer to feed the girls and made sure they were dressed as Jeremy and I changed and got into bed. I held Jeremy as we slept, refusing to get up when lunch time came and slept all through the afternoon. This was his first day off of the meds and I wanted to be with him.  
None of this was fair.  
And I was in need of words with God.


	60. Chapter 60

Three weeks gone by quickly and his health faded quickly.  
The girls couldn't understand why they couldn't see him and Sean felt like shit because he and Bryn couldn't be there for me. Mingus had a big role to play, keeping the girls occupied with movies and board games.  
At one point, Jeremy asked us to take him out to see the sunset, but because of his condition, we were afraid to move him.  
Every day, I played card games with him until he fell asleep, sang to him whenever he wanted to hear it and helped him whenever he wanted to feel my tummy and talk to him.  
Norman helped him to the bathroom whenever he needed to pee and fed him soup, while I fed the kids and gave them love.  
On his last day I begged Mingus to keep the girls in the living room with My Little Ponies playing, then helped Norman walk Jeremy out of the house and out to the field. The sun was starting to set, pink and orange peaking out over the trees. We could hear the crickets, then the river as we kept getting closer, stopping when Jeremy couldn't walk anymore. Norman pulled Jeremy's arm from around his shoulder and helped him down onto the ground. I sat down with him, feeling uncomfortable with the way I was sitting. But I knew that Jeremy was feeling more uncomfortable and he was more important than I was.  
"It's so beautiful." He managed to smile.  
I became apologetic. "I'm sorry that you aren't more comfortable."  
"Nawh, it's alright sweetheart. I'm just glad that you are here with me." He kissed me sweetly, wobbling as he tried to stay up. "I'll save you a seat in Heaven." He leaned against me, looking out to the sky.  
"I don't think God will let me."  
"Nonsense. You're more worthy than I am."  
"Just wait for me at the pearly gates."  
"I promise." It was good to hear the truth.  
"I love you Jeremy."  
"I love you Nicole." His voice trailed off. I kept my eyes on the sunset, letting the silence fill the air. At first I thought he had fallen asleep, but as his body became a weight, I knew that he was no more.  
"Oh....." I cried as I turned and felt his body go limp against me. I held him tightly as I cried hard, not wanting to let go. I felt myself rock him like he was an infant, my chest getting heavy with every cry that escaped my lips.  
"Nicole." I knew what Norman wanted to say. That he needed to call for an ambulance. I wasn't ready to let go. He went to quickly and it wasn't fair. He was never going to see his daughters ever again and never get to meet his son. I could hear the different conversations that Norman was having, but couldn't make out all the words through my cries.  
By the time I was finally able to let go, it was around ten and I cried myself into exhaustion. Norman had to guide me back to the house, catching me as I collapsed onto the kitchen floor. The girls knew without me saying anything and begun to cry themselves. Both of them came to me and held onto me as we cried and I really wanted Sean to be here with me.  
When I was stable enough, Norman took the girls to their rooms and tucked them in, then helped me to my bed and tucked me in before going back out into the living room to talk to Mingus. Norman came back into the room, closed the door and helped me get dressed into pajamas. I climbed into bed, holding Jeremy's leather jacket, refusing to let go.  
How could I hate God for taking Jeremy home?  
If it was anyone else, I'm sure they would have forsaken God, but not me.  
I wasn't happy with him, but I knew that God would take care of him.

 

3 Months later................

 

"PUSH!!!"  
I screamed as I clutched onto the bed rail with one hand and Norman's hand with the other. I wanted to break his hand. I was still emotional about the loss of Jeremy and giving birth to his son wasn't something I wanted to deal with at the moment. The doctors had become afraid of post pardom depression setting in, but I refused to let them tell me that I had issues.  
Bryn had her daughter a month before, naming her Sophia Grace and I wanted to strangle her for giving my niece a prissy name. She was out in the waiting room with Mingus and the girls because I didn't want Mingus to be alone with the kids and certainly didn't want to hear her bi-polar encouragement.  
I had a fun time arguing with the doctors about why I needed both Norman and Sean in the room and why none of them were the father. They put two and two together when I would cry every time someone would mention Jeremy, then turned back around moments later and scream about the pain I was in.  
"Fuck Nic. I'd like to keep my hand." He whined.  
"WELL TOO BAD!" I screamed as I pushed again. I don't remember it being this hard to get Amy out. I felt the wash cloth pass over my forehead, then patted across my chest. Sean was keeping his distance as well as staying close by in case I wanted to break his hand as well. "Why wont he come out?"  
"He will. Just one more push and we can grab him." The doctor announced and I knew that she was afraid of me now.  
I flung my right hand out, grabbing onto Sean's arm, digging my nails in as I screamed and pushed again like the doctor told me too. I didn't care about drawing blood from either man and they kept their mouths shut until they heard my son cry.  
The nurse cleaned him up, then handed him to Norman after swaddling him. "Do you have a name?"  
"Yes."  
"No." I override him on that answer, not caring that he gave me a confused look.  
"I thought you were going with London Avery?"  
"I can change my mind."  
"Don't tell me that he's going to be a junior?"  
"No. Jeremy wouldn't have liked that."  
"We can give you time to think about it." The nurse stepped out of the room after cleaning up. The others had already left.  
"What are some names that you two liked?" Sean pulled up a chair and sat down.  
Norman handed my son to me, then sat down on the bed. I looked at my son, ran my finger across the bridge of his nose and thought hard. "Jaxsen Dean." Norman touched his toes as I played with his fingers.  
"That's a good name. I'll let Bryn know." Sean came over to me, kissed me on the head, then left the room as the nurse came back in.  
"Excuse me, I forgot my pen."  
"I have a name."  
"Oh, good." She pulled out a piece of paper from her shirt pocket. "How would you like to spell it?"  
"Jaxsen Dean." I began to spell it out for her, including the last name, Renner. I didn't mean to go into detail about why it needed to be Renner, but by the time I was finished, she looked teary eyed.  
"Well, it's a wonderful name for a beautiful boy. Many blessings to your family."  
"Thank you."  
"I'm going to get his name into the computer." She walked out of the room as Sean came walking back in.  
"She's super excited and wanted to come in, but she was feeding the Grimlin."  
"How are the girls?"  
"Good. Behaving actually, which is odd."  
"I wonder when they'll let the girls in?"  
"Want me to check?"  
"Yes, please." I watched him leave again, then looked at Norman. "What?"  
"You look happy."  
"Would be more if he was here."  
"I know. And I have a huge responsibility, that is....if you let me." I grabbed his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss, lingering it longer than I first wanted. "You're kinda stuck because you already made that promise a long time ago." I felt his smirk against my lips.  
Norman pulled away when we heard the girls squeal as Sean and Mingus brought them in. Amy tried to get out of Sean's arms, but he held her back. "Baby." She whined, getting all grabby with her hands. Mingus placed Ava onto the bed.  
"Don't move." He warned her. She looked innocent as she looked at her brother.  
"Ava." Norman reached over and touched her arm. "This is Jaxsen."  
"He's cute." She gushed. "Can I touch him?"  
"Gently." I instructed her. She stuck her finger out and poked his cheek, then pulled her arm back and giggled.  
"He's squishy."  
"You were squishy once." I tapped her nose gently, then yawned.  
"Okay girls. Time for you to get home."  
"No." Amy cried.  
"Okay." Ava didn't seem too upset. "When are you coming home?"  
"Soon bear. Soon."   
"I love you momma."  
"I love you too bear." She got up and kissed me, then got off the bed and went with Mingus out of the room.  
"Just a kiss." Sean leaned Amy towards me and I gave her a kiss.  
"I love you bug."  
"I love you momma."  
Sean kissed me on the cheek. "Congrats brat. Now get some rest. Call me when you are ready to come home."  
"Love you too, jerk." I made a face as he made one at me, then left, closing the door behind him.  
"Nic." I looked at Norman. "I...." He was interrupted by the nurse coming in.  
"Are you ready for some sleep?"  
"Most definitely."  
"Did you get him to eat?"  
"Oh my gosh. I've been distracted by my daughters."  
"No problem. Sometimes babies don't eat right away. We can try again in an hour or two." I handed him over to her, watching her like a hawk as she placed him in their version of a crib. I squinted as she walked out, closing the door behind her, then looked back at Norman.  
"You were saying?"  
"Nothing. I'm just proud of you." He got up and kissed me on the forehead. "I need a smoke."  
"Of course you do."  
"What's that suppose to mean? Your tone is condescending."  
"I just don't understand why you think you need to smoke."  
"I just spent a very long time with you during labor and almost got my hand broken. I think I deserve a break." He placed the stick between his lips, staring at me, unable to move. "Get mad all you want. This is my last pack for the rest of my life. I have to keep alive for the children." I was shocked at his words. "What, did you think that I was going to keep this habit up and not care about diapers for your son or pull ups for Amy?" He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and stuck it behind his ear.  
"Holy shit, you've grown up."  
"We've been through a lot in this last year and a half. There's no reason for me to pussy out now. A promise is a promise and I'm not failing those kids. Like it or not, I'm not walking away from them. I'm not walking away from you." He stepped closer, kissed me sweetly, then moved away and headed out into the hallway.  
I was in utter shock with every word that came out of his mouth.  
Where was the Norman Reedus I knew? The one who was afraid of commitment and the responsibilities of others other than his own son?  
This was new and it was going to take time to get use to.  
He was good with Amy so I know that Jaxsen would be a piece of cake for him.  
Ava on the other hand was going to be a struggle. She was without her mother and just recently lost her father. Her pain was never going to be the same as mine.  
But I was willing to deal with the lash outs. The emotional trauma that could consume her. She was worth everything to me and I owed it to Jeremy to take care of her the way he would want me to.  
Mingus was getting closer to leaving home, so that would free Norman up with time, until Mingus would come home during the summer and holidays to be with us.  
Everything was finally worth a try with Norman.  
If only I could get him to admit that he still wants to be with me.  
I just couldn't force him to say it.  
Like a butterfly, I needed to let him go and if he comes back, then I know it was meant to be.  
I must have been dozing off because I jumped when the door flew open. Norman came straight to me, one knee on the bed as he leaned in and took my lips with his. I could tell that he hadn't smoked yet, his cologne wafting up my nose, intoxicating me. It was unfair that I just had a baby, yet I was already wanting to sleep with him. He was bad for me, but for all of the right reasons.  
When he pulled back and looked into my hazel blues, I could see the sincerity in his eyes. "Will you marry me?" I felt a grin stretch across my face, not wanting to answer him. "Is that a yes?"  
"I guess you'll never know."


End file.
